Quiz - Part Two

Before we start (and finish) our quiz -

Happy Birthday Annie Dillard!!

Now, here is Part Two of our quiz -

Multiple choice

Alimony is related to:
A. Alimentary
B. Ailment
C. Money
D. None of the above

Baguette is named that because:
A. It comes in a bag
B. It's related to bagel
C. It's French for "rod"
D. It's a mere trifle (related to bagatelle)

Gamut is:
A. From gamma and ut, two names for notes; denoted the whole musical scale
B. Related to game
C. From gammon and mutton; denoted the whole range of meats
D. Related to gamete

Hecatomb (a large-scale slaughter) is from:
A. Hect- (100) + tomb (tomb): 100 tombs.
B. Hekaton (100) + bous (ox): sacrificial slaughter of 100 oxen
C. None of the above

Honcho is from:
A. Japanese
B. Spanish
C. Algonquian

Peccary (a kind of wild pig) derives from:
A. Latin peccata (sins)
B. Latin pecu (cattle)
C. A Carib word

Typhoon is from:
A. Cantonese tai fung (enormous wind: tai (very big) + fung (wind))
B. Urdu tufan (violent storm), ultimately from tafa (to turn around)
C. Greek Typhon, an enormous monster, son of Typhoeus (father of the winds)

Whiskey is called that because:
A. The mash was originally stirred with a whisk
B. It's from Irish Gaelic uisce beathadh (water of life)




Multiple choice Answers

Alimony is related to:
A. Alimentary

Baguette is named that because:
C. It's French for "rod"

Gamut is:
A. From gamma and ut, two names for notes; denoted the whole musical scale

Hecatomb (a large-scale slaughter) is from:
B. Hekaton (100) + bous (ox): sacrificial slaughter of 100 oxen

Honcho is from:
A. Japanese

Peccary (a kind of wild pig) derives from:
C. a Carib word

Typhoon is from:
A. Cantonese tai fung (enormous wind: tai (very big) + fung (wind))
B. Urdu tufan (violent storm), ultimately from tafa (to turn around)
C. Greek Typhon, an enormous monster, son of Typhoeus (father of the winds)

Answer: All of the above! A truly remarkable etymology; the Urdu word derives, I believe, from the Greek, and the Cantonese term influenced the English word. Dominus provided this; it's one of the coolest etymologies I've encountered.

Whiskey is called that because:
B. It's from Irish Gaelic uisce beathadh (water of life)

Quiz - Part One

Here are a couple dozen quiz items. In our first part we have some true/false questions. Our next post will be a few multiple choice questions. Have fun!


True or false?

Ampersand is from Amper's and, because someone named Amper was the first one to write "Et" in that particular form.

Azure is related to lapis lazuli.

Buckaroo (cowboy) is related to vaccine by way of Latin vacca (cow).

Caliber (the diameter of a bullet) is from Arabic qalib (a shoemaker's last).

Chapel is from Latin cappa, cloak, because a chapel was built to house the cloak of St. Martin of Tours.

Chauvinism is from Nicholas Chauvin, a fictional patriotic French soldier.

Cloud-cuckoo-land is a direct translation from the Greek nephelokokkygia.

Copper (metal) is from Latin Cuprum, from Classical Greek Kupros (Cyprus), the island to which it is native.

Cypress (tree) is from Latin Cuprum, from Classical Greek Kupros (Cyprus), the island to which it is native.

Counsel is from the same root as council.

Denim originally came from Nimes, France, and was called serge de Nimes.

Don and doff are related to on and off, respectively.

Egregious is related to gregarious by way of Latin grex (herd).

Galvanize is named after Luigi Galvani, Italian physician and physicist.

Gargle is cognate with gargoyle.

Garlic is from gar (spear, because of its spear-shaped leaves, akin to the spear-shaped gar fish) + lic (leek, because it's like a leek).

Journal derives from the same root as diary.

Maudlin derives from Mary Magdalene, often depicted as crying.

Minimum is cognate with miniature.

Minister is from Latin minister (servant).

Minister is related to Latin minor; majesty and magister are related to Latin major.

Mustard is related to musty.

Slogan is from a Gaelic battle-cry, sluagh-ghairm.

Squash (to smash) means to cause to resemble the messy, pulpy insides of the squash plant.

Toll is from Latin tollis, to take away.

Truce is related to truculent.

Glans is Latin for acorn.

Vicar is related to vicarious.




ANSWERS


True or false?

Ampersand is from Amper's and, because someone named Amper was the first one to write "Et" in that particular form.
False; it's a shortening of and per se and.

Azure is related to lapis lazuli.
True.

Buckaroo (cowboy) is related to vaccine by way of Latin vacca (cow).
True; buckaroo comes from Spanish vaquero.

Caliber (the diameter of a bullet) is from Arabic qalib (a shoemaker's last).
True.

Chapel is from Latin cappa, cloak, because a chapel was built to house the cloak of St. Martin of Tours. (JEH)
True.

Chauvinism is from Nicholas Chauvin, a fictional patriotic French soldier.
True.

Cloud-cuckoo-land is a direct translation from the Greek nephelokokkygia.
True.

Copper (metal) is from Latin Cuprum, from Classical Greek Kupros (Cyprus), the island to which it is native.
True.

Cypress (tree) is from Latin Cuprum, from Classical Greek Kupros (Cyprus), the island to which it is native.
False, though a homomorph of that word, cypress (a kind of gauze), is derived from Cyprus.

Counsel is from the same root as council.
False. Counsel is from consulere (to consult); council is from com- + calare (to call).

Denim originally came from Nimes, France, and was called serge de Nimes.
True.

Don and doff are related to on and off, respectively.
True.

Egregious is related to gregarious by way of Latin grex (herd).
True.

Galvanize is named after Luigi Galvani, Italian physician and physicist.
True.

Gargle is cognate with gargoyle.
True.

Garlic is from gar (spear, because of its spear-shaped leaves, akin to the spear-shaped gar fish) + lic (leek, because it's like a leek).
True.

Journal derives from the same root as diary.
True.

Maudlin derives from Mary Magdalene, often depicted as crying. (from Jon Carroll)
True.

Minimum is cognate with miniature.
False: minimum is from Latin minimum (smallest); miniature is from Latin minius (red paint).

Minister is from Latin minister (servant).
True.

Minister is related to Latin minor; majesty and magister are related to Latin major. (JEH)
True.

Mustard is related to musty.
True: both derive from Latin mustus (must, as in a musty smell).

Slogan is from a Gaelic battle-cry, sluagh-ghairm.
True.

Squash (to smash) means to cause to resemble the messy, pulpy insides of the squash plant.
False: the verb is from Latin ex- + quassare (to shake); the noun is from Narraganset askútasquash.

Toll is from Latin tollis, to take away.
False: it's from Latin telos (tax).

Truce is related to truculent.
False. Truce is related to true; truculent to Latin trux (fierce).

Glans is Latin for acorn.
True.

Vicar is related to vicarious.
True.

Muphry's Law

Muphry's Law is the principle that any criticism of the speech or writing of others will itself contain at least one error of usage or spelling.

Coined by John Bangsund in The Society of Editors Newsletter, 1992

Examples and Observations:

* "Muphry's Law is the editorial application of the better-known Murphy's Law. Muphry's Law dictates that

(a) if you write anything criticizing editing or proofreading, there will be a fault of some kind in what you have written;
(b) if an author thanks you in a book for your editing or proofreading, there will be mistakes in the book;
(c) the stronger the sentiment expressed in (a) and (b), the greater the fault;
(d) any book devoted to editing or style will be internally inconsistent."

(John Bangsund, "Muphry's Law," Society of Editors Newsletter, Mar. 1992)


Recently, a columnist for The New York Observer spotted a redundancy in the sports pages of The New York Times . . .:

"We all know that the verb "reverted" contains the direction "back" in it. To add "back" is thoroughly redundant. . . . To return is to turn back. Adding the word "back" may appear to solidify your meaning but it only exposes your ignorance."

To which an even more observant reader replied:

"Now, we all know that the verb "contains" already contains the meaning "in it." To add "in it," as Phil does, is thoroughly redundant. Adding the phrase "in it" may appear to solidify your meaning but it only exposes your ignorance."

(Grammar Gurus in Glass Houses, Dec. 3, 2008)



"In neither taste nor precision is any man's practice a court of last appeal, for writers all, both great and small, are habitual sinners against the light; and their accuser is cheerfully aware that his own work will supply . . . many 'awful examples.'"

(Ambrose Bierce, Write It Right, 1909)

Dead Poets Society?

Dead Poets Society of America

An interesting story from AP...

Apr 23, 6:39 AM (ET)

By DAVID SHARP

PORTLAND, Maine (AP) - A former Maine schoolteacher who founded the Dead Poets Society of America and traveled 15,000 miles to document the graves of poets has a new mission - to create a Dead Poets Remembrance Day on Oct. 7, the date master of the macabre Edgar Allan Poe died.

Amateur poet Walter Skold of Freeport is launching his new endeavor Friday, beginning another 22-state tour of the graves of fallen bards. He's enlisted 13 state poets laureate to help drum up support.

His "Dead Poets Grand Tour 2010" kicks off on what's believed to be the anniversary of William Shakespeare's birth in 1564 with a poetry reading at Portland's Eastern Cemetery, the burial place of British and American sea captains cited in Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's poem "My Lost Youth."

"Of course, it takes a little chutzpah to say we're starting a holiday," said Skold, who left his job as a public school technology teacher to pursue his passions of poetry and photography. "But we believe it's a really good idea, and we hope it catches on nationwide."

As in last year's tour, Skold will drive a boxy cargo van, dubbed the Poemobile, to graveyards. But this year, the 49-year-old Skold will be accompanied by a couple from Georgia who will film the journey for a documentary they hope to make.

Having learned from past mistakes, Skold sought permission from cemeteries ahead of time so there's no suspicion about satanic rituals or disrespectful behavior.

The idea of a day of remembrance was inspired by Skold's discovery that the nation's literary forebears have been neglected. Communities have readings at the graves of Poe, Walt Whitman, Emily Dickinson, Anne Sexton and other famous poets, but many others are in danger of being forgotten, he said.

Wisconsin's poet laureate, Marilyn L. Taylor, said Dead Poets Remembrance Day is a wonderful idea.

"There's all kinds of commemorative dates for things like National Potato Week or something like that," she said. "And I think it's time that the poets got some recognition."

Tennessee's poet laureate, Margaret Vaughn, noted that April is National Poetry Month. She said it would be nice to have a day set aside to honor poets, as well.

"When people write speeches, it's poets that they quote most of the time," she said. "I think to take one day to really recognize them would be great."

Since founding the Dead Poets Society of America in 2008, Skold and others have documented the final resting places of hundreds of poets. All told, he has a list of the graves of more than 600 American poets.

To drum up interest in documenting poets' graves, a photo and video contest will offer $4,000 in prize money, said Skold, whose society's name was partly inspired by the 1989 Robin Williams movie "Dead Poets Society," about an unconventional English teacher who inspires his boarding school students to love poetry.

For the trip, Skold has printed T-shirts with a rock tour-style list of stops, including Abraham Lincoln's tomb in Springfield, Ill., the Poe Museum in Richmond, Va., and the Swan Point Cemetery in Providence, R.I., where Poe courted poet Sarah Helen Whitman. The farthest west he'll go is Iowa City, Iowa. Eventually, he hopes his travels reach West Coast cities.

Skold insists the graveyard events are about history and celebrating the lives of the poets, but he's not above a little graveyard humor. The society's motto is: "We Dig Dead Poets ... You Dig?"

Modern poets dig the attention he's generating.

"Dead or alive," Taylor said, "I think that Walter is seeing to it that we gain a little higher profile through this and also give our sincere respects to these people who have gone before us and on whose shoulders we're all standing as we write our 20th- and 21st-century poems."

Just asking...

Last weekend (April 16-18) Schott's Vocab had the usual Weekend Competition. It was presented like this -


April 16, 2010, 12:01 pm
Weekend Competition: Whelmed by Outunendo

This weekend, co-vocabularists are invited to create necessary neologisms by monkeying with prefixes and suffixes.

For example:

Why, when one can be overwhelmed and underwhelmed, cannot one be whelmed?

Surely, unsubtle innuendo is outuendo, and innuendo that goes too far is innuendon’t.

Is one who hates all married women a mrsanthrope?

And, how many of us have ever been gruntled?

As I have posted before, I really enjoy these competitions and I posted a few replies and thoroughly enjoyed the many replies that came in. Then this past Tuesday morning (early! As in 3:00AM or so) my mind began to gather more neologisms. Too late!! So let me post a few here if for no other reason than to release them from the depths (shallows?) of my mind.



Now that I am out of my infancy am I now in my fancy?

If a gentleman is giving me directions would his wife be misgiving them?

If a candidate for political office gets the nomination of his/her party and then it is taken away is that a denomination?

If I grow cabbage in a patch and then harvest them do they become dispatched?

If a sect become extremely annoying has it become an insect?

If I stand but I an under an awning am I now understanding?

If i am driving in the snow and have good traction but then get stuck do I now have subtraction?

If I am the chief in my family is my wife the mischief?


Just asking...

Who Done it?

On this date in 1841 -

Edgar Allen Poe's story, The Murders in the Rue Morgue, first appears in Graham's Lady's and Gentleman's Magazine. The tale is generally considered to be the first detective story.

The story describes the extraordinary "analytical power" used by Monsieur C. Auguste Dupin to solve a series of murders in Paris. Like the later Sherlock Holmes stories, the tale is narrated by the detective's roommate.

Following the publication of Poe's story, detective stories began to grow into novels and English novelist Wilkie Collins published a detective novel, The Moonstone, in 1868. In Collins' story, the methodical Sergeant Cuff searches for the criminal who stole a sacred Indian moonstone. The novel includes several features of the typical modern mystery, including red herrings, false alibis, and climactic scenes.

The greatest fictional detective, Sherlock Holmes, first appeared in 1887, in Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's novel A Study in Scarlet. The cozy English mystery novel became popularized with Agatha Christie's Miss Marple series in the 1920s, when other detectives like Lord Peter Wimsey and Ellery Queen were also becoming popular. In the 1930s, sometimes called the golden age of detective stories, the noir detective novel became the mainstay of writers like Dashiell Hammet, Raymond Chandler, and Mickey Spillane. Tough female detectives such as Kinsey Millhone and V.I. Warshawski became popular in the 1980s.

Contronyms

A synonym is a word that means the same as another. Necessary and required are synonyms. An antonym is a word that means the opposite of another. Wet and dry are antonyms. While synonyms and antonyms are not in themselves interesting, the complexities and irregularities of the English language sometimes make synonyms and antonyms interesting to explore. Many complexities result from words having multiple definitions. A trivial example is a word with synonyms that aren't synonyms of each other, the word beam, for example, having the synonyms bar and shine. Similarly, some words have antonyms that are neither synonyms nor antonyms of each other but completely unrelated: the word right, for example, having the antonyms wrong and left.

A more interesting paradox occurs with the word groom, which does not really have an antonym in the strictest sense but has an opposite of sorts in the word bride, which can be used as a prefix to create a synonym, bridegroom.

The word contronym (also antagonym) is used to refer to words that, by some freak of language evolution, are their own antonyms. Both contronym and antagonym are neologisms; however, there is no alternative term that is more established in the English language.

Contronyms are special cases of homographs (two words with the same spelling). Some examples:

* anabasis - military advance, military retreat
* apology - admission of fault in what you think, say, or do; formal defense of what you think, say, or do
* aught - all, nothing
* bolt - secure, run away
* by - multiplication (e.g., a three by five matrix), division (e.g., dividing eight by four)
* chuffed - pleased, annoyed
* cleave - separate, adhere
* clip - fasten, detach
* consult - ask for advice, give advice
* copemate - partner, antagonist
* custom - usual, special
* deceptively smart - smarter than one appears, dumber than one appears
* dike - wall, ditch
* discursive - proceeding coherently from topic to topic, moving aimlessly from topic to topic
* dollop - a large amount, a small amount
* dust - add fine particles, remove fine particles
* enjoin - prescribe, prohibit
* fast - quick, unmoving
* first degree - most severe (e.g., murder), least severe (e.g., burn)
* fix - restore, castrate
* flog - criticize harshly, promote aggressively
* garnish - enhance (e.g., food), curtail (e.g., wages)
* give out - produce, stop production
* grade - incline, level
* handicap - advantage, disadvantage
* help - assist, prevent (e.g., "I can't help it if...")
* left - remaining, departed from
* liege - sovereign lord, loyal subject
* mean - average, excellent (e.g., "plays a mean game")
* off - off, on (e.g., "the alarm went off")
* out - visible (e.g., stars), invisible (e.g., lights)
* out of - outside, inside (e.g., "work out of one's home")
* oversight - error, care
* pitted - with the pit in, with the pit removed
* put out - extinguish, generate (e.g., something putting out light)
* quiddity - essence, trifling point
* quite - rather, completely
* ravel - tangle, disentangle
* rent - buy use of, sell use of
* rinky-dink - insignificant, one who frequents RinkWorks
* sanction - approve, boycott
* sanguine - hopeful, murderous (obsolete synonym for "sanguinary")
* screen - show, hide
* seed - add seeds (e.g., "to seed a field"), remove seeds (e.g., "to seed a tomato")
* skinned - with the skin on, with the skin removed
* strike - hit, miss (in baseball)
* table - propose (in the United Kingdom), set aside (in the United States)
* transparent - invisible, obvious
* unbending - rigid, relaxing
* variety - one type (e.g., "this variety"), many types (e.g., "a variety")
* wear - endure through use, decay through use
* weather - withstand, wear away
* wind up - end, start up (e.g., a watch)
* with - alongside, against

Finding such idiosyncrasies in slang is much easier. The word bad can be used as slang to mean good. The word bomb has two slang meanings: failure (as usually used in the United States) and success (as usually used in the United Kingdom).

Some noteworthy antonyms aren't homographs (words that are spelled the same) but homophones (words that are pronounced the same). Some of these include:

* aural, oral - heard, spoken
* erupt, irrupt - burst out, burst in
* petalless, petalous - lacking petals, having petals
* raise, raze - erect, tear down

Homophones that are near-antonyms:

* reckless, wreckless

Samuel Johnson's Dictionary of the English Language

April 15 is not just Tax day in the US. It is also the birthday of an interesting dictionary. Enjoy some trivia about Mr. Johnson's efforts.

Published on 15 April 1755 and written by Samuel Johnson, A Dictionary of the English Language is among the most influential dictionaries in the history of the English language.

Calls and proposals for a new dictionary had been made for decades by those who wanted to make fast the English language. A group of London booksellers (including Robert Dodsley and Thomas Longman) contracted Johnson in June, 1746 to write a dictionary for the sum of 1500 Guineas (£1,575).

Johnson took nearly nine years to complete the work he expected to be finished in three years. Remarkably, he did so single-handedly, with only clerical assistance to copy out the illustrative quotations that he had marked in books. Johnson wrote several revised editions during his life.

Johnson's dictionary was prepared at 17 Gough Square, London, an eclectic household, between the years of 1746 and 1755. By 1747 Johnson had written his Plan of a Dictionary of the English Language, which spelled out his intentions and proposed methodology for preparing his document. He clearly saw benefit in drawing from previous efforts, and saw the process as a parallel to legal precedent (possibly influenced by Cowell):

"I shall therefore, since the rules of stile, like those of law, arise from precedents often repeated, collect the testimonies of both sides, and endeavour to discover and promulgate the decrees of custom, who has so long possessed whether by right or by usurpation, the sovereignty of words."

Unlike most modern lexicographers, Johnson introduced humor or prejudice into quite a number of his definitions. Among the best known are:

* "Excise: a hateful tax levied upon commodities and adjudged not by the common judges of property but wretches hired by those to whom excise is paid"

* "Lexicographer: a writer of dictionaries; a harmless drudge that busies himself in tracing the original and detailing the signification of words"

* "Oats: a grain which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland supports the people"

A much less well-known example is::

* "Monsieur: a term of reproach for a Frenchman"

On a more serious level, Johnson's work showed a heretofore unseen meticulousness. Unlike all previous proto-dictionaries that had come before, painstaking care went into the completeness when it came not only to "illustrations" but to definitions as well:

* The word "turn" had 16 definitions with 15 illustrations
* The word "time" had 20 definitions with 14 illustrations
* The word "put" ran more than 5,000 words spread over 3 pages
* The word "take" had 134 definitions, running 8,000 words, over 5 pages

The original goal was to publish the dictionary in two volumes: A-K and L-Z, but that soon proved unwieldy, unprofitable, and unrealistic. Subsequent printings ran to four volumes; even these stacked one on top of the other stood 10 inches tall, and weighed in at nearly 21 pounds. In addition to the sheer physical heft of Johnson's dictionary, came the equally hefty price: £4/10/-. (equivalent to £675 in 2005). So discouraging was the price that by 1784, thirty years after the first edition was published, when the dictionary since run through five editions, only about 6,000 copies were in circulation - an average sale of 200 books a year for thirty years.

The dictionary is heavily featured in the Ink and Incapability episode of Blackadder the Third. Among other things this episode contains a joke about the dictionary not including the word Sausage. In fact, the word Sausage indeed does not appear in the dictionary - Saucisse and Saucisson do, although both only in a military sense. Unsurprisingly, the dictionary also does not contain the word Aardvark.

Do You Know?

In memory of what happened today...


O Captain! My Captain!


O CAPTAIN! my Captain! our fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won;
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.



O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;
Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle trills;
For you bouquets and ribbon’d wreaths—for you the shores a-crowding;
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
Here Captain! dear father!
This arm beneath your head;
It is some dream that on the deck,
You’ve fallen cold and dead.



My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;
The ship is anchor’d safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;
From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won;
Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells!
But I, with mournful tread,
Walk the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

Walt Whitman


Do you know what happened on this day?

Crash Blossoms

A crash blossom is an ambiguous headline: a line of text in large type (usually in a newspaper or magazine) that conveys (often unintentionally) more than one meaning. Also known as a two-faced head. See the blog
Crash Blossom.

"Last August [2009], . . . in the Testy Copy Editors online discussion forum . . ., Mike O’Connell, an American editor based in Sapporo, Japan, spotted the headline 'Violinist Linked to JAL Crash Blossoms' and wondered, 'What’s a crash blossom?' (The article, from the newspaper Japan Today, described the successful musical career of Diana Yukawa, whose father died in a 1985 Japan Airlines plane crash.) Another participant in the forum, Dan Bloom, suggested that 'crash blossoms' could be used as a label for such infelicitous headlines that encourage alternate readings, and news of the neologism quickly spread."

(Ben Zimmer, "Crash Blossoms." The New York Times Magazine, Jan. 31, 2010)

Some notable examples -

"Kids Make Nutritious Snacks"
"Miners Refuse to Work After Death"
"Teacher Strikes Idle Kids"
"US President Wins on Budget, but More Lies Ahead"
"Stolen Painting Found by Tree"
"Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge"
"Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half"
"Include Your Children When Baking Cookies"

("Sample Ambiguous Headlines" in Using Newspapers in the Classroom, by Paul Sanderson. Cambridge Univ. Press, 1999)


"Doctor Testifies in Horse Suit"
"Stud Tires Out"
"American Ships Head to Libya"
"Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax"

Readers are invited to send in more examples.

Analogies

This is from an email I received from a dear friend.

I actually thought that some of these were rather creative.

Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country.

Here are last year's winners...

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m., at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Point and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with Power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Unicorn Hunting Regulations

The following regulations will be enforced by the Wildebeastle (Mythical) Division of the Department of Natural Unicorns (DNU) of the Unicorn Hunters of Lake Superior State University:

* AREAS OPEN TO QUESTERS
1. Earth
2. Moon (unexplored areas only)
3. Milky Way (SE Rim is closed odd years)
4. All else

* BAG LIMITS:

1. Only one Unicorn per month. A success ratio higher than this often results in a form of euphoria, which of course requires a mental truss. This is highly undesirable.

2. Female unicorns may not be taken. Since no one has ever sighted a female unicorn it is believed that males reproduce asexually.

* TERM OF SEASON. All days of the year except St. Agnes' Eve. This exception is to protect hares who limp trembling through frozen grass from being trampled by running unicorns. Bow and arrow season is Oct. 1 - Nov. 14, then Dec. 1 - Jan. 1.

* APPROVED QUESTING DEVICES. Unicorns may be taken with:
1. Serious Intent
2. Iambic Pentameter
3. General levity
4. Sweet talk


* QUESTING HOURS. Unicorns may be taken during daylight and dark except for those hours when the Tooth Fairy is about. She was once frightened by a grumpy unicorn and in deference to her attitude we make the exception.

* USE OF ARTIFICIAL LIGHT. It is illegal to use artificial light to take unicorns.

* BANDED UNICORNS. Some unicorns have been banded by the DNU to indicate age and level of aesthetic energy. Upon taking a banded unicorn, it is required that the band be removed and sent to the Department of Natural Unicorns (DNU) of Lake Superior State University.

* QUESTING UNIFORM. Uniforms may be tailored individually, but must be colored either Mordred Red or Gawaine Green, depending on whether one is chasing the unicorn or vice versa.

* LICENSE. Actually, we prefer not to think of this activity in terms of license, but rather of privilege, therefore please read on to the next item.

* PRIVILEGE. A Unicorn Questing Privilege may be obtained free of charge at the University's website, www.lssu.edu/banished, under "Unicorn Hunters." If you do not have computer access, call or write the LSSU Public Relations Office, 650 W. Easterday Ave., Sault Ste. Marie, Mich., 49783, 906-635-2315. License must be worn over the heart, pinned with a sprig of rosemary. The Questing License has been reviewed by the Wildlife Division of the Department of Natural Resources of the State of Michigan.

* DRAWING FOR PRIVILEGE. In the event that the unicorn herd diminishes to numbers smaller than five per square dream, a drawing will be held to determine privilege holders.

* QUESTING KIT. The following items are recommended for serious pursuit of the unicorn:
1. One small flask of cognac
2. A one-ounce bottle of Unicorn Lure
3. A pair of pinking shears
4. A large envelope
5. One airmail stamp
6. A nail clipper (with file)
7. One curry comb
8. A small bottle of hoof and horn polish
9. A pair of hoof trimmers

* EQUAL OPPORTUNITY. The DNU is an equal opportunity privilege granter. No privilege may be issued before a search iIs made to insure that discrimination has not been used against members of any race or sex, with the exception that poets wearing a sprig of myrtle pinned to their underwear may be issued a privilege without a search.

You can get your Unicorn Hunting Liscense here - Unicorn Hunting Liscense

Unicorn Hunters

The late W.T. (Bill) Rabe, known for his clever PR stunts from his days as a Detroit-area publicist, created the Unicorn Hunters in 1971, shortly after he was hired as Lake Superior State University's Director of Public Relations. Bill, with the assistance of LSSU Professors of English Peter Thomas, John McCabe, John Stevens and others, came up with the Hunters as a way of garnering more publicity for LSSU, which had just established itself as an independent school after being a branch of what is now Michigan Technological University. The Unicorn Hunters made the news often for activities and events including: the annual List of Words Banished from the Queen's English for Mis-Use, Over-Use and General Uselessness, burning a snowman on the first day of spring, World Sauntering Day, International Stone-Skipping Tournament held annually on Mackinac Island, Unicorn Questing Season and Teacher Thank You Week.

Business leaders might say Bill 'leveraged' (the word was banished in 2001) the Unicorn Hunters in a big way. The group's activities, especially 'word banishment,' attracted the attention of news media everywhere. Bill once had an ABC News crew on campus to film students in their quest for unicorns.

The Unicorn Hunters were behind the establishment of one of LSSU's first literary magazines, The Woods-Runner. The quarterly publication was mailed to thousands of readers around the world. Through the magazine, subscribers were able to keep up on the Hunters' activities, as well as sample writing from LSSU students and employees and others.

The Unicorn Hunters retired when Bill did in 1987, but the spirit of some of the group's activities lives on. 'Word Banishment' continues to draw hundreds of nominations each year from people throughout the world. The annual snowman burning on the first day of spring is one of the more popular events on the LSSU campus, if not the Eastern Upper Peninsula.

Peter Thomas, chief herald of the Unicorn Hunters and editor of The Woods-Runner, once said, "The pursuit of the unicorn is a lonely quest, but many more embark upon that journey than teachers or publishers may recognize." His words still ring true. While the Hunters do not physically exist on the LSSU campus anymore, it is apparent that many folks are still 'questing,' thanks to Bill and his colleagues.

In our next post we will give you the Official Unicorn Hunting Regulations. Hey! If your going to do it, do it correctly!

Today I give you a quick look at the news and then I have an important message to leave with you.

From the London Morning Standard:

Big Ben's Big Image Makeover: High Tech Replaces Tic-Toc

by Tim Perdue

Hanging 320 feet above the capital in the dead of night, a team of technicians stealthily brought Big Ben into the Digital Age - an act that caused near-riots when dawn revealed the dramatic changes to shocked Londoners.

Commuters and tourists were stunned to find the eerie green glow of LED digits peeking through the morning fog, bringing and end to almost 150 years of tradition. Even the famous bells have been replaced by an electronic version which allow for variable volume control and options for playing traditional tunes during holidays such as Christmas and New Years.

Former Prime Minister Tony Blair defended the change as riot police ringed the Palace of Westminster, keeping outraged throngs at bay. "Big Ben's new digital readout symbolizes our goverment's unwavering commitment to transforming Britain's image and economy from one ruled by the Dickens' Age to one which leads and lives the Digital Age."

The Great Clock, which everyone calls Big Ben, was set in motion in May 1859. Designed by Edmund Beckett Denison, it was the most expensive and accurate clock of its day. Big Ben's new quartz movement is synchronized with the Royal Observatory's atomic clock in Greenwich, capturing the moment to a millionth of a second. Its original mechanical movement and bells have been removed to the Royal Observatory's museum of horology, where they will be preserved as the focal point of the distinguished 1,500 clock collection.

Jonathan Betts, the museum's curator, was philosphical about the move to modernize Big Ben. "It may lack romance, but it is a logical step in the progression of greater accuracy in measuring time. The mechanical clock has gone the way of the sundial and the hourglass. It has become a quaint curiosity in a world where time now marches to the beat of electrons."

The original movement and its bells will be cleaned and restored by expert clockmakers from Thwaites & Reed. They will then be placed on public view in the Royal Observatory's main gallery, where they are expected to attract crowds of curious Londoners and clock enthusiasts from around the world. Bett's face brightened at the thought. "It will be a marvelous draw for the museum. People are very big on Big Ben."

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Going On Vacation!

There may be a pause in postings to this blog. We are going on vacation and our destination could cause problems posting due to the distances involved. There would certainly be a time lag. We are going to Mars!

I graduated from The University of Mars (Deimos and Phobos Eternatatis!) back in 1968 and have always wanted to get back there. Recently I recveived an invitation from my old History professor, Mr. Walston, to come and visit. I immediately let Ray know that I would get there as soon as I could.

Ray is currently involved in the Richard Branson/Google joint venture named Virgle. Here is a link to their work.

VIRGLE

I respect Ray's work. He is, after all, my favorite Martian.

We looked around for some good travel deals. This was not easy. The charges for extra bags were outrageous! But we perservered and finally found the following -

Expedia Flights To Mars

This looked like the best deal available and the rooms would allow us to stay without being an imposition on Ray and his family. It is, after all, just his summer home. "Cottage By The Face" he calls it.

I will try to find a way to continue posting here occasionally. Ray said something about a time machine or a time reverse syncopation stopulator portal. He even sent me a connection EZ Button that I will press in a moment. I figure if that doesn't work we can always use Expedia. If we are not back in five years, start without us.



Okay! Let's press that EZ Button Hon!



!noH nottuB ZE taht sserp s'teL !yakO

.su tuohtiw trats ,sraey evif ni kcab ton era ew fI

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