Squawks

"Squawks" are reports of problems that Air Force pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. It is a sysrtem ripe for word play and the military is a wonderful ground for such play. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

(P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION

(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire

(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft

(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1, #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage

(P) Something loose in cockpit
(S) Something tightened in cockpit

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
(S) Evidence removed

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud
(S) Volume set to more believable level

(P) Dead bugs on windshield
(S) Live bugs on order

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground

(P) IFF inoperative
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode
(IFF=Identification Friend or Foe)

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
(S) That's what they're there for.

(P) Number three engine missing
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search

(P) Aircraft handles funny
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious.

(P) Target Radar hums
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics

Does This Make You Gry?

Do you remember an email about words ending in gry?

Origin

Don't waste your time looking for the mythical 'third word ending in GRY'. Just read the explanation below and relax - you can stop searching. The story goes like this:

A riddle of this form is circulating widely on the Internet:

"There are three words in English that end in GRY, hungry and angry are two, what is the third?"

Much effort has gone into finding the word and various pseudo-medical or otherwise obscure words that purport to fit the bill have been put forward. The confusion comes from the fact that the version of the riddle in circulation isn't the original and misses a vital part of the wording. In its original form the riddle went like this:

"Think of words that end in GRY. Angry and hungry are two of them. There are only three words in the English language. What is the third word? The word is something that everyone uses every day. If you have listened carefully, I have already told you what it is."

You will have realized by now that it's all a linguistic trick and the third word in 'the English language' is of course 'language'.

Just for completeness we ought to add that there are several other words that end in 'gry', not least 'gry' itself, although that does spoil the puzzle rather:

Gry (noun) - The smallest unit in Locke's proposed decimal system of linear measurement, being the tenth of a line, the hundredth of an inch, and the thousandth of a (‘philosophical’) foot.

For example, from 1679 John Locke's Letters to Boyle, 1679:

"The longest ... was three inches and nine grys long, and one inch seven lines in girt."

Gry (verb) - To rage or roar.

For example, from Richard Crew's Tasso's Godfrey of Bulloigne, 1594:

"The hearing this doth force the Tyrant gry, With threatfull sound."

So, now you can give up the search and move on to more useful pastimes.

The Edinburgh Fringe

From BBC Scotland -

23 August 2010 Last updated at 03:40 ET


Comedian Tim Vine has won a prize for the funniest joke of this year's Edinburgh Fringe.

The pun pundit, who won the Perrier newcomer award in 1995, was presented with his latest prize by digital TV channel Dave.

His winning one-liner was: "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."

Some of the other winners were:

Gary Delaney "As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog."

Gary Delaney "Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted."



Judges also selected some of the worst jokes of this year's Fringe, which included:

Sara Pascoe "Why did the chicken commit suicide? To get to the other side."

Emo Phillips "I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them."

Dan Antopolski "How many Spaniards does it take to change a lightbulb? Juan."



The article also included readers comments, such as:

Did you hear about the corduroy pillows? They're making headlines. Erik, Lancaster, California, USA

Did you hear the one about the magic tractor? It was driving along a road and then turned into a field. Adam Williams, Willingham, UK

The only good thing about being the only boy out of six children, was I got to have a bedroom to myself; even my Mum and Dad had to share. Gary Hughes, Portsmouth, England, UK

I miss my ex-wife.... but my aim is getting better. Steve Holton, Austin, TX USA

I recently read a book titled '1000 places to visit before you die'. Although I couldn't help thinking: 'As opposed to when?' S Porter, Merseyside, UK

The ODE Adds

AOL News LONDON (Aug. 20)

Theunis Bates

-- Ever defriended a hater or chillaxed with a vuvuzela? No? Well, apparently a lot of other people have, because along with 2,000 other terms, those ungainly words have just been granted a place in the latest edition of the Oxford Dictionary of English.

Unlike the more prestigious multivolume Oxford English Dictionary -- which, as AOL News reported last month, is exceptionally picky about the words it lets in -- the single-book Oxford Dictionary of English (ODE) is based on how the English language is used in everyday life. Logophiles at the Oxford University Press decide on the new entries for the ODE by perusing an online database of over 2 billion words, harvested from magazines, novels, Internet chat rooms and a stack of other sources.

One of the biggest feeders of our ever-hungry language has been the economic crisis. Words once only used by pinstriped Wall Street types like "deleveraging" (the process or practice of reducing the level of one's debt by rapidly selling one's assets) and "quantitative easing" (the introduction of new money into the money supply by the central bank) are now common parlance. Others -- like "staycation" (a holiday spent in one's home country) -- sum up the sacrifices ordinary folk have to make in these cash-short times.

The ongoing ascent of social media, itself a new term, has also churned up some curious turns of phrase. You can now legitimately drop "defriend" (remove someone from a list of friends or contacts on a social-networking site) into a conversation, or arrange a "tweetup" (a meeting organized by means of posts on Twitter). But just because they're in the dictionary, don't expect anyone over 30 to know what you're yakking about.

Some new terms, though, seem destined to fade away just as quickly as they appeared. Has the word "bromance" (a close but nonsexual relationship between two men) ever been used outside of a Paul Rudd movie review? And as for "wardrobe malfunction" (an instance of a person accidentally exposing an intimate part of his or her body as a result of an article of clothing slipping out of position), surely that died along with Janet Jackson's career at the 2004 Super Bowl?

Here's a selection of new entries, several of which demonstrate how long it has taken for some well-established Americanisms to take root -- however tenuously -- across the Atlantic:

automagically -- automatically and in a way that seems ingenious, inexplicable or magical

bargainous -- costing less than is usual or than might be expected; cheap or relatively cheap

bromance -- a close but nonsexual relationship between two men

buzzkill -- a person or thing that has a depressing or dispiriting effect

carbon capture and storage -- the process of trapping and storing carbon dioxide produced by burning fossil fuels

catastrophizing -- view or present a situation as considerably worse than it actually is

cheeseball -- lacking taste, style or originality

chillax -- calm down and relax

chill pill -- a notional pill taken to make someone calm down

cool hunter -- a person whose job it is to make observations or predictions about new styles and trends

defriend -- another term for "unfriend" (remove someone from a list of friends or contacts on a social-networking site)

deleveraging -- the process or practice of reducing the level of one's debt by rapidly selling one's assets

dictionary attack -- an attempt to gain illicit access to a computer system by using a very large set of words to generate potential passwords

exit strategy -- a preplanned means of extricating oneself from a situation

freemium -- a business model, especially on the Internet, whereby basic services are provided free while more advanced features must be paid for

frenemy -- a person with whom one is friendly despite a fundamental dislike or rivalry

fussbudget -- a fussy person

geoengineering -- manipulation of environmental processes in an attempt to counteract the effects of global warming

hater -- negative person

hikikomori -- the abnormal avoidance of social contact, typically by adolescent males (in Japan)

Interweb -- the Internet

LBD -- little black dress

matchy-matchy -- excessively color-coordinated

microblogging -- the posting of very short entries on a blog

national treasure -- someone/thing regarded as emblematic of a nation's cultural heritage

netbook -- small light laptop

overleveraged -- having taken on too much debt

overthink -- think about (something) too much or for too long

paywall -- an arrangement whereby access is restricted to users who have paid to subscribe to a website

quantitative easing -- the introduction of new money into the money supply by a central bank

social media -- websites and applications used for social networking

soft skills -- personal attributes that enable someone to interact effectively and harmoniously with other people

staycation -- holiday spent in one's home country

steampunk -- a genre of science fiction that typically features steam-powered machinery rather than advanced technology

toxic debt -- debt that has a high risk of default

turducken -- a roast dish consisting of a chicken inside a duck inside a turkey

tweetup -- a meeting organized by means of posts on Twitter

vuvuzela -- long horn blown by fans at soccer matches

wardrobe malfunction -- an instance of a person accidentally exposing an intimate part of his or her body as a result of an article of clothing slipping out of position

Setting Something Straight

The other (early!) morning a question popped into my head. What word has the most different meanings? I set my mind to finding an answer.

I just had to look it up.

All set?

That word is...

set

verb, noun, adjective, interjection

–verb (used with object)

1. to put (something or someone) in a particular place: to set a vase on a table.
2. to place in a particular position or posture: Set the baby on his feet.
3. to place in some relation to something or someone: We set a supervisor over the new workers.
4. to put into some condition: to set a house on fire.
5. to put or apply: to set fire to a house.
6. to put in the proper position: to set a chair back on its feet.
7. to put in the proper or desired order or condition for use: to set a trap.
8. to distribute or arrange china, silver, etc., for use on (a table): to set the table for dinner.
9. to place (the hair, esp. when wet) on rollers, in clips, or the like, so that the hair will assume a particular style.
10. to put (a price or value) upon something: He set $7500 as the right amount for the car. The teacher sets a high value on neatness.
11. to fix the value of at a certain amount or rate; value: He set the car at $500. She sets neatness at a high value.
12. to post, station, or appoint for the purpose of performing some duty: to set spies on a person.
13. to determine or fix definitely: to set a time limit.
14. to resolve or decide upon: to set a wedding date.
15. to cause to pass into a given state or condition: to set one's mind at rest; to set a prisoner free.
16. to direct or settle resolutely or wishfully: to set one's mind to a task.
17. to present as a model; place before others as a standard: to set a good example.
18. to establish for others to follow: to set a fast pace.
19. to prescribe or assign, as a task.
20. to adjust (a mechanism) so as to control its performance.
21. to adjust the hands of (a clock or watch) according to a certain standard: I always set my watch by the clock in the library.
22. to adjust (a timer, alarm of a clock, etc.) so as to sound when desired: He set the alarm for seven o'clock.
23. to fix or mount (a gem or the like) in a frame or setting.
24. to ornament or stud with gems or the like: a bracelet set with pearls.
25. to cause to sit; seat: to set a child in a highchair.
26. to put (a hen) on eggs to hatch them.
27. to place (eggs) under a hen or in an incubator for hatching.
28. to place or plant firmly: to set a flagpole in concrete.
29. to put into a fixed, rigid, or settled state, as the face, muscles, etc.
30. to fix at a given point or calibration: to set the dial on an oven; to set a micrometer.
31. to tighten (often fol. by up): to set nuts well up.
32. to cause to take a particular direction: to set one's course to the south.
33. Surgery. to put (a broken or dislocated bone) back in position.
34. (of a hunting dog) to indicate the position of (game) by standing stiffly and pointing with the muzzle.
35. Music. a. to fit, as words to music.
b. to arrange for musical performance.
c. to arrange (music) for certain voices or instruments.
36. Theater. a. to arrange the scenery, properties, lights, etc., on (a stage) for an act or scene.
b. to prepare (a scene) for dramatic performance.
37. Nautical. to spread and secure (a sail) so as to catch the wind.
38. Printing. a. to arrange (type) in the order required for printing.
b. to put together types corresponding to (copy); compose in type: to set an article.
39. Baking. to put aside (a substance to which yeast has been added) in order that it may rise.
40. to change into curd: to set milk with rennet.
41. to cause (glue, mortar, or the like) to become fixed or hard.
42. to urge, goad, or encourage to attack: to set the hounds on a trespasser.
43. Bridge. to cause (the opposing partnership or their contract) to fall short: We set them two tricks at four spades. Only perfect defense could set four spades.
44. to affix or apply, as by stamping: The king set his seal to the decree.
45. to fix or engage (a fishhook) firmly into the jaws of a fish by pulling hard on the line once the fish has taken the bait.
46. to sharpen or put a keen edge on (a blade, knife, razor, etc.) by honing or grinding.
47. to fix the length, width, and shape of (yarn, fabric, etc.).
48. Carpentry. to sink (a nail head) with a nail set.
49. to bend or form to the proper shape, as a saw tooth or a spring.
50. to bend the teeth of (a saw) outward from the blade alternately on both sides in order to make a cut wider than the blade itself.

–verb (used without object)

51. to pass below the horizon; sink: The sun sets early in winter.
52. to decline; wane.
53. to assume a fixed or rigid state, as the countenance or the muscles.
54. (of the hair) to be placed temporarily on rollers, in clips, or the like, in order to assume a particular style: Long hair sets more easily than short hair.
55. to become firm, solid, or permanent, as mortar, glue, cement, or a dye, due to drying or physical or chemical change.
56. to sit on eggs to hatch them, as a hen.
57. to hang or fit, as clothes.
58. to begin to move; start (usually fol. by forth, out, off, etc.).
59. (of a flower's ovary) to develop into a fruit.
60. (of a hunting dog) to indicate the position of game.
61. to have a certain direction or course, as a wind, current, or the like.
62. Nautical. (of a sail) to be spread so as to catch the wind.
63. Printing. (of type) to occupy a certain width: This copy sets to forty picas.
64. Nonstandard. sit: Come in and set a spell.

–noun

65. the act or state of setting or the state of being set.
66. a collection of articles designed for use together: a set of china; a chess set.
67. a collection, each member of which is adapted for a special use in a particular operation: a set of golf clubs; a set of carving knives.
68. a number, group, or combination of things of similar nature, design, or function: a set of ideas.
69. a series of volumes by one author, about one subject, etc.
70. a number, company, or group of persons associated by common interests, occupations, conventions, or status: a set of murderous thieves; the smart set.
71. the fit, as of an article of clothing: the set of his coat.
72. fixed direction, bent, or inclination: The set of his mind was obvious.
73. bearing or carriage: the set of one's shoulders.
74. the assumption of a fixed, rigid, or hard state, as by mortar or glue.
75. the arrangement of the hair in a particular style: How much does the beauty parlor charge for a shampoo and set?
76. a plate for holding a tool or die.
77. an apparatus for receiving radio or television programs; receiver.
78. Philately. a group of stamps that form a complete series.
79. Tennis. a unit of a match, consisting of a group of not fewer than six games with a margin of at least two games between the winner and loser: He won the match in straight sets of 6–3, 6–4, 6–4.
80. a construction representing a place or scene in which the action takes place in a stage, motion-picture, or television production.
81. Machinery. a. the bending out of the points of alternate teeth of a saw in opposite directions.
b. a permanent deformation or displacement of an object or part.
c. a tool for giving a certain form to something, as a saw tooth.
82. a chisel having a wide blade for dividing bricks.
83. Horticulture. a young plant, or a slip, tuber, or the like, suitable for planting.
84. Dance. a. the number of couples required to execute a quadrille or the like.
b. a series of movements or figures that make up a quadrille or the like.
85. Music. a. a group of pieces played by a band, as in a night club, and followed by an intermission.
b. the period during which these pieces are played.
86. Bridge. a failure to take the number of tricks specified by one's contract: Our being vulnerable made the set even more costly.
87. Nautical. a. the direction of a wind, current, etc.
b. the form or arrangement of the sails, spars, etc., of a vessel.
c. suit (def. 12).
88. Psychology. a temporary state of an organism characterized by a readiness to respond to certain stimuli in a specific way.
89. Mining. a timber frame bracing or supporting the walls or roof of a shaft or stope.
90. Carpentry. nail set.
91. Mathematics. a collection of objects or elements classed together.
92. Printing. the width of a body of type.
93. sett (def. 3).

–adjective

94. fixed or prescribed beforehand: a set time; set rules.
95. specified; fixed: The hall holds a set number of people.
96. deliberately composed; customary: set phrases.
97. fixed; rigid: a set smile.
98. resolved or determined; habitually or stubbornly fixed: to be set in one's opinions.
99. completely prepared; ready: Is everyone set?

–interjection

100. (in calling the start of a race): Ready! Set! Go!

Source: dictionary.com

Some Writing On Writing

For your enjoyment and maybe as a stimulant to thought - some quotes on writing.


Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

Flannery O'Connor

***

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Oliver Herford

***

People do not deserve good writing, they are so pleased with bad.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

***

Television has raised writing to a new low.


Samuel Goldwyn

***

Only a mediocre writer is always at his best.


W. Somerset Maugham

***

With sixty staring me in the face, I have developed inflammation of the sentence structure and definite hardening of the paragraphs.


James Thurber

***

The difference between the right word and almost the right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.

Mark Twain

***

A good many young writers make the mistake of enclosing a stamped, self-addressed envelope, big enough for the manuscript to come back in. This is too much of a temptation to the editor.

Ring Lardner

***

It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.

Andrew Jackson

***

A dramatist is a congenital eavesdropper with the instincts of a Peeping Tom.

Kenneth Tynan

***

A good novel tells us the truth about it's hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author.

Gilbert K. Chesterton

***

Good authors, too, who once knew better words now only use four-letter words writing prose... anything goes.

Cole Porter

***

The only imaginative fiction being written today is income tax returns.

Herman Wouk

***

It's a damn good story. If you have any comments, write them on the back of a check.

Erle Stanley Gardner

***

And all writing is creating or spinning dreams for other people so they won't have to bother doing it themselves.

Beth Henley

***

The waste basket is the writer's best friend.

Isaac Bashevis Singer

***

When I was a little boy, they called me a liar, but now that I am grown up, they call me a writer.

Isaac Bashevis Singer

***

I've always believed in writing without a collaborator, because where two people are writing the same book, each believes he gets all the worry and only half the royalties.

Agatha Christie

***

The best time to plan a book is while you're doing the dishes.

Agatha Christie

***

The cure for mixed metaphors, I have always found, is for the patient to be obliged to draw a picture of the result.

-Bernard Levin

***

I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork.

Peter De Vries

***

Words are often seen hunting for an idea, but ideas are never seen hunting for words.

Josh Billings

Shot Down by The OED

Back on August 1 I posted about the "word" earworm and how I thought it should become a real, recognized and "dictionaried" word.

Imagine my shock when I read the following less than a week later!

Unused but Useful: Oxford English Dictionary's Reject List


Theunis Bates Contributor
AOL News

LONDON (Aug. 6) -- Ever engaged a freegan in nonversation, or does the very idea make you want to precuperate? If you haven't a clue what we're talking about, don't worry, you're probably not xenolexic.

The bizarre terms used in those last two sentences are "non words": Words that have allegedly been submitted to the Oxford English Dictionary -- the gatekeepers of the English language -- but rejected on the grounds that too few people currently use them. Some of these non words are hyper-local slang, while others briefly spring in and out of existence when they're deployed to describe short-lived phenomena. A freegan, for example, is an eco-campaigner who hunts for goodies in other people's trash; a nonversation is a vapid, pointless chat; to "precuperate" means to get ready for an oncoming illness; and, perhaps most appropriately of all, a xenolexic is someone who suffers intense confusion when faced with new words.

Recently graduated graphic designer Luke Ngakane, 22 -- who this summer made forgotten phrases the focus of his final art project at Kingston University, London -- told AOL News that many more failed words are hidden away in a secret vault at Oxford. According to British daily The Telegraph, this word bank houses 50 large filing cabinets, each crammed with thousands of 6-by-4-inch cards detailing every declined entry. Some of these slips were scribbled before 1918 -- the year "Lord of the Rings" author J.R.R. Tolkien was hired as an OED sub-editor. (He'd go on to spend many hours puzzling over the etymology of "walrus" and the definition of "waggle.") New non-words are now stored on computers.

After hearing about the vault from another artist, Ngakane decided he'd try to save some of the lost phrases. He contacted Oxford University Press, OED's publishers, and asked if he could roam around among the archives. They confirmed the vault's existence but ignored his plea for access. Unwilling to abandon the project, he trawled the Internet, looking for amateur lexicographers who say their dictionary contenders had been denied by OED authorities.

Through his own research and logophile contacts, Ngakane quickly built up a pamphlet's worth of non words. He selected 39 that "had a lovely flow, or perfectly fit the thing they're describing, like polkadodge, which is the dance that happens when two people attempt to pass each other but end up moving in the same direction," and compiled them in a "Dictionary of Lost Words." Some 150 copies of this alternative dictionary were printed on an old-fashioned letterpress and handed out to writers, journalists and "others who could help get as many of these unique words back into circulation."

If he could put one word back into popular parlance, Ngakane says he'd pick furgle. "It means fumbling in your pocket or bag for keys or a coin that you can't quite get hold of, " he explains. "That's furgling."

Here's the complete collection of non words. Who knows, if you slip them into enough conversations, maybe one day they'll make it into the OED.

Accordionated: Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time

Asphinxiation: Being sick to death of unanswerable puzzles or riddles

Blogish: A variety of English that uses a large number of initialisms, frequently used on blogs

Dringle: The watermark left on wood caused by a glass of liquid.

Dunandunate: The overuse of a word or phrase that has recently been added to your own vocabulary

Earworm: A catchy tune that frequently gets stuck in your head

Espacular: Something especially spectacular

Freegan: Someone who rejects consumerism, usually by eating discarded food

Fumb: Your large toe

Furgle: To feel in a pocket or bag for a small object such as a coin or key

Glocalization: Running a business according to both local and global considerations

Griefer: Someone who spends their online time harassing others

Headset jockey: A telephone call center worker

Lexpionage: The sleuthing of words and phrases

Locavor: A person who tries to eat only locally grown or produced food

Museum head: Feeling mentally exhausted and no longer able to take in information; usually following a trip to a museum

Nonversation: A worthless conversation, wherein nothing is explained or otherwise elaborated upon

Nudenda: An unhidden agenda

Onionate: To overwhelm with post-dining breath

Optotoxical: A look that could kill, normally from a parent or spouse

Parrotise: A haven for exotic birds especially green ones

Peppier: A waiter whose sole job is to offer diners ground pepper, usually from a large pepper mill

Precuperate: To prepare for the possibility of being ill

Pharming: The practice of creating a dummy website for phishing data

Polkadodge: The dance that occurs when two people attempt to pass each other but move in the same direction

Pregreening: To creep forward while waiting for a red traffic light to change

Quackmire: The muddy edges of a duck pond

Scrax: The waxy coating that is scratched off an instant lottery ticket

Smushables: Items that must be packed at the top of a bag to avoid being squashed

Spatulate: Removing cake mixture from the side of a bowl with a spatula

Sprog: To go faster than a jog but slower then a sprint

Sprummer: When summer and springtime can't decide which is to come first, usually hot one day then cold the next

Stealth-geek: Someone who hides their nerdy interests while maintaining a normal outward appearance

Vidiot: Someone who is inept at the act of programming video recording equipment

Whinese: A term for the language spoken by children on lengthy trips

Wibble: The trembling of the lower lip just shy of actually crying

Wurfing: The act of surfing the Internet while at work

Wikism: A piece of information that claims to be true but is wildly inaccurate

Xenolexica: A grave confusion when faced with unusual words

Three Words and Replying To A Comment

Here we have three words I hear and see misused quite often.


Peruse

People think it means:
To skim over or browse something.

Actually means:
Almost the opposite of that.

Peruse means "to read with thoroughness or care." If you peruse a book, you leave no page unturned. This makes sense when you consider the Middle English per use, meaning "to wear out or use up." Unfortunately, if you "consider the Middle English" very often when speaking, you're probably not exactly the life of the party.


Irregardless

People think it means:
Regardless.

Actually means:
Not a darned thing.

This is not a word. Now, we have no problem with making up words. That will be apparent with the addition I will make to this post. The problem with this one is "regardless" already means something isn't worth regard (that's why the "less" is there) so adding the "ir" to it means... it's worth regarding again? Who knows?


Bemused

People think it means:
Mildly amused.

Actually means:
Bewildered or confused.

If you were to say "I was bemused by your dead baby joke," you wouldn't be saying the joke was funny. You'd be saying that you completely failed to understand it. It's hard to blame people for getting this one wrong, the word just sounds like it means, "sort of amused."


#####

An added thought...


My recent post "A Word And An Expression" brought an interesting comment from reader Lorraina. She commented, "Just a thought...is there a word for what we hear when someone talks loudly on their cell whilst in a public place and whom we don't want to hear but can't help but hear without their consent?

I know it isn't eavesdropping because the conversation is not secretly listened to and is actually forced upon us.

There must be a better word than overheard.

Forceheard?"

I did not know of any such word either but I tried to find one. 7 emails to various sources brought no help - all the replies were similar to this -

"Thank you for writing to Merriam-Webster. There is no word to our knowledge for the phenomenon that you describe other than, perhaps, the verb' overhear,' which certainly applies to much more than cell phone conversations.

I'm sorry we couldn't be more helpful.

Sincerely,

Neil S. Serven
Associate Editor
Merriam-Webster, Inc.
http://www.m-w.com"


So Lorraina, and other readers, it looks like our language is in need of a new word! That got me to muddling about in my mind. I like "forceheard" but I still wanted to come up with something else. I know that Sotto voce, literally "under voice", means intentionally lowering one's voice for emphasis. And vox populi is a Latin phrase that literally means voice of the people, is a term often used in broadcasting for interviews with members of the "general public".

From that line of thought I came up with "vox obnoxioso" for obnoxious voice. Grosso voce, perhaps?

Any other thoughts are always welcome. After all, a word farm should, at least occasionally, grow a word or two. No?

A Word and An Expression

I find that, occasionally, a word will come up in conversation and start bugging me about its origin. What I find when I search for origins is often fascinating. Just the other day a word and an expression did that. Eavesdrop and fuddy-duddy.

Eavesdropping is the act of secretly listening to the private conversation of others without their consent, as defined by Black's Law Dictionary. This is commonly thought to be unethical and there is an old adage that eavesdroppers seldom hear anything good of themselves...eavesdroppers always try to listen to matters that concern them.

Ancient Anglo-Saxon law punished eavesdroppers, who skulked in the eavesdrip of another's home, with a fine; the eavesdrip was also sometimes called the eavesdrop. Eavesdrop also means a small low visibility hole near the entrance to a building (generally under the eaves) which would allow the occupants to listen in on the conversation of people awaiting admission to the house. Typically this would allow the occupant to be prepared for unfriendly visitors.

Early telephone systems shared party lines which would allow the sharing subscribers to listen to each others conversations. This was a common practice in rural America which resulted in many incidents and feuds.

Eavesdropping can also be done over telephone lines (wiretapping), email, instant messaging, and other methods of communication considered private (If a message is publicly broadcast, witnessing it does not count as eavesdropping.). VoIP communications software is also vulnerable to electronic eavesdropping by via malware infections such as Trojan.

Origin:

early 17th century: back-formation from eavesdropper (late Middle English) 'a person who listens from under the eaves', from the obsolete noun eavesdrop 'the ground on to which water drips from the eaves', probably from Old Norse upsardropi, from ups 'eaves' + dropi 'a drop'

That was interesting. But then I came across this snippet that I found fascinating -

Hampton Court Palace outside London was the palace of King Henry VIII of England. In the eaves of its Great Hall, small faces are carved into the oak beams which lean at an angle of 45 degrees to the ground. These are known as 'Eaves Droppers'. Henry was known to be a strong ruler and often put spies in crowds of people to listen in to conversations. He wanted his staff (who slept in the Great Hall between banquets and would lie on straw looking up at the eaves) to know that he or his people would be listening at all times.



Fuddy-duddy

Meaning

A stuffy or foolishly old-fashioned person.

Origin

If any term sounds old and English, it must be this one. As so often, intuition is found to be inadequate as fuddy-duddy appears to be of American origin, possibly via Scotland, nor is it especially old. The first record that I can find of it is from the Texas newspaper The Galveston Daily News, 1889:

"Look here; I'm Smith - Hamilton Smith. I'm a minister and I try to do about right ... I object to being represented as an old fuddy-duddy."

That usage - without any accompanying explanation - seems to suggest that the readership would have been expected to have been familiar with it. That is quite possible, there are several citations in American newspapers from the end of the 19th century that relate to a pair of fictional wags called Fuddy and Duddy. A string of their rather weak gags was printed in the Boston Evening Transcript. Here's an example from a November 1895 edition:

Fuddy: So Miss Dandervecken is going to marry an Englishman. A lord, I suppose?
Duddy: Well, no, not exactly: but I understand that he's often as drunk as a lord.

Whether or not the expression 'fuddy-duddy' was already known and the names were taken from it, or whether it was the other way round, we can't now tell. The coincidence in the dates of the arrival of the two characters and the phrase does suggest that there was a connection of some kind.

Duddy was a Scottish term meaning ragged - duds having been used to refer to rough tattered clothes since the 15th century. That usage continued for some centuries and is still heard occasionally, notably in the popular 19th century traditional song The Blackleg Miner:

He grabs his duds and down he goes
To hew the coal that lies below,
There's not a woman in this town-row
Will look at the blackleg miner.

Fud, or fuddy, was a Scots dialect term for buttocks. In 1833, the Scots poet James Ballantyne wrote The Wee Raggit Laddie:

Wee stuffy, stumpy, dumpie laddie,
Thou urchin elfin, bare an' duddy,
Thy plumpit kite an' cheek sae ruddy
Are fairly baggit,
Although the breekums on thy fuddy
Are e'en right raggit.

The full-on Scots dialect in that sentimental, Burns influenced rhyme is difficult to translate precisely. The gist of the meaning is:

Poor scruffy little lad, bare and ragged, your wet belly and red cheeks are swollen and the trousers on your buttocks are torn.

There is a British term - 'duddy fuddiel', which is also recorded from around the same date. William Dickinson's A glossary of words and phrases pertaining to the dialect of Cumberland, 1899, has:

"Duddy fuddiel, a ragged fellow."

There may be a link between 'duddy fuddiel' and 'fuddy-duddy' but, as they don't mean exactly the same thing, we can't be certain.

One thing we can be sure about; that the cartoon character Elmer Fudd inherited the name from the phrase. 'Fuddy-duddy' was in general circulation in the US well before the character was created in around 1940 and the expression accords with his old-fashioned and obsessive temperament.

In a rather sad sequel to the Boston Transcript's role in the coining of 'fuddy-duddy', Time magazine reported in 1939 that a survey commissioned by the paper found that, "the most frequent word used by advertisers to describe the paper was fuddy-duddy". The Transcript ceased trading soon afterwards.

Help! I've Got An Earworm!

Have you ever come across a song, or an advertising jingle, that invades your consciousness and just won't leave? I am sure we all have. But there is no word for that in English. The closest I cvould find in my searching was the German word ohrwurm.

According to the Urban Dictionary -

ohrwurm

A song that you can't get out of your head.

lit. German for "earwig"

"Someone just hummed the opening to 'Gilligan's Island' and now I got an an ohrwurm!"



There's no word for this in English, so here the Germans have the clear linguistic advantage (you can also "pre-pone" an event in German and officially "dis-invite" someone). Here's where German comes to the rescue, with Ohrwurm, literally "ear-worm." You can almost picture the cute little twit camping out in your ear, singing the inane ditty over and over, cheerfully evading your increasingly desperate attempts to silence him. He smirks arrogantly as your gaze falls upon an ice-pick...

I think we should start an official campaign to bring Ohrwurm into English. Shouldn't be too difficult. Just start telling your friends "Crap, that opening to 'Gilligan's Island' is such an earworm." When they ask you what an earworm is, tell them, and urge them to start using it in their normal conversation. Note to entrepreneurs: trademark the word "Earworm" while it's hot! While on the subject, German has a word for a song that is popular for matter of weeks and then drops into the memory hole. It's an Eintagsfliege (One-day-fly), named for the sort of flies that live only a few hours (English: Mayflies; Latin -- pricelessly -- Ephemeroptera). One-day-fly doesn't really work in English, so let's just call these songs...Ephemeroptera. OK, perhaps not.

There Is Nothing Like A Good Bdelygmia!

Early in 2007, disturbed by reports of John Edwards' $400 Beverly Hills haircut, Miami Herald columnist Leonard Pitts expressed his exasperation at the "fake authenticity" practiced by today's politicians:

I do know a con when I see one. And in politics, I see them all the time.

We are courted by blow-dried, focus-grouped, stage-managed, photo-opped, sloganeering, false-smiling, hand-clasping, back-slapping would-be leaders who say they feel our pain and understand our concerns and maybe sometimes they do, but all too often, it seems they feel little and understand less.

Superficiality gleams in their perfect teeth and scripted lines. They work hard to make style look just like substance.

That's good, vigorous writing: a pair of short, direct sentences on either side of a classic bdelygmia.

A classic what? Pronounced "de-LIG-me-uh" and derived from the Greek word for "abuse," this rhetorical device is a form of invective: an exuberant rant, a litany of disparaging remarks, a string of stinging criticisms.

Back in 1604, King James I of England employed bdelygmia in the conclusion to his "Counterblaste to Tobacco": A custom loathsome to the eye, hateful to the Nose, harmful to the brain, dangerous to the Lungs, and in the black stinking fume thereof, nearest resembling the horrible Stygian smoke of the pit that is bottomless.

What may be the best known modern specimen of bdelygmia falls well outside the realms of politics and social commentary. It's a song, composed 40 years ago by Dr. Seuss (Theodor Seuss Geisel) for the animated version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas. An extended litany of abuse, the song concludes:

You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch,
You're a nasty wasty skunk,
Your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk, Mr. Grinch.
The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote,
"Stink, stank, stunk"!

"You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" may not be the most sophisticated lyric ever composed, but then bdelygmia is not a particularly sophisticated rhetorical device. It's up front and in your face.

And while it may be ignited by anger or frustration, the sheer excess (or hyperbole) of bdelygmia--of insults and aspersions piled sky high--often creates a comic effect in the end. So take a deep breath before letting it all out with bdelygmia--and proceed with caution.

Just Wondering...

English is a marvelous and rich language. Yet native speakers seldom pause to consider its weird vocabulary. Coming from different countries and cultures and meandering the halls of history, many English words now seem to have paradoxical definitions. These are amazing words because they make you wonder…

Did you ever wonder why funeral starts with the word fun?

Would church music be considered organic?

What are you vacating when you go on vacation?

Should someone with guests act hostile? Or take them hostage?

Wouldn’t it be more accurate to call a fireman a waterman?

Can you enjoy a party fully?

In the navy, is a portly person left-handed?

Is a precaution something you get before a caution?

Do undertakers actually undertake when it comes to fees for service?

Could we call an abstract painting an artificial artifice?

At sundown wouldn’t you expect nightrise instead of nightfall?

Would you expect a high-rise of flats to be very tall?

Isn’t kidnapping normal in kindergartens?

Are overjoyed people too happy?

Isn’t the center of register the gist of the word?

Can lay people be upstanding citizens?

Why do they call marriage matrimony instead of patrimony?

Like the wheel, wasn’t the lazy Susan a revolutionary idea?

Just before an artist’s model takes a break, is she predisposed?

Would the ugly truth be called the lowdown lowdown?

How come lipstick doesn’t do what it says?

If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

If you run errands, aren’t you a go-getter?

Why don’t we say farrer instead of farther, or nearther instead of nearer?

Isn’t a good steak rarely well done?

Didn’t rearing children once have something to do with spanking their butts?

Wouldn’t it be more correct to call a butterfly a flowerfly? butterfly

If you pull the wings off a fly, does it become a walk?

If somebody is armed to the teeth, does he have a neck?

If you cease to be, then come alive, are you deceased?

How come you are still sitting after you sat.

Isn’t it amazing that anyone can stand sitting?

Instead of a personality, does a dog have a dogality?

How come someone can be canny and uncanny at the same time?

What’s the point of flattery?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Exactly what is so fast about quicksand?

Aren’t half-baked ideas rare?

How do you get off a non-stop flight?

When you cash a check, do you check the cash?

What is so proper about property?

Isn’t anything underwater also over water?

Are outstanding pay checks good or bad?

Why do they call dwellings stuck together apartments?

Can you orient yourself out west?

Why are there interstates in Hawaii?

Why do caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?

If you are just kidding, isn’t that childish?

At the drive-in theaters, was there a lot of autoeroticism?

Isn’t it odd that sweetmeat is basically bread while sweetbread is meat?

Why do we hear music from speakers and dial talk-shows on tuners?

Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?

How come people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Why do we iron our clothes and paper our walls?

Why are goods sent by ship called cargo and those sent by truck shipment?

Why does worthless mean the opposite of priceless?

Why are the bigheaded usually also small-minded?

In court, how come you can’t swear except under oath?

Doesn’t it seem the opposite of ability should be nobility?

If you get a scratch on your car, can you make something from it?

Is it all right to put cups in the dishwasher and dishes in the cupboard?

Isn’t it odd that to tell time, you look at the hands on the face on the wrist?

If you are assassinated instead of just murdered, are you important?

Shouldn’t guests leave a banquest fed up?

In a stadium, why do they call a place where you sit the stands?

How come cook and kook aren’t pronounced the same?

Would you rather have your bank account frozen, liquidated, or evaporated?

Can you comprehend the language of a comprehensive insurance policy?

If you have a temper, can you give it away? Or get another?

Why does a tugboat mostly push things in the harbor?

Did you ever have a comb you couldn’t part with?

Is it good if a vacuum cleaner really sucks?

What does it mean when the odds are even against you?

Dis'ed

You probably know by now that I am a big fan of the pun. Adjectives beginning with the prefix “dis” seem to be especially vulnerable to puns. Have you heard about the…

…disappointed chairman?

…disbanded rock group?

…discarded communist?

…discharged cavalry?

…disclosed doors?

…disconcerted orchestra leader?

…discounted blessings?

…discouraged hero?

…discredited shopper?

…discriminating convict?

…discussed blasphemer?

…disenchanted witch?

…disfigured mathematician?

…disillusioned magician?

…disintegrated school?

…disinterested bond holder?

…disjointed marijuana smoker?

…dislodged Elk member?

…dismantled moose head?

…dismayed year?

…dismembered committee?

…dismissed bride?

…disorderly salesman?

…disoriented Chinese?

…dispatched trousers?

…displayed stage manager?

…disposed model?

Students failing because of Twitter, texting

TORONTO - Little or no grammar teaching, cellphone texting, social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter, all are being blamed for an increasingly unacceptable number of post-secondary students who can't write properly.

For years there's been a flood of anecdotal complaints from professors about what they say is the wretched state of English grammar coming from some of their students.

Now there seems to be some solid evidence.

Ontario's Waterloo University is one of the few post-secondary institutions in Canada to require the students they accept to pass an exam testing their English language skills.

Almost a third of those students are failing.

"Thirty per cent of students who are admitted are not able to pass at a minimum level," says Ann Barrett, managing director of the English language proficiency exam at Waterloo University.

"We would certainly like it to be a lot lower."

Barrett says the failure rate has jumped five percentage points in the past few years, up to 30 per cent from 25 per cent.

"What has happened in high school that they cannot pass our simple test of written English, at a minimum?" she asks.

Even those with good marks out of Grade 12, so-called elite students, "still can't pass our simple test," she says.

Poor grammar is the major reason students fail, says Barrett.

"If a student has problems with articles, prepositions, verb tenses, that's a problem."

Some students in public schools are no longer being taught grammar, she believes.

"Are they (really) preparing students for university studies?"

At Simon Fraser University in British Columbia, one in 10 new students are not qualified to take the mandatory writing courses required for graduation.

That 10 per cent must take so-called "foundational" writing courses first.

Simon Fraser is reviewing its entrance requirements for English language.

"There has been this general sense in the last two or three years that we are finding more students are struggling in terms of language proficiency," says Rummana Khan Hemani, the university's director of academic advising.

Emoticons, happy faces, sad faces, cuz, are just some of the writing horrors being handed in, say professors and administrators at Simon Fraser.

"Little happy faces ... or a sad face ... little abbreviations," show up even in letters of academic appeal, says Khan Hemani.

"Instead of 'because', it's 'cuz'. That's one I see fairly frequently," she says, and these are new in the past five years.

Khan Hemani sends appeal submissions with emoticons in them back to students to be re-written "because a committee will immediately get their backs up when they see that kind of written style."

Professors are seeing their share of bad grammar in essays as well.

"The words 'a lot' have become one word, for everyone, as far as I can tell. 'Definitely' is always spelled with an 'a' -'definitely'. I don't know why," says Paul Budra, an English professor and associate dean of arts and science at Simon Fraser.

"Punctuation errors are huge, and apostrophe errors. Students seem to have absolutely no idea what an apostrophe is for. None. Absolutely none."

He is floored by some of what he sees.

"I get their essays and I go 'You obviously don't know what a sentence fragment is. You think commas are sort of like parmesan cheese that you sprinkle on your words'," said Budra.

Then he's reduced to teaching basic grammar to them himself.

He says this has been going on now for the 20 years he's taught college and university in B.C. and Ontario-only the mistakes have changed.

He too blames poor - or no - grammar instruction in lower schools.

"When I went to high school in the '70s I was never taught grammar in English. I learned grammar from Latin classes."

Budra was taught to read and write using whole language rather than phonetics - not a good way to go in his books.

"We haven't taught grammar for 30-40 years...(and it) hasn't worked."

"It's not that hard to teach basic grammar," he says.

Ontario's Ministry of Education says grammar is a part of both its elementary and high school curriculum.

Cellphone texting and social networking on Internet sites are degrading writing skills, say even experts in the field.

"I think it has," says Joel Postman, author of "SocialCorp: Social Media Goes Corporate," who has taught Fortune 500 companies how to use social networking.

The Internet norm of ignoring punctuation and capitalization as well as using emoticons may be acceptable in an email to friends and family, but it can have a deadly effect on one's career if used at work.

"It would say to me ... 'well, this person doesn't think very clearly, and they're not very good at analyzing complex subjects, and they're not very good at expressing themselves, or at worse, they can't spell, they can't punctuate,' " he says.

"These folks are going to short-change themselves, and right or wrong, they're looked down upon in traditional corporations," notes Postman.

But "spelling is getting better because of Spellcheck," says Margaret Proctor, University of Toronto writing support co-ordinator.

James Turk of the Association of University Teachers takes all the complaints about student literacy with a grain of salt.

"There's a notion of a golden age in the past that students were wonderful, unlike now. I'm not sure that golden age ever existed," he says.

"You can go back and read Plato and see Socrates talking about the allegations that this generation isn't as not as good as previous ones," he notes.

By Susanna Kelley, THE CANADIAN PRESS

Five Quick Rules

1. If it “goes without saying” then don’t say it. If it doesn’t, in fact, go without saying, then don’t say it does.

“Obviously, the sky is blue.” Putting the “obviously” doesn’t suddenly make the statement insightful.

2. True or false: a comma must precede any use of the word “and”?

FALSE. Commas should only precede and, but, for, or, nor, so, or yet when they introduce an independent clause. For example, “We laid out our music and snacks, and began to study.” Placing a comma after “snacks” is incorrect. The subject of the sentence has not changed, “we” still “began to study.”

An example of correct comma use: “The game was over, and the crowd began to leave.” The game and the crowd are different subjects and the clauses are independent. The crowd could still be leaving regardless of what is happening with the game.

A comma can also precede “and” when it is used in a list of three or more items. However, in a list it is entirely optional and called an “oxford comma”.

3. Once upon a time, the English language had a way to modify both nouns and verbs. Adjectives did the trick on the former and adverbs on the latter. You didn’t just have to walk, you could walk quickly!

Adverbs modify verbs. For example, you accomplish a task with ease. What do you say?

WRONG: I can do that easy!
RIGHT: I can do that easily!

You accomplish a task with more ease than your colleagues. What do you say?

WRONG: I can do that easier than they can.
RIGHT: I can do that more easily than they can.

4. Et cetera: a useful Latin-derived tool for shortening lists. However, unless you are a lawyer, using it (and especially overusing it) can make you sound unprofessional.

If you must, use it once. A second or third occurrence in the same document essentially says, “I really don’t know what I’m talking about, so I’ll just jam etc. on the end and try to pretend I do!”

Another et cetera mistake is using it when you should use “et al.” Listing a set of objects? Use etc. Listing a group of people? Use et al. It also is derived from Latin and means “and others.”

5. Some people seem to think that throwing an “i.e.” into a paragraph makes them look smarter. Unfortunately, most of those people are using i.e. to mean “for example.”

WRONG: “I have sold many products, i.e. washing machines.” This doesn’t make any sense.

i.e. is an abbreviation of the Latin words id est, literally translated as “that is.” In English, i.e. is used synonymously with “namely.” It specifies and limits.

e.g. is also a Latin abbreviation but of the words exempli gratia, meaning “for example.” E.g. implies, “This is one of several possible options.”

“Be clear, concise, correct.”

Bob Sheppard, whose elegant intonation as the public-address announcer at Yankee Stadium for more than half a century personified the image of Yankees grandeur, died Sunday at his home in Baldwin, on Long Island. He was 99.

I am a Yankee fan and on the few occasions I have been to Yankee Stadium I was struck by Bob Sheppard's voice. It was fascinating how the crowd grew quiet as he announced the starting line-ups. It was wonderful as the most mundane of announcements took on a majesty as Mr. Sheppard read them.

"Would the owner of the car with New York license plate 123ABC please report to your car. It is on fire."

From the New York Times -


Simple Intonation, a Lasting Impression
By RICHARD SANDOMIR
Published: July 11, 2010


Ten summers ago, when Bob Sheppard was not yet 90, I stepped into his tiny booth at Yankee Stadium and asked him for his first memory of being at the ballpark.

He looked up from the book he was reading — he read before games and between batters — and asked in that amazing voice of his: “Would you like my memory of the first game I attended or my memory of my first game as the public-address announcer?”

“Both,” I said. He could have narrated his first jaunt for a hot dog for all I cared.

His first reminiscence placed his visit in the early 1920s, perhaps when he was in his early teens. It was a general memory, not a box score recitation, but he offered it with excitement and a touch of historical perspective.

“I was a young lad sitting in right field in the bleachers and watched people like Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig, and a fellow named Williams, not Ted Williams, but Ken Williams, of the St. Louis Browns,” he said, with his characteristic precision and slow cadence. “My idol was George Sisler, who was a perfect first baseman in my mind.”

Then came his memory from 1951, his first as the Yankees public-address announcer.

“The Yankees lineup had Johnny Mize at first, Jerry Coleman at second, Phil Rizzuto at short, Billy Johnson at third,” he said. “Jackie Jensen played left, DiMaggio played center and Mickey Mantle played right. Yogi Berra was the catcher and a fellow named Vic Raschi was the pitcher, and we beat the Boston Red Sox. And five of those starting nine are in the Hall of Fame.”

No doubt that the story of his rookie game, really not much more than a defensive alignment, was frequently requested by those who met him, much the way fans asked Sinatra to sing “My Way.” But he delivered his lines as if he were telling them for the first time.

Sheppard’s death Sunday is a reminder of how much he transcended his role as a public-address announcer. How many famous public-address announcers are there? How many are renowned like Sheppard? How many prompted imitations the way Sheppard did?

His fame rivaled, and even exceeded, that of many of the men who occupied the broadcast booth for the Yankees. That is not an insult, it’s just a fact. He did not have to speak for three hours to become famous. He said very little but he became known as the Voice of God, whose intonations sent chills through players and fans. If the Yankees were arrogant, Sheppard was elegant. In the Yankees’ down years, he offered up his class.

Does anyone recall who preceded him?

Sheppard’s role was a simple one: he greeted us, announced the lineups, told us who was at the plate and who was pitching, and told us to drive home safely.

He once joked that all he had was longevity, but longevity, mixed with his clarity, restraint from any silliness and that marvelous voice made him a star.

He was not inspired to a speech career by any sports voice, but by two Vincentian priests, one a “fiery orator,” and the other a “semantic craftsman,” he once said.

The Sheppard style was founded on several principles.

He thought that a man’s name was a personal treasure. So he lingered over names. He respected them. He especially loved the mellifluous ones (“Mick-ey Man-tle”) and the foreign ones (“Al-va-ro Es-pi-no-za”). He once fretted in the 1950s that he would mispronounce infielder Wayne Terwilliger’s name as “Ter-wigg-ler.” But he did not err.

Two, he thought that people spoke too quickly. So he spoke slowly. His cadence at home, in his high school and college speech classes, at a local bar or at Mass was the same as it was when he was announcing at the stadium. Ve-ry de-li-ber-ate-ly.

Three, he felt that his role required him to be “be clear, concise, correct.”

Sheppard’s passing feels like the loss of a significant representative of civility in the world. That quality, in addition to his remarkable voice, will be greatly missed.

Sheppard announced his final game Sept. 5, 2007, never visiting the new Yankee Stadium. But his voice will live on, in Jeter’s at-bats, and in an animated baseball movie called “Henry and Me.” It is an adaptation of a children’s book written by Ray Negron, a Yankees adviser. Negron realized the film would not be complete without the voice of Sheppard, who agreed to help. A studio was set up in his bedroom, but three months ago, Sheppard backed out because he was feeling too weak.

“At the last minute, he called and said he wanted to try to do it,” Negron said Sunday afternoon. “We sent a crew over there, and on his bed, he did all of his lines. It was classic Bob Sheppard. He sounded weak, but when the sound machines went on, he was powerful. He was powerful one last time.”


Your attention, please - Ladies and gentlemen - Now entering eternity - Public Address Announcer - Number 1 - Bob Sheppard - Number1.

True Newspaper Headlines

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L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

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Don't Dangle Your Modified Sentences With Prepositions At The End Of Them!

Sentences Ending With Prepositions

A traditional rule of grammar is that one should never end a sentence with a preposition. Facetiously stated, the rule is, "A preposition is something you should never end a sentence with." Although it is generally advisable to structure sentences so that they do not end in prepositions, as this makes for more elegant writing, many dispute that ending a sentence with a preposition is incorrect, especially when there is no convenient way to reword the sentence.

Sometimes the "correct" wording is humorously awkward, as in, "Mr. Hunter cursed his memory of the milkman, away with which his wife ran."

Winston Churchill once put a preposition at the end of a sentence and was called to task for it. As the story goes, Churchill replied, "That's the sort of pedantry up with which I will not put."

Another interesting sentence that plays with sentence-end prepositions is, "Aw, Mom, what'd you bring that book I don't like to be read to out of up for?" If the book in question was about Australia, the number of prepositions at the end can be increased from five to eight: "Aw, Mom, what'd you bring that book I don't like to be read to out of about Down Under up for?" "Down Under" is used in this sentence as a single noun rather than as two prepositions, but we needn't let a technicality like that ruin our fun.

Misplaced or Dangling Modifiers

Descriptive phrases, such as gerund phrases or prepositional phrases, modify the nearest noun. Misplacing them by putting them nearer another noun can cause some humorous unintended confusion. Sometimes the appropriate noun isn't even in the sentence at all, in which case the modifier is said to dangle. There are countless examples of misplaced and dangling modifiers, given in the form of jokes, that are in circulation. Here are some examples of interesting ones:

* "Lost: A watch by a lady with a cracked face."
* "Lost: A shirt by a boy with green and blue stripes."
* "While driving around town, a tree fell and hit my car."
* "Running quickly in the winter air, my nose got cold."

Obviously there are countless amusing variations. This particular point of grammar is easy to commit in ignorance, so speakers and writers should be vigilant about avoiding misplaced and dangling modifiers. The following are some more examples, these from actual college essays:

* "At the beginning of the novel, Tom Joad comes across a turtle on his way home from spending four years in prison."
* "Only people with cars that live in dorms should be allowed to park in those lots."
* "Where one parent would be quiet, polite and conservative the other parent would drive up on a black Trans Am full of arrogance and conceit."
* "Gertrude and Claudius have broken a couple of values which anger Hamlet."

The colloquial speech of the Pennsylvania Dutch is inclined toward this particular error. Two prototypical examples: "Throw Papa down the stairs his hat," and "Throw the horse over the fence some hay." For an incomprehensibly convoluted example, here's a real question, once asked of my grandmother: "Let's walk North Hampton street up side by each."

Crash Blossoms

A crash blossom is an ambiguous headline: a line of text in large type (usually in a newspaper or magazine) that conveys (often unintentionally) more than one meaning. Also known as a two-faced head. See the blog -

Crash Blossom.

"Last August [2009], . . . in the Testy Copy Editors online discussion forum . . ., Mike O’Connell, an American editor based in Sapporo, Japan, spotted the headline 'Violinist Linked to JAL Crash Blossoms' and wondered, 'What’s a crash blossom?' (The article, from the newspaper Japan Today, described the successful musical career of Diana Yukawa, whose father died in a 1985 Japan Airlines plane crash.) Another participant in the forum, Dan Bloom, suggested that 'crash blossoms' could be used as a label for such infelicitous headlines that encourage alternate readings, and news of the neologism quickly spread."

(Ben Zimmer, "Crash Blossoms." The New York Times Magazine, Jan. 31, 2010)

Some notable examples -

"Kids Make Nutritious Snacks"
"Miners Refuse to Work After Death"
"Teacher Strikes Idle Kids"
"US President Wins on Budget, but More Lies Ahead"
"Stolen Painting Found by Tree"
"Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge"
"Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half"
"Include Your Children When Baking Cookies"

("Sample Ambiguous Headlines" in Using Newspapers in the Classroom, by Paul Sanderson. Cambridge Univ. Press, 1999)


"Doctor Testifies in Horse Suit"
"Stud Tires Out"
"American Ships Head to Libya"
"Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax"

Readers are invited to send in more examples.

The Results Are In!

The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest has announced hhe winner for 2010. This contest is where we ghet the famous line - "It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness."

--Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, Paul Clifford (1830)

Here are some of the notable winners this year.

For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity's affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss--a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity's mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world's thirstiest gerbil.

Molly Ringle
Seattle, WA

The winner of 2009 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest is Molly Ringle of Seattle, Washington. The author of one published and two soon-to-be-published novels, Molly Ringle only writes bad fiction when she fails at good fiction. She'd rather not say how often this happens. She lives in Seattle with her family, and her vices include uncalled-for moments of sarcasm, excessive consumption of Nutella, and an unladylike avidity for the raunchy films of Mel Brooks

Molly Ringle is the 28th grand prize winner of the contest that that began at San Jose State University in 1982. She is also the second consecutive Washingtonian in a row to win the contest, last year’s being David McKenzie.

Runner-Up:

Through the verdant plains of North Umbria walked Waylon Ogglethorpe and, as he walked, the clouds whispered his name, the birds of the air sang his praises, and the beasts of the fields from smallest to greatest said, "There goes the most noble among men" -- in other words, a typical stroll for a schizophrenic ventriloquist with delusions of grandeur.

Tom Wallace

Columbia, SC

Winner: Adventure

The blazing equatorial sun beat down on Simon’s head and shoulders as he dug feverishly in the hot sand with the ivory shoe-horn his mother had given him before the homecoming game with Taft, when the field was so wet that he’d lost his low-tops seven times in the cold sucking mud.

Adam McDonough

Reedsburgh, Wi

Winner: Children’s Literature

“Please Mr. Fox, don’t take your magic back to the forest, it is needed here in Twigsville!” pleaded little Isabel, but Mr. Fox was unconcerned as he smugly loped back into the woods without answering a word knowing well that his magic was only going to be used to make sure his forest would be annexed into the neighboring community of Leaftown where the property values were much higher.

Pete Watkins

Broken Arrow, OK

Winner: Detective

She walked into my office wearing a body that would make a man write bad checks, but in this paperless age you would first have to obtain her ABA Routing Transit Number and Account Number and then disable your own Overdraft Protection in order to do so.

Steve Lynch

San Marcos, CA

Winner: Fantasy Fiction

The wood nymph fairies blissfully pranced in the morning light past the glistening dewdrops on the meadow thistles by the Old Mill, ignorant of the daily slaughter that occurred just behind its lichen-encrusted walls, twin 20-ton mill stones savagely ripping apart the husks of wheat seed, gleefully smearing the starchy entrails across their dower granite faces in unspeakable botanical horror and carnage – but that’s not our story; ours is about fairies!

Rick Cheeseman

Waconia, MN

Winner: Historical Fiction

In Southwestern Germany just east of the Luxemburg border and north of France where history pitted various related Hapsburg Royals against each other and the Archbishops of Trier, the Abbots of St. Maximin, various members of the nobility, and mobs of axe-bearing villagers, there stands a ruin whose building stones mostly were carted off to build other buildings.

Mary Ann R Unger

Ewing, NJ



More winners ans runners up can be found here - It Was A Dark And Stormy Night