Done On Purpose Or In Error?

As I read these news articles and headlines I can't help but wonder if at least some of these were done on purpose. Perhaps two or more editors having a friendly bet as to whether or not they would see print on be spoken on the air with no further comment.

Headlines:

* "Slain Doctor Worried About His Death" -- In a local paper in Canada.

* "Public Inquiry To Be Launched Into Avalanche" -- A front page headline in the National Post.

* "Youth Hit By Train Is Rushed To Two Hospitals" -- In a local paper.

* "Golfing Immortal Dies Aged 69" -- A headline in a New Zealand paper.

* "Flawless Take-Off Marred By Hitch" -- A headline in a New Zealand paper.

* "Holy Mother Crushes Sacred Infant" -- In a Catholic newspaper, referring to a basketball game between two Catholic High Schools.

* "Women Look Good" -- In a Canadian newspaper, referring to the women's curling team during the 1998 Winter Olympics.

* "Joint Committee Investigates Marijuana Use" -- A local newspaper of a suburb of Toronto, describing a committee set up by the board of education and the local municipality to investigate marijuana use among high school students.



News Articles:

* "The glamorous 17-year-old wants to be a policewoman some day, like her dad." -- From a New Zealand paper.

* "Although as a rider and breeder she has won countless prizes, she says she enjoys an occasional beating." -- From a New Zealand paper.

* "'It's a sad and tragic fact that, if you're a farmer, you are three times more likely to die than the average New Zealander,' he said. The rate was even worse for farm workers." -- From a New Zealand paper.

* "Latest census figures show that more than one New Zealander is a Maori or Polynesian." -- A New Zealand paper's cautious yet accurate report.

* "Visitors to the sandspit are advised that there is a prohibited area near the groin." -- From a New Zealand paper.

* "However, things are not always as simple as they seem. Is all this precipitation being monitored? And if it is, why? And if why, then by whom? To all these questions, the answer is yes." -- From a New Zealand paper.

* "The driver involved in this incident asked that her gender not be revealed." -- From a Sydney, Australia, paper.

* "'There's a tendency among the press to attribute the creation of a game to a single person,' says Warren Spector, creator of Thief and Deus Ex." -- From an IGN game review.



Radio News:

* "There's an overturned tractor-trailer heading north on Route 93." -- Report in a radio station's morning traffic update.

* "Seasonal weather for the time of year." -- Radio weather report.

Televised Reports:

* "Susan, things are washing up on the shore that have never seen the light of day in a long time." -- From a local news report on the aftereffects of 1989's Hurricane Hugo.

* "The bodies could not be identified because they were found face down." -- A reporter, reporting on a story of the discovery of two bodies under a bridge in rural Missouri.

* "Doctors say the longer the babies live, the better chance they'll have at surviving." -- From a local news cast.

* "Today Lesbian forces invaded...no, sorry, that should be Lesbianese." -- From a news report in UK, on a Lebanese conflict.

Online News:

* "Today marks the 25th anniversary of the Vietnam War." -- From abcnews.com, April 30, 2000. Revisionist history strikes again; now the war only lasted one day.

News Ads:

* "Panda lovers were saddened to hear that the world's oldest panda passed away today. We'll give you the reason for his death tonight at nine." -- From a nightly local news ad.

* "Local construction is making it hazardous to drive in some areas of our city. We'll tell you which to avoid on the way home on news tonight at 9:30." -- From a nightly local news ad on the radio.

Corrections:

* "Due to a typing error, Gov Dukakis was incorrectly identified in the third paragraph as Mike Tyson." -- Correction in a Massachusetts newspaper.

Events:

* "March 18: Outdoor Adventure Series: Indoor Rock Climbing" -- In a school's newsletter.

Horoscopes:

* "Cancer, June 22-July 23. Your home life could be chaotic. Some moments of solitude and medication can help you get through the day."

Sports Announcing:

* "As Phil De Glanville said, each game is unique, and this one is no different than any other." -- Channel 4 news

* "If England are going to win this match, they're going to have to score a goal." -- Grandstand, BBC1

* "Well, I guess we can see that Ralph isn't a left-handed hooker." -- Sportscaster, after Ralph Sampson missed a left-handed hook shot.

* "It's an island because it's surrounded by land. I mean water. Islands are surrounded by water, and that affects them." -- A TV commentator for America's Cup racing.

* "And the name of that country really tells you exactly where these guys are from." -- A TV commentator for the 2000 Olympics opening ceremonies.

* "And there's Bill Gates, the...most...famous...man in the...ah...Microsoft." -- A TV commentator for the 2000 Olympics.

* "The ball is going back, Smith is chasing it, it's still going back, Smith jumps, he hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It's rolling all the way back to the infield. This is a terrible day for the Padres!" -- A San Diego Padres announcer.

Interviews:

* "Am I cold? Why do you think I'm sitting here under these two Africans?" -- An elderly lady, incredulously, during a televised interview at her home.

* "How awful! Do you still have an artificial leg?" -- Simon Fanshawe, during a Metro Radio Interview, when a listener said, "My most embarrassing moment was when my artificial leg fell off at the altar on my wedding day."

* "So did you see which train crashed into which train first?" -- A talk radio interviewer, questioning a 15-year old eyewitness to a head-on train collision. The answer he gave was, "No, they both ran into each other at the same time."

Driving On The Army of Tennesse Hihgway

How come nobody notices things like this until it is too late. This was not like an obscure misprint in a small print advertisement! It is a road sign!!! A BIG road sign!!


Transportation Dept. ridiculed for misspelling road sign.

Associated Press

A new sign on a highway near a Civil War battlefield in northwest Georgia is getting attention for the wrong reason.


The informational sign posted last week on U.S. 27 near the Chickamauga Battlefield says: "Army of Tennesse Hihgway." Both "Tennessee" and "Highway" are misspelled.

Chickamauga City Manager John Culpepper told the Chattanooga Times Free Press "they can't spell down at the Georgia Department of Transportation."

GDOT spokesman Mohamed Arafa said there are sometimes mistakes with names "but Tennessee, there's no excuse for that." He also said the department "used to be the Department of Highway."

Arafa said the sign would be fixed immediately.

Culpepper said the Confederate States of America signs were installed to mark the paths that troops took toward the Battle of Chickamauga.


"There is no excuse" for misspelling Tennessee?!? So, hihgway is ok??

English Dies

From The Washington Post

Goodbye, cruel words: English. It's dead to me.


By Gene Weingarten
Sunday, September 19, 2010

The English language, which arose from humble Anglo-Saxon roots to become the lingua franca of 600 million people worldwide and the dominant lexicon of international discourse, is dead. It succumbed last month at the age of 1,617 after a long illness. It is survived by an ignominiously diminished form of itself.

The end came quietly on Aug. 21 on the letters page of The Washington Post. A reader castigated the newspaper for having written that Sasha Obama was the "youngest" daughter of the president and first lady, rather than their "younger" daughter. In so doing, however, the letter writer called the first couple the "Obama's." This, too, was published, constituting an illiterate proofreading of an illiterate criticism of an illiteracy. Moments later, already severely weakened, English died of shame.

The language's demise took few by surprise. Signs of its failing health had been evident for some time on the pages of America's daily newspapers, the flexible yet linguistically authoritative forums through which the day-to-day state of the language has traditionally been measured. Beset by the need to cut costs, and influenced by decreased public attention to grammar, punctuation and syntax in an era of unedited blogs and abbreviated instant communication, newspaper publishers have been cutting back on the use of copy editing, sometimes eliminating it entirely.

In the past year alone, as the language lay imperiled, the ironically clueless misspelling "pronounciation" has been seen in the Boston Globe, the St. Paul Pioneer Press, the Deseret Morning News, Washington Jewish Week and the Contra Costa (Calif.) Times, where it appeared in a correction that apologized for a previous mispronunciation.

On Aug. 6, the very first word of an article in the Winston-Salem (N.C.) Journal was "Alot," which the newspaper employed to estimate the number of Winston-Salemites who would be vacationing that month.

The Lewiston (Maine) Sun-Journal has written of "spading and neutering." The Miami Herald reported on someone who "eeks out a living" -- alas, not by running an amusement-park haunted house. The Fredericksburg Free Lance-Star described professional football as a "doggy dog world." The Vallejo (Calif.) Times-Herald and the South Bend (Ind.) Tribune were the two most recent papers, out of dozens, to report on the treatment of "prostrate cancer."

Observers say, however, that no development contributed more dramatically to the death of the language than the sudden and startling ubiquity of the vomitous verbal construction "reach out to" as a synonym for "call on the phone," or "attempt to contact." A jargony phrase bloated with bogus compassion -- once the province only of 12-step programs and sensitivity training seminars -- "reach out to" is now commonplace in newspapers. In the last half-year, the New York Times alone has used it more than 20 times in a number of contextually indefensible ways, including to report that the Blagojevich jury had asked the judge a question.

It was not immediately clear to what degree the English language will be mourned, or if it will be mourned at all. In the United States, English has become increasingly irrelevant, particularly among young adults. Once the most popular major at the nation's leading colleges and universities, it now often trails more pragmatic disciplines, such as economics, politics, government, and, ironically, "communications," which increasingly involves learning to write mobile-device-friendly ads for products like Cheez Doodles.

Many people interviewed for this obituary appeared unmoved by the news, including Anthony Incognito of Crystal City, a typical man in the street.

"Between you and I," he said, "I could care less."

Another Reason I Don't Like Starbucks

From The New York Post


Grammar stickler: Starbucks booted me

By JOHN DOYLE, REBECCA ROSENBERG and ANNIE KARNI

Last Updated: 11:12 AM, August 16, 2010



Starbucks' strange vernacular finally drove a customer nuts.

Lynne Rosenthal, a college English professor from Manhattan, said three cops forcibly ejected her from an Upper West Side Starbucks yesterday morning after she got into a dispute with a counterperson -- make that barista -- for refusing to place her order by the coffee chain's rules.

Rosenthal, who is in her early 60s, asked for a toasted multigrain bagel -- and became enraged when the barista at the franchise, on Columbus Avenue at 86th Street, followed up by inquiring, "Do you want butter or cheese?"

Prof rips schmear tactics.

"I just wanted a multigrain bagel," Rosenthal told The Post. "I refused to say 'without butter or cheese.' When you go to Burger King, you don't have to list the six things you don't want.

"Linguistically, it's stupid, and I'm a stickler for correct English."

Rosenthal admitted she had run into trouble before for refusing to employ the chain's stilted lexicon -- balking at ordering a "tall" or a "venti" from the menu or specifying "no whip."

Instead, she insists on making a pest of herself by ordering a "small" or "large" cup of joe.

Yesterday's breakfast-bagel tussle heated up when the barista told the prickly prof that he wouldn't serve her unless she specified whether she wanted a schmear of butter or cheese -- or neither.

"I yelled, 'I want my multigrain bagel!' " Rosenthal said.

"The barista said, 'You're not going to get anything unless you say butter or cheese!' "

But Rosenthal, on principle, refused to back down.

"I didn't even want the bagel anymore," she said.

The bagel brouhaha escalated until the manager called cops, and responding officers ordered her to leave, threatening to arrest her if she went back inside, she said.

"It was very humiliating to be thrown out, and all I did was ask for a bagel," recalled Rosenthal, who said she holds a Ph.D. from Columbia.

"If you don't use their language, they refuse to serve you. They don't understand what a plain multigrain bagel is."

A Starbucks employee who witnessed the incident blamed Rosenthal.

"She would not answer. It was a reasonable question," the worker said.

"She called [the barista] an a- -hole."

An NYPD spokesman confirmed that officers were called to the coffee shop but said he was unaware of anyone being tossed out.

Rules Grammar Change

From The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Rules Grammar Change

March 12, 1997 | ISSUE 31•09

WASHINGTON, DC—The U.S. Grammar Guild Monday announced that no more will traditional grammar rules English follow. Instead there will a new form of organizing sentences be.

Enlarge ImageAnnounces to reporters Joyce Watters grammar rules new English for. U.S. Grammar Guild is Watters president of.

U.S. Grammar Guild according to, the new structure loosely on an obscure 800-year-old, pre-medieval Anglo-Saxon syntax is based. The syntax primarily verbs, verb clauses and adjectives at the end of sentences placing involves. Results this often, to ears American, a sentence backward appearing.

"Operating under we are, one major rule," said Joyce Watters, president of the U.S. Grammar Guild. "Make English, want we, more archaic and dignified sounding to be, as if every word coming from the tongue of a centuries-old, mystical wizard, is."

Brief pause Watters made then a. "Know I, know I," said she. "Confusing sounds it, but every American used to it soon will be."

At a press conference recent greeted warmly the new measure by President Clinton was.

"No longer will we adhere to the dull, predictable structure of our traditional grammar system. This nation will now begin speaking, writing and listening to something fresh, exciting and different," said Clinton.

"Excuse me," added he pause long after a. "Meant I, the dull, predictable system our traditional grammar of adhere to no longer will we. Speaking, writing and listening to something fresh, exciting and different will this nation now begin."

This week beginning, America across, all dictionaries, thesauruses and any other books or objects with any sort of writing upon it or in it revised to fit the new syntax will be. Libraries assure people wish to that the transition promptly begin will, but that patient people should be, as so much to change there is.

"Feel good it will make people to know for all these changes that, librarians cold, crabby and as paranoid and overprotective of their books and periodicals as ever remain will," said Yvonne Richter, Director of the Library of Congress.

The enthusiasm of government officials despite, many Americans about the new plan upset are. "Why in the world did they do this?" a New Canaan, CT, insurance salesman, said Brent Pryce. "There's absolutely no reason. It's utterly pointless and will cause total chaos throughout the country, not to mention the fact that it will cost billions of dollars to implement. And what's this U.S. Grammar Guild, anyway? I've never heard of it."

When of this complaint informed, government officials that they could not the man's words understand said, because of the strange, unintelligible way of speaking he was

Learning Euphemisms From Ziva

Recently I gave euphemisms some thought. I thought about how hard the English language could be to learn what with all the euphemisms that are used. I came across the following news article that illustrates the point quite well. Before I found this article I was thinking of one of my favorite TV shows. NCIS has a character named Ziva David - an Israeli Mossad agent who struggles with euphemisms often and quite humorously. Many examples follow the article.

Have a few laughs!



guardian.co.uk, Tuesday 31 August 2010 18.03 BST

I want to spend a penny, not go to the shop: nurses to be taught euphemisms

Norfolk hospital organises lessons for foreign nurses to avoid cultural misunderstandings with patients


Foreign nurses are receiving a crash course in euphemism after bewildered patients expressing the wish to "spend a penny" found themselves being escorted to a hospital gift shop. Norfolk's Queen Elizabeth hospital has organised special "adapting to life in Norfolk" sessions for Portuguese staff whose otherwise excellent English results in too-literal translations of everyday expressions. Patients, particularly the elderly, face being met with incomprehension when complaining of "feeling under the weather", suffering "pin and needles" or experiencing problems with their "back passage".

Local expressions such as "blar", meaning to cry, and "mawther", meaning "young woman", are also likely to see mystified nurses flicking in vain through conventional phrasebooks. The distinct Norfolk brogue provides another linguistic obstacle for the recruits hired by the Queen Elizabeth Hospital King's Lynn NHS trust. "One of the things people from overseas had difficulty with was our euphemisms such as 'spend a penny'," said a hospital spokesman. "In the past some of the new recruits from abroad, when patients used the expression, were taking people to the hospital gift shop."

"They all speak exceptional English, but that doesn't necessarily cover the type of English spoken in Norfolk. We have many different phrases and sayings in this part of the world. A lot of patients are elderly and use what can only be described as quaint phrases and descriptions, especially for body parts and common illnesses." The hospital has organised two-hour induction courses in dialect, idiom and colloquialism, covering phrases such as "spick and span", "higgledy-piggledy", "la-di-dah" and "tickled pink". Other useful terms on the agenda are "jim jams", "a cuppa" and "elbow grease". Nurses are being asked to write down any confusing phrases they hear on the wards so they can be discussed in follow-up meetings.

Katherine Murphy, chief executive of the Patients' Association, said the training would ensure "safe service" in hospitals. "Anyone working for the NHS - nurse, doctor, other healthcare professional, healthcare assistant - must be able to be understood by the patient and must demonstrate that they are safe to treat patients," she said. But Fiona McEvoy, of the Taxpayers' Alliance, resorting to idiom herself, said it was "using a sledgehammer to crack a nut". It made more financial sense for foreign nurses to pick up local phrases "from hearing them used and being advised by peers", she said.


Here are the promised euphemism learnings of Ziva David

Ziva: You are a broken tape, Gibbs.
Tony: Record. A broken record.

*****

Ziva: "It appears he didn’t know... I feel like a donkey’s butt."
McGee: "Donkey's butt?"
Tony: "I think she meant 'Horse's Ass', McGee."
Ziva: "Yes, that, too."

*****

Tony: I don’t know. Look at the guy. He’s such a …
Ziva: Pimp.
Tony and McGee *in unison*: Wimp.

*****

Ziva: Once he saw us at Norfolk, he must have taken a kite.
Tony: Hike. The expression is taking a hike.
McGee: She may have had it confused with “go fly a kite.”
Ziva: I speak five languages, forgive me if I get confused sometimes. I found his bank book.
Tony: Check book.

*****

Tony: Didn’t you see the signs? It’s yard sale day.
Ziva: I see. And do Marines sell their yards often?
McGee: No, it’s actually when people gather stuff they don’t want anymore, and sell it in their yards.
Ziva: Why would anyone want to buy somebody else’s junk?
Tony: One man’s junk is another man’s treasure.
Ziva: In Israel, we have a saying. “Zevel Ze Zevel.” Crap is crap.

*****

Tony: You haven’t met our hacker.
Ross Logan: He’s good?
Ziva: Does a bear sit in the woods?
Ross Logan: Are you the crackerjack team on this job?
Tony: She’s Israeli.
Ziva: Look, I know I got the bear thing right.

*****

Ziva: I’ve learned from Gibbs that in certain cases you can attract far more bees with honey…
Tony: Flies.
Ziva: What do flies have to do with honey?
Tony: Flies… don’t like... vinegar.
Ziva: Vinegar?
Tony: It’s complicated. Here he comes.

*****

Ziva: If the glue sticks?
McGee: Shoe fits.

*****

Ziva: Do you mind if I grab a bat nap?
Female Park Ranger: No, just, um, hang from the rafters.

*****

Ziva: Great! He’ll be like finding a pin in a haystack.
Tony: A needle in a haystack.
Ziva: Well, aren’t these just as hard to find?
Tony: No.
McGee: No.

*****

McGee: What Tony was saying about me before, you know, do I come off as unmanly?
Ziva: I think Tony is jerking your brain
McGee: Chain? Jerking my chain?
Ziva: Whatever.

*****

ZIVA: This woman is a total turd! A geek, yes?
TONY: The term is nerd.
ZIVA: Whatever.

*****

Ziva: Everyone’s avoiding me! Do they think I’m going to lose control, just enter the building and massacre everyone? I mean, I’m being treated like a leopard.
Ducky: I believe the phrase is 'like a leper'.

*****

Ziva: Ducky, drip it!
Ducky: Do you mean: Drop it or Zip it?
Ziva: Ah, American idioms drive me up the hall.
Ducky: Well, actually... never mind.

*****

Ziva: I’ve asked Tel Aviv if Captain Mahir is a blimp on their radar.
Tony: Blip.

*****

Ziva: ... He won’t talk unless I...
Tony: No torture.
Ziva: He won’t talk.
Tony: Try.
Ziva: Okay. But you’re tying my feet.
Tony: Hands.
Ziva: Those, too.

*****

Shepard: ...when Pinpin handed him Galib’s passport it was good enough.
Ziva: To pass the mustard.
McGee: Muster, not mustard.

*****

Gibbs: Marital problems?
Ziva: Well, according to someone called Scuttle Butt, he caught his wife cheating on him.
Gibbs: Scuttlebutt’s not a person, Ziva. Scuttlebutt is what Marines call gossip.
Ziva: And then you wonder why I have a problem with your language.

*****

Ziva: Are you okay?
Tony: Never better.
Ziva: You look run-over.
Tony: The term is rundown. I do?
Ziva: Maybe you need servicing.
Tony: Clearly, we’re still having some problems with the idiosyncrasies of the English language.
Ziva: The finely tuned engine, I think you called it. You should see a doctor.

*****

(Ziva asks Tony why he needs two cell phones)
Tony: Uh… one for each ear. No, it’s a spare. This one has sort of been on the fritz. That’s another word you probably don’t know the meaning of.
Ziva: Act up?
Tony: I’m impressed. Uh… all right. I’m heading out. Going to see the doctor…. about being run-over. Down.
Ziva: Don’t forget Fritz...
Tony: ... Oh!!

*****

Ziva: You need to cut the man some slacks, Ducky.
Tony: I agree. Except the term is slack.

*****

Tony: It’s almost unfair interrogating junkies.
Ziva: It’s like shooting fish in a pond.
Carson: I um… I think you mean a barrel.
Ziva: Why would a fish be in a barrel?
Carson: Um… I um… it’s a good point. I never really thought about it before.
Ziva: Mm-hmm.

*****

Army Lieutenant Marsden: Command sent me out to go over Captain Reynold's death benefits with her.
Ziva: Quite the waterfall.
Tony: She means windfall.

*****

McGee is looking at a site where he can adopt a dog and starts talking to Tony and Ziva:
Tony: I’m not ready to start taking tips on this from you Probie.
McGee: Tony I think it’s time you get back on that horse.
Ziva: (looks at Tony funny) Are you getting a pony?
Tony: It’s an adage.
Ziva: I’m not familiar with that breed.
Tony: Well yeah they are quite rare. Sort of a cross between a Pegasus and a unicorn.
(Ziva gives him a disgusted look.)

*****

Ziva talking with Fornell:
Ziva: I would hate to be misunderstood.
Fornell: Does that happen often?
Ziva: Once in a blue lagoon.
Fornell: I think I'll be able to translate.

*****

McGee: Think she did it? She is the one that called us.
Ziva: Well it would not be the first time a murderer tried to throw us up that way.
McGee: Off. Throw us off.
Ziva: Exactly.

*****

Tony: We've gotta figure out what he was doing here.
Ziva: And with whom he was doing it.
Tony: Doing what with?
Ziva: Whatever it was he was doing when he was undone.
Tony: (confused look) Done...What?
Ziva: Done!
Ducky: In, my dear fellow. Done in. Don't you understand the Queen's English?
Tony: Not this queen.

*****

Ziva: Is that why we're here? So you can google the girls?
Tony:"Ogle." And no, we're here to accompany the director.

*****

Ziva: ...His finger is in many eyes.
Tony: Pies...

*****

Ziva: My citizenship test is coming up and I wish to pass with swimming colors
McGee: Flying colors
Ziva: Any colors will do McGee

*****

200 Words For The 200th Post

For our 200th post I chose two lists of 100 words each. Yes, of course, they are subjective lists. So, if you feel a word is missing or a few do not belong, please feel free to comment.

And thank you to all readers who visit and comment. Both your visits and your comments are appreciated.


What makes a word beautiful? Attempts to create lists of the most beautiful words in current use have generated selections based on either the elegance of sound and structure or the feelings and concepts the words evoke, or some combination thereof.

For example, one of the more notable beautiful word lists comes from language expert Dr. Robert Beard. Dr. Beard’s list, which is posted on his popular alpha Dictionary website, contains, for the most part, words that sound beautiful or elegant.


The 100 Most Beautiful Words in English


Ailurophile A cat-lover.
Assemblage A gathering.
Becoming Attractive.
Beleaguer To exhaust with attacks.
Brood To think alone.
Bucolic In a lovely rural setting.
Bungalow A small, cozy cottage.
Chatoyant Like a cat's eye.
Comely Attractive.
Conflate To blend together.
Cynosure A focal point of admiration.
Dalliance A brief love affair.
Demesne Dominion, territory.
Demure Shy and reserved.
Denouement The resolution of a mystery.
Desuetude Disuse.
Desultory Slow, sluggish.
Diaphanous Filmy.
Dissemble Deceive.
Dulcet Sweet, sugary.
Ebullience Bubbling enthusiasm.
Effervescent Bubbly.
Efflorescence Flowering, blooming.
Elision Dropping a sound or syllable in a word.
Elixir A good potion.
Eloquence Beauty and persuasion in speech.
Embrocation Rubbing on a lotion.
Emollient A softener.
Ephemeral Short-lived.
Epiphany A sudden revelation.
Erstwhile At one time, for a time.
Ethereal Gaseous, invisible but detectable.
Evanescent Vanishing quickly, lasting a very short time.
Evocative Suggestive.
Fetching Pretty.
Felicity Pleasantness.
Forbearance Withholding response to provocation.
Fugacious Fleeting.
Furtive Shifty, sneaky.
Gambol To skip or leap about joyfully.
Glamour Beauty.
Gossamer The finest piece of thread, a spider's silk
Halcyon Happy, sunny, care-free.
Harbinger Messenger with news of the future.
Imbrication Overlapping and forming a regular pattern.
Imbroglio An altercation or complicated situation.
Imbue To infuse, instill.
Incipient Beginning, in an early stage.
Ineffable Unutterable, inexpressible.
Ingénue A naive young woman.
Inglenook A cozy nook by the hearth.
Insouciance Blithe nonchalance.
Inure To become jaded.
Labyrinthine Twisting and turning.
Lagniappe A special kind of gift.
Lagoon A small gulf or inlet.
Languor Listlessness, inactivity.
Lassitude Weariness, listlessness.
Leisure Free time.
Lilt To move musically or lively.
Lissome Slender and graceful.
Lithe Slender and flexible.
Love Deep affection.
Mellifluous Sweet sounding.
Moiety One of two equal parts.
Mondegreen A slip of the ear.
Murmurous Murmuring.
Nemesis An unconquerable archenemy.
Offing The sea between the horizon and the offshore.
Onomatopoeia A word that sounds like its meaning.
Opulent Lush, luxuriant.
Palimpsest A manuscript written over earlier ones.
Panacea A solution for all problems
Panoply A complete set.
Pastiche An art work combining materials from various sources.
Penumbra A half-shadow.
Petrichor The smell of earth after rain.
Plethora A large quantity.
Propinquity An inclination.
Pyrrhic Successful with heavy losses.
Quintessential Most essential.
Ratatouille A spicy French stew.
Ravel To knit or unknit.
Redolent Fragrant.
Riparian By the bank of a stream.
Ripple A very small wave.
Scintilla A spark or very small thing.
Sempiternal Eternal.
Seraglio Rich, luxurious oriental palace or harem.
Serendipity Finding something nice while looking for something else.
Summery Light, delicate or warm and sunny.
Sumptuous Lush, luxurious.
Surreptitious Secretive, sneaky.
Susquehanna A river in Pennsylvania.
Susurrous Whispering, hissing.
Talisman A good luck charm.
Tintinnabulation Tinkling.
Umbrella Protection from sun or rain.
Untoward Unseemly, inappropriate.
Vestigial In trace amounts.
Wafture Waving.
Wherewithal The means.
Woebegone Sorrowful, downcast.


A link at the bottom of the page brings us to -

The 100 Funniest Words in English


Abibliophobia The fear of running out of reading material.
Absquatulate To leave or abscond with something.
Allegator Some who alleges.
Anencephalous Lacking a brain.
Argle-bargle A loud row or quarrel.
Batrachomyomachy Making a mountain out of a molehill.
Billingsgate Loud, raucous profanity.
Bloviate To speak pompously or brag.
Blunderbuss A gun with a flared muzzle or disorganized activity.
Borborygm A rumbling of the stomach.
Boustrophedon A back and forth pattern.
Bowyang A strap that holds the pants legs in place.
Brouhaha An uproar.
Bumbershoot An umbrella.
Callipygian Having an attractive rear end or nice buns.
Canoodle To hug and kiss.
Cantankerous Testy, grumpy.
Catercornered Diagonal(ly).
Cockalorum A small, haughty man.
Cockamamie Absurd, outlandish.
Codswallop Nonsense, balderdash.
Collop A slice of meat or fold of flab.
Collywobbles Butterflies in the stomach.
Comeuppance Just reward, just deserts.
Crapulence Discomfort from eating or drinking too much.
Crudivore An eater of raw food.
Discombobulate To confuse.
Donnybrook An melee, a riot.
Doozy Something really great.
Dudgeon A bad mood, a huff.
Ecdysiast An exotic dancer, a stripper.
Eructation A burp, belch.
Fard Face-paint, makeup.
Fartlek An athletic training regime.
Fatuous Unconsciously foolish.
Filibuster Refusal to give up the floor in a debate to prevent a vote.
Firkin A quarter barrel or small cask.
Flibbertigibbet Nonsense, balderdash.
Flummox To exasperate.
Folderol Nonsense.
Formication The sense of ants crawling on your skin.
Fuddy-duddy An old-fashioned, mild-mannered person.
Furbelow A fringe or ruffle.
Furphy A portable water-container.
Gaberlunzie A wandering beggar.
Gardyloo! A warning shouted before throwing water from above.
Gastromancy Telling fortune from the rumblings of the stomach.
Gazump To buy something already promised to someone else.
Gobbledygook Nonsense, balderdash.
Gobemouche A highly gullible person.
Godwottery Nonsense, balderdash.
Gongoozle To stare at, kibitz.
Gonzo Far-out journalism.
Goombah An older friend who protects you.
Hemidemisemiquaver A musical timing of 1/64.
Hobbledehoy An awkward or ill-mannered young boy.
Hocus-pocus Deceitful sleight of hand.
Hoosegow A jail or prison.
Hootenanny A country or folk music get-together.
Jackanapes A rapscallion, hooligan.
Kerfuffle Nonsense, balderdash.
Klutz An awkward, stupid person.
La-di-da An interjection indicating that something is pretentious.
Lagopodous Like a rabbit's foot.
Lickety-split As fast as possible.
Lickspittle A servile person, a toady.
Logorrhea Loquaciousness, talkativeness.
Lollygag To move slowly, fall behind.
Malarkey Nonsense, balderdash.
Maverick A loner, someone outside the box.
Mollycoddle To treat too leniently.
Mugwump An independent politician who does not follow any party.
Mumpsimus An outdated and unreasonable position on an issue.
Namby-pamby Weak, with no backbone.
Nincompoop A foolish person.
Oocephalus An egghead.
Ornery Mean, nasty, grumpy.
Pandiculation A full body stretch.
Panjandrum Someone who thinks himself high and mighty.
Pettifogger A person who tries to befuddle others with his speech.
Pratfall A fall on one's rear.
Quean A disreputable woman.
Rambunctious Aggressive, hard to control.
Ranivorous Frog-eating
Rigmarole Nonsense, unnecessary complexity.
Shenanigan A prank, mischief.
Sialoquent Spitting while speaking.
Skedaddle To hurry somewhere.
Skullduggery No good, underhanded dealing.
Slangwhanger A loud abusive speaker or obnoxious writer.
Smellfungus A perpetual pessimist.
Snickersnee A long knife.
Snollygoster A person who can't be trusted.
Snool A servile person.
Snuffledup Congested
Tatterdemalion A child in rags.
Troglodyte Someone or something that lives in a cave.
Turdiform Having the form of a lark.
Unremacadamized Having not been repaved with macadam.
Vomitory An exit or outlet.
Wabbit Exhausted, tired, worn out.
Widdershins In a contrary or counterclockwise direction.
Yahoo A rube, a country bumpkin.
@ The "at" sign.

Dis'ed

You probably know by now that I am a big fan of the pun. Adjectives beginning with the prefix “dis” seem to be especially vulnerable to puns. Have you heard about the…

…disappointed chairman?

…disbanded rock group?

…discarded communist?

…discharged cavalry?

…disclosed doors?

…disconcerted orchestra leader?

…discounted blessings?

…discouraged hero?

…discredited shopper?

…discriminating convict?

…discussed blasphemer?

…disenchanted witch?

…disfigured mathematician?

…disillusioned magician?

…disintegrated school?

…disinterested bond holder?

…disjointed marijuana smoker?

…dislodged Elk member?

…dismantled moose head?

…dismayed year?

…dismembered committee?

…dismissed bride?

…disorderly salesman?

…disoriented Chinese?

…dispatched trousers?

…displayed stage manager?

…disposed model?

…dissected religious cult?

…dissolved equation?

…distracted landowner?

…distilled cash?

…distorted chef (or attorney)?

…distressed Samson after he met Delilah?

…distrusted banker?

Squawks

"Squawks" are reports of problems that Air Force pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. It is a sysrtem ripe for word play and the military is a wonderful ground for such play. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

(P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION

(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire

(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft

(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1, #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage

(P) Something loose in cockpit
(S) Something tightened in cockpit

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
(S) Evidence removed

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud
(S) Volume set to more believable level

(P) Dead bugs on windshield
(S) Live bugs on order

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground

(P) IFF inoperative
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode
(IFF=Identification Friend or Foe)

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
(S) That's what they're there for.

(P) Number three engine missing
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search

(P) Aircraft handles funny
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious.

(P) Target Radar hums
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics

Does This Make You Gry?

Do you remember an email about words ending in gry?

Origin

Don't waste your time looking for the mythical 'third word ending in GRY'. Just read the explanation below and relax - you can stop searching. The story goes like this:

A riddle of this form is circulating widely on the Internet:

"There are three words in English that end in GRY, hungry and angry are two, what is the third?"

Much effort has gone into finding the word and various pseudo-medical or otherwise obscure words that purport to fit the bill have been put forward. The confusion comes from the fact that the version of the riddle in circulation isn't the original and misses a vital part of the wording. In its original form the riddle went like this:

"Think of words that end in GRY. Angry and hungry are two of them. There are only three words in the English language. What is the third word? The word is something that everyone uses every day. If you have listened carefully, I have already told you what it is."

You will have realized by now that it's all a linguistic trick and the third word in 'the English language' is of course 'language'.

Just for completeness we ought to add that there are several other words that end in 'gry', not least 'gry' itself, although that does spoil the puzzle rather:

Gry (noun) - The smallest unit in Locke's proposed decimal system of linear measurement, being the tenth of a line, the hundredth of an inch, and the thousandth of a (‘philosophical’) foot.

For example, from 1679 John Locke's Letters to Boyle, 1679:

"The longest ... was three inches and nine grys long, and one inch seven lines in girt."

Gry (verb) - To rage or roar.

For example, from Richard Crew's Tasso's Godfrey of Bulloigne, 1594:

"The hearing this doth force the Tyrant gry, With threatfull sound."

So, now you can give up the search and move on to more useful pastimes.

The Edinburgh Fringe

From BBC Scotland -

23 August 2010 Last updated at 03:40 ET


Comedian Tim Vine has won a prize for the funniest joke of this year's Edinburgh Fringe.

The pun pundit, who won the Perrier newcomer award in 1995, was presented with his latest prize by digital TV channel Dave.

His winning one-liner was: "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."

Some of the other winners were:

Gary Delaney "As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog."

Gary Delaney "Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted."



Judges also selected some of the worst jokes of this year's Fringe, which included:

Sara Pascoe "Why did the chicken commit suicide? To get to the other side."

Emo Phillips "I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them."

Dan Antopolski "How many Spaniards does it take to change a lightbulb? Juan."



The article also included readers comments, such as:

Did you hear about the corduroy pillows? They're making headlines. Erik, Lancaster, California, USA

Did you hear the one about the magic tractor? It was driving along a road and then turned into a field. Adam Williams, Willingham, UK

The only good thing about being the only boy out of six children, was I got to have a bedroom to myself; even my Mum and Dad had to share. Gary Hughes, Portsmouth, England, UK

I miss my ex-wife.... but my aim is getting better. Steve Holton, Austin, TX USA

I recently read a book titled '1000 places to visit before you die'. Although I couldn't help thinking: 'As opposed to when?' S Porter, Merseyside, UK

The ODE Adds

AOL News LONDON (Aug. 20)

Theunis Bates

-- Ever defriended a hater or chillaxed with a vuvuzela? No? Well, apparently a lot of other people have, because along with 2,000 other terms, those ungainly words have just been granted a place in the latest edition of the Oxford Dictionary of English.

Unlike the more prestigious multivolume Oxford English Dictionary -- which, as AOL News reported last month, is exceptionally picky about the words it lets in -- the single-book Oxford Dictionary of English (ODE) is based on how the English language is used in everyday life. Logophiles at the Oxford University Press decide on the new entries for the ODE by perusing an online database of over 2 billion words, harvested from magazines, novels, Internet chat rooms and a stack of other sources.

One of the biggest feeders of our ever-hungry language has been the economic crisis. Words once only used by pinstriped Wall Street types like "deleveraging" (the process or practice of reducing the level of one's debt by rapidly selling one's assets) and "quantitative easing" (the introduction of new money into the money supply by the central bank) are now common parlance. Others -- like "staycation" (a holiday spent in one's home country) -- sum up the sacrifices ordinary folk have to make in these cash-short times.

The ongoing ascent of social media, itself a new term, has also churned up some curious turns of phrase. You can now legitimately drop "defriend" (remove someone from a list of friends or contacts on a social-networking site) into a conversation, or arrange a "tweetup" (a meeting organized by means of posts on Twitter). But just because they're in the dictionary, don't expect anyone over 30 to know what you're yakking about.

Some new terms, though, seem destined to fade away just as quickly as they appeared. Has the word "bromance" (a close but nonsexual relationship between two men) ever been used outside of a Paul Rudd movie review? And as for "wardrobe malfunction" (an instance of a person accidentally exposing an intimate part of his or her body as a result of an article of clothing slipping out of position), surely that died along with Janet Jackson's career at the 2004 Super Bowl?

Here's a selection of new entries, several of which demonstrate how long it has taken for some well-established Americanisms to take root -- however tenuously -- across the Atlantic:

automagically -- automatically and in a way that seems ingenious, inexplicable or magical

bargainous -- costing less than is usual or than might be expected; cheap or relatively cheap

bromance -- a close but nonsexual relationship between two men

buzzkill -- a person or thing that has a depressing or dispiriting effect

carbon capture and storage -- the process of trapping and storing carbon dioxide produced by burning fossil fuels

catastrophizing -- view or present a situation as considerably worse than it actually is

cheeseball -- lacking taste, style or originality

chillax -- calm down and relax

chill pill -- a notional pill taken to make someone calm down

cool hunter -- a person whose job it is to make observations or predictions about new styles and trends

defriend -- another term for "unfriend" (remove someone from a list of friends or contacts on a social-networking site)

deleveraging -- the process or practice of reducing the level of one's debt by rapidly selling one's assets

dictionary attack -- an attempt to gain illicit access to a computer system by using a very large set of words to generate potential passwords

exit strategy -- a preplanned means of extricating oneself from a situation

freemium -- a business model, especially on the Internet, whereby basic services are provided free while more advanced features must be paid for

frenemy -- a person with whom one is friendly despite a fundamental dislike or rivalry

fussbudget -- a fussy person

geoengineering -- manipulation of environmental processes in an attempt to counteract the effects of global warming

hater -- negative person

hikikomori -- the abnormal avoidance of social contact, typically by adolescent males (in Japan)

Interweb -- the Internet

LBD -- little black dress

matchy-matchy -- excessively color-coordinated

microblogging -- the posting of very short entries on a blog

national treasure -- someone/thing regarded as emblematic of a nation's cultural heritage

netbook -- small light laptop

overleveraged -- having taken on too much debt

overthink -- think about (something) too much or for too long

paywall -- an arrangement whereby access is restricted to users who have paid to subscribe to a website

quantitative easing -- the introduction of new money into the money supply by a central bank

social media -- websites and applications used for social networking

soft skills -- personal attributes that enable someone to interact effectively and harmoniously with other people

staycation -- holiday spent in one's home country

steampunk -- a genre of science fiction that typically features steam-powered machinery rather than advanced technology

toxic debt -- debt that has a high risk of default

turducken -- a roast dish consisting of a chicken inside a duck inside a turkey

tweetup -- a meeting organized by means of posts on Twitter

vuvuzela -- long horn blown by fans at soccer matches

wardrobe malfunction -- an instance of a person accidentally exposing an intimate part of his or her body as a result of an article of clothing slipping out of position

Setting Something Straight

The other (early!) morning a question popped into my head. What word has the most different meanings? I set my mind to finding an answer.

I just had to look it up.

All set?

That word is...

set

verb, noun, adjective, interjection

–verb (used with object)

1. to put (something or someone) in a particular place: to set a vase on a table.
2. to place in a particular position or posture: Set the baby on his feet.
3. to place in some relation to something or someone: We set a supervisor over the new workers.
4. to put into some condition: to set a house on fire.
5. to put or apply: to set fire to a house.
6. to put in the proper position: to set a chair back on its feet.
7. to put in the proper or desired order or condition for use: to set a trap.
8. to distribute or arrange china, silver, etc., for use on (a table): to set the table for dinner.
9. to place (the hair, esp. when wet) on rollers, in clips, or the like, so that the hair will assume a particular style.
10. to put (a price or value) upon something: He set $7500 as the right amount for the car. The teacher sets a high value on neatness.
11. to fix the value of at a certain amount or rate; value: He set the car at $500. She sets neatness at a high value.
12. to post, station, or appoint for the purpose of performing some duty: to set spies on a person.
13. to determine or fix definitely: to set a time limit.
14. to resolve or decide upon: to set a wedding date.
15. to cause to pass into a given state or condition: to set one's mind at rest; to set a prisoner free.
16. to direct or settle resolutely or wishfully: to set one's mind to a task.
17. to present as a model; place before others as a standard: to set a good example.
18. to establish for others to follow: to set a fast pace.
19. to prescribe or assign, as a task.
20. to adjust (a mechanism) so as to control its performance.
21. to adjust the hands of (a clock or watch) according to a certain standard: I always set my watch by the clock in the library.
22. to adjust (a timer, alarm of a clock, etc.) so as to sound when desired: He set the alarm for seven o'clock.
23. to fix or mount (a gem or the like) in a frame or setting.
24. to ornament or stud with gems or the like: a bracelet set with pearls.
25. to cause to sit; seat: to set a child in a highchair.
26. to put (a hen) on eggs to hatch them.
27. to place (eggs) under a hen or in an incubator for hatching.
28. to place or plant firmly: to set a flagpole in concrete.
29. to put into a fixed, rigid, or settled state, as the face, muscles, etc.
30. to fix at a given point or calibration: to set the dial on an oven; to set a micrometer.
31. to tighten (often fol. by up): to set nuts well up.
32. to cause to take a particular direction: to set one's course to the south.
33. Surgery. to put (a broken or dislocated bone) back in position.
34. (of a hunting dog) to indicate the position of (game) by standing stiffly and pointing with the muzzle.
35. Music. a. to fit, as words to music.
b. to arrange for musical performance.
c. to arrange (music) for certain voices or instruments.
36. Theater. a. to arrange the scenery, properties, lights, etc., on (a stage) for an act or scene.
b. to prepare (a scene) for dramatic performance.
37. Nautical. to spread and secure (a sail) so as to catch the wind.
38. Printing. a. to arrange (type) in the order required for printing.
b. to put together types corresponding to (copy); compose in type: to set an article.
39. Baking. to put aside (a substance to which yeast has been added) in order that it may rise.
40. to change into curd: to set milk with rennet.
41. to cause (glue, mortar, or the like) to become fixed or hard.
42. to urge, goad, or encourage to attack: to set the hounds on a trespasser.
43. Bridge. to cause (the opposing partnership or their contract) to fall short: We set them two tricks at four spades. Only perfect defense could set four spades.
44. to affix or apply, as by stamping: The king set his seal to the decree.
45. to fix or engage (a fishhook) firmly into the jaws of a fish by pulling hard on the line once the fish has taken the bait.
46. to sharpen or put a keen edge on (a blade, knife, razor, etc.) by honing or grinding.
47. to fix the length, width, and shape of (yarn, fabric, etc.).
48. Carpentry. to sink (a nail head) with a nail set.
49. to bend or form to the proper shape, as a saw tooth or a spring.
50. to bend the teeth of (a saw) outward from the blade alternately on both sides in order to make a cut wider than the blade itself.

–verb (used without object)

51. to pass below the horizon; sink: The sun sets early in winter.
52. to decline; wane.
53. to assume a fixed or rigid state, as the countenance or the muscles.
54. (of the hair) to be placed temporarily on rollers, in clips, or the like, in order to assume a particular style: Long hair sets more easily than short hair.
55. to become firm, solid, or permanent, as mortar, glue, cement, or a dye, due to drying or physical or chemical change.
56. to sit on eggs to hatch them, as a hen.
57. to hang or fit, as clothes.
58. to begin to move; start (usually fol. by forth, out, off, etc.).
59. (of a flower's ovary) to develop into a fruit.
60. (of a hunting dog) to indicate the position of game.
61. to have a certain direction or course, as a wind, current, or the like.
62. Nautical. (of a sail) to be spread so as to catch the wind.
63. Printing. (of type) to occupy a certain width: This copy sets to forty picas.
64. Nonstandard. sit: Come in and set a spell.

–noun

65. the act or state of setting or the state of being set.
66. a collection of articles designed for use together: a set of china; a chess set.
67. a collection, each member of which is adapted for a special use in a particular operation: a set of golf clubs; a set of carving knives.
68. a number, group, or combination of things of similar nature, design, or function: a set of ideas.
69. a series of volumes by one author, about one subject, etc.
70. a number, company, or group of persons associated by common interests, occupations, conventions, or status: a set of murderous thieves; the smart set.
71. the fit, as of an article of clothing: the set of his coat.
72. fixed direction, bent, or inclination: The set of his mind was obvious.
73. bearing or carriage: the set of one's shoulders.
74. the assumption of a fixed, rigid, or hard state, as by mortar or glue.
75. the arrangement of the hair in a particular style: How much does the beauty parlor charge for a shampoo and set?
76. a plate for holding a tool or die.
77. an apparatus for receiving radio or television programs; receiver.
78. Philately. a group of stamps that form a complete series.
79. Tennis. a unit of a match, consisting of a group of not fewer than six games with a margin of at least two games between the winner and loser: He won the match in straight sets of 6–3, 6–4, 6–4.
80. a construction representing a place or scene in which the action takes place in a stage, motion-picture, or television production.
81. Machinery. a. the bending out of the points of alternate teeth of a saw in opposite directions.
b. a permanent deformation or displacement of an object or part.
c. a tool for giving a certain form to something, as a saw tooth.
82. a chisel having a wide blade for dividing bricks.
83. Horticulture. a young plant, or a slip, tuber, or the like, suitable for planting.
84. Dance. a. the number of couples required to execute a quadrille or the like.
b. a series of movements or figures that make up a quadrille or the like.
85. Music. a. a group of pieces played by a band, as in a night club, and followed by an intermission.
b. the period during which these pieces are played.
86. Bridge. a failure to take the number of tricks specified by one's contract: Our being vulnerable made the set even more costly.
87. Nautical. a. the direction of a wind, current, etc.
b. the form or arrangement of the sails, spars, etc., of a vessel.
c. suit (def. 12).
88. Psychology. a temporary state of an organism characterized by a readiness to respond to certain stimuli in a specific way.
89. Mining. a timber frame bracing or supporting the walls or roof of a shaft or stope.
90. Carpentry. nail set.
91. Mathematics. a collection of objects or elements classed together.
92. Printing. the width of a body of type.
93. sett (def. 3).

–adjective

94. fixed or prescribed beforehand: a set time; set rules.
95. specified; fixed: The hall holds a set number of people.
96. deliberately composed; customary: set phrases.
97. fixed; rigid: a set smile.
98. resolved or determined; habitually or stubbornly fixed: to be set in one's opinions.
99. completely prepared; ready: Is everyone set?

–interjection

100. (in calling the start of a race): Ready! Set! Go!

Source: dictionary.com

Some Writing On Writing

For your enjoyment and maybe as a stimulant to thought - some quotes on writing.


Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

Flannery O'Connor

***

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Oliver Herford

***

People do not deserve good writing, they are so pleased with bad.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

***

Television has raised writing to a new low.


Samuel Goldwyn

***

Only a mediocre writer is always at his best.


W. Somerset Maugham

***

With sixty staring me in the face, I have developed inflammation of the sentence structure and definite hardening of the paragraphs.


James Thurber

***

The difference between the right word and almost the right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.

Mark Twain

***

A good many young writers make the mistake of enclosing a stamped, self-addressed envelope, big enough for the manuscript to come back in. This is too much of a temptation to the editor.

Ring Lardner

***

It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.

Andrew Jackson

***

A dramatist is a congenital eavesdropper with the instincts of a Peeping Tom.

Kenneth Tynan

***

A good novel tells us the truth about it's hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author.

Gilbert K. Chesterton

***

Good authors, too, who once knew better words now only use four-letter words writing prose... anything goes.

Cole Porter

***

The only imaginative fiction being written today is income tax returns.

Herman Wouk

***

It's a damn good story. If you have any comments, write them on the back of a check.

Erle Stanley Gardner

***

And all writing is creating or spinning dreams for other people so they won't have to bother doing it themselves.

Beth Henley

***

The waste basket is the writer's best friend.

Isaac Bashevis Singer

***

When I was a little boy, they called me a liar, but now that I am grown up, they call me a writer.

Isaac Bashevis Singer

***

I've always believed in writing without a collaborator, because where two people are writing the same book, each believes he gets all the worry and only half the royalties.

Agatha Christie

***

The best time to plan a book is while you're doing the dishes.

Agatha Christie

***

The cure for mixed metaphors, I have always found, is for the patient to be obliged to draw a picture of the result.

-Bernard Levin

***

I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork.

Peter De Vries

***

Words are often seen hunting for an idea, but ideas are never seen hunting for words.

Josh Billings

Shot Down by The OED

Back on August 1 I posted about the "word" earworm and how I thought it should become a real, recognized and "dictionaried" word.

Imagine my shock when I read the following less than a week later!

Unused but Useful: Oxford English Dictionary's Reject List


Theunis Bates Contributor
AOL News

LONDON (Aug. 6) -- Ever engaged a freegan in nonversation, or does the very idea make you want to precuperate? If you haven't a clue what we're talking about, don't worry, you're probably not xenolexic.

The bizarre terms used in those last two sentences are "non words": Words that have allegedly been submitted to the Oxford English Dictionary -- the gatekeepers of the English language -- but rejected on the grounds that too few people currently use them. Some of these non words are hyper-local slang, while others briefly spring in and out of existence when they're deployed to describe short-lived phenomena. A freegan, for example, is an eco-campaigner who hunts for goodies in other people's trash; a nonversation is a vapid, pointless chat; to "precuperate" means to get ready for an oncoming illness; and, perhaps most appropriately of all, a xenolexic is someone who suffers intense confusion when faced with new words.

Recently graduated graphic designer Luke Ngakane, 22 -- who this summer made forgotten phrases the focus of his final art project at Kingston University, London -- told AOL News that many more failed words are hidden away in a secret vault at Oxford. According to British daily The Telegraph, this word bank houses 50 large filing cabinets, each crammed with thousands of 6-by-4-inch cards detailing every declined entry. Some of these slips were scribbled before 1918 -- the year "Lord of the Rings" author J.R.R. Tolkien was hired as an OED sub-editor. (He'd go on to spend many hours puzzling over the etymology of "walrus" and the definition of "waggle.") New non-words are now stored on computers.

After hearing about the vault from another artist, Ngakane decided he'd try to save some of the lost phrases. He contacted Oxford University Press, OED's publishers, and asked if he could roam around among the archives. They confirmed the vault's existence but ignored his plea for access. Unwilling to abandon the project, he trawled the Internet, looking for amateur lexicographers who say their dictionary contenders had been denied by OED authorities.

Through his own research and logophile contacts, Ngakane quickly built up a pamphlet's worth of non words. He selected 39 that "had a lovely flow, or perfectly fit the thing they're describing, like polkadodge, which is the dance that happens when two people attempt to pass each other but end up moving in the same direction," and compiled them in a "Dictionary of Lost Words." Some 150 copies of this alternative dictionary were printed on an old-fashioned letterpress and handed out to writers, journalists and "others who could help get as many of these unique words back into circulation."

If he could put one word back into popular parlance, Ngakane says he'd pick furgle. "It means fumbling in your pocket or bag for keys or a coin that you can't quite get hold of, " he explains. "That's furgling."

Here's the complete collection of non words. Who knows, if you slip them into enough conversations, maybe one day they'll make it into the OED.

Accordionated: Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time

Asphinxiation: Being sick to death of unanswerable puzzles or riddles

Blogish: A variety of English that uses a large number of initialisms, frequently used on blogs

Dringle: The watermark left on wood caused by a glass of liquid.

Dunandunate: The overuse of a word or phrase that has recently been added to your own vocabulary

Earworm: A catchy tune that frequently gets stuck in your head

Espacular: Something especially spectacular

Freegan: Someone who rejects consumerism, usually by eating discarded food

Fumb: Your large toe

Furgle: To feel in a pocket or bag for a small object such as a coin or key

Glocalization: Running a business according to both local and global considerations

Griefer: Someone who spends their online time harassing others

Headset jockey: A telephone call center worker

Lexpionage: The sleuthing of words and phrases

Locavor: A person who tries to eat only locally grown or produced food

Museum head: Feeling mentally exhausted and no longer able to take in information; usually following a trip to a museum

Nonversation: A worthless conversation, wherein nothing is explained or otherwise elaborated upon

Nudenda: An unhidden agenda

Onionate: To overwhelm with post-dining breath

Optotoxical: A look that could kill, normally from a parent or spouse

Parrotise: A haven for exotic birds especially green ones

Peppier: A waiter whose sole job is to offer diners ground pepper, usually from a large pepper mill

Precuperate: To prepare for the possibility of being ill

Pharming: The practice of creating a dummy website for phishing data

Polkadodge: The dance that occurs when two people attempt to pass each other but move in the same direction

Pregreening: To creep forward while waiting for a red traffic light to change

Quackmire: The muddy edges of a duck pond

Scrax: The waxy coating that is scratched off an instant lottery ticket

Smushables: Items that must be packed at the top of a bag to avoid being squashed

Spatulate: Removing cake mixture from the side of a bowl with a spatula

Sprog: To go faster than a jog but slower then a sprint

Sprummer: When summer and springtime can't decide which is to come first, usually hot one day then cold the next

Stealth-geek: Someone who hides their nerdy interests while maintaining a normal outward appearance

Vidiot: Someone who is inept at the act of programming video recording equipment

Whinese: A term for the language spoken by children on lengthy trips

Wibble: The trembling of the lower lip just shy of actually crying

Wurfing: The act of surfing the Internet while at work

Wikism: A piece of information that claims to be true but is wildly inaccurate

Xenolexica: A grave confusion when faced with unusual words

Three Words and Replying To A Comment

Here we have three words I hear and see misused quite often.


Peruse

People think it means:
To skim over or browse something.

Actually means:
Almost the opposite of that.

Peruse means "to read with thoroughness or care." If you peruse a book, you leave no page unturned. This makes sense when you consider the Middle English per use, meaning "to wear out or use up." Unfortunately, if you "consider the Middle English" very often when speaking, you're probably not exactly the life of the party.


Irregardless

People think it means:
Regardless.

Actually means:
Not a darned thing.

This is not a word. Now, we have no problem with making up words. That will be apparent with the addition I will make to this post. The problem with this one is "regardless" already means something isn't worth regard (that's why the "less" is there) so adding the "ir" to it means... it's worth regarding again? Who knows?


Bemused

People think it means:
Mildly amused.

Actually means:
Bewildered or confused.

If you were to say "I was bemused by your dead baby joke," you wouldn't be saying the joke was funny. You'd be saying that you completely failed to understand it. It's hard to blame people for getting this one wrong, the word just sounds like it means, "sort of amused."


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An added thought...


My recent post "A Word And An Expression" brought an interesting comment from reader Lorraina. She commented, "Just a thought...is there a word for what we hear when someone talks loudly on their cell whilst in a public place and whom we don't want to hear but can't help but hear without their consent?

I know it isn't eavesdropping because the conversation is not secretly listened to and is actually forced upon us.

There must be a better word than overheard.

Forceheard?"

I did not know of any such word either but I tried to find one. 7 emails to various sources brought no help - all the replies were similar to this -

"Thank you for writing to Merriam-Webster. There is no word to our knowledge for the phenomenon that you describe other than, perhaps, the verb' overhear,' which certainly applies to much more than cell phone conversations.

I'm sorry we couldn't be more helpful.

Sincerely,

Neil S. Serven
Associate Editor
Merriam-Webster, Inc.
http://www.m-w.com"


So Lorraina, and other readers, it looks like our language is in need of a new word! That got me to muddling about in my mind. I like "forceheard" but I still wanted to come up with something else. I know that Sotto voce, literally "under voice", means intentionally lowering one's voice for emphasis. And vox populi is a Latin phrase that literally means voice of the people, is a term often used in broadcasting for interviews with members of the "general public".

From that line of thought I came up with "vox obnoxioso" for obnoxious voice. Grosso voce, perhaps?

Any other thoughts are always welcome. After all, a word farm should, at least occasionally, grow a word or two. No?

A Word and An Expression

I find that, occasionally, a word will come up in conversation and start bugging me about its origin. What I find when I search for origins is often fascinating. Just the other day a word and an expression did that. Eavesdrop and fuddy-duddy.

Eavesdropping is the act of secretly listening to the private conversation of others without their consent, as defined by Black's Law Dictionary. This is commonly thought to be unethical and there is an old adage that eavesdroppers seldom hear anything good of themselves...eavesdroppers always try to listen to matters that concern them.

Ancient Anglo-Saxon law punished eavesdroppers, who skulked in the eavesdrip of another's home, with a fine; the eavesdrip was also sometimes called the eavesdrop. Eavesdrop also means a small low visibility hole near the entrance to a building (generally under the eaves) which would allow the occupants to listen in on the conversation of people awaiting admission to the house. Typically this would allow the occupant to be prepared for unfriendly visitors.

Early telephone systems shared party lines which would allow the sharing subscribers to listen to each others conversations. This was a common practice in rural America which resulted in many incidents and feuds.

Eavesdropping can also be done over telephone lines (wiretapping), email, instant messaging, and other methods of communication considered private (If a message is publicly broadcast, witnessing it does not count as eavesdropping.). VoIP communications software is also vulnerable to electronic eavesdropping by via malware infections such as Trojan.

Origin:

early 17th century: back-formation from eavesdropper (late Middle English) 'a person who listens from under the eaves', from the obsolete noun eavesdrop 'the ground on to which water drips from the eaves', probably from Old Norse upsardropi, from ups 'eaves' + dropi 'a drop'

That was interesting. But then I came across this snippet that I found fascinating -

Hampton Court Palace outside London was the palace of King Henry VIII of England. In the eaves of its Great Hall, small faces are carved into the oak beams which lean at an angle of 45 degrees to the ground. These are known as 'Eaves Droppers'. Henry was known to be a strong ruler and often put spies in crowds of people to listen in to conversations. He wanted his staff (who slept in the Great Hall between banquets and would lie on straw looking up at the eaves) to know that he or his people would be listening at all times.



Fuddy-duddy

Meaning

A stuffy or foolishly old-fashioned person.

Origin

If any term sounds old and English, it must be this one. As so often, intuition is found to be inadequate as fuddy-duddy appears to be of American origin, possibly via Scotland, nor is it especially old. The first record that I can find of it is from the Texas newspaper The Galveston Daily News, 1889:

"Look here; I'm Smith - Hamilton Smith. I'm a minister and I try to do about right ... I object to being represented as an old fuddy-duddy."

That usage - without any accompanying explanation - seems to suggest that the readership would have been expected to have been familiar with it. That is quite possible, there are several citations in American newspapers from the end of the 19th century that relate to a pair of fictional wags called Fuddy and Duddy. A string of their rather weak gags was printed in the Boston Evening Transcript. Here's an example from a November 1895 edition:

Fuddy: So Miss Dandervecken is going to marry an Englishman. A lord, I suppose?
Duddy: Well, no, not exactly: but I understand that he's often as drunk as a lord.

Whether or not the expression 'fuddy-duddy' was already known and the names were taken from it, or whether it was the other way round, we can't now tell. The coincidence in the dates of the arrival of the two characters and the phrase does suggest that there was a connection of some kind.

Duddy was a Scottish term meaning ragged - duds having been used to refer to rough tattered clothes since the 15th century. That usage continued for some centuries and is still heard occasionally, notably in the popular 19th century traditional song The Blackleg Miner:

He grabs his duds and down he goes
To hew the coal that lies below,
There's not a woman in this town-row
Will look at the blackleg miner.

Fud, or fuddy, was a Scots dialect term for buttocks. In 1833, the Scots poet James Ballantyne wrote The Wee Raggit Laddie:

Wee stuffy, stumpy, dumpie laddie,
Thou urchin elfin, bare an' duddy,
Thy plumpit kite an' cheek sae ruddy
Are fairly baggit,
Although the breekums on thy fuddy
Are e'en right raggit.

The full-on Scots dialect in that sentimental, Burns influenced rhyme is difficult to translate precisely. The gist of the meaning is:

Poor scruffy little lad, bare and ragged, your wet belly and red cheeks are swollen and the trousers on your buttocks are torn.

There is a British term - 'duddy fuddiel', which is also recorded from around the same date. William Dickinson's A glossary of words and phrases pertaining to the dialect of Cumberland, 1899, has:

"Duddy fuddiel, a ragged fellow."

There may be a link between 'duddy fuddiel' and 'fuddy-duddy' but, as they don't mean exactly the same thing, we can't be certain.

One thing we can be sure about; that the cartoon character Elmer Fudd inherited the name from the phrase. 'Fuddy-duddy' was in general circulation in the US well before the character was created in around 1940 and the expression accords with his old-fashioned and obsessive temperament.

In a rather sad sequel to the Boston Transcript's role in the coining of 'fuddy-duddy', Time magazine reported in 1939 that a survey commissioned by the paper found that, "the most frequent word used by advertisers to describe the paper was fuddy-duddy". The Transcript ceased trading soon afterwards.

Help! I've Got An Earworm!

Have you ever come across a song, or an advertising jingle, that invades your consciousness and just won't leave? I am sure we all have. But there is no word for that in English. The closest I cvould find in my searching was the German word ohrwurm.

According to the Urban Dictionary -

ohrwurm

A song that you can't get out of your head.

lit. German for "earwig"

"Someone just hummed the opening to 'Gilligan's Island' and now I got an an ohrwurm!"



There's no word for this in English, so here the Germans have the clear linguistic advantage (you can also "pre-pone" an event in German and officially "dis-invite" someone). Here's where German comes to the rescue, with Ohrwurm, literally "ear-worm." You can almost picture the cute little twit camping out in your ear, singing the inane ditty over and over, cheerfully evading your increasingly desperate attempts to silence him. He smirks arrogantly as your gaze falls upon an ice-pick...

I think we should start an official campaign to bring Ohrwurm into English. Shouldn't be too difficult. Just start telling your friends "Crap, that opening to 'Gilligan's Island' is such an earworm." When they ask you what an earworm is, tell them, and urge them to start using it in their normal conversation. Note to entrepreneurs: trademark the word "Earworm" while it's hot! While on the subject, German has a word for a song that is popular for matter of weeks and then drops into the memory hole. It's an Eintagsfliege (One-day-fly), named for the sort of flies that live only a few hours (English: Mayflies; Latin -- pricelessly -- Ephemeroptera). One-day-fly doesn't really work in English, so let's just call these songs...Ephemeroptera. OK, perhaps not.

There Is Nothing Like A Good Bdelygmia!

Early in 2007, disturbed by reports of John Edwards' $400 Beverly Hills haircut, Miami Herald columnist Leonard Pitts expressed his exasperation at the "fake authenticity" practiced by today's politicians:

I do know a con when I see one. And in politics, I see them all the time.

We are courted by blow-dried, focus-grouped, stage-managed, photo-opped, sloganeering, false-smiling, hand-clasping, back-slapping would-be leaders who say they feel our pain and understand our concerns and maybe sometimes they do, but all too often, it seems they feel little and understand less.

Superficiality gleams in their perfect teeth and scripted lines. They work hard to make style look just like substance.

That's good, vigorous writing: a pair of short, direct sentences on either side of a classic bdelygmia.

A classic what? Pronounced "de-LIG-me-uh" and derived from the Greek word for "abuse," this rhetorical device is a form of invective: an exuberant rant, a litany of disparaging remarks, a string of stinging criticisms.

Back in 1604, King James I of England employed bdelygmia in the conclusion to his "Counterblaste to Tobacco": A custom loathsome to the eye, hateful to the Nose, harmful to the brain, dangerous to the Lungs, and in the black stinking fume thereof, nearest resembling the horrible Stygian smoke of the pit that is bottomless.

What may be the best known modern specimen of bdelygmia falls well outside the realms of politics and social commentary. It's a song, composed 40 years ago by Dr. Seuss (Theodor Seuss Geisel) for the animated version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas. An extended litany of abuse, the song concludes:

You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch,
You're a nasty wasty skunk,
Your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk, Mr. Grinch.
The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote,
"Stink, stank, stunk"!

"You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" may not be the most sophisticated lyric ever composed, but then bdelygmia is not a particularly sophisticated rhetorical device. It's up front and in your face.

And while it may be ignited by anger or frustration, the sheer excess (or hyperbole) of bdelygmia--of insults and aspersions piled sky high--often creates a comic effect in the end. So take a deep breath before letting it all out with bdelygmia--and proceed with caution.

Just Wondering...

English is a marvelous and rich language. Yet native speakers seldom pause to consider its weird vocabulary. Coming from different countries and cultures and meandering the halls of history, many English words now seem to have paradoxical definitions. These are amazing words because they make you wonder…

Did you ever wonder why funeral starts with the word fun?

Would church music be considered organic?

What are you vacating when you go on vacation?

Should someone with guests act hostile? Or take them hostage?

Wouldn’t it be more accurate to call a fireman a waterman?

Can you enjoy a party fully?

In the navy, is a portly person left-handed?

Is a precaution something you get before a caution?

Do undertakers actually undertake when it comes to fees for service?

Could we call an abstract painting an artificial artifice?

At sundown wouldn’t you expect nightrise instead of nightfall?

Would you expect a high-rise of flats to be very tall?

Isn’t kidnapping normal in kindergartens?

Are overjoyed people too happy?

Isn’t the center of register the gist of the word?

Can lay people be upstanding citizens?

Why do they call marriage matrimony instead of patrimony?

Like the wheel, wasn’t the lazy Susan a revolutionary idea?

Just before an artist’s model takes a break, is she predisposed?

Would the ugly truth be called the lowdown lowdown?

How come lipstick doesn’t do what it says?

If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

If you run errands, aren’t you a go-getter?

Why don’t we say farrer instead of farther, or nearther instead of nearer?

Isn’t a good steak rarely well done?

Didn’t rearing children once have something to do with spanking their butts?

Wouldn’t it be more correct to call a butterfly a flowerfly? butterfly

If you pull the wings off a fly, does it become a walk?

If somebody is armed to the teeth, does he have a neck?

If you cease to be, then come alive, are you deceased?

How come you are still sitting after you sat.

Isn’t it amazing that anyone can stand sitting?

Instead of a personality, does a dog have a dogality?

How come someone can be canny and uncanny at the same time?

What’s the point of flattery?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Exactly what is so fast about quicksand?

Aren’t half-baked ideas rare?

How do you get off a non-stop flight?

When you cash a check, do you check the cash?

What is so proper about property?

Isn’t anything underwater also over water?

Are outstanding pay checks good or bad?

Why do they call dwellings stuck together apartments?

Can you orient yourself out west?

Why are there interstates in Hawaii?

Why do caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?

If you are just kidding, isn’t that childish?

At the drive-in theaters, was there a lot of autoeroticism?

Isn’t it odd that sweetmeat is basically bread while sweetbread is meat?

Why do we hear music from speakers and dial talk-shows on tuners?

Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?

How come people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Why do we iron our clothes and paper our walls?

Why are goods sent by ship called cargo and those sent by truck shipment?

Why does worthless mean the opposite of priceless?

Why are the bigheaded usually also small-minded?

In court, how come you can’t swear except under oath?

Doesn’t it seem the opposite of ability should be nobility?

If you get a scratch on your car, can you make something from it?

Is it all right to put cups in the dishwasher and dishes in the cupboard?

Isn’t it odd that to tell time, you look at the hands on the face on the wrist?

If you are assassinated instead of just murdered, are you important?

Shouldn’t guests leave a banquest fed up?

In a stadium, why do they call a place where you sit the stands?

How come cook and kook aren’t pronounced the same?

Would you rather have your bank account frozen, liquidated, or evaporated?

Can you comprehend the language of a comprehensive insurance policy?

If you have a temper, can you give it away? Or get another?

Why does a tugboat mostly push things in the harbor?

Did you ever have a comb you couldn’t part with?

Is it good if a vacuum cleaner really sucks?

What does it mean when the odds are even against you?