Dear Reader, as the year closes...

A few thoughts (and many thanks) to you, Dear Reader, as the year closes...


Wow! New Year's Eve and a blue moon!


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"New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual."

- Mark Twain


"A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other."

- Author Unknown


"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves."

- ?


"For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning."

-T.S. Eliot, "Little Gidding"


"We will all open a book today. Its pages are blank. We are going to write words on them. Each of us will be using only our own words on our own pages. The book is called the New Year and its first chapter is opening now."

- ?


"May God bless and keep you always,
May your wishes all come true,
May you always do for others
And let others do for you.
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung,
May you stay forever young."

- Bob Dylan


"We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential."

- Ellen Goodman


"Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go."

- Brooks Atkinson


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From the Keeper Of The Word Farm...


Memorize your favorite poem.

Spend some time alone. In a field, near a lake, alongside a stream... What words may come?

Read more books and watch less TV. A good book is an old friend. Revist old friends once a year - reread a favorite book from time to time.

Pay attention to words. They can be a source of awe, knowlwdge, humor, thought and tears. Treasure them and enjoy the journey they will give you.


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"To me, there are three things we all should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think. You should spend some time in thought. And number three is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that's a full day. That's a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you're going to have something special."

- Jim Valvano 1993 ESPY speech



"Yes! To dance beneath a diamond sky
with one hand waving free..."

- Bob Dylan

Five More Words

Have you ever found yourself wondering, "Wouldn't it be nice if there were a word for this?" Well, there is a word for almost everything under the sun.

Here are five more neat words I have come across in my wacky web wandering -


spurtle

PRONUNCIATION:
(SPUR-tl)

MEANING: noun: A wooden stick for stirring porridge.


ETYMOLOGY: Of uncertain origin, perhaps from Latin spatula, or from sprit (a pole to extend a sail on a ship).


NOTE: There is a word for everything. And, apparently, there is a contest for everything. There is one for making porridge, grandly named The Golden Spurtle World Porridge Making Championship. It is held annually in Scotland.


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grammatolatry

PRONUNCIATION:
(gram-uh-TOL-uh-tree)

MEANING: noun: The worship of words: regard for the letter while ignoring the spirit of something.

ETYMOLOGY: From Greek gramma (letter) + -latry (worship).


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fugacious

PRONUNCIATION:
(fyoo-GAY-shuhs)

MEANING: adjective: Lasting a very short time.

ETYMOLOGY: From Latin fugere (to flee) which also gave us other words such as fugitive, centrifugal, refuge, and subterfuge.


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skeuomorph

PRONUNCIATION:
(SKYOO-uh-morf)

MEANING: noun: A design feature copied from a similar artifact in another material, even when not functionally necessary. For example, the click sound of a shutter in an analog camera that is now reproduced in a digital camera by playing a sound clip.

ETYMOLOGY: From Greek skeuos (vessel, implement) + -morph (form).


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epeolatry

PRONUNCIATION:
(ep-i-OL-uh-tree)

MEANING: noun: The worship of words.

ETYMOLOGY: From Greek epos (word) + -latry (worship). The first citation of the word is from Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., in his 1860 book Professor at the Breakfast Table.

A Consonant Goes Into A Bar

This piece is copyrighted by Gary Roma.

Iron Frog Productions



A consonant goes into a bar and sits down next to a vowel. "Hi!" he says."Have you ever been here before?"

"Of cursive," she replies. "I come here, like, all the time."

He can tell from her accent (which is kind acute) that she is a Vowelly Girl.

'She sure is a cipher sore i's!' thinks the consonantal dude. He remains stationery,enveloped by her charm. His initial reaction is so pro-nounced, he doesn't know what to say. He is, at present, tense. "You've a lovely set of ... teeth," he sputters.

"Do you Crush with breast--I mean, do you brush with Crest?"

"Oh my god, gag me with a spoonerism! Your mind is in the guttural, fer sure!"

Admiring her figure of speech, he falls into a fantasy. He pictures a perfect wedding: they exchange wedding vowels.

The minister says, "I now pronouns you husband and wife."

They kiss each other on the ellipsis.

"I love you, noun forever, " he whispers.

The conjugation is in tiers. (In a word, they are wed) He awakens from his daydream and proposes a dance. She declines.

"Then would you like a beer? Alcohol the bartender--"

"I bitter not," she says, falling silent. Ferment there, she looks like she's going to bee [sic].

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"I'm, like, under a lot of stress...I've got a yeast inflection."

"I knew something was brewing." He calls the bartender. "Listen, bud, my beer is warm." The bartender takes the bottle and empties it into the sink. The consonantal dude watches his hops go down the drain.



"Let's go outside," he says to her. "I'd like to have a word with you."

"Are you prepositioning me?"

"I won't be indirect. You are the object of my preposition."

"Oh my god, you're like, such a boldfaced character!"

"I see your point. But I'm font of you. C'mon, let's go."

"Do I have to spell it out to you? You're not my type, so get off my case!"

Reluctantly, he decides to letter b. "Now my evening lies in runes," he laments. He leaves, hoping to have letter luck next time.

A Merry Chiasmus To All

A chiasmus is two otherwise parallel phrases with the second being a reverse order of the first. A famous illustration is Cicero's “One should eat to live, not live to eat.”

Here for the holidays are some more - some familiar and some not.



It's not the men in my life, but the life in my men.

- Mae West


"Errol Flynn died on a 70-foot boat with a 17-year-old girl. Walter has always wanted to go that way, but he's going to settle for a 17-footer with a 70-year-old.

— Betsy Maxwell Cronkite, wife of Walter Cronkite.


"When they are alone they want to be with others, and when they are with others they want to be alone. After all, human beings are like that."

— Gertrude Stein


"The instinct of a man is to pursue everything that flies from him, and to fly from all that pursue him."

— Voltaire


"Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired."

- Robert Frost


Painting is poetry that is seen rather than felt, and poetry is painting that is felt rather than seen.

- Leonardo da Vinci


There is a great deal of difference between the eager man who wants to read a book and the tired man who wants a book to read.

- G. K. Chesterton


It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.

- Mark Twain


Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get.

- Anon (I had to bring back our old friend one more time!)


Money sometimes makes fools of important persons, but it may also make important persons of fools.

- Walter Winchell


Half of our mistakes in life arise from feeling where we ought to think, and thinking where we ought to feel.

- John Churton Collins


Try to learn something about everything and everything about something.

- Thomas Huxley



Remember - The waist is a terrible thing to mind. The mind is a terrible thing to waste.









Here's champagne for our real friends, and real pain for our sham friends.

Never End A Sentence With A Preposition

According to Bill Bryson [The Mother Tongue: English And How It Got That Way], "The source of this stricture... was one Robert Lowth, an eighteenth century clergyman and amateur grammarian whose A Short Introduction to English Grammar, published in 1762, enjoyed a long and distressingly influential life both in his native England and abroad." And further, that "...even he was not didactic about it. He recognized that ending a sentence with a preposition was idiomatic and common in both speech and informal writing. He suggested only that he thought it generally better and more graceful, not crucial, to place the preposition before its relative "in solemn and elevated writing."

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In an effort to coerce his young son to bed, a dedicated father told the boy to go upstairs, to his bedroom, promising him to follow shortly with a book. The father would then read to his son in bed. When his father arrived, with his sons least favorite book, one about Australia, the boy said: "What did you bring that book, that i don't want to be read to from out of about Down Under up for?". This held the Guinness Book record until the category was dropped, purportedly because you can add prepositions to the end of this sentence indefinitely, as follows: "What did you say that the sentence with the most prepositions at the end was 'What did you bring that book that I don't want to be read to from out of about Down Under up for?' for? The preceding sentence has one more."

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Winston Churchill was editing a proof of one of his books, when he noticed that an editor had clumsily rearranged one of Churchill's sentences so that it wouldn't end with a preposition. Churchill scribbled in the margin, "This is the sort of English up with which I will not put." (This is often quoted with "arrant nonsense" substituted for "English", or with other variations. The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations cites Sir Ernest Gowers' "Plain Words" (1948), where the anecdote begins, "It is said that Churchill..."; so we don't know exactly what Churchill wrote. According to the Oxford Companion to the English Language, Churchill's words were "bloody nonsense" and the variants are euphemisms.)

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"Excuse me, where is the library at?"

"Here at Hahvahd, we never end a sentence with a preposition."

"O.K. Excuse me, where is the library at, twit?"

Epithets To Live By - Part 2

Thought Provoking, Honest, Lovely, True and Amusing Epithets To Live By

Written by Regina Brett who is a 90 year old journalist - The Plain Dealer newspaper, Cleveland, Ohio.



26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words "In five years, will this matter?"

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative: dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Epithets To Live By

Written by Regina Brett who is a 90 year old journalist - The Plain Dealer newspaper, Cleveland , Ohio.

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay cheque.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't mess up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.


To be continued...

Brave New Words

From Ray Bradbury to Carl Sagan, from "The Twilight Zone" to "Battle Star Galactica", science fiction has emerged from the margins of popular culture to claim a significant presence across media in print, film, and television. It has shaped our vision of the future and the way we talk about it.

Consider the various opening monologues spoken by Rod Serling when introducing various episodes of "The Twilight Zone". They describe rather well the interaction of words, mind, ideas and imagination

"You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind; a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That's the signpost up ahead - your next stop, the Twilight Zone!"

"There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area we call the Twilight Zone."

"You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind; a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination - Next stop, the Twilight Zone!"

"You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension - a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You've just crossed over into the Twilight Zone!"

There was also one other monologue that was never used -

"This highway leads to the shadowy tip of reality: you're on a through route to the land of the different, the bizarre, the unexplainable...Go as far as you like on this road. Its limits are only those of mind itself. Ladies and Gentlemen, you're entering the wondrous dimension of imagination. Next stop....The Twilight Zone."


"Brave New Words", the first historical dictionary devoted to science fiction, has been described by the Library Journal as "an admirable and unique source that demonstrates on nearly every page the surprising extent to which the language of science fiction has entered everyday English terms." It shows exactly how science-fictional words and their associated concepts have developed over time, with full citations and bibliographic information. In addition, the book demonstrates how many words we consider everyday vocabulary-words like "spacesuit," "blast off," and "robot"-had their roots in imaginative literature, and not in hard science.

"Brave New Words" was first published in hardcover in May 2007. On August 9th 2008, the first edition was named recipient of the prestigious Hugo Award (for Best Related Book), given to the best science fiction titles of the previous year.

Consider the following summary of some of this book's contents.

The television show Star Trek, which first aired in 1966, is another show that had a great effect on the English language. It has had more of an effect than any other single science fiction creation, with the possible exception of George Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four. Words coined for the series and its spin-offs have stuck in the popular imagination, and are used by people in all walks of life. Some, like mind-meld and warp speed, are mainly used figuratively outside of science fiction. Starfleet has found a foothold in science fiction itself, while cloaking device and nanite straddle both worlds. Star Trek also introduced the world to Klingon, the language created by linguist Marc Okrand for the movie Star Trek III: The Search for Spock, and which has since taken on quite a life of its own.

Naval Terms

When SF writers want to describe the life of a spacefaring society, they frequently use nautical terms. The analogy between travel in space and travel on the seas is a straightforward one - both entail enclosing people in a self-contained vessel, protected from a hostile environment by only a thin shell, in which they may spend long periods of time between ports, whether on islands or planets. This analogy is most directly made by simply using a nautical term in an outer-space setting, so boat, craft, ship, and vessel, as well as cruiser, destroyer, and dreadnought, can describe both watercraft and spacecraft. Similarly, like a seagoing vessel, a spaceship may be composed of an external hull, punctuated with portholes, which encases and protects the decks, bulkheads, cabins, and bridge, not to mention the captain and crew. If it is a military vessel, it may belong to a navy, in which case the ship's captain probably reports to an admiral. Even the familiar science-fictional alien mother ship is an appropriation of a naval term. Frequently, SF writers take a nautical word and add "space" or "star" to it, as in space dock, space liner, space pirate, spaceship, starfleet, starport, etc. "Sea" can be replaced in compounds such as spacefaring, space-going, and space-sick, as can "ship," in words like spaceyard. Sometimes these appropriations and substitutions can be a matter of expedience, but there is a poetry to it as well; science fiction has often been a literature of exploration and adventure, and drawing on the language of the sea can hearken back to the excitement and romance of the Age of Sail.



It is just fascinating how words can take us from what we know to a new place that we want to know, that we are afraid to know or even to where we don't even know if we can know.

More Late Night Questions

Ah, yes! Those wonderful times while lying in bed, just before sleep arrives and the mind is nodding and throwing out questions like lifelines from a sinking ship.

When physicians treat you, why do you end up paying?

What do they keep in a pole vault?

Isn't extraordinary just a lot more ordinary than usual?

Is it the crack of dawn that causes daybreak or is it nightfall that causes the crack of dawn?

Isn’t someone anesthetized in the operating room an outpatient?

If you float an idea, how long before it sinks in?

Who coined the phrase “coin a phrase?”



The last one I can answer -

'To coin a phrase' is now rarely used with its original 'invent a new phrase' meaning but is almost always used ironically to introduce a banal or clichéd sentiment. This usage began in the mid 20th century. For example, in Francis Brett Young's novel Mr. Lucton's Freedom, 1940:

"It takes all sorts to make a world, to coin a phrase."

Coining, in the sense of creating, derives from the coining of money by stamping metal with a die. Coins - also variously spelled coynes, coigns, coignes or quoins - were the blank, usually circular, disks from which money was minted. This usage derived from an earlier 14th century meaning of coin, which meant wedge. The wedge-shaped dies which were used to stamp the blanks were called coins and the metal blanks and the subsequent 'coined' money took their name from them.

Coining later began to be associated with inventiveness in language. In the 16th century the 'coining' of words and phrases was often referred to. By that time the monetary coinage was often debased or counterfeit and the coining of words was often associated with spurious linguistic inventions.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

The Roots of Money

There are about twenty modern nations whose currency is called the "dollar." The word apparently derives from "taler," which in turn comes from "Joachimsthal," the name of a place in Bohemia where the taler (a silver coin) was created -- with the "-thal" part presumably meaning "valley." (The modern German spelling, by the way, has been changed to "tal," which explains the new spelling of the English word "Neandertal.") So as far as I can tell we use dollars today because certain coins were once minted in a valley.

A few months back I read a marvelous article (which I gather originally appeared in the New Yorker) on, among other things, the history of money. The author noted that at one point in human history cows were used as a medium of exchange, which is why the word "pecuniary" derives from pecu, meaning money or cattle. (To peculate, by the way, is to steal.) Hence, a syllogism:

Cows are the root of money.

Money is the root of all evil.

Therefore, cows are the root of all evil.

Whence we get the phrase "qui tollis pecu mundi," "he who takes away the cows of the world." In theological terms, such a taking-away is known as bovine intervention.

(And while I'm here, I might as well mention that "money" is from "Juno Monetas," at whose temple money was minted.)

Slang terms for money derive from some similarly unlikely places. I used to have trouble remembering whether a fin was a five-dollar bill and a sawbuck a ten, or vice versa, until I learned that "fin" (also "finnif") is from "finf," Yiddish for "five," and "sawbuck" refers to a kind of sawhorse with crossed wooden legs, forming an X, the Roman numeral for 10. A double sawbuck is thus a twenty-dollar bill. "Sawbuck" is sometimes abbreviated "saw," but not, of course "buck."

The 1920s and 1930s were a particularly rich time in terms of American slang terms for money, some of which are still in use today. Some terms presumably referred to money's use in purchasing food: bacon (as in "bring home"), bread, dough, and so on. (One term for counterfeit money was "sourdough.") Other terms referred to the green color of American bills: cabbage, lettuce, kale, folding green, long green. Yiddish was the source of some terms, such as "gelt" -- though that particular one had been part of the English language since at least 1529, possibly by way of German and Dutch. There were other old terms for money: "rhino," for instance, of unknown origin, entered the language in 1670, two centuries before the word was used as a shortened form of "rhinoceros." I'm not sure, but I suspect that "jack" derives from "jackpot," originally referring to the large amounts of money you could win playing a jacks-or-better poker game. Some slang money terms I have no idea of the origin of: mazuma, moolah, oscar, pap, plaster, rivets, scratch, spondulicks. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that some monetary slang was invented by Damon Runyan or other writers of the time...

A dollar bill can be called a "rutabaga," for some reason -- and in Rutabaga Tales, Carl Sandburg frequently uses the term "cash moneys." "Cash" referring to coins and paper money comes from French, Italian, and Latin, with roots referring to a money box -- and is completely etymologically distinct from the Chinese and Indian coins called "cash," with roots in Portuguese, Tamil, Sanskrit, and Persian. Though both meanings of "cash" entered English in the last few years of the 16th century, so perhaps one influenced the other.

Other slang terms for a dollar include ace (which term derives from a word referring to a copper coin in Latin), bean (as in bean counter), boffo (presumably from Variety headlines' shortening of "box office" referring to money collected at theatres), bone, buck, bullet, case note, clam, coconut, fish (which in '20s slang could also refer to a convict), frogskin, lizard, peso, rock, scrip, simoleon, and yellowback. The heavy dollar coin was once known as an iron man, plug, sinker, or wagon wheel. And the old Spanish peso coin could be physically broken into eight pieces, each worth one real, an eighth of a peso; hence the coins were called "pieces of eight," and a 25-cent coin, a quarter dollar, is "two bits."

A $100 bill can be referred to simply as a "bill" ("He gave me five bills for the merchandise"), or as any of several variations on "century" (meaning 100), most commonly "C" or "C note." Another term is "yard," perhaps from the word's meaning of "a lot" -- "He reeled off yards of data..."

A thousand dollars, of course, is a "grand," or a G for short.

In the USA, paper money is sometimes referred to as "dead presidents." This is a bit odd, since not all of the people pictured on money were presidents. Quick quiz: name the people shown on each denomination of American money currently in circulation, without looking.

1 cent (penny)
5 cents (nickel)
10 cents (dime)
25 cents (quarter)
50 cents
$1 coin (two types; neither is currently minted or in wide circulation, but there are still some out there)
$1 bill
$5 bill
$10 bill
$20 bill
$50 bill
$100 bill

(The $500, $1000, $5000, and $10000 bills have not been printed since 1946.)





ANSWERS







1 cent (penny): Abraham Lincoln
5 cents (nickel): Thomas Jefferson
10 cents (dime): Franklin D. Roosevelt
25 cents (quarter): George Washington
50 cents: John F. Kennedy
$1 coin: Dwight D. Eisenhower(1971-1979), Susan B. Anthony (1979-1981)
$1 bill: George Washington (first issued in 1963; silver certificates before that)
$5 bill: Abraham Lincoln
$10 bill: Alexander Hamilton
$20 bill: Andrew Jackson
$50 bill: Ulysses S. Grant
$100 bill: Benjamin Franklin

Flaming Idiots?

Ahhh! More evidence of Twits In Power has surfaced.

One of the many reasons I loved my time in England has taken a hit.

Every year on November the 5th, the Brits commemorate the foiling of a 1605 plot to blow up the Houses of Parliament. Named after the plot’s ringleader, Guy Fawkes Night usually involves lighting bonfires and setting off fireworks.

However, as the following article from The Daily Mail that I found just yesterday recounts, health and safety fears have prompted the Ilfracombe Rugby Club in Devon to treat revellers to a “virtual bonfire” night. Well, at least the article uses one of my favorite Brit words - yobs.

Here is the article -


It's NON-fire night! Thousands forced to watch big-screen TV bonfire... after health and safety killjoys ban the real thing

By Daily Mail Reporter
Last updated at 10:40 AM on 05th November 2009



There's something magical about the moment a bonfire roars into life on Guy Fawkes night.

But in Devon this evening there won't be any waiting around for the flames to take hold.

The blaze will be raging just as soon as the organisers press the on-button on their giant television.

Revellers will enjoy a 'non-fire' night at Ilfracombe Rugby Club in Devon after organisers deemed a real bonfire not 'financially viable'

Thousands will celebrate November 5 crowded around a screen showing film footage of fire after organisers gave up wrestling with health and safety rules to hold the real thing.

The event - dubbed 'non-fire night' - will leave families holding sparklers and staring up at a 16ft by 12ft screen showing images of a roaring blaze.

Organisers at Ilfracombe Rugby Club say they were put off having the real thing by the 'mountain' of paperwork and regulations set by council bosses.

Officials at the authority said that to have a bonfire they would require five qualified fire marshals and metal barricades to keep onlookers at a safe distance.
What's on the box? A boy left holding a sparkler as the virtual bonfire flickers in the background

What's on the box? A boy left holding a sparkler as the virtual bonfire flickers in the background

The non-fire night will also involve giant heaters, lighting and a smoke machine to give the crowd the taste of a real bonfire night.


Sounds of crackling wood will also be broadcast on loudspeakers and £2,500 of fireworks will be fired into the sky.

Club captain Leo Cooper, 25, said: 'Certain regulations make it difficult for us to have a real bonfire. It is not really a financially viable option.

People will be treated to a fireworks display after watching the virtual bonfire.

'So we tried to come up with an original, imaginative and fun way to fill the void left by the bonfire.

'The bonfire is often the focal point so we decided to have a big screen that would do the same job.

'I think it was a brilliant idea. The health and safety stuff was a real pain.

'The idea of the virtual bonfire was to give our event an edge.' The scheme was hatched after organisers began to 'wade' through the strict rules behind the lighting of fires at public events.

But residents branded the virtual blaze 'health and safety nonsense'.

Amy Collins, 26, said: 'The whole point of Guy Fawkes night is to watch and smell a real bonfire. I doubt Guy Fawkes would have been able to blow up Parliament with virtual gunpowder.'

Zoe Payne, 31, added: 'If I want to watch TV I'll stay in and watch EastEnders.'

Officials at North Devon Council had cracked down on safety rules after yobs hurled fireworks on to a nearby football club bonfire five years ago. A spokesman for the council said the virtual bonfire did not fall under health and safety laws.

She added: 'If people are employed to provide a real bonfire or firework display then health and safety legislation will apply.'



Once again it is time for my daily omphaloskepsis. Tinged with a deepening sadness...

100th Post - Just Watch This!

I was thinking about my wristwatch the other evening and started wondering why we call small timepieces watches. Is it because we look at them to tell the time, or were they intended to tell the watches of the night?

I found that a watch related to people before it became a mechanical device. The job of the watch was — clearly enough — to watch, to stay alert in order to to keep guard and maintain order. It turned up especially in the phrase watch and ward, as a legal term that summarized the duties of the watchmen — to keep watch and ward off trouble. Sailors’ watches come from the same idea.

Watch began to be applied to a mechanical device in the fifteenth century, to start with to a form of clock-based alarm, either to wake the watchmen for their hours of duty or to mark the passage of the hours of a watch.

By the latter part of the following century it had started to mean what we would now call a clock-face or dial (early mechanical clocks often lacked both a dial and hands, the time being told by bells, which explains the derivation of clock from the French cloche, a bell; the first clock with a minute hand is from as late as 1475, which shows you how hard it was to make these early clocks keep reasonable time).

The first time watch is applied to a complete timekeeper, not just to an alarm bell, is in Shakespeare’s Love’s Labor’s Lost of 1588. Watches steadily became smaller in size down the centuries until they could be fitted into a pocket.

But it took until the end of the nineteenth century for them to be made small enough that they could be worn on the wrist and for the term wrist watch to be created as a term for them. At first they were a purely female accessory. A report in a Rhode Island paper in May 1888 remarked “I was not surprised to see that nearly all the fair sex were wearing the wrist watches which are now so entirely the fashion in London, but which I believe are very little worn as yet in America.” They also became known as wristlet watches from about 1910. Men didn’t wear them much until the 1920s, the associations of effeminacy only being dispelled as a result of soldiers and airmen finding them to be useful during the First World War.

All of this got me thinking about retronyms - terms renamed after something similar but newer has come into being. Perhaps you have never given a thought to how many words came to need modifiers that they never needed in the past. For example -

Acoustic guitar

Before the invention of the solid-body electric guitar, all guitars amplified the sound of a plucked string with a resonating hollow body.

AM radio

Before the introduction of broadcast FM radio, the AM broadcast band radio was simply as radio or wireless in the UK.

Analog watch

Before the advent of the digital watch, all watches had faces and hands. After the advent of the digital watch, watches with faces and hands became known as analog watches.

Cold water faucet/tap

Before the invention of the water heater, there was only the single faucet/tap at each sink.

Conventional oven

Before the development of the microwave oven, the convection oven and the toaster oven this term was not used. Now it is commonly found in cooking instructions for prepared foods.

Film camera

As opposed to digital camera. Oh how I miss the film camera!

Manual transmission (also standard transmission)

Automotive transmissions were all manual, of course, before the invention of the automatic transmission.

Prop plane

As jet aircraft became the primary people movers of the airways, the older propeller-based technology received this occasional shorthand nickname to distinguish it.

Can you think of more? Email me. As opposed to snail mail, of course!

Proofreading

Do you think that proofreading is a dying art? If you don't, please consider the following items.


Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter


I caught this in the Waterbury Republican awhile back and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible! They put in a correction the next day.


Over the past few months friends and family have sent me the following items -


Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says


Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers


Miners Refuse to Work after Death


Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant


If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile


Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures


Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide


Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge


Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge


New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group


Hospital Sued by 7 Foot Doctors


But the best one (Thanks Dottie) is....


Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Oxymoron Parts and Practical Jokes

When I was in the Air Force stationed at RAF Bentwaters in England I worked in the Supply Squadron. My job, however, was not listed as Supply Clerk. The Air Force always used rather extravagant language for job titles. A Supply Clerk was, instead, an Inventory Management Specialist. This worked out especially well for some career fields. A Water and Waste Sanitation Processing Specialist was the one who went around the base unclogging toilets, pumping out septic systems and generally aiding and simplifying the flow of poop to whatever final destination it had.

The Air Force instructors that we had in both Basic Training and Tech School always told us that the career path we chose would also prove beneficial in civilian life. It certainly did in my life and in the lives of many of my friends. However, I have always found it rather curious how many of those Water and Waste Sanitation Processing Specialists went on to such lucrative careers in Washington, D.C.

The Air Force was also a great place to hone other skills. Practical joking, for example. One of the many jobs available to an Inventory Management Specialist was to work in Demand Processing taking calls from various squadrons around the base for parts they required to perform their duties and then processing those orders via computer to various warehouses for shipment to the appropriate squadron. This included aircraft parts for the fighter squadrons, vehicle parts for the Motor Pool and even kitchen parts for the Mess Hall.

When a new airman came to the base and started working there were certain initiation rites that he would experience. One of those rites would be to make a prank call or two to the new guy with phony parts orders. Most were easy enough to pick out as gags - the large cheese pizza to the Wing Commander, for example. But there were also some very well done calls. The new guy (often called a "Jeep" for reasons I have not yet figured out) would get calls ordering rather esoteric parts. Parts such as Thread-less screws (often known as nails), Bags of steam, Gallons of Dehydrated Water, Left-handed Hammers, Shelf Stretchers, Muffler Bearings, or Piston Return Springs for the Motor Pool, Skyhooks - Low Cloud Type, Bubbles for Levels, Jars of Elbow Grease or 55 Gallon Drums of Jet Wash or Prop Wash (depending on the type of aircraft that needed it).

Probably the best call ever done at Bentwaters was taken by a fellow from Alabama on his first day of duty. "Joe" took a call and heard a panic-stricken voice on the other end yelling that F-4, tail number 640901 (parts were always ordered for a specific aircraft) was headed in with no brakes and a landing gear that would not lock down. It was Priority 1 that 1,000 feet of "Runway, Concrete, With White Median Line" be issued and delivered to the north end of the runway ASAP. "Joe" immediately took to the task but panicked when he could not find "Runway, Concrete, With White Median Line" listed in the computer. He bolted from his chair and burst into his supervisor's office. To his credit, the super went along with the gag and sent "Joe" into see the Supplies Management Officer. Captain "X" also had a great laugh and I have never seen a redder face than that sported by "Joe" that day.

Gobbledegook Is Alive and Well

One man's gobbledegook is another's plain speaking.

At the top of this blog I placed the quote - "Many wise words are spoken in jest, but they don't compare with the number of stupid words spoken in earnest."

Consider the following...

The Plain English Campaign is a British pressure group that lobbies for public information to be presented in clear, straightforward language. It has a website that I stumbled across the other day.


Plain English Campaign



The home page states - "Since 1979, we have been campaigning against gobbledygook, jargon and misleading public information. We have helped many government departments and other official organisations with their documents, reports and publications. We believe that everyone should have access to clear and concise information. We have over 12,000 members in 80 countries and our Crystal Mark is now firmly established as a guarantee that a document is written in plain English. It appears on more than 18,300 documents."

But they also give annual awards. These include The Golden Bull Award and The Foot In Mouth Award. Here is a sampling of some of the "winners"from 2008.

The Golden Bull -

* HM Revenue and Customs for a letter to a customer

‘Thank you for your Tax Returns ended 5th April 2006 & 2007 which we received on 20th December. I will treat your Tax Return for all purposes as though you sent it in response to a notice from us which required you to deliver it to us by the day we received it.’

* VCA Midlands Centre for a letter

‘The requirement on each member State under Article 2 of the Directive to minimise the disposal of WEEE as unsorted municipal waste and to achieve a high level of collection of WEEE for treatment, recovery and environmentally sound disposal.’


The Foot In Mouth Award -

Bush leaves White House with Lifetime Achievement Award from Plain English Campaign

This award, which we first gave in 1993, is for a baffling comment by a public figure. Departing US President George W Bush does not leave the White House empty handed. We have awarded him a Foot in Mouth Lifetime Achievement Award for his services to gobbledygook.

“I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe – I believe what I believe is right.” (Rome, July 22, 2001)

The above has a similar ring to one of the previous Foot in Mouth winners, a fellow Statesman, Donald Rumsfeld, with his ‘known knowns’. But it could be said that President Bush made Foot in Mouth his very own, covering a wide range of subjects including clear communications.

“I hope you leave here and walk out and say, ‘what did he say?’” (Beaverton, Oregon August 13 2004)

Plain English Campaign believes that President Bush captures the spirit of every true gobbledygooker when he says, surprisingly plainly,

“Let me put it to you bluntly. In a changing world, we want more people to have control over your own life” (Annandale, Va August 9 2004)


But perhaps the classic example of goobledegook comes from -


US Defence Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, for this back in 2003: “Reports that say something hasn’t happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns — the ones we don’t know we don’t know”. John Lister, the spokesman for the campaign, said: “We think we know what he means. But we don’t know if we really know”.

In the days since, journalists and academics have queued up to assert that Donald Rumsfeld was talking sense, moreover sense expressed in the simplest and plainest words available, ones that the Plain English Campaign should be applauding, not criticising. The trouble is, Mr Rumsfeld’s statement needs work to appreciate, because he’s talking philosophy. (You might argue that he left out one category, that of unknown knowns — things we know, but we don’t know that we know — but that’s perhaps a comment better reserved for a seminar on metacognition.)


It would seem that the PEC has put its own foot in its own mouth...

Just Fiddling Around

Recently I wrote a post on Toponyms. If you recall, the study of unusual place names is called Toponymy.


Fiddler’s Green was for many years just a name of a street in a town I once visited. Years later, I became acquainted with a folk group known as the Friends of Fiddler’s Green. The name bugged me for a few nights recently so I did an Internet search which revealed that for sailors, (and apparently, some cavalrymen) Fiddler’s Green was heaven — as in the sweet by-and-by. It is sailor’s heaven, the place where all good seafarers go, a paradise or Elysium where unlimited supplies of rum, women and tobacco are provided. Unlike Davy Jones’ Locker, the final resting place of sailors lost at sea, it is on land, the place where sailors go who die ashore. Its origins are rather obscure.

What I did find is that the term appears fully formed near the start of the nineteenth century. There’s an association behind it, I would guess, that is now lost to us, perhaps from a song that refers to a real English village green with a fiddler playing. As well as British sailors, the US Army has long claimed it. A famous ballad of the US Cavalry begins:

Halfway down the road to hell,
In a shady meadow green,
Are the souls of all dead troopers camped
Near a good old-time canteen.
And this eternal resting place
Is known as Fiddler's Green.

The author is unknown. It was first published in a US Cavalry Manual in 1923, but could possibly be a century older; I have no idea whether this is the original, or whether the author was drawing on something even older. I would guess the latter, for otherwise we have no way of explaining how by the 1830s it was so firmly set in British maritime usage. It looks as though both traditions are drawing on a common eighteenth century source, but I have to tell you that I have no idea what it is.

But, at least now I know where Fiddler's Green is and where the name came from.

Where The Heck Are We?

I was looking around on Ref Desk this morning when I found this tidbit - FACT OF THE DAY: In 1890, the United States Board on Geographic Names declared that all city names ending in "burgh" should drop the final "h." But in 1911, after protests from citizens, the board said Pittsburgh, Pa., could keep the extra letter.

Was there really a government agency devoted to this stuff? I looked around and found U.S. Board on Geographic Names.

Why am I not shocked?

Then I decided to look around for some strange place names in the US. Among the many I found were these -


Unalaska, Alaska

Why, Arizona

Dunmovin, California

Yreka Zzyzx, California

No Name, Colorado

Weeki Wachee, Weewahitchka and Yeehaw Junction, Florida

Idaho Beer Bottle Crossing, Georgia

Diagonal, Iowa

Cuba, Denmark, Holland, Rome and Zurich Kansas

Typo, Kentucky ( I know MANY people from there!)

Ware, Massachusetts (I'm from Ware?)

Hot Coffee and Coffeeville, Mississippi (Bur I could not find a Decaf anywhere!)

Frankenstein, Missouri

Cat Elbow Corner, New York

Cookietown, Oklahoma

Potato Creek and Pringle, South Dakota

Vermont Bread Loaf, Utah

Imalone, Wisconsin

And here I thought I was starnge by living in Lake Nuncansee, CT.

I Found This Quite Amoosing

From The Telegraph


Moo-Arr! Westcountry cows moo in farmers' accents!

* Monday, 21 August 2006

There is something strange afoot in the country. Farmers in the West have noticed a distinctive Somerset twang to their herd’s mooing. Members of the West Country Farmhouse Cheesemakers group believe their own regional accent has influenced their cows’ pitch and tone so they now moo with an ‘oo-arr!’

The farmers couldn’t believe their ears at first, but it seems they are right to believe that the combination of their distinctive Somerset accent and the importance they place on spending quality time with their cows has led to this strange phenomena.

John Wells, Professor of Phonetics at the University College London, says: “This phenomenon is well attested in birds. You find distinct chirping accents in the same species around the country. This could also be true of cows. In small populations such as herds you would encounter identifiable dialectical variations which are most affected by the immediate peer group.”

In the winter the West Country cows are wrapped up in cow coats and they are played classical music to help them relax whilst being milked. These little perks help to create the perfect environment which ensures handmade West Country Farmhouse Cheddar is the best in the country.

West Country Farmhouse cheesemaker Lloyd Green of Glastonbury explains: “I spend a lot of time with my Friesians and they definitely moo with a Somerset drawl. I’ve spoken to the other farmers in the West Country group and they have noticed a similar development in their own herds. I think it works the same as with dogs - the closer a farmer’s bond is with his animals, the easier it is for them to pick up his accent.”

The group has also noted similar accent shifts in Midlands, Essex, Norfolk and Lancashire moos.

Dr Jeanine Treffers-Daller, Reader in Linguistics at the University of the West England, says: “When we are learning to speak we adopt a local variety of language spoken by our parents so the same could be said about the variation in the West Country cow moo. Standard English can often sound too posh for some people so we reject that in favour of a local accent which is often associated with fun nights out with our friends or, in this case, chewing the cud!




Mr. Wallace would have loved it!

"Serve The Port, Man! Doh!"

A "Portmanteau word" is a phrase used to describe a linguistic blend, namely "a word formed by blending sounds from two or more distinct words and combining their meanings."

Such a definition of "portmanteau word" overlaps with the grammatical term contraction, and linguists avoid using the former term in such cases. As an example: the words do + not become the contraction don't, a single word that represents the meaning of the combined words.

A distinction can be made between the two by noting that contractions can only be formed with two words that would otherwise appear in sequence within the sentence, whereas a "Portmanteau word" is typically formed by combining two or more existing words that all relate to a singular concept which the new portmanteau is meant to describe. An example being the well-known portmanteau word "Spanglish", referring to speaking a mix of both Spanish and English at the same time.

According to the The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, the word portmanteau comes from French porter, to carry + manteau, cloak (from Old French mantel, from Latin mantellum).

Many neologisms are examples of blends, but many blends have become part of the lexicon. In Punch in 1896, the word brunch (breakfast + lunch) was introduced as a "portmanteau word." In 1964, the newly independent African republic of Tanganyika and Zanzibar chose the portmanteau word Tanzania as its name. A spork is an eating utensil that is a combination of a spoon and fork.

Here are a few portmanteau words we all know...


Brunch = breakfast + lunch

Camcorder = camera + recorder

Chortle = chuckle + snort

Guestimate= guess + estimate

Heliport + helicopter + airport

Laundromat = laundry + automat

Motel= motor + hotel

Motorcade= motorcar + cavalcade

Newscast = news + broadcast

Oxbridge = Oxford + Cambridge

Paratroop = parachute + troop

Sci-Fi= science + fiction

Telecast= television + broadcast

Televangelist= television + evangelist


and a few more I "came across"...


antediluviantiquated = antediluvian + antiquated

arcticy = arctic + icy

babblecture = babble + lecture

ballyhoopla = ballyhoo + hoopla

blurbanize = blur + urbanize

breezephyr = breeze + zephyr

clapplause = clap + applause

depicture = depict + picture

drumble = drum + rumble

flashowy = flash + showy

fundertaking = fun + undertaking

gooze = goo + ooze

gyrateeter = gyrate + teeter

headministrator = head + administrator

humoriginality = humor + originality

legerdemaincantation = legerdemain + incantation

longhandwriting = longhand + handwriting

outrageousurious = outrageous + usurious

penclosure = pen + enclosure

pushove = push + shove

pushuffle = push + shuffle

scramblend = scramble + blend

shoutcry = shout + outcry

sirenchantress = siren + enchantress

stoperation = stop + operation (for Congress)

stoven = stove + oven

stupidiot = stupid + idiot

swerveer = swerve + veer

taxidermistuffer = taxidermist + stuffer

whimpulse = whim + impulse

And then my wife, Judy added...

floordrobe.

She says, "This is a form of clothing storage that does not require dressers, closets, or hangers. The clothing is stored on the floor and the user simply pulls out the desired item. This could also be called a walk-on closet."

Five Words - 1

Have you ever really thought about words? Maybe it has to do with being raised by a mom that was a librarian and a dad who, when asked "What does x mean?" would always reply "Look it up!" How many of you asked for a dictionary for your birthday?

Words often express simple ideas: a tree, a rock, water, and so on. But, sometimes a word describes a more complex or beautiful idea.

Have you ever found yourself wondering, "Wouldn't it be nice if there were a word for this?" Well, there is a word for almost everything under the sun.

Here are just a few neat words I have come across in my wacky web wandering -



acnestis

PRONUNCIATION:
(AK-nist-uhs)

MEANING: noun: The part of the body where one cannot reach to scratch.

ETYMOLOGY: From Greek aknestis (spine), from Ancient Greek knestis (spine, cheese-grater).


####


lucubrate

PRONUNCIATION:
(LOO-kyoo-brayt)

MEANING: verb intr.: To work (such as study, write, discourse) laboriously or learnedly.

ETYMOLOGY: Here's a word that literally encapsulates the idiom "to burn the midnight oil". It's derived from Latin lucubrare (to work by lamplight), from lucere (to shine). Ultimately from the Indo-European root leuk- (light) that's resulted in other words such as lunar, lunatic, light, lightning, lucid, illuminate, illustrate, translucent, lux, and lynx.


####


eleemosynary

PRONUNCIATION:
(el-uh-MOS-uh-ner-ee, el-ee)

MEANING: adjective: Relating to charity.

ETYMOLOGY: From Latin eleemosynarius, from eleemosyna (alms), from Greek eleemosyne (pity, charity), from eleemon (pitiful), from eleos (pity).


####


wifty

PRONUNCIATION:
(WIF-tee)

MEANING: adjective: Eccentric, silly, scatterbrained.

ETYMOLOGY: Of unknown origin.


####


omphaloskepsis

PRONUNCIATION:
(om-fuh-lo-SKEP-sis)

MEANING: noun: Contemplation of one's navel.

ETYMOLOGY: From Greek omphalos (navel) + skepsis (act of looking, examination).


####

In the future I'll be posting more of these words that I come across. If you have some of your own, please feel free to send them along.


Now, if you will excuse me, it is time for my daily omphaloskepsis. Or is that too wifty?



Later I want to get outside and enjoy some astronomy. Although studying the Red Planet sometimes mars my evening plans.

Enjoying The Weekends - 2

These are my other entries in the Schott's Vocab Weekend Competition.

Remember, the instructions were

Weekend Competition: Imaginary Libraries

This weekend, co-vocabularists are invited to stack the shelves of imaginary libraries based upon themes of their choosing.

The libraries can hold books, music or movies, and may be ordered according to any taxonomical whimsy.

For example:

— Books
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest; A Tale of Two Cities; The Three Musketeers …
The Sun Also Rises; The Glimpses of the Moon; Delta of Venus …
The Story of O; Dial M for Murder; A Void …

Here are the rest of my thoughts over the weekend…...


Where I went on my summer vacation…


The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

Mercury in Retrograde: A Novel by Paula Froelich

The Forgery of Venus: A Novel by Michael Gruber

The Pillars of the Earth: by Ken Follett

Postcards from Mars: by Jim Bell

Dreaming of Jupiter: by Ted Simon

Saturn’s Children by Charles Stross

Zombie Bums from Uranus by Andy Griffiths

When Kambia Elaine Flew In From Neptune by Lori Aurelia Williams

Breakfast on Pluto: A Novel by Patrick Mccabe

Distant Wanderers: The Search for Planets Beyond the Solar System by Bruce Dorminey

Heart of the Comet by Gregory Benford, Bob Eggleton, and David Brin

Death by Black Hole: And Other Cosmic Quandaries by Neil deGrasse Tyson


####


Books to read while waiting for tonight’s World Series game…


A Yankee Girl at Fort Sumter by Alice Turner Curtis

Red Socks Don’t Work by Kenneth J. Karpinski

Next Spring an Oriole (A Stepping Stone Book) by Gloria Whelan

Rays of the Dawn : Natural Laws of the Body, Mind and Soul by Dr. Thurman Fleet

Bluejay in the Desert by Isao Kikuchi

Tigers In The Snow by Peter Matthiessen and Maurice Hornocker

White Socks Only by Evelyn Coleman and Tyrone Geter

Indians in Unexpected Places by Philip J. Deloria

Twinspiration by Cheryl Lage

Angels in My Hair by Lorna Byrne

The Ranger’s Apprentice Collection by John Flanagan

Mariner’s Compass Stars: 9 Easy Quilt Projects by Carol Doak

Athletics Growth & Development by BLANKSBY

Broken Seas: True Tales of Extraordinary Seafaring Adventures by Marlin Bree

Philly Stakes by Gillian Roberts

Brave New World by Aldous Huxley

The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka

National Suicide by Martin L. Gross

Pirates Don’t Change Diapers by Melinda Long and David Shannon

The Cardinal of the Kremlin by Tom Clancy

Ultimate Cub Scout Sticker Book by DK Publishing

Brewer’s Dictionary of Phrase and Fable, Seventeenth Edition by John Ayto

The Seas of Doom (Astrosaurs) by Steve Cole and Woody Fox

The Red Tent: A Novel by Anita Diamant

The Rocky Horror Picture Show (Cultographies) by Jeffrey Weinstock

Dodger and Me by Jordan Sonnenblick

Giants of the Frost by Kim Wilkins

Padre Pio: The True Story by Bernard C. Ruffin

Diamondback Cave by K.L. Fogg


####


Chess anyone?


Pawn of the Omphalos by E. C. Tubb
The Castle of Crossed Destinies by Italo Calvino
Murder at Red Rook Ranch by Dorothy Tell
The Bishop Murder Case by S.S. Van Dine
The Knight in the Panther’s Skin by Shota Rustaveli
The Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana by Umberto Eco
The King Must Die by Mary Renault


####


My final contribution was easy as PI

THREE Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin
POINT Blank (FBI Thriller) by Catherine Coulter
ONE Second After by William R. Forstchen
The FOUR Loves by C.S. Lewis
ONE for the Money by Janet Evanovich
The FIVE People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom
NINE by Andrzej Stasiuk and Bill Johnston
TWO-way Street by Lauren Barnholdt
SIX Suspects: A Novel by Vikas Swarup
The FIVE Love Languages by Gary Chapman
THREE Days of Rain by Richard Greenberg
FIVE Greatest Warriors by Matthew Reilly
EIGHT Men Out by Eliot Asinof and Stephen Jay Gould
NINE Dragons by Michael Connelly
SEVEN Days of Rage by Paul LaRosa and Maria Cramer
NINE Princes in Amber by Roger Zelazny
THREE Feet from Gold by Sharon L. Lechter
TWO Years Before the Mast by Richard Henry Dana, John Seelye, and Wes Davis
THREE by Ted Dekker
EIGHT Cousins, Or, The Aunt-Hill by Louisa May Alcott
FOUR-Star Desserts by Emily Luchetti

Enjoying The Weekends

As I mentioned in a previous post, I enjoy visiting Schott's Vocab. The weekend competitions there are always fun. Last weekend the competition was announced as -

Weekend Competition: Imaginary Libraries

This weekend, co-vocabularists are invited to stack the shelves of imaginary libraries based upon themes of their choosing.

The libraries can hold books, music or movies, and may be ordered according to any taxonomical whimsy.

For example:

— Books
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest; A Tale of Two Cities; The Three Musketeers …
The Sun Also Rises; The Glimpses of the Moon; Delta of Venus …
The Story of O; Dial M for Murder; A Void …

With that in mind I had to write a few entries. One of them was this offering -

From A Meteorologist’s Libray Shelf

The PARTLY CLOUDY Patriot by Sarah Vowell
WITH the Old Breed: At Peleliu and Okinawa by E.B. Sledge
A CHANCE Encounter by Mary Balogh
OF Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
Sun and Moon, ICE AND SNOW by Jessica Day George
TEMPURATURES RISING by Sandra Brown
INTO Thin Air: A Personal Account of the Mt. Everest Disaster by Jon Krakauer
THE THIRTIES In Vogue by Carolyn. Hall
BY NIGHT. in Chile by Roberto Bolano and Chris Andrews
MOSTLY Harmless by Douglas Adams
CLEAR AND Present Danger by Tom Clancy
SUNNY Side Up by Marion Roberts
TOMORROW : Adventures in an Uncertain World by Bradley Trevor Greive
WITH the Lightnings by David Drake
Strangers on a Train by Patricia HIGHSmith
IN THE Woods by Tana French
FORTIES. Fashion: From Siren Suits to the New Look by Jonathan Walford
THERE IS a River: A Novel by Charlotte Miller
VIRTUALLY Hers by Gennita Low
NO CHANCE by Christy Reece
FOR the Love of Autumn by Patricia Polacco
PRECIPITATION: Theory, Measurement and Distribution by Ian Strangeways
FOR A FEW Demons More by Kim Harrison
DAYS AND NIGHTS. by Konstantine Simonov


and this one in memory of a great cat -

When our cat named Zero passed away a few years ago we had to sort through her belongings. This, of course, included her library. We found -

Cat is Watching by Roger A. Caras

A Cat on the Cutting Edge by Lydia Adamson

Cat on a Hot Tin Roof by Tennessee Williams

A Cat on a Beach Blanket by Lydia Adamson

Why Cats Don’t Bark by Edie Raether

Crazy Cat People: Through Feline Eyes by Skot Jonz and Carlos Sandoval

The Cat Bible: Everything Your Cat Expects You to Know by Tracie Hotchner

When Cats Reigned Like Kings: On the Trail of the Sacred Cats by Georgie Anne Geyer

Cats to the Rescue: True Tales of Heroic Felines by Marilyn Singer and Jean Cassels

The Cat Who Saw Stars by Lilian Jackson Braun

Sleepwalking in Daylight by Elizabeth Flock

Permission to Nap: Taking Time to Restore Your Spirit by Jill Murphy Long

The Dream-Hunter by Sherrilyn Kenyon

Chasing Fireflies: A Novel of Discovery by Charles Martin

Zen Cat by Judith Adler and Paul Coughlin

Felinestein: Pampering the Genius in Your Cat by Cindy Ribarich and Suzanne Delzio

Zero: The Biography of a Dangerous Idea by Charles Seife

The Best Cat Ever by Cleveland Amory

Ghost Cats: Human Encounters with Feline Spirits by Dusty Rainbolt

PS - Buried in the litter box we found - Outwitting Cats: Tips, Tricks and Techniques for Persuading the Felines in Your Life That What YOU Want Is Also What THEY Want by Wendy Christensen

But I was worried that folks may not be able to find the competition so I sang the following -

Directions To The Weekend Competition

Start from -

“Abbey Road” by The Beatles

and proceed south until you are

“Down on the Corner” by Creedence Clearwater Revival.

Turn right and head

“Up Around the Bend” by Creedence Clearwater Revival

“Under American Skies” by Tom Paxton & Anne Hills.

(It is best if this is done

“While You Are Alive” by Cantus)

Turn left and drive to the

“North Country” - Music From The Motion Picture by Gustavo Santaolalla.

Go past “Maggie’s Farm” by Bob Dylan

and do not go down “Desolation Row” by Bob Dylan

Soon you will arrive at

“The Ocean Blue” by The Ocean Blue.

Turn right and take the

“Roundabout” by Yes.

Ride around until thoroughly

“Dizzy on the French Riviera” by Dizzy Gillespie.

Proceed until you reach the

“South Pacific” by Richard Rodgers.

There you will find

“Words for You” by Various Artists.

“Enjoy the Silence” by Depeche Mode

as you sit at your computer

“Thinking It Over” by Liberty X.

You have

“Finally Woken” by Jem

and can finally

“Write the Vision” by Sharon Nesbitt.

Hopefully our buddy Ben will not find the

“Time To Write You Out” by Stories & Comets.

Sit down and enjoy! But remember -

“It Takes All Kinds” by Shed Theory!

Great fun!

Of Elephants and Castles - 2

Back on July 28 I posted a story about the Elephant and Castle pub and the publican there - Mr. Les Wallace. If you have not read that post, please do! I mentioned how we would occasionally get into discussions on language and the many differences between British and American English.

One wonderful night a question came up.

Why do they call it the loo?

(It's going to be hard to write this one without resorting to all sorts of unclever puns that were flushed out of the language that night, but I'm going to do my best.)


Mr. Wallace mentioned that he had heard the reason that the English "loo" is so named is because the toilet was commonly located in room 100 of buildings and the two ("loo" and "100") look very much the same. But he did not buy into this explanation.

He seemed to think that it could be a British mispronunciation of the French le lieu, "the place", a euphemism. He felt, however, that "the place" was a LOOse translation.

Mrs. Wallace came in and joined the conversation. She said that she had been told as a child that it derives from the term "gardyloo" (a corruption of the French phrase gardez l'eau (or maybe: Garde de l'eau!) loosely translated as "watch out for the water!") which was used in medieval times when chamber pots were emptied from a window onto the street.

A few of the other patrons chimed in with their thoughts.

Maybe loo is short for bordalou, "a portable commode carried by eighteenth century ladies". Or perhaps it comes from the French lieux d'aisances, literally "places of ease", once also an English euphemism, which could have been picked up by British servicemen in World War One.

Two of the stranger explanations were -

The word comes from nautical terminology, loo being an old-fashioned word for lee. The standard nautical pronunciation (in British English) of leeward is looward. Early ships were not fitted with toilets but the crew would relieve themselves over the side of the vessel. However it was important to use the leeward side. Using the windward side would result in the stuff being blown back on board.

and

It's short for "Lady Louisa," Louisa being the unpopular wife of a 19th-century earl of Lichfield. In 1867 while the couple was visiting friends, two young wiseacres took the namecard off her bedroom door and stuck it on the door of the bathroom. The other guests thereafter began jocularly speaking of "going to Lady Louisa." In shortened form this eventually spread to the masses.

One gent related his deep appreciation for the artist Two Loos Lautrec. This after four pints of Worthington "E".

The best point of the night came from Mr. Wallace. He pointed out the I, as a member of the military, should understand rank. He asked me to pronounce "l-i-e-u-t-e-n-a-n-t". I replied that it was not as the British pronounced it - LEFtenant - but as we Americans pronounced it - LOO tenant- and Mr. Wallace just smiled.

"To me, a LOO tenant is simply the tenant of a loo. One who resides in a loo".

That called for one final pint of Guinness.

As I left that night Mr Wallace smiled again and said, "Don't lose your way back to base. Toodle-loo Hoppy. Remember, even the Queen has to sit on the throne sometimes".

Would the last to leave please ring the bell?

Not Just Sausage

The questions came via email. "What are your favorite links?" "Where do you spend the most time on the web?"

By links I am assuming the writer is not referring to sausage even though I love sausage and spend some quality time with sausage quite often.


Click on the following and have some fun!



Schott's Vocab. A miscellany of modern words and phrases. This is Ben Schott's daily column on modern words and usage. But it is on the weekends that this site really shines. The Weekend Competitions are great fun and mental exercise. I urge you to partake of one next weekend. I also suggest you take a look at the past competitions just to get a feel for what fun is there to be enjoyed.


SPOGG. The Society for the Promotion of Good Grammar. SPOGG is for people who crave good, clean English — sentences cast well and punctuated correctly. It's about clarity. SPOGG is the proud founder of National Grammar Day, which happens every year on March 4.


A Walk In The WoRds. A linguistic tour for people who love having fun with words and language. A place to share interesting linguistic observations regarding sound, meaning and structure. A place to share linguistic rants and raves. A place to walk in the words.


There are two blogs written by dear friends that I frequent frequently -


In My Shoes

and

Sassy Lass


Two excellent reference sites, two fun sites and a parting shot of great humor -


Online Etymology Dictionary. This is a map of the wheel-ruts of modern English. Etymologies are not definitions; they're explanations of what our words meant and how they sounded 600 or 2,000 years ago. I love this site when the question pops in my head, "Where the heck did THAT word come from?"



The Ref Desk is a wonderful site to at least begin to look up almost anything. In most cases there will be the one link you need to start your hunt. From dictionaries and news to history and people and everything in between, this is a rich resource.


Listverse is a daily list of a wide variety of subjects such as books, movioes, historical events, famous people and on and on. Wandering through the past lists is a fascinting time.



Mental Floss is, as the website says, "Where Knowledge Junkies Get Their Fix".



Finally, if you love improvisational humor and enjoy watching people laugh you really need to visit Improv Everywhere. Improv Everywhere causes scenes of chaos and joy in public places. Grocery Store Musical is the latest offering. Please click on such scenes as Frozen Grand Central, Suicide Jumper, Circle Line Tours and The Moebius. But if you only check one of their improvs watch Best Game Ever. It is a little league game you will never forget.



Enjoy!!

How Punny Are You?

It happens to all of us. You are sitting with a group of friends and all of a sudden you are overwhelmed by the urge to tell a long somewhat improbable story that ends with a pun. Loud groans are made and you are pelted with pillows, cushions, paper, garbage and anything else that comes to hand. Why does this happen, and why do certain people seem to be more likely to be
stricken with this dread disease.

Dubbed SPS (Shaggy Pun Syndrome) by prominent psychologists, this illness has baffled scientists. What causes it; love of groaning sounds, subconscious desires to be hit with loose objects in the room, or some deeper cause such as becoming fixated at the silly phase. Whatever the cause, SPS can become a serious mental illness, and if unchecked in its early phases, can result in minor injury (from beatings), major injury (from worse beatings), and even death (from still worse beatings).

Don't despair, treatment is becoming available, ranging from oral counseling, to gags, to tongue removal. As an early warning device the SPT (Shaggy Pun Test) has been developed, based on the idea that retention of puns can lead to SPS the SPT is a collection of "punch lines" from said stories, recognition of over a critical number can indicate serious potential for SPS. If caught early enough it is hoped that the puns maybe removed by surgical means.

To take the SPT merely make an x beside each punch line that you either remember or that you can easily build a story to fit. Remember a score of 100% is not necessarily desirable.

__1. The squire on the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the
other two squires.
__2. Two obese Patties / special Ross / Lester Cheese picking
bunions / on a Sesame Street bus!
__3. MORAL: Let your pages do the walking through the yellow
fingers.
__4. MORAL: People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow
thrones.
__5. MORAL: Don't hatchet your counts before they chicken.
__6. Gladly, my cross-eyed bear.
__7. Super California Mystic Expert Halitosis
__8. I wouldn't send a knight out on a dog like this.
__9. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's chess nuts boasting
in an open foyer.
_10. I left my harp in Sam Clam's Disco.
_11. MORAL: A niche in time saves Stein.
_12. There must be fifty ways to love your lever.
_13. Well, there's something about an aqua volvo, man...
_14. MORAL: A washed pot never oils.
_15. Transporting mynas over sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
[Other version of the punch line: Carrying gulls across a
staid lion for immortal porpoises.]
_16. It's a long way to tip a Raree.
_17. Rudolph, the Red, knows rain, dear.
_18. For making an obscene clone fall.
_19. Doctor, the thong is ended, but the malady lingers on!
_20. Where were you when the fit hit the Shan?
_21. ... They had left no tern unstoned.
_22. ... Abscess make the fart go HONDA!
_23. Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!
_24. These are the 'times' that dry men's soles. [Alternate:
These are the soles that time men's tries]
_25. And he served the first chicken catch a Tory dinner.
_26. The next day, the headline in the paper read "Peter Viper
wrecks a truck of pickled Steppers".
_27. Ike's Aunt gets nose hat is fact, son
_28. Dee, who flaps last, flaps left
_29. That's the beer that made Mel Famie walk us.
_30. The first time a reign was called on account of the game.
_31. Opporknockity tunes but once. [Alternate: O'Pernokkety tunes
but once.]
_32. Because Herman the German was used to hard ships.
_33. Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars!
_34. No, I'm a frayed knot.
_35. You fools! We have ways to make you tock!
_36. Which just goes to show that, a Benny shaved is a Benny
urned.
_37. Pardon me Roy, is that the cat who chewed your new shoes?
_38. We have come to seize your berries, not to appraise them.
_39. When you're out of slits, you're out of pier!
_40. We can't have archaic and edict, too.
_41. Contributing to the delinquency of a miner!
_42. I'm booking over that 4 clove leaver, though I've overcooked
before!
_43. Knick Knack, Paddy Whack. Give the frog a loan.
_44. Another case where the spirit was willing but the flush was
weak.
_45. Time's fun when your having flies.
_46. A fiery "stead with the spite of Leed, A clout of dust And a
hearty "Buy old Silver!"
_47. It's a rambling rack from George the Turk with an elephant
engineer!
_48. All of Hing's courses and all of Ming's ken couldn't get gum
tea to feather a hen.
_49. I don't know, but he's a dead ringer for his brother.
_50. ... Stilling two birds with one's cone.
_51. General Minh prefer bronze.
_52. With fronds like these, who needs anemones?
_53. Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!
_54. Better Nate than Lever.
_55. The hills are alive with the hounds of Munich.
_56. He who has a Tate's is lost.
_57. Artie chokes 3 for a dollar at local market.
_58. MORAL: A stolen roan gathers no moose.
_59. ... but actually mah hammered alley is really cashews clay.
_60. ... but of course, the Czech is always in the male.
_61. The star mangled spanner.
_62. See! Even adders can multiply on a log table.
_63. MORAL: You can't have your kayak and heat it too.



Scoring:
0 - 10 No danger (healthy)
11 - 25 Minor SPS (Recommend therapy)
26 - 40 Moderate SPS (Recommend gag)
41 - 52 Punster -- major SPS (Recommend tongue removal)
53 - 63 Paronomisiac -- extreme SPS (Recommend lobotomy)

Brain Itch

We have all had this happen -

Research in the US has found that songs get stuck in our heads because they create a "brain itch" that can only be scratched by repeating the tune over and over.

In Germany, this type of song is known as an "ohrwurm" - an earworm - and typically has a high, upbeat melody and repetitive lyrics that verge between catchy and annoying.

Songs such as the Village People's YMCA, Los Del Rio's Macarena, and the Baha Men's Who Let The Dogs Out owe their success to their ability to create a "cognitive itch," according to Professor James Kellaris, of the University of Cincinnati College of Business Administration.

"A cognitive itch is a kind of metaphor that explains how these songs get stuck in our head," Professor Kellaris told BBC World Service's Outlook programme.

"Certain songs have properties that are analogous to histamines that make our brain itch.

"The only way to scratch a cognitive itch is to repeat the offending melody in our minds."

'Insidious and blatant'

Professor Kellaris has presented the early results of his earworm research at a conference on Consumer Psychology.

He said that virtually everyone suffered from a cognitive itch at one time or another.


"Across surveys I found that from 97% to 99% of the population is susceptible to earworms at some time," he stated.

"But certainly some people are more susceptible than others. Women tend to be more susceptible than men, and musicians are more susceptible to them than non-musicians."

The research is of particular interest to both the pop industry - looking to boost sales - and to advertisers, who often use jingles to get their brand name stuck in the head of listeners.

"For both advertising purposes and pop music purposes, you want something that once heard is not forgotten quickly or easily," explained jingle writer Chris Smith, adding that a good earworm was "Insidious - and often quite blatant".

"One of the key elements of an earworm is repetition," he said.

"If you have something with a lot of varied content, it's not so easily assimilated.

"So really, I would have thought that for practical purposes an earworm is really something that people can take on very quickly and then reproduce while walking down the street, much to everybody else's annoyance."

Even the greatest musicians had suffered with earworms, Mr Smith said.

Mozart's children would "infuriate" him by playing melody and scales on the piano below his room - but stopping before completing the tune.

"He would have to rush down and complete the scale because he couldn't bear to listen to an unresolved scale," Mr Smith related.

Professor Kellaris said that his research had shown that there was, however, no standard for creating an earworm - people could react differently to different tunes.

"I compiled a top 10 list of earworms in the US, but the number one item is simply the category 'other' - which means that any tune is prone to become an earworm," he said. "It's highly idiosyncratic."

And he added that there was also no guaranteed way of ever getting the song off the brain.

"Replacement strategies rarely work, because as we search our memories for a replacement tune, we're likely to come up with another earworm," he admitted.

"Some people swear by completion strategies - if you listen through a piece in its entirety, some times that will make it go away."

America vs Britain In Spelling

Americans are embarrassed by poor spelling performance compared to Britons.

Quoted from The Telegraph

By Matthew Moore
Published: 11:59AM GMT 09 Feb 2009



Americans are worse at spelling than Britons, with more than half unable to spell "embarrassed", "liaison" and "millennium".

Despite the popularity of school spelling bee competitions, adults in the US fared poorly in a survey comparing how English speakers on both sides of the Atlantic deal with commonly misspelt words.

Sixty-two per cent of Americans got "embarrassed" wrong, against 54 per cent of Britons who struggled with the word in a survey last year.

Adults in the US performed less well on most of the ten words tested, including millennium (52 per cent wrong, against 43 per cent in UK), liaison (61 per cent to 54 per cent) and "accommodation" (42 per cent to 36 per cent).

Only "definitely" and "friend" were spelt correctly by more Americans.

Professor Edward Baranowski of California State University said that the results reflected the "horrific" drop-out rates of US high schools.

"This certainly puts an eventual strain upon the universities, which must devote lots of resources to remedial education," he said.

Jack Bovill of the Spelling Society, which commissioned the research, said the high inaccuracy rates in both countries showed the need for the English spelling system to be modernised to improve literacy.

"When asked, only a quarter of adults thought they had a problem with spelling. The answers in the test prove that this is far from the case," he said. "What is holding the UK and the USA back is the irregular spelling system."

The Spelling Society wants a cross-party committee of MPs to promote spelling reforms.

The US survey involvING a sample of 1,000 adults was carried out online by Ipsos MORI last month, with the method based on a survey of 1,000 Britons in April last year.

Someone has decided to do something about this!

Maybe they should think about this over a snack...

Just How Noble Is The Nobel?

With no comment on the current state of the Nobel Prize...


Here are ten authors who should absolutely have won a Nobel prize for their contribution to writing.


Jorge-Luis-Borges

Borges had a good twenty years to be considered for a Nobel, and was hot in the running for one for many years, but the Nobel Committee refused to award it to him because of his support for right-wing dictators like Pinochet. Sounds like someone he shouldn’t have supported, but the Committee routinely awarded the prize to writers who supported left-wing dictators like Joseph Stalin. Pinochet was worse than Stalin?

Borges wrote the finest surreal literature to date, and won the first International Pulitzer Prize. Politics seems a bad subject on which to argue.


Vladimir Nabokov

One of the greatest non-native writers of English. Nabokov’s most famous novel, and his finest, is Lolita. He wrote many more excellent works of fiction and criticism, translations of poetry. He was nominated in 1974, along with Graham Greene (not the actor), and lost to Eyvind Johnson and Harry Martinson, joint winners. The former was Swedish, and both were members of the Nobel Committee at the time.


W. H. Auden

One of the greatest 20th Century poets in history. He won the Pulitzer, the National Book Award, and profoundly influenced all poets, especially English-speaking poets, who have come after him. It is believed that the Committee turned him down because he made errors in a translation of a book by Nobel Peace Prize winner Dag Hammarskjold, and because he suggested that Hammarskjold was homosexual, like Auden.


Robert Frost

The greatest 20th Century American Poet, by far. The Bard of the Northeast. He won 4 (FOUR!) Pulitzer Prizes for his poetry, was awarded over 40 honorary doctorates from Oxford, Cambridge, Princeton, and Harvard, among others. The only other winner of four Pulitzers for literature is Eugene O’Neill, who did win a Nobel. Frost’s fourth Pulitzer was awarded 20 years before he died. The Nobel Committee managed to ignore him for those 20 years.


Emile Zola

The greatest exemplar of the French school of literary naturalism. He wrote over 30 novels, and any one of them could have gotten a Pulitzer today, without competition. His 2 chances to win were spoiled for the same reason as the next entry.


Henrik Ibsen

Norway’s greatest author, and one of the finest modern dramatic writers in history. He had 6 chances to win, since the award was begun in 1901, but he lost due to arguments over Alfred Nobel’s eligibility requirements, as laid out in his will. He intended the winners to exhibit “lofty and sound idealism.” But from 1901 to 1912, the Committee believed that he meant “ideal direction.” Apparently Ibsen, the father of modern drama, was not leading the literary world in the ideal direction.


Marcel Proust

The author of the most monumental work of 20th-Century fiction, A la Recherche du Temps Perdu, In Search of Lost Time. It’s a 7-volume novel which exhibits one of the first, if not the first, example of stream of consciousness writing. And yet, the Committee award the 1920 prize to Knut Hamsun (Norwegian, which is closer to Swedish than French), for his monumental work, Growth of the Soil. Which one do more people read today? Yep, In Search of Lost Time.


James Joyce

The greatest Irish writer besides W. B. Yeats, who did win the prize. Joyce is also the greatest writer of stream of consciousness fiction in history. He practically invented the modern idea of speculative fiction, with his final work, Finnegans Wake, which is almost unreadable. He considered it his finest work, but is more famous for Ulysses, the Dubliners, and A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man.


Leo Tolstoy

The greatest exemplar of literary realism in history, and possibly the greatest novelist in history. His two most titanic works, War and Peace and Anna Karenina, would have been more than sufficient to secure Knut Hamsun an award. If only Tolstoy had been born a little closer to Sweden, the Committee might have overlooked their arguable translation of Nobel’s will. Apparently, the Committee did not consider Tolstoy to be leading the modern literary world in “the ideal direction.”


Mark Twain

The inventor of the American Novel, with Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn, and one of the all-time greatest novelists, humorists, essayists, critics, and all-around authors. Like Tolstoy, he had 10 chances to win, and ten times was passed over, in favor of the following eleven authors:

Sully Prudhomme, Theodor Mommsen, Bjornstjern Bjornson, Frederic Mistral and Jose Echeragay (both in 1904), Henryk Sienkiewicz, Giosue Carducci, Rudyard Kipling, Rudolf Christoph Eucken, Selma Lagerlof, Paul Heyse.

I’m willing to bet you’ve only heard of one of those. I’ve only heard of one of them. I have, however, heard of Mark Twain.

A look at The Pulitzer is coming soon.