Wednesday, February 18, 2009

A Final Note About Zero

If you have been reading this blog then you know I had a cat named Zero - the cat named after Nothing. I occasionally allowed her to take over my writing and you have read some of that. But there came the day when Zero left this earth. I was crushed. I had to make the choice to "put her to sleep". Not easy.

For a few days afterwards I sat at this puter and not a single word would come. Then Judy asked, "What would Zero write to you now?"

What follows is what came out. If you do not know about Rainbow Bridge just do a google on that term and you will understand that reference. I took a sip of coffee and this is what poured out...

From Zero


I know what you're thinking. You think I'm dead. Because you can no longer see me with your eyes, feel me with your hands or hold me in your arms, you think I may be gone forever. I am no longer at the foot of the bed, in the window talking to the squirrels or laying on your chest on the couch. You are seeing how I looked when I left this earth and you want to believe that I am alive and well in another place. I know that you are hurting deeply from the pain of our separation and that pain blinds you to that which is right in front of

Remember that day one August when I wandered up to your home? I sure do! Wasn't I the most intriguing creature you'd ever met? Do you remember how I made you laugh and smile? I wasn't just trying to get you to take me in. I saw something in you that I had not yet known. I know now that it was love. But I had never experienced it before.

I was so scared that I wouldn't be able to stay. How wonderful were the words you finally said - do you remember? - "Well, little one, it looks like you found a home." You said them with your eyes as well. And those words echoed in your heart – and in mine!!

Remember the days when I was in my prime and we did so many things together? You talked to me all the time, knowing that I was understanding every word! You were so proud of me that you called me your furperson! Do you remember how, after I had kneaded your shoulder for a while, the thought popped into you mind – "Thanks! I kneaded that!"? And how hard you laughed at that thought? Where do you suppose that thought started?

I was a good friend and I took care of you when you were sick, were angry or felt down and unhappy or when you cried. Just like you took care of me when I wasn't feeling good. When you didn't have a lot of time for me because of your obligations, I waited patiently for you and you always rewarded me by making the time just for me. Who else could I trust to remove that staple from my paw? The same one who held me and kept me warm for those long hours after I accidentally swallowed the Tylenol, of course!

You always forgave my mistakes and made me feel safe and secure. You learned every one of my meows and looks. You were so good at reading my eyes! Do you remember the words you said every single day as you left the house? I sure do – "Peaceful day, Kit!" And I had so many peaceful days!

Remember when age crept up on me, my bones became stiff and my movements slower? Still I met you when you came home and followed you around, took our walks on the deck and snuggled on the couch. We'd been together for so long and yet I still couldn't get enough of you! Even at the end when you faced the toughest of choices, you chose correctly and I will always love you for that. I think my eyes told you that before I closed them for the last time on earth.

Remember the last time we saw each other with our earthly eyes? You tried to be brave but you were crying...I know you so well! Did I not look at you with such trust and love that you yearned only to hold me close and keep me with you always? That was why I licked your tears. Did you not promise that you would love me forever? I believe you.

Remember the depth of love in my eyes when I looked at you. Who do you suppose created this love? You always told me that the Bible said that God is love. Would God diminish our laughter as it grew and flourished in this love? Yes, I am no longer on this earth with you. But my body was only part of who I really am and it would have been only a shell on earth if it were not filled to overflowing with my spirit. When we met you thought I was cute and adorable. What kind of relationship would we have had if this were all that I'd been? How could you have truly loved me if I had nothing within me?

Our lives are a gift from God. You taught me that God is eternal. Well, if He is then His gifts must be also! Otherwise, why would He bother? You can't see this love with your eyes and you can't hold it in your hands. Maybe you can't see our love in a solid sense like a dish or a lamp or gather it all up, put it in a box and confine it to one place. But you know it existed. There was no doubt in your mind and it showed in your words and actions. And your eyes.

There are those who will expect you get over me, insisting that I'm dead and you'll never see me again because animals don't go to Heaven. Oh really? Then why is there such a beautiful place like Rainbow Bridge? Where do you suppose that golden path leads?

Remember, you were as worthy of my love on earth as I was of yours. Do you really believe this love would be snatched from us forever by a loving God simply because I wasn't human? Was I not a living, breathing creation with a personality? How could I have been that way if I didn't possess that inner spirit that God breathed into His creation to give it life? And if this spirit is and always will be, then how can it be that I am dead? If my spirit did not have a share of all that is life then I was never alive to begin with. But I believe that you know better.

You cry because you miss me and I understand that. I hope you understand that I miss you too - I miss the head rubs, the face pushes, the snuggles and hugs and kisses that we shared. But life does go on beyond these wonderful, fulfilling physical connections. I am gone because it was time for me to go and because you lovingly released me. But my presence in your life was and still is a gift to be cherished just as I still cherish you. Your presence in my life is a most treasured gift!

Life is not simply about being born into a body, living a certain number of years and then dying. We are blessed with time in a body so that we can learn, share, love, grow and, yes, die. God never meant our bodies to be permanent. That is why He gave us our spirit and infused it with His spirit. Without our spirit we would indeed be dead and could never have experienced our love for each other. We would have never been alive!

I understand your tears, each one you shed is a testament to your love for me and I am honored and humbled. But don't forget those marvelous adventures and the good things we shared - remember and smile and laugh! This is an honor for me as well. Don't stop being proud of me. You thought I was a friend to be proud of and I am still your friend. You would have been a great cat!

Until we meet again...I'll meet you at the Bridge!




  1. If there isn't a Rainbow Bridge, there should be one.
    Thanks, Stan (and Zero).

  2. Wonderful blog, Stan. I know how much you miss Zero, and how much he misses you. The lucky thing is he still gets to see you, but! You still get to 'feel' him. :) Love you dude.