Just A Few Jokes For Today

When I was in High School, my English teacher looked my way and said, "Name two pronouns."

I said, "Who, me?"

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Teacher: "Stan, give me a sentence beginning with I."
Stan: "I is ..."
Teacher: "No, Stan. It's always 'I am...' "
Stan: "OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

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A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." Someone, who shall remain nameless, piped up from the back of the room, "Yeah, right."

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Don't you know the Queen's English?

Why, yes, I'd heard she was.

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This isn't really a grammar joke but it's about language.

A girl walked into a bar and said to the guy who was serving, 'I'll have a double entendre, please.'

So he gave her one.

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An English professor wrote the following sentence on the blackboard and asked the students to add correct punctuation: "woman without her man is a savage"

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is a savage."

The women wrote: "Woman: without her, man is a savage."