Recently I gave euphemisms some thought. I thought about how hard the English language could be to learn what with all the euphemisms that are used. I came across the following news article that illustrates the point quite well. Before I found this article I was thinking of one of my favorite TV shows. NCIS has a character named Ziva David - an Israeli Mossad agent who struggles with euphemisms often and quite humorously. Many examples follow the article.
Have a few laughs!
guardian.co.uk, Tuesday 31 August 2010 18.03 BST
I want to spend a penny, not go to the shop: nurses to be taught euphemisms
Norfolk hospital organises lessons for foreign nurses to avoid cultural misunderstandings with patients
Foreign nurses are receiving a crash course in euphemism after bewildered patients expressing the wish to "spend a penny" found themselves being escorted to a hospital gift shop. Norfolk's Queen Elizabeth hospital has organised special "adapting to life in Norfolk" sessions for Portuguese staff whose otherwise excellent English results in too-literal translations of everyday expressions. Patients, particularly the elderly, face being met with incomprehension when complaining of "feeling under the weather", suffering "pin and needles" or experiencing problems with their "back passage".
Local expressions such as "blar", meaning to cry, and "mawther", meaning "young woman", are also likely to see mystified nurses flicking in vain through conventional phrasebooks. The distinct Norfolk brogue provides another linguistic obstacle for the recruits hired by the Queen Elizabeth Hospital King's Lynn NHS trust. "One of the things people from overseas had difficulty with was our euphemisms such as 'spend a penny'," said a hospital spokesman. "In the past some of the new recruits from abroad, when patients used the expression, were taking people to the hospital gift shop."
"They all speak exceptional English, but that doesn't necessarily cover the type of English spoken in Norfolk. We have many different phrases and sayings in this part of the world. A lot of patients are elderly and use what can only be described as quaint phrases and descriptions, especially for body parts and common illnesses." The hospital has organised two-hour induction courses in dialect, idiom and colloquialism, covering phrases such as "spick and span", "higgledy-piggledy", "la-di-dah" and "tickled pink". Other useful terms on the agenda are "jim jams", "a cuppa" and "elbow grease". Nurses are being asked to write down any confusing phrases they hear on the wards so they can be discussed in follow-up meetings.
Katherine Murphy, chief executive of the Patients' Association, said the training would ensure "safe service" in hospitals. "Anyone working for the NHS - nurse, doctor, other healthcare professional, healthcare assistant - must be able to be understood by the patient and must demonstrate that they are safe to treat patients," she said. But Fiona McEvoy, of the Taxpayers' Alliance, resorting to idiom herself, said it was "using a sledgehammer to crack a nut". It made more financial sense for foreign nurses to pick up local phrases "from hearing them used and being advised by peers", she said.
Here are the promised euphemism learnings of Ziva David
Ziva: You are a broken tape, Gibbs.
Tony: Record. A broken record.
*****
Ziva: "It appears he didn’t know... I feel like a donkey’s butt."
McGee: "Donkey's butt?"
Tony: "I think she meant 'Horse's Ass', McGee."
Ziva: "Yes, that, too."
*****
Tony: I don’t know. Look at the guy. He’s such a …
Ziva: Pimp.
Tony and McGee *in unison*: Wimp.
*****
Ziva: Once he saw us at Norfolk, he must have taken a kite.
Tony: Hike. The expression is taking a hike.
McGee: She may have had it confused with “go fly a kite.”
Ziva: I speak five languages, forgive me if I get confused sometimes. I found his bank book.
Tony: Check book.
*****
Tony: Didn’t you see the signs? It’s yard sale day.
Ziva: I see. And do Marines sell their yards often?
McGee: No, it’s actually when people gather stuff they don’t want anymore, and sell it in their yards.
Ziva: Why would anyone want to buy somebody else’s junk?
Tony: One man’s junk is another man’s treasure.
Ziva: In Israel, we have a saying. “Zevel Ze Zevel.” Crap is crap.
*****
Tony: You haven’t met our hacker.
Ross Logan: He’s good?
Ziva: Does a bear sit in the woods?
Ross Logan: Are you the crackerjack team on this job?
Tony: She’s Israeli.
Ziva: Look, I know I got the bear thing right.
*****
Ziva: I’ve learned from Gibbs that in certain cases you can attract far more bees with honey…
Tony: Flies.
Ziva: What do flies have to do with honey?
Tony: Flies… don’t like... vinegar.
Ziva: Vinegar?
Tony: It’s complicated. Here he comes.
*****
Ziva: If the glue sticks?
McGee: Shoe fits.
*****
Ziva: Do you mind if I grab a bat nap?
Female Park Ranger: No, just, um, hang from the rafters.
*****
Ziva: Great! He’ll be like finding a pin in a haystack.
Tony: A needle in a haystack.
Ziva: Well, aren’t these just as hard to find?
Tony: No.
McGee: No.
*****
McGee: What Tony was saying about me before, you know, do I come off as unmanly?
Ziva: I think Tony is jerking your brain
McGee: Chain? Jerking my chain?
Ziva: Whatever.
*****
ZIVA: This woman is a total turd! A geek, yes?
TONY: The term is nerd.
ZIVA: Whatever.
*****
Ziva: Everyone’s avoiding me! Do they think I’m going to lose control, just enter the building and massacre everyone? I mean, I’m being treated like a leopard.
Ducky: I believe the phrase is 'like a leper'.
*****
Ziva: Ducky, drip it!
Ducky: Do you mean: Drop it or Zip it?
Ziva: Ah, American idioms drive me up the hall.
Ducky: Well, actually... never mind.
*****
Ziva: I’ve asked Tel Aviv if Captain Mahir is a blimp on their radar.
Tony: Blip.
*****
Ziva: ... He won’t talk unless I...
Tony: No torture.
Ziva: He won’t talk.
Tony: Try.
Ziva: Okay. But you’re tying my feet.
Tony: Hands.
Ziva: Those, too.
*****
Shepard: ...when Pinpin handed him Galib’s passport it was good enough.
Ziva: To pass the mustard.
McGee: Muster, not mustard.
*****
Gibbs: Marital problems?
Ziva: Well, according to someone called Scuttle Butt, he caught his wife cheating on him.
Gibbs: Scuttlebutt’s not a person, Ziva. Scuttlebutt is what Marines call gossip.
Ziva: And then you wonder why I have a problem with your language.
*****
Ziva: Are you okay?
Tony: Never better.
Ziva: You look run-over.
Tony: The term is rundown. I do?
Ziva: Maybe you need servicing.
Tony: Clearly, we’re still having some problems with the idiosyncrasies of the English language.
Ziva: The finely tuned engine, I think you called it. You should see a doctor.
*****
(Ziva asks Tony why he needs two cell phones)
Tony: Uh… one for each ear. No, it’s a spare. This one has sort of been on the fritz. That’s another word you probably don’t know the meaning of.
Ziva: Act up?
Tony: I’m impressed. Uh… all right. I’m heading out. Going to see the doctor…. about being run-over. Down.
Ziva: Don’t forget Fritz...
Tony: ... Oh!!
*****
Ziva: You need to cut the man some slacks, Ducky.
Tony: I agree. Except the term is slack.
*****
Tony: It’s almost unfair interrogating junkies.
Ziva: It’s like shooting fish in a pond.
Carson: I um… I think you mean a barrel.
Ziva: Why would a fish be in a barrel?
Carson: Um… I um… it’s a good point. I never really thought about it before.
Ziva: Mm-hmm.
*****
Army Lieutenant Marsden: Command sent me out to go over Captain Reynold's death benefits with her.
Ziva: Quite the waterfall.
Tony: She means windfall.
*****
McGee is looking at a site where he can adopt a dog and starts talking to Tony and Ziva:
Tony: I’m not ready to start taking tips on this from you Probie.
McGee: Tony I think it’s time you get back on that horse.
Ziva: (looks at Tony funny) Are you getting a pony?
Tony: It’s an adage.
Ziva: I’m not familiar with that breed.
Tony: Well yeah they are quite rare. Sort of a cross between a Pegasus and a unicorn.
(Ziva gives him a disgusted look.)
*****
Ziva talking with Fornell:
Ziva: I would hate to be misunderstood.
Fornell: Does that happen often?
Ziva: Once in a blue lagoon.
Fornell: I think I'll be able to translate.
*****
McGee: Think she did it? She is the one that called us.
Ziva: Well it would not be the first time a murderer tried to throw us up that way.
McGee: Off. Throw us off.
Ziva: Exactly.
*****
Tony: We've gotta figure out what he was doing here.
Ziva: And with whom he was doing it.
Tony: Doing what with?
Ziva: Whatever it was he was doing when he was undone.
Tony: (confused look) Done...What?
Ziva: Done!
Ducky: In, my dear fellow. Done in. Don't you understand the Queen's English?
Tony: Not this queen.
*****
Ziva: Is that why we're here? So you can google the girls?
Tony:"Ogle." And no, we're here to accompany the director.
*****
Ziva: ...His finger is in many eyes.
Tony: Pies...
*****
Ziva: My citizenship test is coming up and I wish to pass with swimming colors
McGee: Flying colors
Ziva: Any colors will do McGee
Have a few laughs!
guardian.co.uk, Tuesday 31 August 2010 18.03 BST
I want to spend a penny, not go to the shop: nurses to be taught euphemisms
Norfolk hospital organises lessons for foreign nurses to avoid cultural misunderstandings with patients
Foreign nurses are receiving a crash course in euphemism after bewildered patients expressing the wish to "spend a penny" found themselves being escorted to a hospital gift shop. Norfolk's Queen Elizabeth hospital has organised special "adapting to life in Norfolk" sessions for Portuguese staff whose otherwise excellent English results in too-literal translations of everyday expressions. Patients, particularly the elderly, face being met with incomprehension when complaining of "feeling under the weather", suffering "pin and needles" or experiencing problems with their "back passage".
Local expressions such as "blar", meaning to cry, and "mawther", meaning "young woman", are also likely to see mystified nurses flicking in vain through conventional phrasebooks. The distinct Norfolk brogue provides another linguistic obstacle for the recruits hired by the Queen Elizabeth Hospital King's Lynn NHS trust. "One of the things people from overseas had difficulty with was our euphemisms such as 'spend a penny'," said a hospital spokesman. "In the past some of the new recruits from abroad, when patients used the expression, were taking people to the hospital gift shop."
"They all speak exceptional English, but that doesn't necessarily cover the type of English spoken in Norfolk. We have many different phrases and sayings in this part of the world. A lot of patients are elderly and use what can only be described as quaint phrases and descriptions, especially for body parts and common illnesses." The hospital has organised two-hour induction courses in dialect, idiom and colloquialism, covering phrases such as "spick and span", "higgledy-piggledy", "la-di-dah" and "tickled pink". Other useful terms on the agenda are "jim jams", "a cuppa" and "elbow grease". Nurses are being asked to write down any confusing phrases they hear on the wards so they can be discussed in follow-up meetings.
Katherine Murphy, chief executive of the Patients' Association, said the training would ensure "safe service" in hospitals. "Anyone working for the NHS - nurse, doctor, other healthcare professional, healthcare assistant - must be able to be understood by the patient and must demonstrate that they are safe to treat patients," she said. But Fiona McEvoy, of the Taxpayers' Alliance, resorting to idiom herself, said it was "using a sledgehammer to crack a nut". It made more financial sense for foreign nurses to pick up local phrases "from hearing them used and being advised by peers", she said.
Here are the promised euphemism learnings of Ziva David
Ziva: You are a broken tape, Gibbs.
Tony: Record. A broken record.
*****
Ziva: "It appears he didn’t know... I feel like a donkey’s butt."
McGee: "Donkey's butt?"
Tony: "I think she meant 'Horse's Ass', McGee."
Ziva: "Yes, that, too."
*****
Tony: I don’t know. Look at the guy. He’s such a …
Ziva: Pimp.
Tony and McGee *in unison*: Wimp.
*****
Ziva: Once he saw us at Norfolk, he must have taken a kite.
Tony: Hike. The expression is taking a hike.
McGee: She may have had it confused with “go fly a kite.”
Ziva: I speak five languages, forgive me if I get confused sometimes. I found his bank book.
Tony: Check book.
*****
Tony: Didn’t you see the signs? It’s yard sale day.
Ziva: I see. And do Marines sell their yards often?
McGee: No, it’s actually when people gather stuff they don’t want anymore, and sell it in their yards.
Ziva: Why would anyone want to buy somebody else’s junk?
Tony: One man’s junk is another man’s treasure.
Ziva: In Israel, we have a saying. “Zevel Ze Zevel.” Crap is crap.
*****
Tony: You haven’t met our hacker.
Ross Logan: He’s good?
Ziva: Does a bear sit in the woods?
Ross Logan: Are you the crackerjack team on this job?
Tony: She’s Israeli.
Ziva: Look, I know I got the bear thing right.
*****
Ziva: I’ve learned from Gibbs that in certain cases you can attract far more bees with honey…
Tony: Flies.
Ziva: What do flies have to do with honey?
Tony: Flies… don’t like... vinegar.
Ziva: Vinegar?
Tony: It’s complicated. Here he comes.
*****
Ziva: If the glue sticks?
McGee: Shoe fits.
*****
Ziva: Do you mind if I grab a bat nap?
Female Park Ranger: No, just, um, hang from the rafters.
*****
Ziva: Great! He’ll be like finding a pin in a haystack.
Tony: A needle in a haystack.
Ziva: Well, aren’t these just as hard to find?
Tony: No.
McGee: No.
*****
McGee: What Tony was saying about me before, you know, do I come off as unmanly?
Ziva: I think Tony is jerking your brain
McGee: Chain? Jerking my chain?
Ziva: Whatever.
*****
ZIVA: This woman is a total turd! A geek, yes?
TONY: The term is nerd.
ZIVA: Whatever.
*****
Ziva: Everyone’s avoiding me! Do they think I’m going to lose control, just enter the building and massacre everyone? I mean, I’m being treated like a leopard.
Ducky: I believe the phrase is 'like a leper'.
*****
Ziva: Ducky, drip it!
Ducky: Do you mean: Drop it or Zip it?
Ziva: Ah, American idioms drive me up the hall.
Ducky: Well, actually... never mind.
*****
Ziva: I’ve asked Tel Aviv if Captain Mahir is a blimp on their radar.
Tony: Blip.
*****
Ziva: ... He won’t talk unless I...
Tony: No torture.
Ziva: He won’t talk.
Tony: Try.
Ziva: Okay. But you’re tying my feet.
Tony: Hands.
Ziva: Those, too.
*****
Shepard: ...when Pinpin handed him Galib’s passport it was good enough.
Ziva: To pass the mustard.
McGee: Muster, not mustard.
*****
Gibbs: Marital problems?
Ziva: Well, according to someone called Scuttle Butt, he caught his wife cheating on him.
Gibbs: Scuttlebutt’s not a person, Ziva. Scuttlebutt is what Marines call gossip.
Ziva: And then you wonder why I have a problem with your language.
*****
Ziva: Are you okay?
Tony: Never better.
Ziva: You look run-over.
Tony: The term is rundown. I do?
Ziva: Maybe you need servicing.
Tony: Clearly, we’re still having some problems with the idiosyncrasies of the English language.
Ziva: The finely tuned engine, I think you called it. You should see a doctor.
*****
(Ziva asks Tony why he needs two cell phones)
Tony: Uh… one for each ear. No, it’s a spare. This one has sort of been on the fritz. That’s another word you probably don’t know the meaning of.
Ziva: Act up?
Tony: I’m impressed. Uh… all right. I’m heading out. Going to see the doctor…. about being run-over. Down.
Ziva: Don’t forget Fritz...
Tony: ... Oh!!
*****
Ziva: You need to cut the man some slacks, Ducky.
Tony: I agree. Except the term is slack.
*****
Tony: It’s almost unfair interrogating junkies.
Ziva: It’s like shooting fish in a pond.
Carson: I um… I think you mean a barrel.
Ziva: Why would a fish be in a barrel?
Carson: Um… I um… it’s a good point. I never really thought about it before.
Ziva: Mm-hmm.
*****
Army Lieutenant Marsden: Command sent me out to go over Captain Reynold's death benefits with her.
Ziva: Quite the waterfall.
Tony: She means windfall.
*****
McGee is looking at a site where he can adopt a dog and starts talking to Tony and Ziva:
Tony: I’m not ready to start taking tips on this from you Probie.
McGee: Tony I think it’s time you get back on that horse.
Ziva: (looks at Tony funny) Are you getting a pony?
Tony: It’s an adage.
Ziva: I’m not familiar with that breed.
Tony: Well yeah they are quite rare. Sort of a cross between a Pegasus and a unicorn.
(Ziva gives him a disgusted look.)
*****
Ziva talking with Fornell:
Ziva: I would hate to be misunderstood.
Fornell: Does that happen often?
Ziva: Once in a blue lagoon.
Fornell: I think I'll be able to translate.
*****
McGee: Think she did it? She is the one that called us.
Ziva: Well it would not be the first time a murderer tried to throw us up that way.
McGee: Off. Throw us off.
Ziva: Exactly.
*****
Tony: We've gotta figure out what he was doing here.
Ziva: And with whom he was doing it.
Tony: Doing what with?
Ziva: Whatever it was he was doing when he was undone.
Tony: (confused look) Done...What?
Ziva: Done!
Ducky: In, my dear fellow. Done in. Don't you understand the Queen's English?
Tony: Not this queen.
*****
Ziva: Is that why we're here? So you can google the girls?
Tony:"Ogle." And no, we're here to accompany the director.
*****
Ziva: ...His finger is in many eyes.
Tony: Pies...
*****
Ziva: My citizenship test is coming up and I wish to pass with swimming colors
McGee: Flying colors
Ziva: Any colors will do McGee
*****
I love Ziva's euphemism problems. Coincidentally, NCIS was playing in the background while I was reading this. I can't say for sure if any of her quotes were in that particular episode, but the synchronicity of it amused me.
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