Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Fun With Zero

Hi! My name is Zero and I am a cat. You can learn from me. I, too, have a pet. It is the English Peeve. I enjoy wrtiting about my pet.

So, what makes me an expert or even worthy of voicing an opinion on a language that is supposed to be foreign to me? Well, when I moved in with Stan he let me sleep on the couch that first night. Also on the couch were a dictionary, a thesaurus and the Chicago Manual of Style. I curled up around them and absorbed their contents over the night.

I find English to be a truly astounding and confusing way to communicate.

Here is just one example -

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when you awaken in the morning, why do you wake UP?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do you speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

You call UP your friends. You brighten UP a room and polish UP the silver. You warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. you lock UP the house andsome folks fix UP the old car.
At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. You open UP a store in the morning but you close it UP at night.

You humans seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! But don't beat yourselves UP over this.
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary.In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. Whether you do this or not is entirely UP to you. It is a toss UP whether or not you look this UP or not.

When it threatens to rain, you say it is clouding UP! When the sun comes out you say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP since now my time is UP and I do not want to mess that UP! I must take a nap and take UP space on Stan's chair. That should cheer him UP. Now it is time to clam UP and shut UP! After all, I have to ponder what is coming UP next. I hope you will turn UP here again soon to see what pops UP. You may want to give your friends a heads-UP about this. Cheer UP!

Zero (The cat named after Nothing)

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