Bringing Home Some Plurals

This popped up recently, and I batted it around. The correct plural of the baseball term “RBI” (“run batted in”) is “RBIs,” even though the word that’s plural when it’s spelled out (“runs”) is at the start of the initialism. This does NOT mean that we’re actually saying “run batted ins.”

It just doesn’t work that way. By the same reasoning, why would more than one “IOU” be “IOUs” — there is NO plural in the expression “I owe you,” unless it’s more than one “you,” which is still “you.”

Fortunately, there are other examples of this sort of thing, as pointed out in “Garner’s Modern American Usage.” The plural of “WMD” (“weapon of mass destruction”) is “WMDs.” If you have been using “WMD” as the plural, you probably are one of those folks who feel strongly that “RBI” also is correct.

The other common one is “POWs” for “prisoners of war.” If you have been insisting on usage such as “there are still thousands of POW,” you probably will never change no matter what I say.

For the rest of you, form the plural of an initialism or an acronym by adding “s” — no matter what it stands for.

In general, other than in science- and math-related fields, simple, Americanized (or Anglicized) plurals of adopted “foreign” words are best. In most other instances, then, use “indexes” instead of “indices,” “appendixes” instead of “appendices,” “formulas” (not “formulae”), “spectrums” (not “spectra”), “funguses” (not “fungi”), “cactuses” (not “cacti”) and “octopuses” (not “octopi”).

Some additional considerations, mostly inspired by (or lifted from) “Garner’s Modern American Usage” by Bryan A. Garner:

The word “indices” is considered “permissible in the sense ‘indicators.’ ” Why not just use “indicators,” then?

Webster’s gives either “fungi” or “funguses” for the plural, implying that they’re equally acceptable. Again, I vote for the consistency of “funguses,” if for no other reason than not having to decide how to pronounce “fungi.”

The dictionary also offers both “cactuses” and “cacti,” but unless you’re a botanist, stay with “cactuses.”

As for “octopi,” Garner says that’s not even correct in its language of origin. He says the proper Greek plural is “octopodes.”

As I’ve said before, once English “borrows” a word, it often gets customized. In this case, “octopuses” grabs me, “octopi” doesn’t.

Looking Up Up

This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.' It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].



It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?



At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends, brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car.



At other times, this little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.



To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.



And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!



To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.



If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.



When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it soaks UP the earth. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now . . . my time is UP!



Oh . . . one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night?



U

P!


Did that one crack you UP?



What you do with this information is UP to you.



Now I'll shut UP!

Why is that one person giving me half the peace symbol and yelling "UP yours!"?

Where Is A Good Saint When You Need One?

Did you ever wonder just how many saints there are? Or need one for a particular problem? Try calling on some of these.

St. Florian, Patron Saint of soap boilers.

St. Goar of Aquitaine, Patron Saint of champagne bottlers.

St. Martin of Tours, Patron Saint of geese.

I wonder if anyone on Donld Trump's show has ever prayed to St. John Bosco, the parton of apprentices.

Charles Borromeo, Apple Orchards.

Magnus of Füssen, Caterpillars.

Guy of Anderlecht, Animals with Horns.

Beer brewers, St. Augustine.

Catherine of Alexandria, patron of knife sharpeners.

St. Venerius, patron saint of lighthouse keepers.


And to finish off a very incompltere list...


Christopher: Truck Drivers

Adjutor: Yachtsmen

Dismas: Thieves

Vitus: Snakebites

Gabriel the Archangel: Stamp Collectors

Bartholomew: Tanners

Bernard of Montjoux: Skiers

Vincent Ferrer: Plumbers

Bartholomew: Plasterers

Nichola of Myra: Perfumors

Dunstan: Locksmiths

Theobald of Provins: Janitors

Joseph: House hunters

John the Baptist: Highways

Fiarce: Hemorrhoids

Mary Magdalene: Hairdressers

Anthony of Egypt: Grave diggers

Luke: Glassworkers

Bona of Pisa: Flight attendents

Vitus: Dog bites

Vitus: Dancers

Lawrence: Cooks

Eligius: Coin Collectors

Anne: Cemeteries

John Nepmucen: Bridges

Christopher: Bus drivers

Ambrose: Bees

Anthony of Egypt: Basket workers

Cosmas and Damian: Barbers

Elizabeth of Hungary: Bakers

Rene Goupil: Anesthetists

Genesius: Actors



And the last few are ones we may actually find interesting -

Librarians, libraries - Jerome, Catherine of Alexandria

Writers - Francis de Sales

Literature - St. Helena

and finally - There is good ole St. Robby, Patron saint of humor. I almost fell out of my chair when I learned that Robby is also the patron saint of insomniacs.

What The Heck Is A Paraprosdokian?

After an email from a friend I just had to look up paraprosdokian. Here is the definition:

"Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation."

For example - "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.

Ok, so now enjoy!

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

15. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

16. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

26. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

27. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Do You Use A Full Deck?

I am sure you have all used the expression "Not playing with a full deck." Looking for a different way to say it? Look no further...

A couple of knights short of a Crusade.

Knitting with one needle.

Life by Norman Rockwell, screenplay by Stephen King.

A few guppies short of an aquarium.

Living proof that nature does not abhor a vacuum.

Marching to a different kettle of fish.

Mind on vacation - mouth working overtime.

No coins in the fountain.

A room temperature IQ.

Not the sharpest crayon in the box.

One horseman short of an apocalypse.

Out in left field with a catcher's mitt on.

Body by Fisher - Brains by Mattel.

Skating on the wrong side of the ice.

Goalie for the dart team.

Useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.

Gives a lot of bull for somebody who has no cattle.

Just Asking

For Dave...

Here are some more of those questions that flutter by like glowing, green butterflies while waiting for sleep to arrive.

A stitch in time saves nine what?

Are you breaking the law if you drive past those road signs that say "Do Not Pass"?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

What do chickens think we taste like?

What do people in China call their good plates?

What do batteries run on?

Did Noah keep his bees in archives?

What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?

Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?

Did Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

Do witches use spell-check?

When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to?

Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty is an egg?

How many weeks are there in a light year?

If a food processor slices and dices food, what does a word processor do?

If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth?

If all the world is a stage, where are the audience sitting?

If the product says "Do not use if seal is broken", how are you supposed to open it and use it?

If your car says Dodge on the front of it, do you really need a horn?

Why is it you must wait until night to call it a day?

Is the nose the scenter of the face?

Just A Random Thought

Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy were known for their physical comedy, but they had their share of fun with language, too. In one scene in the 1931 short “Our Wife,” Ollie is trying to make Stan understand that his planned elopement is supposed to be a secret: “Nobody must know about it. It’s strictly on the qui vive.”

What he was trying to say was “on the q.t.” (The right phrase wouldn’t have helped Stan, of course.)

In this phrase, which means “quietly” or “secretly,” “q.t” is simply an abbreviation of “quiet.” According to “American Slang,” its first recorded appearance was in 1884.

“Qui vive,” on the other hand, is a French phrase used by sentries, a form of “Who goes there?”

What it’s really asking is “Whose side are you on?” — literally, “Long live who?”

I suspect the penalty for a wrong answer could be severe.

A Phrase Bugged Me

I came across a relatively familiar phrase recently and I started wondering where it came from.

Will nilly

Here's what I found -

Willy-nilly

Meaning

This term has two, slightly differing, but related meanings: 'whether it is with or against your will' and 'in an unplanned, haphazard fashion'. We tend to use the latter of these meanings today; the former was the accepted meaning.when the term was first coined.
Origin

There are many spellings in early citations, which relate to the 'with or against your will' meaning of the phrase - 'wille we, nelle we', 'will he, nill he', 'will I, nill I', etc. The expression also appears later as 'nilly willy' or 'willing, nilling', or even, in a later humourous version 'william nilliam'. The early meaning of the word nill is key to this. In early English nill was the opposite of will a contraction of 'ne will'. That is, will meant to want to do something, nill meant to want to avoid it. So, combining the willy - 'I am willing' and nilly - 'I am unwilling' expresses the idea that it doesn't matter to me one way or the other.

The Latin phrase 'nolens, volens' means the same thing, although it isn't clear whether the English version is a simple translation of that.

The second, 'in an undecided, haphazard manner', meaning of willy-nilly arrives from the first. The changeable 'this way, then that way' imagery of willy-nilly behaviour fits with our current 'haphazard' meaning of the term.

There's also a, now archaic, phrase 'hitty missy' that had a similar derivation. That comes from 'hit he, miss he'.

The phrase dates back at least a millennium, with the earliest known version being the Old English text, Aelfric's Lives of Saints, circa 1000:

"Forean the we synd synfulle and sceolan beon eadmode, wille we, nelle we."

Shakespeare was familiar with, and apparently quite fond of, the expression in various forms. He used it in The Taming of the Shrew, 1596:

Petruchio: [To Katharina]

Thus in plain terms: your father hath consented
That you shall be my wife; your dowry 'greed on;
And, Will you, nill you, I will marry you.
[I.e. I will marry you, whether you like it or not.]

and again, in Hamlet:

First Clown: Give me leave. Here lies the water; good: here stands the man; good; if the man go to this water, and drown himself, it is, will he, nill he, he goes.
[I.e. If a man chooses to drown he enters the water, if he chooses not, he leaves.]

The 'undecided' meaning of the expression appears to have spawned the later 'shilly-shally'. The OED is a little lax in dating this from the end of the 19th century. They cite Sir Walter Besant's novel The Orange Girl, 1898:

"Let us have no more shilly shally, willy nilly talk."

That makes the connection between 'willy-nilly' and 'shilly-shally' apparent. There are literally thousands of 18th and 19th century pre-datings of the phrase, in various newspapers and works of literature; for example, The Adventures of Dick Hazard, 1755:

Where I quartered, a good buxom Widow kept the house; and I had her before I was ten days in town --D-- me. She knew things better than to stand Shilly Shally.

More Jerry

Three followers asked via email for more of Jerry Coleman. OK, here you go!


"If Pete Rose brings the Reds in first, they ought to bronze him and put him in cement."

"It's a base hit on the error by Roberts."

"There's a deep fly ball... Winfield goes back, back... his head hits the wall ... it's rolling towards second base."

"Thomas is racing for it, but McCovey is there and can't get his glove to it. That play shows the inexperience, not on Thomas' part, but on the part of Willie McC ... well, not on McCovey's part either."

"They throw Winfield out at second, but he's safe."

"Jesus Alou is in the on-deck circus."

"Kent Abbott is in the on-deck circuit."

"There is someone warming up in the Giants' bullpen, but he's obscured by his number."

"Johnny Grubb slides into second with a standup double."

"All the Padres need is a flyball in the air."

"Davis fouls out to third in fair territory."

"There's a shot up the alley. Oh, it's just foul."

"The new Haitian baseball can't weigh more than four ounces or less than five."

"That's the fourth extra base hit for the Padres -- two doubles and a triple."

"Montreal leads Atlanta by three, 5-1."

"You might want to put this in the back of your craw and think about it."

"Last night's homer was Willie Stargell's 399th career home run, leaving him one shy of 500."

"The first pitch to Tucker Ashford is grounded into left field. No, wait a minute. It's ball one. Low and outside."

"That's Hendrick's 19th home run. One more and he reaches double figures."

"Well, it looks like the all-star balloting is about over, especially in the National and American Leagues."

"The Padres, after winning the first game of the doubleheader, are ahead here in the top of the fifth and hoping for a split."

"At the end of six innings of play, it's Montreal 5, Expos 3."

"Tony Taylor was one of the first acquisitions that the Phillies made when they reconstructed their team. They got him from Philadelphia."

"Mike Caldwell, the Padres' right-handed southpaw, will pitch tonight."

"The ex-left-hander Dave Roberts will be going for Houston."

"Hector Torrez, how can you communicate with Enzo Hernandez when he speaks Spanish and you speak Mexican ?"

"Rich Folkers is throwing up in the bullpen."

At Royals Stadium: "The sky is so clear today you can see all the way to Missouri"

"I sure hope you're staying alive for the upcoming Dodgers series."

"National League umpires wear inside chest protesters."

"The Phillies beat the Cubs today in a doubleheader. That puts another keg in the Cubs' coffin."

"Sanguillen is totally unpredictable to pitch to because he's so unpredicatable."

"Ron Guidry is not very big, maybe 140 pounds, but he has an arm like a lion."

"The way he's swinging the bat, he won't get a hit until the 20th century."

"There's two heads to every coin."

"Billy Almon has all of his inlaw and outlaws here this afternoon."

"If ever an error had "F" written on it, that grounder did."

"If Rose's streak was still intact, with that single to left, the fans would be throwing babies out of the upper deck."

"He can be lethal death."

"Sometimes, big trees grow out of acorns. I think I heard that from a squirrel." "Gonzo leaps like a giraffe and grabs it."

"Hats off to drug abusers everywhere."

"That noise in my earphones knocked my nose off and I had to pick it up and find it."

"At the end, excitement maintained its hysteria."




"I've made a couple of mistakes I'd like to do over."
-Jerry Coleman