The Store is O-Pun

One of the blogs I follow regularly is That's Punny. It is "a photo blog celebrating the pun, which is certainly mightier than the sword". There you will find a treasure trove of great word play.

Some folks favor the important-sounding term paronomasia--playing on the sounds and meanings of words - for what follows here. Many inguists refer to the follwing as homophones--different words that are pronounced the same way (not weigh). Really snooty psychologists use phrases like ambiguity resolution and bistable illusion.

I just simply call them puns. Whether or not you're a fan of word play, puns are inescapable. Especially when twits like me keep bringing them down the street occasionally.

Let's take a stroll down the main streets and high streets of the English-speaking world--stopping by a liquor store named Boo's, a clothing shop called Knit Wit, and a portable-toilet rental service in Chicago known as (get ready) Oui Oui Enterprises.

Go ahead--roll your eyes and groan. You will keep reading. It is just like watching an accident. Tou can't take your eyes off it! Jest for the pun of it, here are the shamelessly punny names of shops, bars, hair salons, restaurants, dog groomers, service stations, and, yes, even lumberyards (Julius Cedar). Once in awhile it is nice to celebrate the wonderful use of word play rather than just the mistakes that abound in the world of words.

Many of these were found at That's Punny and Store Name Puns by Richard Nordquist.

Oh, and by the way: as far as Mr. Nordquist can determine, all the businesses here are still operating. Whether that's because of their clever names or in spite of them, you decide.

Sit back and enjoy as you scroll though the list. It is OK to laugh out loud! Really!


Assorted Businesses and Services

* Alexander the Grate
(fireplace retailer in Belfast, Northern Ireland)


* All Cisterns Go
(plumbing service in York, England)


* Ashwipe Chimney Sweeps
(Chicago, Illinois)


* Avant-Card
(stationery shop in Berkeley, California)


* Boo's Liquor
(East Terrell, Texas)


* C’est Cheese
(cheese shop in Santa Barbara, California)


* Cycloanalysts
(bicycle shop in Oxford, England)


* Cycology Mobile Bike Repair
(Portland, Oregon)


* Floral 'n' Hardy
(flower shop in Lanark, Scotland)


* Fond Ewe Fine Cheeses
(Keswick, England)


* Frame, Set and Match
(picture framing shop in London)


* Get Plastered!
(interior plaster company in San Francisco, California)


* Get Stuffed
(taxidermist in Islington, England)


* Going Pottie
(ceramics studio in Dunkeld, Scotland)


* Grate Expectations
(chimney and fireplace service in London)


* Indiana Bones Temple of Groom
(pet grooming service in Simi Valley,California)


* Jamaican Me Crazy
("family fun store" in Haddonfield, New Jersey)


* Julius Cedar
(lumberyard in Saskatoon, Canada)


* Junk & Disorderly
(furniture store in Nottingham, England)


* Knead to Relax Massage
(Traverse City, Michigan)


* Knit Wit
(clothing store in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)


* Luna Sea Bed and Breakfast Motel
(Cocoa Beach, Florida)


* Melon Cauli
(greengrocer and fruit seller in Birmingham, England)


* Merry Pop Ins Child Care
(Jacksonville, Florida)


* Napoleon Boiler Parts
(plumbing supply store in Alton, England)


* The Old Spokes Home
(bicycle shop in Burlington, Vermont)


* Old Volks Home
(Volkswagen service and repair in Richmond, Virginia)


* Optom-Eyes
(optometrist in Colorado Springs, Colorado)


* Oui Oui Enterprises Ltd.
(portable toilet rental service, Chicago, Illinois)


* Pam-Purred Pets
(pet store in Leslie, Michigan)


* Pane in the Glass
(window washing service in Contra Costa, California)


* Phydeaux
(pet-supply store in Chapel Hill, North Carolina)


* Prints Charming Photography
(Jefferson Hills, Pennsylvania)


* Reading Lasses
(bookshop in Wigtown, Scotland)


* R. Soles
(boot and shoe store in London)


* Sew Materialistic
(fabric store in Brooklyn, New York)


* Shoebeedoo Kids Boutique
(children's shoe store in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)


* Shoenique Shoes
(Longmeadow, Massachusetts)


* Shutopia
(shoe store in Bradford, England)


* The Stalk Market
(flower shop in Seattle, Washington)


* Thistle Do Nicely
(souvenir shop in Edinburgh, Scotland)


* Tiecoon
(men's clothing store in Dallas, Texas)


* A Time to Kiln
(pottery store in Red Bank, New Jersey)


* Wish You Wash Here
(launderette in Coventry, England)


* Womb to Grow
(shop that sells maternity wear and baby gifts in Lichfield, England)


* Wooden-It-Be-Nice
(furniture repair shop in Belvidere, Illinois)


* Wreck-A-Mended Towing and Automotive Repair
(Marietta, Georgia)

* American Hair Force
(hair salon in Elk Grove, California)

* Barber Blacksheep
(hair salon in Brighton, England)


* Combing Attractions Hair Salon
(Janesville, Wisconsin)


* The Hair Em
(hair salon in Willow Street, Pennsylvania)


* Hair Force One
(hair salon in Holbrook, New York)


* Hairs Johnny
(barbershop in Portage, Indiana)


* Hannah and Her Scissors
(hair salon in Miami, Florida)


* Julius Scissor Hair Design
(hair salon in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)


* Permutations Hair Salon
(Glasgow, Scotland)


* Snippety Crickets
(hair salon in San Francisco, California)


* We're Hair
(hair salon in West Warwick, Rhode Island)


Bars, Pubs and Restaurants


* Booze Brothers Off License
(Preston, England)


* Brews Brothers
(bar and night club in Pittston, Pennsylvania)


* Chez When Cocktail Lounge
(Sedalia, Missouri)


* Lawrence of Oregano Pub
(Halifax, Nova Scotia)


* Pour Judgment
(bar in Newport, Rhode Island)


* Tequila Mockingbird Mexican Bar and Grill
(Ocean City, Maryland)


* U Otter Stop Inn
(bar in Minneapolis, Minnesota)


* What Ales You
(bar in Burlington, Vermont)


* Aesop's Tables
(Greek restaurant in Indianapolis, Indiana)


* Award Wieners
(restaurant in Anaheim, California)


* Bean & Gone Cafe
(Auckland, New Zealand)


* Brewed Awakening
(coffee shop in Berkeley, California)


* Brew Ha Ha
(coffee shop in Phoenix, Arizona)


* The Contented Sole
(seafood restaurant in West Palm Beach, Florida)


* Crepevine
(restaurant in San Francisco, California)


* Custard's Last Stand
(ice cream shop in Boulder Dam, Nevada)


* En-Thai-Sing
(Thai restaurant in Mildenhall, England)


* Franks for the Memories
(restaurant in Mundelein, Illinois)


* Frying Nemo
(fish & chips shop in Goole, England)


* Goodbuy Mr Chips
(fish & chips shop in Derby, England)


* Goodfillas
(sandwich bar in Bristol, England)


* The Great Impasta
(Italian restaurant in Champaign, Illinois)


* Grillers in the Mist
(fish restaurant in Katoomba, Australia)


* Higher Grounds Cafe
(coffee shop in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)


* Ho-Lee-Chow
(Chinese restaurant in Toronto, Canada)


* Howe’s Bayou
(Cajun restaurant in Ferndale, Michigan)


* Jamaican Me Hungry
(restaurant in Key West, Florida)


* Kumquat Mae
(vegetarian restaurant in Sheffield, England)


* The Lattetude Bistro
(coffee shop in Decatur, Georgia)


* Lettuce B. Frank
(restaurant in Santa Barbara, California)


* Lettuce Souprise You
(restaurant in Atlanta, Georgia)


* Lord of the Fries
(restaurant in Melbourne, Australia)


* Men At Wok
(Chinese restaurant in Williston, Vermont)


* Mustard's Last Stand
(restaurant in Melbourne, Florida)


* Nincomsoup
(restaurant in London)


* Pete's A Place
(pizzeria in Peabody, Massachusetts)


* Pizza D'Action
(restaurant in Holyoke, Massachusetts)


* Pizza My Heart
(restaurant chain California)


* The Rock and Sole Plaice
(fish & chips shop in London)


* Sam N'Ellas Mad Cow Steak & Rib House
(Colchester, Connecticut)


* Sam Widges Sandwich Delivery Services
(London)


* Sherlock's Home Restaurant
(Minnetonka, Minnesota)


* Thai Tanic
(Thai restaurant in Washington, D.C.)


* Wholly Crepe
(restaurant in Los Angeles, California)


* The Wiener's Circle
(restaurant in Chicago, Illinois)


* Wiener Take All
(restaurant in Buffalo Grove, Illinois)

A Blast From The Past

I hesitate to make this post because it seems to be about politics and the health care debacle we are witnessing daily. But it is not the political points of the argument that I want to point out.

I am not a big fan of Bill O'Reilly on Fox News but I want to post the following clip that I watched the other night. Just watch it, but not for the political points raised. It really is quite a verbal dance.

Shortly after watching that I burst out laughing as I had a wonderful memory of the following -

Even if you remember the above clip, watch it anyway. Many folks have never seen the entire clip. It is wonderful word play!


Enjoy!!

Huh?

It is just amazing how difficult some folks want to make English.


Public School letter to parents about making iced cupcakes -

Dear Parent/Guardians,

The Grade 7 Science classes are nearing the completion for the unit Pure Substances and Mixtures. In this unit, students have been introduced to the Particle Theory of Matter, and to some of the terminology related to the field of chemistry. They have also been given the opportunity to explore, and conduct experiments related to the properties of solutions and mechanical mixtures.

At this time all students are encouraged to discuss with you the content and expectations of the culminating task along with how it will be assessed. This culminating task allows students to demonstrate the knowledge and skills that he/she has learned throughout the module. Although students are responsible to independently complete this task, we would very much appreciate your assistance for the experimenting component, as students require access to a kitchen and some ingredients to develop their own mixture.
Thank you in advance for your interest and co-operation.

Translation: Your children are going to be making iced cupcakes in your kitchen.


#####


Coca Cola letter to distributors - (from the UK - hence the spelling)

To outsource some aspects of our finance transactional processing activities... we will be transitioning certain transactional activities... there will be two primary impacts to your organisation... does not impact your current terms... aiming to minimise any disruption to our business, and we expect our performance levels to stabilise soon after the transition period.

Translation: We're changing our payment arrangements. Here's how it affects you.


#####


Insurance company letter accompanying payment schedule -

Any endorsement number shown in this schedule but not included in the endorsement appendix shall be deemed to apply and form part of the appendix the endorsements bearing such number(s) being attached or previously applied.

Translation: Endorsements listed here still apply, even if they're not in the appendix.


#####


Patient Visits GP -

... I arrive at my GP's office, only to be told that I haven't arrived until I converse with a screen that invites me to ‘Touch the screen to arrive'. My electronic check-in is completed by touching a virtual button labeled ‘arrive me'.

Translation: When I visit my GP, I need to touch a screen twice to check-in.


#####


And a parting shot -

American Airlines

'Property Irregularity Receipt'

Translation: We've lost your luggage.

Yank or Brit?

I subscribe to, and receive a daily email from, A Word A Day. It is always nice to start the day with a thought or two about a word or two. I also subscribe to Word Of The day from Oxford.

Recently, in A Word A Day, Anu Garg wrote an interesting piece regarding American English and British English.

A.Word.A.Day
with Anu Garg

"Recently I visited London to attend a wedding. The bride had graduated from Oxford, and among the invitees were some of her fellow graduates and a professor. During the long ceremony, we intermittently chatted about London weather, Gordon Brown, Queen Lizzie, and language.

"Among other things, we talked about the differences between British and American English. I recalled reading about the inroads American English is making even in the UK, so I decided to carry out an experiment to find to what extent American English had "corrupted" English English.

"I told them that sometimes the British write certain numerals (e.g. 1 and 7) differently from how they're written in the US, and asked them to write a short sentence so I could see if there were other differences in the script.

"I quickly thought of a sentence for them to write:

'Her favorite flavors were in the gray catalog, she realized.'

"I said it aloud and the five Oxonians and the Oxford don kindly wrote it down on their napkins (serviettes). I collected the napkins and then told them about the experiment -- it had nothing to do with handwriting. In reality, that sentence had five words that could be written with American or British spellings (favorite/favourite, flavor/flavour, gray/grey, catalog/catalogue realize/realise).

"Of the six people who participated in the experiment, three spelled (spelt) everything the British way. The other three had one or more words spelled in American English.

"What does this experiment prove? Not much, according to my 12-year-old daughter, "Your sample size is too small."

"Language, by its very definition, is a vehicle of exchange. A language means nothing in a vacuum. When two people share, they give and take, though the movement is not always equal in both directions. The US export of movies, television, music, books, technology, etc. includes something that travels under the radar: Language.

"Will American English take over the other Englishes? Probably not. Will the English language diverge into distinct languages just as Latin turned into French, Spanish, Italian, and other languages?"

I sure hope not.

I just noticed something else. After I typed the paragraph listing the five words that are different in American English from British English, the five British words had an evil-looking red line underneath. Oh well...

Janus Words

Not only are there many fascinating words there are also many fascinating types of words. One very interesting type is the Janus word. A Janus word is a word (such as cleave) having opposite or contradictory meanings. Janus words are also known as Two-Faced Words. The name comes from the Latin word Janus, the god who faces both ways.

Just a side thought - my high school yearbook was titled Janus. When I read the above definition I was intrigued. Our yearbook was named Janus to reflect looking both forward and back but, being a product of the 60's, we certainly could be called opposite or contradictory at times. :)


Some examples of Janus words -


To weather can mean "to endure" or "to erode."


Sanction can mean "to allow" or "to prohibit."


Fix can mean "a solution" (as in "find a quick fix") or "a problem" ("left us in a fix").


Clip can mean "to separate" (as in "clip the coupon from the paper") or "to join" (as in "clip the answer sheets together").


Left as a verb in the past tense means "to have gone"; as an adjective, it means "remaining."


Wear can mean "to last under use" or "to erode under use."


Buckle can mean "to fasten" or "to bend and then break."


The verb bolt can mean "to secure, lock" or "to start suddenly and run away."


Screen can mean "to conceal" or "to show."


To table a bill means in British English "to put a bill up for debate" but in American English "to remove a bill from debate."


Fast can mean "moving quickly" (as in "running fast") or "not moving" (as in "stuck fast").


"There are many such words, and they arise through various means. Called 'Janus words,' 'contranyms,' or 'auto-antonyms,' they include cleave ('to stick to' and 'to split apart') . . . and peruse and scan (each meaning both 'to read closely' and 'to glance at hastily; skim'). Usage writers often criticize such words as potentially confusing and usually single out one of the meanings as 'wrong,' the 'right' meaning being the older one, or the one closer to the word's etymological meaning, or the one more frequent when 18th-century grammarians began to examine language systematically."

(Jesse Sheidlower, "The Word We Love to Hate," Slate, Nov. 1, 2005)

A Plural You?

English is a wonderful language. It's changeable and flexible, full of slang, obscure words, foreign words and synonyms, all of which make it easier to express extremely precise shades of meaning.

But I think there are areas where English is lacking.

For instance, how do you answer a question asked in the negative?

This can be very important. Answering your wife's "I'm not fat, am I?" with a simple "yes" or "no" could get you in trouble. You might mean "Yes, you're not fat," or "No, you're not fat," but that's not necessarily how she'll take it.

To avoid confusion, I've taken to repeating the question with every answer. "No, I have not yet gone to the grocery store." Or when I'm feeling ornery: "Yes, I do not think you are dumb."

English could use a little clarification.

French and German both have a word for "yes" in response to a negative question or statement. For example, if someone said to me in one of these languages "You aren't American!" I would not respond "yes" or "no." Instead, I would respond "si," in French or "doch" in German. Interestingly enough, from what I gather from a friend in France, in a casual French conversation one sometimes hears more "si" than "oui."

Did that sentence sound awkward? Many languages use "one" easily and meaningfully, but in English, it sounds stilted and perhaps a bit academic: "One should water one's lawn in the evening to avoid water evaporation."

This inability to use "one" leads to common grammatical errors: "Someone should mind their own business." (It should read "Someone should mind his or her own business" or "One should mind one's own business.")

Furthermore, we need a plural "you" form.

For those of you from the south, "y'all" works just fine but unfortunately not in formal occasions or indirect addresses.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, "you" used to be the plural and/or formal way to address a person or people with "thou" as the singular and informal "you."

I think we should bring this trend back.

Perhaps from now on, I should begin addressing individuals as "thou," use "one," and start answering questions with "si." If y'all join in, maybe we can reverse the language trend and amend the English language.

Thank You, George

I enjoyed George Carlin's thoughts (if not the profanity) on words and language. It all started when I heard The Hippy-Dippy Weatherman say "Tonight's forecast - dark."

In his stunningly titled short essay "Count the Superfluous Redundant Pleonastic Tautologies," he took a wonderful shot at common redundancies:

"My fellow countrymen, I speak to you as coequals, knowing you are deserving of the honest truth. And let me warn you in advance, my subject matter concerns a serious crisis caused by an event in my past history: the execution-style killing of a security guard on a delivery truck. At that particular point in time, I found myself in a deep depression, making mental errors which seemed as though they might threaten my future plans. I am not over-exaggerating.

"I needed a new beginning, so I decided to pay a social visit to a personal friend with whom I share the same mutual objectives and who is one of the most unique individuals I have ever personally met. The end result was an un­expected surprise. When I reiterated again to her the fact that I needed a fresh start, she said I was exactly right; and, as an added plus, she came up with a fi­nal solution that was absolutely perfect.

"Based on her past experience, she felt we needed to join together in a com­mon bond for a combined total of twenty-four hours a day, in order to find some new initiatives. What a novel innovation! And, as an extra bonus, she presented me with the free gift of a tuna fish. Right away I noticed an immedi­ate positive improvement. And although my recovery is not totally complete, the sum total is I feel much better now knowing I am not uniquely alone."

"By and large," he once said, "language is a tool for concealing the truth."

Carlin, who died of heart failure on June 22, 2008, clearly knew a thing or two about claptrap--and twaddle, poppycock, balderdash, gobbledygook, and drivel. In fact, "drivel" was the word he used to describe his own writings--"Good, funny, occasionally smart, but essentially drivel."

He also once wrote -

"It's a perverse fact that in death you grow more popular. As soon as you're out of everyone's way, your approval curve moves sharply upward. You get more flowers when you die than you got your whole life. All your flowers arrive at once. Too late."

(Napalm & Silly Putty, Hyperion, 2001)

So, George, I am not sending belated flowers. They would probably just remind you of bloomin' idiots. I will just express my thanks for your efforts that helped in waking up a sleeping mind.

A Few More Often Misused Words

Allude and Refer

Allude means to refer to something indirectly or covertly. Refer, without qualification, implies referring to something directly, by naming. Frequently allude is misused to mean "refer directly," but this is an abuse of an otherwise useful, specific word.


Anxious and Eager

Anxious means "troubled" or "worried." Eager means "having keen interest" or "impatient expectancy." When anxious is used to describe someone's expectancy, it is often incorrectly used to mean "eager," which has a far more positive connotation. One may be anxious about an impending report card, but one would be eager to go on a long-awaited vacation.


Stationary and Stationery

Stationary is an adjective that means "not moving." Stationery is a noun that means "writing paper and envelopes." It really is amazing how often these two are confused. Please check now to see if your stationery is stationary.


Practicable and Practical

Practicable means "usable," while practical means "useful." Not all practicable things are practical, and not all practical things are practicable.


Passed and Past

Passed is a past tense verb. Past can be a noun, adjective, adverb, or preposition -- never a verb. That twit in the Honda has not past you at 70 mph, he passed you.


Loath and Loathe

Loath is an adjective, meaning "disinclined" or "reluctant." Loathe is a verb, meaning "feel hatred or disgust for." Confusion often arises about not only what they mean but how they are pronounced. Loath has a hard th sound, while loathe has a soft th sound.


Lightening and Lightning

Lightening refers to something illuminating or brightening. Lightning is what is accompanied by thunder during storms. Also please remember - you CANNOT watch thunder and lightning! Lightning, yes; thunder, no!!


Ingenious and Ingenuous

Ingenious means "clever and inventive." Ingenuous means "open, frank, and sincere" and also "naive, unsophisticated." The words have similar origins, hence the similar spelling, but their meanings have been distinct for centuries. Politicians often reveal themselves to be neither.

A Marriage Proposal

A.W. Bellaw, a 19th-century American poet and humorist, plays with irregular verbs in this light-hearted marriage proposal.


Conjugal Conjugations

by Americus Wellington Bellaw

Dear Maid, let me speak
What I never yet spoke:
You have made my heart squeak
As it never yet squoke
And for sight of you, both my eyes ache as they ne'er before oak.

With your voice my ears ring,
And a sweeter ne'er rung,
Like a bird's on the wing
When at morn it has wung.
And gladness to me it doth bring, such as never voice brung.

My feelings I'd write,
But they cannot be wrote,
And who can indite
What was never indote!
And my love I hasten to plight--the first that I plote.

Yes, you I would choose,
Whom I long ago chose,
And my fond spirit sues
As it never yet sose,
And ever on you do I muse, as never man mose.

The house where you bide
Is a blessed abode;
Sure my hopes I can hide,
For they will not be hode,
And no person living has sighed, as, darling, I've sode.

Your glances they shine
As no others have shone,
And all else I'd resign
That a man could resone,
And surely no other could pine as I lately have pone.

And don't you forget
You will ne'er be forgot,
You never should fret
As at times you have frot,
I would chase all the cares that beset, if they ever besot.

For you I would weave
Songs that never were wove,
And deeds I'd achieve
Which no man achove,
And for me you never should grieve, as for you I have grove.

I'm as worthy a catch
As ever was caught,
O, your answer I watch
As a man never waught,
And we'd make the most elegant match as ever was maught.

Let my longings not sink;
I would die if they sunk.
O, I ask you to think
As you never have thunk,
And our fortunes and lives let us link, as no lives could be lunk.

Happy National Grammar Day!!

National Grammar Day

Today's WORD on Journalism

The New York Times

The Pensacola News Journal

The Wichita Eagle

Popular Fidelity

WTOP

Maryland Morning


A note about the cartoon above - Less And Fewer

A Few Hints For NGD

March 4 is National Grammar Day!

Here are a few hints offered in the hope of improving grammar everywhere.

1. If it “goes without saying” then don’t say it. If it doesn’t, in fact, go without saying, then don’t say it does.

“Obviously, the sky is blue.” Putting the “obviously” doesn’t suddenly make the statement insightful.

2. True or false: a comma must precede any use of the word “and”?

FALSE. Commas should only precede and, but, for, or, nor, so, or yet when they introduce an independent clause. For example, “We laid out our music and snacks, and began to study.” Placing a comma after “snacks” is incorrect. The subject of the sentence has not changed, “we” still “began to study.”

An example of correct comma use: “The game was over, and the crowd began to leave.” The game and the crowd are different subjects and the clauses are independent. The crowd could still be leaving regardless of what is happening with the game.

A comma can also precede “and” when it is used in a list of three or more items. However, in a list it is entirely optional and called an “oxford comma”.

3. Once upon a time, the English language had a way to modify both nouns and verbs. Adjectives did the trick on the former and adverbs on the latter. You didn’t just have to walk, you could walk quickly!

Adverbs modify verbs. For example, you accomplish a task with ease. What do you say?

WRONG: I can do that easy!
RIGHT: I can do that easily!

You accomplish a task with more ease than your colleagues. What do you say?

WRONG: I can do that easier than they can.
RIGHT: I can do that more easily than they can.

4. Et cetera: a useful Latin-derived tool for shortening lists. However, unless you are a lawyer, using it (and especially overusing it) can make you sound unprofessional.

If you must, use it once. A second or third occurrence in the same document essentially says, “I really don’t know what I’m talking about, so I’ll just jam etc. on the end and try to pretend I do!”

Another et cetera mistake is using it when you should use “et al.” Listing a set of objects? Use etc. Listing a group of people? Use et al. It also is derived from Latin and means “and others.”

5. Some people seem to think that throwing an “i.e.” into a paragraph makes them look smarter. Unfortunately, most of those people are using i.e. to mean “for example.”

WRONG: “I have sold many products, i.e. washing machines.” This doesn’t make any sense.

i.e. is an abbreviation of the Latin words id est, literally translated as “that is.” In English, i.e. is used synonymously with “namely.” It specifies and limits.

e.g. is also a Latin abbreviation but of the words exempli gratia, meaning “for example.” E.g. implies, “This is one of several possible options.”


You probably loved your gramma. You can also love your grammar!!

Some Fascinating Book Titles

From CBC Canada News -

Nazi spoons, robots vie for oddest title

Last Updated: Monday, February 22, 2010 | 12:29 PM ET

CBC News

Books about Nazi spoons, ethical considerations for lethal robots and how-to crochet geometric models are in the running for this year's Diagram Prize, the quirky annual literary honour celebrating odd book titles.

The U.K. trade magazine The Bookseller has announced a shortlist of six peculiar titles from the past year. The nominees are:

* Afterthoughts of a Worm Hunter by David Crompton.
* Collectible Spoons of the Third Reich by James A. Yannes.
* Crocheting Adventures with Hyperbolic Planes by Daina Taimina.
* Governing Lethal Behavior in Autonomous Robots by Ronald C. Arkin.
* The Changing World of Inflammatory Bowel Disease by Ellen Scherl and Maria Dubinsky.
* What Kind of Bean Is This Chihuahua? by Tara Jansen-Meyer.

Organizers whittled down the list from a record 90 entries for 2009, more than half suggested via Twitter. It was a giant leap from the 32 submitted for 2008. However, organizers discovered that nearly half had to be disqualified because they were published prior to last year.

Still, "selecting a short list proved a Herculean task, as many books carried titles that furrowed the brow — not least How YOU Are Like Shampoo and Map-based Comparative Genomics in Legumes," Horace Bent, who administers the prize for The Bookseller, said in an interview.

"However, the vast sum of submissions has, in my humble opinion, created one of the most competitive short lists in the 32 years of the prize. And I look forward with incalculable anticipation to the result of the public vote."

The magazine invites readers to cast a vote on its website, The Bookseller, with the winner to be announced March 26.

Founded in 1978 as a tongue-in-cheek entertainment for that year's Frankfurt Book Fair, the Bookseller's Diagram Prize has since become an annual tradition. Past winners have included Bombproof Your Horse, Reusing Old Graves, Greek Rural Postmen and Their Cancellation Numbers, Living With Crazy Buttocks and, most recently, The 2009–2014 World Outlook for 60mg Containers of Fromage Frais.

Look Out For The Ask Murderer!

We have all heard of him. He is the subject of many creepy horror tales and the inhabitant of many a nightmare. He is the dreaded Ax Murderer!

But there is another scary type of person lurking about. I have seen him rather frequently.

I watch a fair bit of sports. I am sure you know that announcers as well as athletes can be a rich source of language goofs. But there is one in particular that really grates on my nerves. I hear it over and over, year after year. It is the pronunciation of "ask" as "ax".

"May I ask you a question?"

"Sure, man! Ax me anything you want."

Head for the hills! The Ask Murderer is out and about!!! Save the kids!!

Is it really that difficult a tax to pronounce it correctly? Or do you just let it go and hurry off to bax in the sun and hide behind you max of indifference?

As I pondered these questions I grabbed my cax (or was it a flax?) of Amontillado and went off to visit a few of my favorite websites. When I stopped by Schott's Vocab I came across a story that revealed the following -



The Chilean mint issued thousands of coins with the name of the country misspelled, the BBC reported:

The 50-peso coins – worth about 10 cents (6p) – were issued in 2008, but no-one noticed the mistake until late last year.

Instead of C-H-I-L-E, the coins had C-H-I-I-E stamped on them.

The coins have since become collectors’ items and the mint says it has no plans to take them out of circulation.


Perhaps they should have axed the proofreader?



Finally, for all of the thousands of athletes who visit this page -


AXE

(US also ax)

noun

1 a heavy-bladed tool used for chopping wood.

2 (the axe) severe cost-cutting action.

verb

cancel or dismiss suddenly and ruthlessly.

— PHRASES have an axe to grind have a private reason for doing something.



ASK

verb

1 say something in order to get an answer or some information.

2 say that one wants someone to do, give, or allow something.

3 (ask for) request to speak to.

4 expect or demand (something) of someone.

5 invite (someone) to a social occasion.

6 (ask out) invite (someone) out on a date.

7 (ask after) inquire about the well-being of (someone).

— PHRASES a big ask Austral./NZ informal a difficult demand to fulfill. for the asking for little or no effort or cost.

Checking Chandelier Bulbs

Recently I came across a website that was apparently for posting encounters that people had with folks who were ummmmm not the brightest bulb in the chandelier. Here are some of he posts from that site.


Stupid is as stupid does..

IDIOT SIGHTING:

We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large'enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not... Four is larger than two..."
We haven't used Sears repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, "You gave me too much money." I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back." She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said "We're sorry but we cannot do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change..
Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
From Kingman , KS ..

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE:

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
From Kansas City

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS

IDIOT SIGHTING:

We were having a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker, as she was leaving the company due to 'downsizing..' Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often.." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff 's office, no less.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" His reply, "I know. I already got that side. This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , MS

IDIOT SIGHTINGS:

When I left Hawaii and was transferred to Florida , I still had the Hawaiian plates on my car, as my car was shipped from Hawaii . I was parking somewhere (I can't remember) and a guy asked me "Wow, you drove from Hawaii to here?" I looked at him and quickly said "Yep. I took the Hawaii/San Francisco Bridge". He nodded his head and said, "Cool"!


STAY ALERT! They walk among us.... they REPRODUCE........... and they vote!

Like Fingernails On A Blackboard

Do certain words and/or phrases drive you up the hall? err, wall?

Here are a few that make me shudder -


Irregardless – Look it up. ”Commonly used by ignorant people.”

Uber

Think outside the box (My cat, Zero, used to do that on occasion. Oh! Wait! That was "tink"),

surreal

The end of (insert word here) as we know it.

That said, … (or having said that, …) followed by a contradictory opinion.

The habit of calling almost everyone "dear" or "hon" or "sweetie."

Shovel ready - When someone dies, he or she, too, is 'shovel ready' for burial, and so I get confused about the meaning.

Tweet, and all its variations -- used in connection with the Twitter social-networking site.

There's an app for that -- coined by Apple to use in promoting applications made for its popular iPhone.


There also seems to be a perfect storm of using 'Obama' as a prefix. Is there a bailout available to this problem? In the end (and at the end of the day) it probably is what it is and there is no public option to this surreal issue. It could be the end of grammar as we know it...

That being said, Whatever goes on from Wall Street to Main Street is sure to leave a huge carbon footprint. Ya know?

It certainly seems as though imaginative and thoughtful word usage has gone missing and it is high time we started cracking down on our language usage!

As we move forward, let me be clear. This is a whole nother scenario as we look at the facts on the ground. Well, maybe not so much. Yeah, enough of that.

Just sayin'.

A few odds and ends....

Just a few odds and ends found while surfing...


.....found here and there.

#####

Oooops.....

From an online news source...

Cable TV standoffs threaten viewing costs, choices

Jan 3, 2:30 AM (ET)

By DAVE CARPENTER

CHICAGO (AP)

...

Fox had demanded to $1 per cable subscriber per month for programming it used to gave away, saying it no longer can afford to offer programming free when cable channels earn subscriber fees.

...


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In Las Vegas in December, there was a great holiday party invitation which included the following:

… come join us for toasted marshmallows and carolers …

What comes to your mind?


#####


A Final Jeopardy answer from early January:

Of the eight parts of speech, this is the only one that does not end in the same four letters as at least one of the others.

?


The answer is...


What is an adjective?

The other seven are -


verb - adverb
noun - pronoun
conjunction - preposition - interjection


#####

From an online advice site -

Never assume that your cat knows the difference between her litter tray and the large, square pan of fruit crumble you’ve left cooling on the counter top.

Never try to remove your contact lenses after eating Hot Wings.

Never, never put bubble bath in a hottub with jets.

When attending a New York Jets football game with 3 freinds and you are carrying the letters J E T S to display during the game, make sure you get the order of the letters correct. New York fans do not appreciate the J E S T.


######

Speaking of advice - here are some quotes worth thinking about.

Wise men don't need advice. Fools won't take it. Benjamin Franklin

If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle. Jack Adams

Advice is like snow -- the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper in sinks into the mind. Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Aim above morality. Be not simply good, be good for something. Henry David Thoreau

An Email From A Friend

Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country.

Here are last year's winners...

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a
formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and
Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. Instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. Traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m., at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

So...What Are You Doing This Weekend?

One of my favorite sites to visit is Schott's Vocab. To quote from the website - "Schott’s Vocab is a repository of unconsidered lexicographical trifles — some serious, others frivolous, some neologized, others newly newsworthy. Each day, Schott’s Vocab explores news sites around the world to find words and phrases that encapsulate the times in which we live or shed light on a story of note. If language is the archives of history, as Emerson believed, then Schott’s Vocab is an attempt to index those archives on the fly."

Ben Schott is the author of “Schott’s Original Miscellany,” its two sequels, and the yearbook “Schott’s Almanac.” He is a contributing columnist to The Times’s Op-Ed page. He lives in London.

For me, the highpoint of every week is the Weekend Competition. This is a fun time as readers (Co-vocabularists) are invited to participate. The competition has, in the past, included such topics as - Euphemisms for Stupidity, Define Youth, Imaginary Libraries, Modern Similes, Tom Swifties and many more. The results always range from the sublimely witty to the outright hysterical. I would urge my readers to take part in the competitions each weekend. This truly is playing in the word farm!

(Please note that you will have to register with the New York Times to enter comments but you will not be bombarded with spam etc if you do.)

Recently there was a competition entitled Pun(ishment) and there was one comment that is the best I have ever read.

Here is the introduction to that competition -

Weekend Competition: Pun(ishment)

This weekend, co-vocabularists are invited to stoop to the lowest form of wit and submit the puns that have always tickled them.

Dorothy Parker famously observed: “You can lead a whore to culture but you can’t make her think.”

S. J. Perelman gagged: “I tried to resist his overtures, but he plied me with symphonies, quartets, chamber music and cantatas.”

Edmund Burke spotted: “What is (m)ajest(y), when stripped of its externals, but a jest?”

And Shakespeare’s famous pun – “Now is the winter of our discontent, made glorious summer by this sun of York” – has itself been punned upon by many a shopkeeper: “Now is the winter of our discount tents.”

Whether you’re a wordbotcher, quip on the draw, or a glutton for pun(ishment), your puns are welcome here.


The submission that I referred to earlier came from someone named MikeAq and I reprint it here without permission because I have no idea how to contact this person. If you enjoy puns, sit back and enjoy this piece. It is simply wonderful.


This is the post from MikeAq -



The following was a joint spontaneous effort among friends about a year ago, which I revised somewhat for this competition:

PHIL’S INTRODUCTION:

C, E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says: “Sorry, but we don’t serve minors.”

So the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them.

After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me, I’ll just be a second.”

Then an A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. He notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, “Get out now. You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”

The next night, E-flat waltzes in accompanied by a very drunken C. The bartender says, “E-flat and C again! This could be a major development.”

Someone called the police and a capella soon arrived, who put C under a rest. He was acoustic of public drunkenness and marched off to jail. He objected loudly, alto no avail.

C was brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, for de cadence, for breaking the Penal Coda by having an unprotected sax. And otherwise fluting the law. He was sentenced to 10 years at an upscale aria facility

On a peal, however, C was found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that the charges were bassless.

MIKE CHIMED IN WITH, “HERE’S WHAT HAPPENED TO E-FLAT…”

E-flat, not easily deflatted, came back to the bar the next night clad only in a three-piece suite, which he removed, and stood there au natural, with exposed octaves partially hidden by a small fan dangle, apparently pedaling himself

A drunk who ate at the bar, Bached away and said, “Don’t that beat all!” and yelled for the boss Tony Pops, who called the voice squad.

The squad lieder said, “Gavotte do we have here?” They saw what was going on, saw E flat was carrying a piece, and said, “OK, E-flat, you know the quadrille. The jig is up!”

Pops wanted to refrain from prestoing charges because E-flat was not a violin offender, but the cops medley persisted, saying “Euphonium, we a rest ‘em.”

E-flat said, “Wait a minuet – reed my lips – these charges are falsetto!” The cops said, “Etude, you are slurring your phrases, off you go!”

The cops treated him like a piano kidding. They tried to march him off to jail in double time, but his movements were slow. His feet were retardando by tightly noted chords, and he could only take half-steps down the rocky clef to the jail, whose inmates were making noises lie kazoo.

Things progressioned from ballad to verse. Before they even made a notation in the station house register, the cops beat him with his own staff. He called his very obase fife Ella G, but the cops told her to make herself scherzo.

Ella G called a defense lyre, Lyn D. Hop, who knew E’s lady judge. Lyn thought he could get E out of jail, saying, despite being under a gigue order, “I wood baton it as long as E-flat can common time to see the judge and meter in her chamber.”

In jail, E-flat complained that all he had to eat was tune a fish, octet-opus, scale yunz and apple encores thrown in for good measure, with no soprano to wash his smelodious hands.

But his big-bassooned fife Ella G brought him a quartet of high screams for dessert, so he composed himself and changed his tune.

Lynn conducted E-flat’s defense by trumpeting his innocence in a longa breve to the court, saying “This is no hum drum case!”

He insisted on an impromptu trial, and arranged a bridge loan for E-flat’s bail, since he was going baroque.

A relative pitched for his release. And E-flat’s mother, Ma Zurka, even paid the lyre’s daily podium fees.

At E-flat’s trio, his lyre proved that there was no motif, and that the charges were prelude icrus. This tuned out to B a key theme , and his tone proved instrumental in the resulting verdict.

Dorian the trial the judge sostenutoed almost all defense objections, which gave E-flat quite a trill.

After a chorus of blues from E-flat’s supporters turned into a crescendo, the judged bowed to the mob, recapitulated to the inevitable, said “I am obbligato to release him!,” declaring the trial mute.

The prosecution failed to overture this release on a peal. All in all, a suite victory – avoiding being sentenced to an insti-tutti.

Everyone now agrees that E flat’s a rest had been a grave mistake, was glad that the judge set hymn loose, and that all his legato problems were finé.

The bar owner gave everyone a free round, ordered pizza gatos, played his treasured frank sonata records, and said we should all “just fuguettaboudit and all live in Harmonium”.

OTIS HORNED IN WITH:

It’s very encouraging that after such a wide interval, E-flat’s case was resolved.

It was rumored that E’s fat fife was getting tired of being retenuto, from singing; when the good news reached her, she took an Allegro to clear her sinuses and began crowing loudly, which got her into treble with her neighbors.

You pickup the story from hear.

JOHN FINALEIZED WITH:

I have no symphony for those who are bass enough to crescendo this chorus by mail to other musicians; it’s cymballic of the times that we now orchestrate even puns!

— MikeAq


Wow!

Thanks MikeAq for a great entry!

Yep - Another 5 Words

prevenient

adjective

Coming before; anticipatory; preventive.

[From Latin praevenient-, present participle of praevenire (to precede), from pre- (before) + venire (to come).]

"[Frank Stella's] big, shield-like 'Luis Miguel Dominguin' a silver-painted shaped canvas was acquired in 1961, a prevenient time indeed to buy Stella." Grace Glueck; A Collection That Breathes the Spirit of Modernism; The New York Times; Apr 8, 1984.

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riparian


adjective

relating to or situated on the banks of a river.

From Latin riparius, from ripa ‘bank’.

I first heard this word while watching the BBC comedy "Keeping Up Appearances". It was obvious that "riparian entertainment" was entertainment along a river bank. Several days later I was watching a program on the History Channel that included a reference to a "riparian eco-system" - one along a river bank. Yet again, about a week later, I watched a news item referring to a Connecticut town looking to have "a riparian location" for some shops that were being opened there. Enough already! I made it 63 years without ever hearing the word riparian and then was beaten over the head with it! LOL

I promise, when the weather warms up, to make a riparian post on this blog!


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cinereal

[fr. L cinereus, ash-colored] /si NER ee ul/
cinereous : ashen

"What phantom version of me is it that watches us—them-as they grow indistinct in that cinereal air and then are gone through the gap..."
- John Banville, The Sea (2006)


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mephitic

/mifitik/

• adjective literary foul-smelling; noxious.

— ORIGIN from Latin mephitis ‘noxious exhalation’.

Some ESPN usages are just too good to pass up; e.g., "Still, do-gooder or dilettante, there are at least two things Mrs. McMahon will need to consider as she moves from the forthright sunshine and uplifting narrative of prime-time "sports entertainment" into the mephitic underworld of
American politics."

- Jeff MacGregor, Page 2 Oct. 9, 2009


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shambolic

sham·bol·ic audio (shm-blk) KEY

ADJECTIVE:
Chiefly British Slang

Disorderly or chaotic: "[The country's] transportation system is in a shambolic state" (London Sunday Times).

ETYMOLOGY:
Probably from alteration of shambles

The sportswriters at ESPN seem to have taken up this word; e.g., "This time, it appears we won't have to wait nearly as long, because I doubt we will see a more shambolic effort than the one Utah submitted on a second-quarter fastbreak against L.A. on Sunday."

- John Hollinger, PER Diem Apr. 20 2009

A Calque-ulated Post

If it wasn't for calques, we wouldn't be able to stop at the beer garden for some free verse on our way to the flea market to take a look see for a landscape masterpiece.


As defined by WordNet, a calque is "an expression introduced into one language by translating it from another language."


From dictionary.reference.com -

calque

noun, verb, calqued, calquing.

Linguistics – noun

1. a loan translation, esp. one resulting from bilingual interference in which the internal structure of a borrowed word or phrase is maintained but its morphemes are replaced by those of the native language, as German halbinsel for peninsula.

2. loanshift.

–verb (used with object)

3. to form (a word or phrase) through the process of loan translation.

Origin:
1655–65; < F, n. deriv. of calquer to copy, based on the Italian calcare to trace over.



The English words listed in the first sentence above are translations of the following:


beer garden is from the German biergarten.

free verse is from the French vers libre.

flea market is from the French marché aux puces.

look-see is from the Chinese.

landscape is from the Dutch landschap.

masterpiece is from either the Dutch meesterstuk or the German meisterstück.



Calques are also known as loanwords or word borrowings and are word-for-word or literal translations. According to a Wikipedia article, "'calque' itself is a loanword from a French noun, and derives from the verb 'calquer' (to trace, to copy)."


Some more examples -

English Adam's apple calques French pomme d'Adam.

English crime of passion calques French crime passionel.

English Governor-General calques French Gouverneur Général.

English marriage of convenience calques French mariage de convenance.

English New Wave (artistic period) calques French Nouvelle Vague.

English rhinestone calques French caillou du Rhin "Rhine pebble".

English that goes without saying calques French cela va sans dire.

English point of view calques French point de vue.

And a neat fact -

J. R. R. Tolkien used the name "Bag End" as a calque of "cul-de-sac," to poke fun at the British use of French terms.