Sunday, May 31, 2009

Weighty Stuff

Washington DC:

US taxpayers were seen installing assorted weightlifting eqipment in the White House, between the bowling alley, the basketball court and the E-Z Bake Oven.

With these additions the weightlifting room will contain the latest in barbell equipment (dumbbell is not politically correct) that ranges from lightweight to heavyweight training gear. The circular weights at the end of each beam have embossed pictures of politicians on their faces. A six step program has been designed specifically for President Obama.

1. At the start of a workout a warm-up session will employ the lightweight Nancy Pelosi/Harry Reid hand-held dumbbells. At the completion of the warm-up, these are easily tossed aside.

2. Next in the order is the Ann Coulter/Bill O'Reilly dumbbell that gets the blood moving or boiling.

3. The Rush Limbaugh/Michael Steele dumbbell provides stress or comic relief, depending on the angle of use, prior to some serious heavy lifting.

4. The Barack Obama/Dick Cheney dumbbell provides for some real heavy lifting on critical national security issues. The Barack Obama/Senate Republicans dumbbell provides the same heavy lifting for domestic issues.

5. The workout is finished by employing the National Debt dumbbell, which so far has been unmovable by any president (even with help from his cabinet and/or party) and is getting heavier with each passing day.

6. At the end of a workout a cool down session employs the Joe Biden hand grips for further stress relief. However, losing one's grip on the Biden dumbbell has been known to occur. Duct tape, appled in the proper location, might solve this problem.

The president's personal trainer, Uncle Sam, has provided assurances that after four years of this exercise regimen a grey haired, but muscular, Barack may emerge as the new "Terminator." But one cannot tell, at this early stage, just where those muscles will develop. However, if Republican directors take over the room in two years, all bets are off.

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