The Store is O-Pun

One of the blogs I follow regularly is That's Punny. It is "a photo blog celebrating the pun, which is certainly mightier than the sword". There you will find a treasure trove of great word play.

Some folks favor the important-sounding term paronomasia--playing on the sounds and meanings of words - for what follows here. Many inguists refer to the follwing as homophones--different words that are pronounced the same way (not weigh). Really snooty psychologists use phrases like ambiguity resolution and bistable illusion.

I just simply call them puns. Whether or not you're a fan of word play, puns are inescapable. Especially when twits like me keep bringing them down the street occasionally.

Let's take a stroll down the main streets and high streets of the English-speaking world--stopping by a liquor store named Boo's, a clothing shop called Knit Wit, and a portable-toilet rental service in Chicago known as (get ready) Oui Oui Enterprises.

Go ahead--roll your eyes and groan. You will keep reading. It is just like watching an accident. Tou can't take your eyes off it! Jest for the pun of it, here are the shamelessly punny names of shops, bars, hair salons, restaurants, dog groomers, service stations, and, yes, even lumberyards (Julius Cedar). Once in awhile it is nice to celebrate the wonderful use of word play rather than just the mistakes that abound in the world of words.

Many of these were found at That's Punny and Store Name Puns by Richard Nordquist.

Oh, and by the way: as far as Mr. Nordquist can determine, all the businesses here are still operating. Whether that's because of their clever names or in spite of them, you decide.

Sit back and enjoy as you scroll though the list. It is OK to laugh out loud! Really!


Assorted Businesses and Services

* Alexander the Grate
(fireplace retailer in Belfast, Northern Ireland)


* All Cisterns Go
(plumbing service in York, England)


* Ashwipe Chimney Sweeps
(Chicago, Illinois)


* Avant-Card
(stationery shop in Berkeley, California)


* Boo's Liquor
(East Terrell, Texas)


* C’est Cheese
(cheese shop in Santa Barbara, California)


* Cycloanalysts
(bicycle shop in Oxford, England)


* Cycology Mobile Bike Repair
(Portland, Oregon)


* Floral 'n' Hardy
(flower shop in Lanark, Scotland)


* Fond Ewe Fine Cheeses
(Keswick, England)


* Frame, Set and Match
(picture framing shop in London)


* Get Plastered!
(interior plaster company in San Francisco, California)


* Get Stuffed
(taxidermist in Islington, England)


* Going Pottie
(ceramics studio in Dunkeld, Scotland)


* Grate Expectations
(chimney and fireplace service in London)


* Indiana Bones Temple of Groom
(pet grooming service in Simi Valley,California)


* Jamaican Me Crazy
("family fun store" in Haddonfield, New Jersey)


* Julius Cedar
(lumberyard in Saskatoon, Canada)


* Junk & Disorderly
(furniture store in Nottingham, England)


* Knead to Relax Massage
(Traverse City, Michigan)


* Knit Wit
(clothing store in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)


* Luna Sea Bed and Breakfast Motel
(Cocoa Beach, Florida)


* Melon Cauli
(greengrocer and fruit seller in Birmingham, England)


* Merry Pop Ins Child Care
(Jacksonville, Florida)


* Napoleon Boiler Parts
(plumbing supply store in Alton, England)


* The Old Spokes Home
(bicycle shop in Burlington, Vermont)


* Old Volks Home
(Volkswagen service and repair in Richmond, Virginia)


* Optom-Eyes
(optometrist in Colorado Springs, Colorado)


* Oui Oui Enterprises Ltd.
(portable toilet rental service, Chicago, Illinois)


* Pam-Purred Pets
(pet store in Leslie, Michigan)


* Pane in the Glass
(window washing service in Contra Costa, California)


* Phydeaux
(pet-supply store in Chapel Hill, North Carolina)


* Prints Charming Photography
(Jefferson Hills, Pennsylvania)


* Reading Lasses
(bookshop in Wigtown, Scotland)


* R. Soles
(boot and shoe store in London)


* Sew Materialistic
(fabric store in Brooklyn, New York)


* Shoebeedoo Kids Boutique
(children's shoe store in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)


* Shoenique Shoes
(Longmeadow, Massachusetts)


* Shutopia
(shoe store in Bradford, England)


* The Stalk Market
(flower shop in Seattle, Washington)


* Thistle Do Nicely
(souvenir shop in Edinburgh, Scotland)


* Tiecoon
(men's clothing store in Dallas, Texas)


* A Time to Kiln
(pottery store in Red Bank, New Jersey)


* Wish You Wash Here
(launderette in Coventry, England)


* Womb to Grow
(shop that sells maternity wear and baby gifts in Lichfield, England)


* Wooden-It-Be-Nice
(furniture repair shop in Belvidere, Illinois)


* Wreck-A-Mended Towing and Automotive Repair
(Marietta, Georgia)

* American Hair Force
(hair salon in Elk Grove, California)

* Barber Blacksheep
(hair salon in Brighton, England)


* Combing Attractions Hair Salon
(Janesville, Wisconsin)


* The Hair Em
(hair salon in Willow Street, Pennsylvania)


* Hair Force One
(hair salon in Holbrook, New York)


* Hairs Johnny
(barbershop in Portage, Indiana)


* Hannah and Her Scissors
(hair salon in Miami, Florida)


* Julius Scissor Hair Design
(hair salon in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)


* Permutations Hair Salon
(Glasgow, Scotland)


* Snippety Crickets
(hair salon in San Francisco, California)


* We're Hair
(hair salon in West Warwick, Rhode Island)


Bars, Pubs and Restaurants


* Booze Brothers Off License
(Preston, England)


* Brews Brothers
(bar and night club in Pittston, Pennsylvania)


* Chez When Cocktail Lounge
(Sedalia, Missouri)


* Lawrence of Oregano Pub
(Halifax, Nova Scotia)


* Pour Judgment
(bar in Newport, Rhode Island)


* Tequila Mockingbird Mexican Bar and Grill
(Ocean City, Maryland)


* U Otter Stop Inn
(bar in Minneapolis, Minnesota)


* What Ales You
(bar in Burlington, Vermont)


* Aesop's Tables
(Greek restaurant in Indianapolis, Indiana)


* Award Wieners
(restaurant in Anaheim, California)


* Bean & Gone Cafe
(Auckland, New Zealand)


* Brewed Awakening
(coffee shop in Berkeley, California)


* Brew Ha Ha
(coffee shop in Phoenix, Arizona)


* The Contented Sole
(seafood restaurant in West Palm Beach, Florida)


* Crepevine
(restaurant in San Francisco, California)


* Custard's Last Stand
(ice cream shop in Boulder Dam, Nevada)


* En-Thai-Sing
(Thai restaurant in Mildenhall, England)


* Franks for the Memories
(restaurant in Mundelein, Illinois)


* Frying Nemo
(fish & chips shop in Goole, England)


* Goodbuy Mr Chips
(fish & chips shop in Derby, England)


* Goodfillas
(sandwich bar in Bristol, England)


* The Great Impasta
(Italian restaurant in Champaign, Illinois)


* Grillers in the Mist
(fish restaurant in Katoomba, Australia)


* Higher Grounds Cafe
(coffee shop in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)


* Ho-Lee-Chow
(Chinese restaurant in Toronto, Canada)


* Howe’s Bayou
(Cajun restaurant in Ferndale, Michigan)


* Jamaican Me Hungry
(restaurant in Key West, Florida)


* Kumquat Mae
(vegetarian restaurant in Sheffield, England)


* The Lattetude Bistro
(coffee shop in Decatur, Georgia)


* Lettuce B. Frank
(restaurant in Santa Barbara, California)


* Lettuce Souprise You
(restaurant in Atlanta, Georgia)


* Lord of the Fries
(restaurant in Melbourne, Australia)


* Men At Wok
(Chinese restaurant in Williston, Vermont)


* Mustard's Last Stand
(restaurant in Melbourne, Florida)


* Nincomsoup
(restaurant in London)


* Pete's A Place
(pizzeria in Peabody, Massachusetts)


* Pizza D'Action
(restaurant in Holyoke, Massachusetts)


* Pizza My Heart
(restaurant chain California)


* The Rock and Sole Plaice
(fish & chips shop in London)


* Sam N'Ellas Mad Cow Steak & Rib House
(Colchester, Connecticut)


* Sam Widges Sandwich Delivery Services
(London)


* Sherlock's Home Restaurant
(Minnetonka, Minnesota)


* Thai Tanic
(Thai restaurant in Washington, D.C.)


* Wholly Crepe
(restaurant in Los Angeles, California)


* The Wiener's Circle
(restaurant in Chicago, Illinois)


* Wiener Take All
(restaurant in Buffalo Grove, Illinois)

A Blast From The Past

I hesitate to make this post because it seems to be about politics and the health care debacle we are witnessing daily. But it is not the political points of the argument that I want to point out.

I am not a big fan of Bill O'Reilly on Fox News but I want to post the following clip that I watched the other night. Just watch it, but not for the political points raised. It really is quite a verbal dance.

Shortly after watching that I burst out laughing as I had a wonderful memory of the following -

Even if you remember the above clip, watch it anyway. Many folks have never seen the entire clip. It is wonderful word play!


Enjoy!!

Huh?

It is just amazing how difficult some folks want to make English.


Public School letter to parents about making iced cupcakes -

Dear Parent/Guardians,

The Grade 7 Science classes are nearing the completion for the unit Pure Substances and Mixtures. In this unit, students have been introduced to the Particle Theory of Matter, and to some of the terminology related to the field of chemistry. They have also been given the opportunity to explore, and conduct experiments related to the properties of solutions and mechanical mixtures.

At this time all students are encouraged to discuss with you the content and expectations of the culminating task along with how it will be assessed. This culminating task allows students to demonstrate the knowledge and skills that he/she has learned throughout the module. Although students are responsible to independently complete this task, we would very much appreciate your assistance for the experimenting component, as students require access to a kitchen and some ingredients to develop their own mixture.
Thank you in advance for your interest and co-operation.

Translation: Your children are going to be making iced cupcakes in your kitchen.


#####


Coca Cola letter to distributors - (from the UK - hence the spelling)

To outsource some aspects of our finance transactional processing activities... we will be transitioning certain transactional activities... there will be two primary impacts to your organisation... does not impact your current terms... aiming to minimise any disruption to our business, and we expect our performance levels to stabilise soon after the transition period.

Translation: We're changing our payment arrangements. Here's how it affects you.


#####


Insurance company letter accompanying payment schedule -

Any endorsement number shown in this schedule but not included in the endorsement appendix shall be deemed to apply and form part of the appendix the endorsements bearing such number(s) being attached or previously applied.

Translation: Endorsements listed here still apply, even if they're not in the appendix.


#####


Patient Visits GP -

... I arrive at my GP's office, only to be told that I haven't arrived until I converse with a screen that invites me to ‘Touch the screen to arrive'. My electronic check-in is completed by touching a virtual button labeled ‘arrive me'.

Translation: When I visit my GP, I need to touch a screen twice to check-in.


#####


And a parting shot -

American Airlines

'Property Irregularity Receipt'

Translation: We've lost your luggage.

Yank or Brit?

I subscribe to, and receive a daily email from, A Word A Day. It is always nice to start the day with a thought or two about a word or two. I also subscribe to Word Of The day from Oxford.

Recently, in A Word A Day, Anu Garg wrote an interesting piece regarding American English and British English.

A.Word.A.Day
with Anu Garg

"Recently I visited London to attend a wedding. The bride had graduated from Oxford, and among the invitees were some of her fellow graduates and a professor. During the long ceremony, we intermittently chatted about London weather, Gordon Brown, Queen Lizzie, and language.

"Among other things, we talked about the differences between British and American English. I recalled reading about the inroads American English is making even in the UK, so I decided to carry out an experiment to find to what extent American English had "corrupted" English English.

"I told them that sometimes the British write certain numerals (e.g. 1 and 7) differently from how they're written in the US, and asked them to write a short sentence so I could see if there were other differences in the script.

"I quickly thought of a sentence for them to write:

'Her favorite flavors were in the gray catalog, she realized.'

"I said it aloud and the five Oxonians and the Oxford don kindly wrote it down on their napkins (serviettes). I collected the napkins and then told them about the experiment -- it had nothing to do with handwriting. In reality, that sentence had five words that could be written with American or British spellings (favorite/favourite, flavor/flavour, gray/grey, catalog/catalogue realize/realise).

"Of the six people who participated in the experiment, three spelled (spelt) everything the British way. The other three had one or more words spelled in American English.

"What does this experiment prove? Not much, according to my 12-year-old daughter, "Your sample size is too small."

"Language, by its very definition, is a vehicle of exchange. A language means nothing in a vacuum. When two people share, they give and take, though the movement is not always equal in both directions. The US export of movies, television, music, books, technology, etc. includes something that travels under the radar: Language.

"Will American English take over the other Englishes? Probably not. Will the English language diverge into distinct languages just as Latin turned into French, Spanish, Italian, and other languages?"

I sure hope not.

I just noticed something else. After I typed the paragraph listing the five words that are different in American English from British English, the five British words had an evil-looking red line underneath. Oh well...

Janus Words

Not only are there many fascinating words there are also many fascinating types of words. One very interesting type is the Janus word. A Janus word is a word (such as cleave) having opposite or contradictory meanings. Janus words are also known as Two-Faced Words. The name comes from the Latin word Janus, the god who faces both ways.

Just a side thought - my high school yearbook was titled Janus. When I read the above definition I was intrigued. Our yearbook was named Janus to reflect looking both forward and back but, being a product of the 60's, we certainly could be called opposite or contradictory at times. :)


Some examples of Janus words -


To weather can mean "to endure" or "to erode."


Sanction can mean "to allow" or "to prohibit."


Fix can mean "a solution" (as in "find a quick fix") or "a problem" ("left us in a fix").


Clip can mean "to separate" (as in "clip the coupon from the paper") or "to join" (as in "clip the answer sheets together").


Left as a verb in the past tense means "to have gone"; as an adjective, it means "remaining."


Wear can mean "to last under use" or "to erode under use."


Buckle can mean "to fasten" or "to bend and then break."


The verb bolt can mean "to secure, lock" or "to start suddenly and run away."


Screen can mean "to conceal" or "to show."


To table a bill means in British English "to put a bill up for debate" but in American English "to remove a bill from debate."


Fast can mean "moving quickly" (as in "running fast") or "not moving" (as in "stuck fast").


"There are many such words, and they arise through various means. Called 'Janus words,' 'contranyms,' or 'auto-antonyms,' they include cleave ('to stick to' and 'to split apart') . . . and peruse and scan (each meaning both 'to read closely' and 'to glance at hastily; skim'). Usage writers often criticize such words as potentially confusing and usually single out one of the meanings as 'wrong,' the 'right' meaning being the older one, or the one closer to the word's etymological meaning, or the one more frequent when 18th-century grammarians began to examine language systematically."

(Jesse Sheidlower, "The Word We Love to Hate," Slate, Nov. 1, 2005)

A Plural You?

English is a wonderful language. It's changeable and flexible, full of slang, obscure words, foreign words and synonyms, all of which make it easier to express extremely precise shades of meaning.

But I think there are areas where English is lacking.

For instance, how do you answer a question asked in the negative?

This can be very important. Answering your wife's "I'm not fat, am I?" with a simple "yes" or "no" could get you in trouble. You might mean "Yes, you're not fat," or "No, you're not fat," but that's not necessarily how she'll take it.

To avoid confusion, I've taken to repeating the question with every answer. "No, I have not yet gone to the grocery store." Or when I'm feeling ornery: "Yes, I do not think you are dumb."

English could use a little clarification.

French and German both have a word for "yes" in response to a negative question or statement. For example, if someone said to me in one of these languages "You aren't American!" I would not respond "yes" or "no." Instead, I would respond "si," in French or "doch" in German. Interestingly enough, from what I gather from a friend in France, in a casual French conversation one sometimes hears more "si" than "oui."

Did that sentence sound awkward? Many languages use "one" easily and meaningfully, but in English, it sounds stilted and perhaps a bit academic: "One should water one's lawn in the evening to avoid water evaporation."

This inability to use "one" leads to common grammatical errors: "Someone should mind their own business." (It should read "Someone should mind his or her own business" or "One should mind one's own business.")

Furthermore, we need a plural "you" form.

For those of you from the south, "y'all" works just fine but unfortunately not in formal occasions or indirect addresses.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, "you" used to be the plural and/or formal way to address a person or people with "thou" as the singular and informal "you."

I think we should bring this trend back.

Perhaps from now on, I should begin addressing individuals as "thou," use "one," and start answering questions with "si." If y'all join in, maybe we can reverse the language trend and amend the English language.

Thank You, George

I enjoyed George Carlin's thoughts (if not the profanity) on words and language. It all started when I heard The Hippy-Dippy Weatherman say "Tonight's forecast - dark."

In his stunningly titled short essay "Count the Superfluous Redundant Pleonastic Tautologies," he took a wonderful shot at common redundancies:

"My fellow countrymen, I speak to you as coequals, knowing you are deserving of the honest truth. And let me warn you in advance, my subject matter concerns a serious crisis caused by an event in my past history: the execution-style killing of a security guard on a delivery truck. At that particular point in time, I found myself in a deep depression, making mental errors which seemed as though they might threaten my future plans. I am not over-exaggerating.

"I needed a new beginning, so I decided to pay a social visit to a personal friend with whom I share the same mutual objectives and who is one of the most unique individuals I have ever personally met. The end result was an un­expected surprise. When I reiterated again to her the fact that I needed a fresh start, she said I was exactly right; and, as an added plus, she came up with a fi­nal solution that was absolutely perfect.

"Based on her past experience, she felt we needed to join together in a com­mon bond for a combined total of twenty-four hours a day, in order to find some new initiatives. What a novel innovation! And, as an extra bonus, she presented me with the free gift of a tuna fish. Right away I noticed an immedi­ate positive improvement. And although my recovery is not totally complete, the sum total is I feel much better now knowing I am not uniquely alone."

"By and large," he once said, "language is a tool for concealing the truth."

Carlin, who died of heart failure on June 22, 2008, clearly knew a thing or two about claptrap--and twaddle, poppycock, balderdash, gobbledygook, and drivel. In fact, "drivel" was the word he used to describe his own writings--"Good, funny, occasionally smart, but essentially drivel."

He also once wrote -

"It's a perverse fact that in death you grow more popular. As soon as you're out of everyone's way, your approval curve moves sharply upward. You get more flowers when you die than you got your whole life. All your flowers arrive at once. Too late."

(Napalm & Silly Putty, Hyperion, 2001)

So, George, I am not sending belated flowers. They would probably just remind you of bloomin' idiots. I will just express my thanks for your efforts that helped in waking up a sleeping mind.

A Few More Often Misused Words

Allude and Refer

Allude means to refer to something indirectly or covertly. Refer, without qualification, implies referring to something directly, by naming. Frequently allude is misused to mean "refer directly," but this is an abuse of an otherwise useful, specific word.


Anxious and Eager

Anxious means "troubled" or "worried." Eager means "having keen interest" or "impatient expectancy." When anxious is used to describe someone's expectancy, it is often incorrectly used to mean "eager," which has a far more positive connotation. One may be anxious about an impending report card, but one would be eager to go on a long-awaited vacation.


Stationary and Stationery

Stationary is an adjective that means "not moving." Stationery is a noun that means "writing paper and envelopes." It really is amazing how often these two are confused. Please check now to see if your stationery is stationary.


Practicable and Practical

Practicable means "usable," while practical means "useful." Not all practicable things are practical, and not all practical things are practicable.


Passed and Past

Passed is a past tense verb. Past can be a noun, adjective, adverb, or preposition -- never a verb. That twit in the Honda has not past you at 70 mph, he passed you.


Loath and Loathe

Loath is an adjective, meaning "disinclined" or "reluctant." Loathe is a verb, meaning "feel hatred or disgust for." Confusion often arises about not only what they mean but how they are pronounced. Loath has a hard th sound, while loathe has a soft th sound.


Lightening and Lightning

Lightening refers to something illuminating or brightening. Lightning is what is accompanied by thunder during storms. Also please remember - you CANNOT watch thunder and lightning! Lightning, yes; thunder, no!!


Ingenious and Ingenuous

Ingenious means "clever and inventive." Ingenuous means "open, frank, and sincere" and also "naive, unsophisticated." The words have similar origins, hence the similar spelling, but their meanings have been distinct for centuries. Politicians often reveal themselves to be neither.

A Marriage Proposal

A.W. Bellaw, a 19th-century American poet and humorist, plays with irregular verbs in this light-hearted marriage proposal.


Conjugal Conjugations

by Americus Wellington Bellaw

Dear Maid, let me speak
What I never yet spoke:
You have made my heart squeak
As it never yet squoke
And for sight of you, both my eyes ache as they ne'er before oak.

With your voice my ears ring,
And a sweeter ne'er rung,
Like a bird's on the wing
When at morn it has wung.
And gladness to me it doth bring, such as never voice brung.

My feelings I'd write,
But they cannot be wrote,
And who can indite
What was never indote!
And my love I hasten to plight--the first that I plote.

Yes, you I would choose,
Whom I long ago chose,
And my fond spirit sues
As it never yet sose,
And ever on you do I muse, as never man mose.

The house where you bide
Is a blessed abode;
Sure my hopes I can hide,
For they will not be hode,
And no person living has sighed, as, darling, I've sode.

Your glances they shine
As no others have shone,
And all else I'd resign
That a man could resone,
And surely no other could pine as I lately have pone.

And don't you forget
You will ne'er be forgot,
You never should fret
As at times you have frot,
I would chase all the cares that beset, if they ever besot.

For you I would weave
Songs that never were wove,
And deeds I'd achieve
Which no man achove,
And for me you never should grieve, as for you I have grove.

I'm as worthy a catch
As ever was caught,
O, your answer I watch
As a man never waught,
And we'd make the most elegant match as ever was maught.

Let my longings not sink;
I would die if they sunk.
O, I ask you to think
As you never have thunk,
And our fortunes and lives let us link, as no lives could be lunk.

Happy National Grammar Day!!

National Grammar Day

Today's WORD on Journalism

The New York Times

The Pensacola News Journal

The Wichita Eagle

Popular Fidelity

WTOP

Maryland Morning


A note about the cartoon above - Less And Fewer

A Few Hints For NGD

March 4 is National Grammar Day!

Here are a few hints offered in the hope of improving grammar everywhere.

1. If it “goes without saying” then don’t say it. If it doesn’t, in fact, go without saying, then don’t say it does.

“Obviously, the sky is blue.” Putting the “obviously” doesn’t suddenly make the statement insightful.

2. True or false: a comma must precede any use of the word “and”?

FALSE. Commas should only precede and, but, for, or, nor, so, or yet when they introduce an independent clause. For example, “We laid out our music and snacks, and began to study.” Placing a comma after “snacks” is incorrect. The subject of the sentence has not changed, “we” still “began to study.”

An example of correct comma use: “The game was over, and the crowd began to leave.” The game and the crowd are different subjects and the clauses are independent. The crowd could still be leaving regardless of what is happening with the game.

A comma can also precede “and” when it is used in a list of three or more items. However, in a list it is entirely optional and called an “oxford comma”.

3. Once upon a time, the English language had a way to modify both nouns and verbs. Adjectives did the trick on the former and adverbs on the latter. You didn’t just have to walk, you could walk quickly!

Adverbs modify verbs. For example, you accomplish a task with ease. What do you say?

WRONG: I can do that easy!
RIGHT: I can do that easily!

You accomplish a task with more ease than your colleagues. What do you say?

WRONG: I can do that easier than they can.
RIGHT: I can do that more easily than they can.

4. Et cetera: a useful Latin-derived tool for shortening lists. However, unless you are a lawyer, using it (and especially overusing it) can make you sound unprofessional.

If you must, use it once. A second or third occurrence in the same document essentially says, “I really don’t know what I’m talking about, so I’ll just jam etc. on the end and try to pretend I do!”

Another et cetera mistake is using it when you should use “et al.” Listing a set of objects? Use etc. Listing a group of people? Use et al. It also is derived from Latin and means “and others.”

5. Some people seem to think that throwing an “i.e.” into a paragraph makes them look smarter. Unfortunately, most of those people are using i.e. to mean “for example.”

WRONG: “I have sold many products, i.e. washing machines.” This doesn’t make any sense.

i.e. is an abbreviation of the Latin words id est, literally translated as “that is.” In English, i.e. is used synonymously with “namely.” It specifies and limits.

e.g. is also a Latin abbreviation but of the words exempli gratia, meaning “for example.” E.g. implies, “This is one of several possible options.”


You probably loved your gramma. You can also love your grammar!!