Who Done it?

On this date in 1841 -

Edgar Allen Poe's story, The Murders in the Rue Morgue, first appears in Graham's Lady's and Gentleman's Magazine. The tale is generally considered to be the first detective story.

The story describes the extraordinary "analytical power" used by Monsieur C. Auguste Dupin to solve a series of murders in Paris. Like the later Sherlock Holmes stories, the tale is narrated by the detective's roommate.

Following the publication of Poe's story, detective stories began to grow into novels and English novelist Wilkie Collins published a detective novel, The Moonstone, in 1868. In Collins' story, the methodical Sergeant Cuff searches for the criminal who stole a sacred Indian moonstone. The novel includes several features of the typical modern mystery, including red herrings, false alibis, and climactic scenes.

The greatest fictional detective, Sherlock Holmes, first appeared in 1887, in Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's novel A Study in Scarlet. The cozy English mystery novel became popularized with Agatha Christie's Miss Marple series in the 1920s, when other detectives like Lord Peter Wimsey and Ellery Queen were also becoming popular. In the 1930s, sometimes called the golden age of detective stories, the noir detective novel became the mainstay of writers like Dashiell Hammet, Raymond Chandler, and Mickey Spillane. Tough female detectives such as Kinsey Millhone and V.I. Warshawski became popular in the 1980s.

Contronyms

A synonym is a word that means the same as another. Necessary and required are synonyms. An antonym is a word that means the opposite of another. Wet and dry are antonyms. While synonyms and antonyms are not in themselves interesting, the complexities and irregularities of the English language sometimes make synonyms and antonyms interesting to explore. Many complexities result from words having multiple definitions. A trivial example is a word with synonyms that aren't synonyms of each other, the word beam, for example, having the synonyms bar and shine. Similarly, some words have antonyms that are neither synonyms nor antonyms of each other but completely unrelated: the word right, for example, having the antonyms wrong and left.

A more interesting paradox occurs with the word groom, which does not really have an antonym in the strictest sense but has an opposite of sorts in the word bride, which can be used as a prefix to create a synonym, bridegroom.

The word contronym (also antagonym) is used to refer to words that, by some freak of language evolution, are their own antonyms. Both contronym and antagonym are neologisms; however, there is no alternative term that is more established in the English language.

Contronyms are special cases of homographs (two words with the same spelling). Some examples:

* anabasis - military advance, military retreat
* apology - admission of fault in what you think, say, or do; formal defense of what you think, say, or do
* aught - all, nothing
* bolt - secure, run away
* by - multiplication (e.g., a three by five matrix), division (e.g., dividing eight by four)
* chuffed - pleased, annoyed
* cleave - separate, adhere
* clip - fasten, detach
* consult - ask for advice, give advice
* copemate - partner, antagonist
* custom - usual, special
* deceptively smart - smarter than one appears, dumber than one appears
* dike - wall, ditch
* discursive - proceeding coherently from topic to topic, moving aimlessly from topic to topic
* dollop - a large amount, a small amount
* dust - add fine particles, remove fine particles
* enjoin - prescribe, prohibit
* fast - quick, unmoving
* first degree - most severe (e.g., murder), least severe (e.g., burn)
* fix - restore, castrate
* flog - criticize harshly, promote aggressively
* garnish - enhance (e.g., food), curtail (e.g., wages)
* give out - produce, stop production
* grade - incline, level
* handicap - advantage, disadvantage
* help - assist, prevent (e.g., "I can't help it if...")
* left - remaining, departed from
* liege - sovereign lord, loyal subject
* mean - average, excellent (e.g., "plays a mean game")
* off - off, on (e.g., "the alarm went off")
* out - visible (e.g., stars), invisible (e.g., lights)
* out of - outside, inside (e.g., "work out of one's home")
* oversight - error, care
* pitted - with the pit in, with the pit removed
* put out - extinguish, generate (e.g., something putting out light)
* quiddity - essence, trifling point
* quite - rather, completely
* ravel - tangle, disentangle
* rent - buy use of, sell use of
* rinky-dink - insignificant, one who frequents RinkWorks
* sanction - approve, boycott
* sanguine - hopeful, murderous (obsolete synonym for "sanguinary")
* screen - show, hide
* seed - add seeds (e.g., "to seed a field"), remove seeds (e.g., "to seed a tomato")
* skinned - with the skin on, with the skin removed
* strike - hit, miss (in baseball)
* table - propose (in the United Kingdom), set aside (in the United States)
* transparent - invisible, obvious
* unbending - rigid, relaxing
* variety - one type (e.g., "this variety"), many types (e.g., "a variety")
* wear - endure through use, decay through use
* weather - withstand, wear away
* wind up - end, start up (e.g., a watch)
* with - alongside, against

Finding such idiosyncrasies in slang is much easier. The word bad can be used as slang to mean good. The word bomb has two slang meanings: failure (as usually used in the United States) and success (as usually used in the United Kingdom).

Some noteworthy antonyms aren't homographs (words that are spelled the same) but homophones (words that are pronounced the same). Some of these include:

* aural, oral - heard, spoken
* erupt, irrupt - burst out, burst in
* petalless, petalous - lacking petals, having petals
* raise, raze - erect, tear down

Homophones that are near-antonyms:

* reckless, wreckless

Samuel Johnson's Dictionary of the English Language

April 15 is not just Tax day in the US. It is also the birthday of an interesting dictionary. Enjoy some trivia about Mr. Johnson's efforts.

Published on 15 April 1755 and written by Samuel Johnson, A Dictionary of the English Language is among the most influential dictionaries in the history of the English language.

Calls and proposals for a new dictionary had been made for decades by those who wanted to make fast the English language. A group of London booksellers (including Robert Dodsley and Thomas Longman) contracted Johnson in June, 1746 to write a dictionary for the sum of 1500 Guineas (£1,575).

Johnson took nearly nine years to complete the work he expected to be finished in three years. Remarkably, he did so single-handedly, with only clerical assistance to copy out the illustrative quotations that he had marked in books. Johnson wrote several revised editions during his life.

Johnson's dictionary was prepared at 17 Gough Square, London, an eclectic household, between the years of 1746 and 1755. By 1747 Johnson had written his Plan of a Dictionary of the English Language, which spelled out his intentions and proposed methodology for preparing his document. He clearly saw benefit in drawing from previous efforts, and saw the process as a parallel to legal precedent (possibly influenced by Cowell):

"I shall therefore, since the rules of stile, like those of law, arise from precedents often repeated, collect the testimonies of both sides, and endeavour to discover and promulgate the decrees of custom, who has so long possessed whether by right or by usurpation, the sovereignty of words."

Unlike most modern lexicographers, Johnson introduced humor or prejudice into quite a number of his definitions. Among the best known are:

* "Excise: a hateful tax levied upon commodities and adjudged not by the common judges of property but wretches hired by those to whom excise is paid"

* "Lexicographer: a writer of dictionaries; a harmless drudge that busies himself in tracing the original and detailing the signification of words"

* "Oats: a grain which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland supports the people"

A much less well-known example is::

* "Monsieur: a term of reproach for a Frenchman"

On a more serious level, Johnson's work showed a heretofore unseen meticulousness. Unlike all previous proto-dictionaries that had come before, painstaking care went into the completeness when it came not only to "illustrations" but to definitions as well:

* The word "turn" had 16 definitions with 15 illustrations
* The word "time" had 20 definitions with 14 illustrations
* The word "put" ran more than 5,000 words spread over 3 pages
* The word "take" had 134 definitions, running 8,000 words, over 5 pages

The original goal was to publish the dictionary in two volumes: A-K and L-Z, but that soon proved unwieldy, unprofitable, and unrealistic. Subsequent printings ran to four volumes; even these stacked one on top of the other stood 10 inches tall, and weighed in at nearly 21 pounds. In addition to the sheer physical heft of Johnson's dictionary, came the equally hefty price: £4/10/-. (equivalent to £675 in 2005). So discouraging was the price that by 1784, thirty years after the first edition was published, when the dictionary since run through five editions, only about 6,000 copies were in circulation - an average sale of 200 books a year for thirty years.

The dictionary is heavily featured in the Ink and Incapability episode of Blackadder the Third. Among other things this episode contains a joke about the dictionary not including the word Sausage. In fact, the word Sausage indeed does not appear in the dictionary - Saucisse and Saucisson do, although both only in a military sense. Unsurprisingly, the dictionary also does not contain the word Aardvark.

Do You Know?

In memory of what happened today...


O Captain! My Captain!


O CAPTAIN! my Captain! our fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won;
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.



O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;
Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle trills;
For you bouquets and ribbon’d wreaths—for you the shores a-crowding;
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
Here Captain! dear father!
This arm beneath your head;
It is some dream that on the deck,
You’ve fallen cold and dead.



My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;
The ship is anchor’d safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;
From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won;
Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells!
But I, with mournful tread,
Walk the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

Walt Whitman


Do you know what happened on this day?

Crash Blossoms

A crash blossom is an ambiguous headline: a line of text in large type (usually in a newspaper or magazine) that conveys (often unintentionally) more than one meaning. Also known as a two-faced head. See the blog
Crash Blossom.

"Last August [2009], . . . in the Testy Copy Editors online discussion forum . . ., Mike O’Connell, an American editor based in Sapporo, Japan, spotted the headline 'Violinist Linked to JAL Crash Blossoms' and wondered, 'What’s a crash blossom?' (The article, from the newspaper Japan Today, described the successful musical career of Diana Yukawa, whose father died in a 1985 Japan Airlines plane crash.) Another participant in the forum, Dan Bloom, suggested that 'crash blossoms' could be used as a label for such infelicitous headlines that encourage alternate readings, and news of the neologism quickly spread."

(Ben Zimmer, "Crash Blossoms." The New York Times Magazine, Jan. 31, 2010)

Some notable examples -

"Kids Make Nutritious Snacks"
"Miners Refuse to Work After Death"
"Teacher Strikes Idle Kids"
"US President Wins on Budget, but More Lies Ahead"
"Stolen Painting Found by Tree"
"Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge"
"Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half"
"Include Your Children When Baking Cookies"

("Sample Ambiguous Headlines" in Using Newspapers in the Classroom, by Paul Sanderson. Cambridge Univ. Press, 1999)


"Doctor Testifies in Horse Suit"
"Stud Tires Out"
"American Ships Head to Libya"
"Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax"

Readers are invited to send in more examples.

Analogies

This is from an email I received from a dear friend.

I actually thought that some of these were rather creative.

Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country.

Here are last year's winners...

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m., at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Point and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with Power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Unicorn Hunting Regulations

The following regulations will be enforced by the Wildebeastle (Mythical) Division of the Department of Natural Unicorns (DNU) of the Unicorn Hunters of Lake Superior State University:

* AREAS OPEN TO QUESTERS
1. Earth
2. Moon (unexplored areas only)
3. Milky Way (SE Rim is closed odd years)
4. All else

* BAG LIMITS:

1. Only one Unicorn per month. A success ratio higher than this often results in a form of euphoria, which of course requires a mental truss. This is highly undesirable.

2. Female unicorns may not be taken. Since no one has ever sighted a female unicorn it is believed that males reproduce asexually.

* TERM OF SEASON. All days of the year except St. Agnes' Eve. This exception is to protect hares who limp trembling through frozen grass from being trampled by running unicorns. Bow and arrow season is Oct. 1 - Nov. 14, then Dec. 1 - Jan. 1.

* APPROVED QUESTING DEVICES. Unicorns may be taken with:
1. Serious Intent
2. Iambic Pentameter
3. General levity
4. Sweet talk


* QUESTING HOURS. Unicorns may be taken during daylight and dark except for those hours when the Tooth Fairy is about. She was once frightened by a grumpy unicorn and in deference to her attitude we make the exception.

* USE OF ARTIFICIAL LIGHT. It is illegal to use artificial light to take unicorns.

* BANDED UNICORNS. Some unicorns have been banded by the DNU to indicate age and level of aesthetic energy. Upon taking a banded unicorn, it is required that the band be removed and sent to the Department of Natural Unicorns (DNU) of Lake Superior State University.

* QUESTING UNIFORM. Uniforms may be tailored individually, but must be colored either Mordred Red or Gawaine Green, depending on whether one is chasing the unicorn or vice versa.

* LICENSE. Actually, we prefer not to think of this activity in terms of license, but rather of privilege, therefore please read on to the next item.

* PRIVILEGE. A Unicorn Questing Privilege may be obtained free of charge at the University's website, www.lssu.edu/banished, under "Unicorn Hunters." If you do not have computer access, call or write the LSSU Public Relations Office, 650 W. Easterday Ave., Sault Ste. Marie, Mich., 49783, 906-635-2315. License must be worn over the heart, pinned with a sprig of rosemary. The Questing License has been reviewed by the Wildlife Division of the Department of Natural Resources of the State of Michigan.

* DRAWING FOR PRIVILEGE. In the event that the unicorn herd diminishes to numbers smaller than five per square dream, a drawing will be held to determine privilege holders.

* QUESTING KIT. The following items are recommended for serious pursuit of the unicorn:
1. One small flask of cognac
2. A one-ounce bottle of Unicorn Lure
3. A pair of pinking shears
4. A large envelope
5. One airmail stamp
6. A nail clipper (with file)
7. One curry comb
8. A small bottle of hoof and horn polish
9. A pair of hoof trimmers

* EQUAL OPPORTUNITY. The DNU is an equal opportunity privilege granter. No privilege may be issued before a search iIs made to insure that discrimination has not been used against members of any race or sex, with the exception that poets wearing a sprig of myrtle pinned to their underwear may be issued a privilege without a search.

You can get your Unicorn Hunting Liscense here - Unicorn Hunting Liscense

Unicorn Hunters

The late W.T. (Bill) Rabe, known for his clever PR stunts from his days as a Detroit-area publicist, created the Unicorn Hunters in 1971, shortly after he was hired as Lake Superior State University's Director of Public Relations. Bill, with the assistance of LSSU Professors of English Peter Thomas, John McCabe, John Stevens and others, came up with the Hunters as a way of garnering more publicity for LSSU, which had just established itself as an independent school after being a branch of what is now Michigan Technological University. The Unicorn Hunters made the news often for activities and events including: the annual List of Words Banished from the Queen's English for Mis-Use, Over-Use and General Uselessness, burning a snowman on the first day of spring, World Sauntering Day, International Stone-Skipping Tournament held annually on Mackinac Island, Unicorn Questing Season and Teacher Thank You Week.

Business leaders might say Bill 'leveraged' (the word was banished in 2001) the Unicorn Hunters in a big way. The group's activities, especially 'word banishment,' attracted the attention of news media everywhere. Bill once had an ABC News crew on campus to film students in their quest for unicorns.

The Unicorn Hunters were behind the establishment of one of LSSU's first literary magazines, The Woods-Runner. The quarterly publication was mailed to thousands of readers around the world. Through the magazine, subscribers were able to keep up on the Hunters' activities, as well as sample writing from LSSU students and employees and others.

The Unicorn Hunters retired when Bill did in 1987, but the spirit of some of the group's activities lives on. 'Word Banishment' continues to draw hundreds of nominations each year from people throughout the world. The annual snowman burning on the first day of spring is one of the more popular events on the LSSU campus, if not the Eastern Upper Peninsula.

Peter Thomas, chief herald of the Unicorn Hunters and editor of The Woods-Runner, once said, "The pursuit of the unicorn is a lonely quest, but many more embark upon that journey than teachers or publishers may recognize." His words still ring true. While the Hunters do not physically exist on the LSSU campus anymore, it is apparent that many folks are still 'questing,' thanks to Bill and his colleagues.

In our next post we will give you the Official Unicorn Hunting Regulations. Hey! If your going to do it, do it correctly!

Today I give you a quick look at the news and then I have an important message to leave with you.

From the London Morning Standard:

Big Ben's Big Image Makeover: High Tech Replaces Tic-Toc

by Tim Perdue

Hanging 320 feet above the capital in the dead of night, a team of technicians stealthily brought Big Ben into the Digital Age - an act that caused near-riots when dawn revealed the dramatic changes to shocked Londoners.

Commuters and tourists were stunned to find the eerie green glow of LED digits peeking through the morning fog, bringing and end to almost 150 years of tradition. Even the famous bells have been replaced by an electronic version which allow for variable volume control and options for playing traditional tunes during holidays such as Christmas and New Years.

Former Prime Minister Tony Blair defended the change as riot police ringed the Palace of Westminster, keeping outraged throngs at bay. "Big Ben's new digital readout symbolizes our goverment's unwavering commitment to transforming Britain's image and economy from one ruled by the Dickens' Age to one which leads and lives the Digital Age."

The Great Clock, which everyone calls Big Ben, was set in motion in May 1859. Designed by Edmund Beckett Denison, it was the most expensive and accurate clock of its day. Big Ben's new quartz movement is synchronized with the Royal Observatory's atomic clock in Greenwich, capturing the moment to a millionth of a second. Its original mechanical movement and bells have been removed to the Royal Observatory's museum of horology, where they will be preserved as the focal point of the distinguished 1,500 clock collection.

Jonathan Betts, the museum's curator, was philosphical about the move to modernize Big Ben. "It may lack romance, but it is a logical step in the progression of greater accuracy in measuring time. The mechanical clock has gone the way of the sundial and the hourglass. It has become a quaint curiosity in a world where time now marches to the beat of electrons."

The original movement and its bells will be cleaned and restored by expert clockmakers from Thwaites & Reed. They will then be placed on public view in the Royal Observatory's main gallery, where they are expected to attract crowds of curious Londoners and clock enthusiasts from around the world. Bett's face brightened at the thought. "It will be a marvelous draw for the museum. People are very big on Big Ben."

#####

Going On Vacation!

There may be a pause in postings to this blog. We are going on vacation and our destination could cause problems posting due to the distances involved. There would certainly be a time lag. We are going to Mars!

I graduated from The University of Mars (Deimos and Phobos Eternatatis!) back in 1968 and have always wanted to get back there. Recently I recveived an invitation from my old History professor, Mr. Walston, to come and visit. I immediately let Ray know that I would get there as soon as I could.

Ray is currently involved in the Richard Branson/Google joint venture named Virgle. Here is a link to their work.

VIRGLE

I respect Ray's work. He is, after all, my favorite Martian.

We looked around for some good travel deals. This was not easy. The charges for extra bags were outrageous! But we perservered and finally found the following -

Expedia Flights To Mars

This looked like the best deal available and the rooms would allow us to stay without being an imposition on Ray and his family. It is, after all, just his summer home. "Cottage By The Face" he calls it.

I will try to find a way to continue posting here occasionally. Ray said something about a time machine or a time reverse syncopation stopulator portal. He even sent me a connection EZ Button that I will press in a moment. I figure if that doesn't work we can always use Expedia. If we are not back in five years, start without us.



Okay! Let's press that EZ Button Hon!



!noH nottuB ZE taht sserp s'teL !yakO

.su tuohtiw trats ,sraey evif ni kcab ton era ew fI

...

The Store is O-Pun

One of the blogs I follow regularly is That's Punny. It is "a photo blog celebrating the pun, which is certainly mightier than the sword". There you will find a treasure trove of great word play.

Some folks favor the important-sounding term paronomasia--playing on the sounds and meanings of words - for what follows here. Many inguists refer to the follwing as homophones--different words that are pronounced the same way (not weigh). Really snooty psychologists use phrases like ambiguity resolution and bistable illusion.

I just simply call them puns. Whether or not you're a fan of word play, puns are inescapable. Especially when twits like me keep bringing them down the street occasionally.

Let's take a stroll down the main streets and high streets of the English-speaking world--stopping by a liquor store named Boo's, a clothing shop called Knit Wit, and a portable-toilet rental service in Chicago known as (get ready) Oui Oui Enterprises.

Go ahead--roll your eyes and groan. You will keep reading. It is just like watching an accident. Tou can't take your eyes off it! Jest for the pun of it, here are the shamelessly punny names of shops, bars, hair salons, restaurants, dog groomers, service stations, and, yes, even lumberyards (Julius Cedar). Once in awhile it is nice to celebrate the wonderful use of word play rather than just the mistakes that abound in the world of words.

Many of these were found at That's Punny and Store Name Puns by Richard Nordquist.

Oh, and by the way: as far as Mr. Nordquist can determine, all the businesses here are still operating. Whether that's because of their clever names or in spite of them, you decide.

Sit back and enjoy as you scroll though the list. It is OK to laugh out loud! Really!


Assorted Businesses and Services

* Alexander the Grate
(fireplace retailer in Belfast, Northern Ireland)


* All Cisterns Go
(plumbing service in York, England)


* Ashwipe Chimney Sweeps
(Chicago, Illinois)


* Avant-Card
(stationery shop in Berkeley, California)


* Boo's Liquor
(East Terrell, Texas)


* C’est Cheese
(cheese shop in Santa Barbara, California)


* Cycloanalysts
(bicycle shop in Oxford, England)


* Cycology Mobile Bike Repair
(Portland, Oregon)


* Floral 'n' Hardy
(flower shop in Lanark, Scotland)


* Fond Ewe Fine Cheeses
(Keswick, England)


* Frame, Set and Match
(picture framing shop in London)


* Get Plastered!
(interior plaster company in San Francisco, California)


* Get Stuffed
(taxidermist in Islington, England)


* Going Pottie
(ceramics studio in Dunkeld, Scotland)


* Grate Expectations
(chimney and fireplace service in London)


* Indiana Bones Temple of Groom
(pet grooming service in Simi Valley,California)


* Jamaican Me Crazy
("family fun store" in Haddonfield, New Jersey)


* Julius Cedar
(lumberyard in Saskatoon, Canada)


* Junk & Disorderly
(furniture store in Nottingham, England)


* Knead to Relax Massage
(Traverse City, Michigan)


* Knit Wit
(clothing store in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)


* Luna Sea Bed and Breakfast Motel
(Cocoa Beach, Florida)


* Melon Cauli
(greengrocer and fruit seller in Birmingham, England)


* Merry Pop Ins Child Care
(Jacksonville, Florida)


* Napoleon Boiler Parts
(plumbing supply store in Alton, England)


* The Old Spokes Home
(bicycle shop in Burlington, Vermont)


* Old Volks Home
(Volkswagen service and repair in Richmond, Virginia)


* Optom-Eyes
(optometrist in Colorado Springs, Colorado)


* Oui Oui Enterprises Ltd.
(portable toilet rental service, Chicago, Illinois)


* Pam-Purred Pets
(pet store in Leslie, Michigan)


* Pane in the Glass
(window washing service in Contra Costa, California)


* Phydeaux
(pet-supply store in Chapel Hill, North Carolina)


* Prints Charming Photography
(Jefferson Hills, Pennsylvania)


* Reading Lasses
(bookshop in Wigtown, Scotland)


* R. Soles
(boot and shoe store in London)


* Sew Materialistic
(fabric store in Brooklyn, New York)


* Shoebeedoo Kids Boutique
(children's shoe store in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)


* Shoenique Shoes
(Longmeadow, Massachusetts)


* Shutopia
(shoe store in Bradford, England)


* The Stalk Market
(flower shop in Seattle, Washington)


* Thistle Do Nicely
(souvenir shop in Edinburgh, Scotland)


* Tiecoon
(men's clothing store in Dallas, Texas)


* A Time to Kiln
(pottery store in Red Bank, New Jersey)


* Wish You Wash Here
(launderette in Coventry, England)


* Womb to Grow
(shop that sells maternity wear and baby gifts in Lichfield, England)


* Wooden-It-Be-Nice
(furniture repair shop in Belvidere, Illinois)


* Wreck-A-Mended Towing and Automotive Repair
(Marietta, Georgia)

* American Hair Force
(hair salon in Elk Grove, California)

* Barber Blacksheep
(hair salon in Brighton, England)


* Combing Attractions Hair Salon
(Janesville, Wisconsin)


* The Hair Em
(hair salon in Willow Street, Pennsylvania)


* Hair Force One
(hair salon in Holbrook, New York)


* Hairs Johnny
(barbershop in Portage, Indiana)


* Hannah and Her Scissors
(hair salon in Miami, Florida)


* Julius Scissor Hair Design
(hair salon in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)


* Permutations Hair Salon
(Glasgow, Scotland)


* Snippety Crickets
(hair salon in San Francisco, California)


* We're Hair
(hair salon in West Warwick, Rhode Island)


Bars, Pubs and Restaurants


* Booze Brothers Off License
(Preston, England)


* Brews Brothers
(bar and night club in Pittston, Pennsylvania)


* Chez When Cocktail Lounge
(Sedalia, Missouri)


* Lawrence of Oregano Pub
(Halifax, Nova Scotia)


* Pour Judgment
(bar in Newport, Rhode Island)


* Tequila Mockingbird Mexican Bar and Grill
(Ocean City, Maryland)


* U Otter Stop Inn
(bar in Minneapolis, Minnesota)


* What Ales You
(bar in Burlington, Vermont)


* Aesop's Tables
(Greek restaurant in Indianapolis, Indiana)


* Award Wieners
(restaurant in Anaheim, California)


* Bean & Gone Cafe
(Auckland, New Zealand)


* Brewed Awakening
(coffee shop in Berkeley, California)


* Brew Ha Ha
(coffee shop in Phoenix, Arizona)


* The Contented Sole
(seafood restaurant in West Palm Beach, Florida)


* Crepevine
(restaurant in San Francisco, California)


* Custard's Last Stand
(ice cream shop in Boulder Dam, Nevada)


* En-Thai-Sing
(Thai restaurant in Mildenhall, England)


* Franks for the Memories
(restaurant in Mundelein, Illinois)


* Frying Nemo
(fish & chips shop in Goole, England)


* Goodbuy Mr Chips
(fish & chips shop in Derby, England)


* Goodfillas
(sandwich bar in Bristol, England)


* The Great Impasta
(Italian restaurant in Champaign, Illinois)


* Grillers in the Mist
(fish restaurant in Katoomba, Australia)


* Higher Grounds Cafe
(coffee shop in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)


* Ho-Lee-Chow
(Chinese restaurant in Toronto, Canada)


* Howe’s Bayou
(Cajun restaurant in Ferndale, Michigan)


* Jamaican Me Hungry
(restaurant in Key West, Florida)


* Kumquat Mae
(vegetarian restaurant in Sheffield, England)


* The Lattetude Bistro
(coffee shop in Decatur, Georgia)


* Lettuce B. Frank
(restaurant in Santa Barbara, California)


* Lettuce Souprise You
(restaurant in Atlanta, Georgia)


* Lord of the Fries
(restaurant in Melbourne, Australia)


* Men At Wok
(Chinese restaurant in Williston, Vermont)


* Mustard's Last Stand
(restaurant in Melbourne, Florida)


* Nincomsoup
(restaurant in London)


* Pete's A Place
(pizzeria in Peabody, Massachusetts)


* Pizza D'Action
(restaurant in Holyoke, Massachusetts)


* Pizza My Heart
(restaurant chain California)


* The Rock and Sole Plaice
(fish & chips shop in London)


* Sam N'Ellas Mad Cow Steak & Rib House
(Colchester, Connecticut)


* Sam Widges Sandwich Delivery Services
(London)


* Sherlock's Home Restaurant
(Minnetonka, Minnesota)


* Thai Tanic
(Thai restaurant in Washington, D.C.)


* Wholly Crepe
(restaurant in Los Angeles, California)


* The Wiener's Circle
(restaurant in Chicago, Illinois)


* Wiener Take All
(restaurant in Buffalo Grove, Illinois)

A Blast From The Past

I hesitate to make this post because it seems to be about politics and the health care debacle we are witnessing daily. But it is not the political points of the argument that I want to point out.

I am not a big fan of Bill O'Reilly on Fox News but I want to post the following clip that I watched the other night. Just watch it, but not for the political points raised. It really is quite a verbal dance.

Shortly after watching that I burst out laughing as I had a wonderful memory of the following -

Even if you remember the above clip, watch it anyway. Many folks have never seen the entire clip. It is wonderful word play!


Enjoy!!

Huh?

It is just amazing how difficult some folks want to make English.


Public School letter to parents about making iced cupcakes -

Dear Parent/Guardians,

The Grade 7 Science classes are nearing the completion for the unit Pure Substances and Mixtures. In this unit, students have been introduced to the Particle Theory of Matter, and to some of the terminology related to the field of chemistry. They have also been given the opportunity to explore, and conduct experiments related to the properties of solutions and mechanical mixtures.

At this time all students are encouraged to discuss with you the content and expectations of the culminating task along with how it will be assessed. This culminating task allows students to demonstrate the knowledge and skills that he/she has learned throughout the module. Although students are responsible to independently complete this task, we would very much appreciate your assistance for the experimenting component, as students require access to a kitchen and some ingredients to develop their own mixture.
Thank you in advance for your interest and co-operation.

Translation: Your children are going to be making iced cupcakes in your kitchen.


#####


Coca Cola letter to distributors - (from the UK - hence the spelling)

To outsource some aspects of our finance transactional processing activities... we will be transitioning certain transactional activities... there will be two primary impacts to your organisation... does not impact your current terms... aiming to minimise any disruption to our business, and we expect our performance levels to stabilise soon after the transition period.

Translation: We're changing our payment arrangements. Here's how it affects you.


#####


Insurance company letter accompanying payment schedule -

Any endorsement number shown in this schedule but not included in the endorsement appendix shall be deemed to apply and form part of the appendix the endorsements bearing such number(s) being attached or previously applied.

Translation: Endorsements listed here still apply, even if they're not in the appendix.


#####


Patient Visits GP -

... I arrive at my GP's office, only to be told that I haven't arrived until I converse with a screen that invites me to ‘Touch the screen to arrive'. My electronic check-in is completed by touching a virtual button labeled ‘arrive me'.

Translation: When I visit my GP, I need to touch a screen twice to check-in.


#####


And a parting shot -

American Airlines

'Property Irregularity Receipt'

Translation: We've lost your luggage.

Yank or Brit?

I subscribe to, and receive a daily email from, A Word A Day. It is always nice to start the day with a thought or two about a word or two. I also subscribe to Word Of The day from Oxford.

Recently, in A Word A Day, Anu Garg wrote an interesting piece regarding American English and British English.

A.Word.A.Day
with Anu Garg

"Recently I visited London to attend a wedding. The bride had graduated from Oxford, and among the invitees were some of her fellow graduates and a professor. During the long ceremony, we intermittently chatted about London weather, Gordon Brown, Queen Lizzie, and language.

"Among other things, we talked about the differences between British and American English. I recalled reading about the inroads American English is making even in the UK, so I decided to carry out an experiment to find to what extent American English had "corrupted" English English.

"I told them that sometimes the British write certain numerals (e.g. 1 and 7) differently from how they're written in the US, and asked them to write a short sentence so I could see if there were other differences in the script.

"I quickly thought of a sentence for them to write:

'Her favorite flavors were in the gray catalog, she realized.'

"I said it aloud and the five Oxonians and the Oxford don kindly wrote it down on their napkins (serviettes). I collected the napkins and then told them about the experiment -- it had nothing to do with handwriting. In reality, that sentence had five words that could be written with American or British spellings (favorite/favourite, flavor/flavour, gray/grey, catalog/catalogue realize/realise).

"Of the six people who participated in the experiment, three spelled (spelt) everything the British way. The other three had one or more words spelled in American English.

"What does this experiment prove? Not much, according to my 12-year-old daughter, "Your sample size is too small."

"Language, by its very definition, is a vehicle of exchange. A language means nothing in a vacuum. When two people share, they give and take, though the movement is not always equal in both directions. The US export of movies, television, music, books, technology, etc. includes something that travels under the radar: Language.

"Will American English take over the other Englishes? Probably not. Will the English language diverge into distinct languages just as Latin turned into French, Spanish, Italian, and other languages?"

I sure hope not.

I just noticed something else. After I typed the paragraph listing the five words that are different in American English from British English, the five British words had an evil-looking red line underneath. Oh well...

Janus Words

Not only are there many fascinating words there are also many fascinating types of words. One very interesting type is the Janus word. A Janus word is a word (such as cleave) having opposite or contradictory meanings. Janus words are also known as Two-Faced Words. The name comes from the Latin word Janus, the god who faces both ways.

Just a side thought - my high school yearbook was titled Janus. When I read the above definition I was intrigued. Our yearbook was named Janus to reflect looking both forward and back but, being a product of the 60's, we certainly could be called opposite or contradictory at times. :)


Some examples of Janus words -


To weather can mean "to endure" or "to erode."


Sanction can mean "to allow" or "to prohibit."


Fix can mean "a solution" (as in "find a quick fix") or "a problem" ("left us in a fix").


Clip can mean "to separate" (as in "clip the coupon from the paper") or "to join" (as in "clip the answer sheets together").


Left as a verb in the past tense means "to have gone"; as an adjective, it means "remaining."


Wear can mean "to last under use" or "to erode under use."


Buckle can mean "to fasten" or "to bend and then break."


The verb bolt can mean "to secure, lock" or "to start suddenly and run away."


Screen can mean "to conceal" or "to show."


To table a bill means in British English "to put a bill up for debate" but in American English "to remove a bill from debate."


Fast can mean "moving quickly" (as in "running fast") or "not moving" (as in "stuck fast").


"There are many such words, and they arise through various means. Called 'Janus words,' 'contranyms,' or 'auto-antonyms,' they include cleave ('to stick to' and 'to split apart') . . . and peruse and scan (each meaning both 'to read closely' and 'to glance at hastily; skim'). Usage writers often criticize such words as potentially confusing and usually single out one of the meanings as 'wrong,' the 'right' meaning being the older one, or the one closer to the word's etymological meaning, or the one more frequent when 18th-century grammarians began to examine language systematically."

(Jesse Sheidlower, "The Word We Love to Hate," Slate, Nov. 1, 2005)

A Plural You?

English is a wonderful language. It's changeable and flexible, full of slang, obscure words, foreign words and synonyms, all of which make it easier to express extremely precise shades of meaning.

But I think there are areas where English is lacking.

For instance, how do you answer a question asked in the negative?

This can be very important. Answering your wife's "I'm not fat, am I?" with a simple "yes" or "no" could get you in trouble. You might mean "Yes, you're not fat," or "No, you're not fat," but that's not necessarily how she'll take it.

To avoid confusion, I've taken to repeating the question with every answer. "No, I have not yet gone to the grocery store." Or when I'm feeling ornery: "Yes, I do not think you are dumb."

English could use a little clarification.

French and German both have a word for "yes" in response to a negative question or statement. For example, if someone said to me in one of these languages "You aren't American!" I would not respond "yes" or "no." Instead, I would respond "si," in French or "doch" in German. Interestingly enough, from what I gather from a friend in France, in a casual French conversation one sometimes hears more "si" than "oui."

Did that sentence sound awkward? Many languages use "one" easily and meaningfully, but in English, it sounds stilted and perhaps a bit academic: "One should water one's lawn in the evening to avoid water evaporation."

This inability to use "one" leads to common grammatical errors: "Someone should mind their own business." (It should read "Someone should mind his or her own business" or "One should mind one's own business.")

Furthermore, we need a plural "you" form.

For those of you from the south, "y'all" works just fine but unfortunately not in formal occasions or indirect addresses.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, "you" used to be the plural and/or formal way to address a person or people with "thou" as the singular and informal "you."

I think we should bring this trend back.

Perhaps from now on, I should begin addressing individuals as "thou," use "one," and start answering questions with "si." If y'all join in, maybe we can reverse the language trend and amend the English language.

Thank You, George

I enjoyed George Carlin's thoughts (if not the profanity) on words and language. It all started when I heard The Hippy-Dippy Weatherman say "Tonight's forecast - dark."

In his stunningly titled short essay "Count the Superfluous Redundant Pleonastic Tautologies," he took a wonderful shot at common redundancies:

"My fellow countrymen, I speak to you as coequals, knowing you are deserving of the honest truth. And let me warn you in advance, my subject matter concerns a serious crisis caused by an event in my past history: the execution-style killing of a security guard on a delivery truck. At that particular point in time, I found myself in a deep depression, making mental errors which seemed as though they might threaten my future plans. I am not over-exaggerating.

"I needed a new beginning, so I decided to pay a social visit to a personal friend with whom I share the same mutual objectives and who is one of the most unique individuals I have ever personally met. The end result was an un­expected surprise. When I reiterated again to her the fact that I needed a fresh start, she said I was exactly right; and, as an added plus, she came up with a fi­nal solution that was absolutely perfect.

"Based on her past experience, she felt we needed to join together in a com­mon bond for a combined total of twenty-four hours a day, in order to find some new initiatives. What a novel innovation! And, as an extra bonus, she presented me with the free gift of a tuna fish. Right away I noticed an immedi­ate positive improvement. And although my recovery is not totally complete, the sum total is I feel much better now knowing I am not uniquely alone."

"By and large," he once said, "language is a tool for concealing the truth."

Carlin, who died of heart failure on June 22, 2008, clearly knew a thing or two about claptrap--and twaddle, poppycock, balderdash, gobbledygook, and drivel. In fact, "drivel" was the word he used to describe his own writings--"Good, funny, occasionally smart, but essentially drivel."

He also once wrote -

"It's a perverse fact that in death you grow more popular. As soon as you're out of everyone's way, your approval curve moves sharply upward. You get more flowers when you die than you got your whole life. All your flowers arrive at once. Too late."

(Napalm & Silly Putty, Hyperion, 2001)

So, George, I am not sending belated flowers. They would probably just remind you of bloomin' idiots. I will just express my thanks for your efforts that helped in waking up a sleeping mind.

A Few More Often Misused Words

Allude and Refer

Allude means to refer to something indirectly or covertly. Refer, without qualification, implies referring to something directly, by naming. Frequently allude is misused to mean "refer directly," but this is an abuse of an otherwise useful, specific word.


Anxious and Eager

Anxious means "troubled" or "worried." Eager means "having keen interest" or "impatient expectancy." When anxious is used to describe someone's expectancy, it is often incorrectly used to mean "eager," which has a far more positive connotation. One may be anxious about an impending report card, but one would be eager to go on a long-awaited vacation.


Stationary and Stationery

Stationary is an adjective that means "not moving." Stationery is a noun that means "writing paper and envelopes." It really is amazing how often these two are confused. Please check now to see if your stationery is stationary.


Practicable and Practical

Practicable means "usable," while practical means "useful." Not all practicable things are practical, and not all practical things are practicable.


Passed and Past

Passed is a past tense verb. Past can be a noun, adjective, adverb, or preposition -- never a verb. That twit in the Honda has not past you at 70 mph, he passed you.


Loath and Loathe

Loath is an adjective, meaning "disinclined" or "reluctant." Loathe is a verb, meaning "feel hatred or disgust for." Confusion often arises about not only what they mean but how they are pronounced. Loath has a hard th sound, while loathe has a soft th sound.


Lightening and Lightning

Lightening refers to something illuminating or brightening. Lightning is what is accompanied by thunder during storms. Also please remember - you CANNOT watch thunder and lightning! Lightning, yes; thunder, no!!


Ingenious and Ingenuous

Ingenious means "clever and inventive." Ingenuous means "open, frank, and sincere" and also "naive, unsophisticated." The words have similar origins, hence the similar spelling, but their meanings have been distinct for centuries. Politicians often reveal themselves to be neither.

A Marriage Proposal

A.W. Bellaw, a 19th-century American poet and humorist, plays with irregular verbs in this light-hearted marriage proposal.


Conjugal Conjugations

by Americus Wellington Bellaw

Dear Maid, let me speak
What I never yet spoke:
You have made my heart squeak
As it never yet squoke
And for sight of you, both my eyes ache as they ne'er before oak.

With your voice my ears ring,
And a sweeter ne'er rung,
Like a bird's on the wing
When at morn it has wung.
And gladness to me it doth bring, such as never voice brung.

My feelings I'd write,
But they cannot be wrote,
And who can indite
What was never indote!
And my love I hasten to plight--the first that I plote.

Yes, you I would choose,
Whom I long ago chose,
And my fond spirit sues
As it never yet sose,
And ever on you do I muse, as never man mose.

The house where you bide
Is a blessed abode;
Sure my hopes I can hide,
For they will not be hode,
And no person living has sighed, as, darling, I've sode.

Your glances they shine
As no others have shone,
And all else I'd resign
That a man could resone,
And surely no other could pine as I lately have pone.

And don't you forget
You will ne'er be forgot,
You never should fret
As at times you have frot,
I would chase all the cares that beset, if they ever besot.

For you I would weave
Songs that never were wove,
And deeds I'd achieve
Which no man achove,
And for me you never should grieve, as for you I have grove.

I'm as worthy a catch
As ever was caught,
O, your answer I watch
As a man never waught,
And we'd make the most elegant match as ever was maught.

Let my longings not sink;
I would die if they sunk.
O, I ask you to think
As you never have thunk,
And our fortunes and lives let us link, as no lives could be lunk.

Happy National Grammar Day!!

National Grammar Day

Today's WORD on Journalism

The New York Times

The Pensacola News Journal

The Wichita Eagle

Popular Fidelity

WTOP

Maryland Morning


A note about the cartoon above - Less And Fewer

A Few Hints For NGD

March 4 is National Grammar Day!

Here are a few hints offered in the hope of improving grammar everywhere.

1. If it “goes without saying” then don’t say it. If it doesn’t, in fact, go without saying, then don’t say it does.

“Obviously, the sky is blue.” Putting the “obviously” doesn’t suddenly make the statement insightful.

2. True or false: a comma must precede any use of the word “and”?

FALSE. Commas should only precede and, but, for, or, nor, so, or yet when they introduce an independent clause. For example, “We laid out our music and snacks, and began to study.” Placing a comma after “snacks” is incorrect. The subject of the sentence has not changed, “we” still “began to study.”

An example of correct comma use: “The game was over, and the crowd began to leave.” The game and the crowd are different subjects and the clauses are independent. The crowd could still be leaving regardless of what is happening with the game.

A comma can also precede “and” when it is used in a list of three or more items. However, in a list it is entirely optional and called an “oxford comma”.

3. Once upon a time, the English language had a way to modify both nouns and verbs. Adjectives did the trick on the former and adverbs on the latter. You didn’t just have to walk, you could walk quickly!

Adverbs modify verbs. For example, you accomplish a task with ease. What do you say?

WRONG: I can do that easy!
RIGHT: I can do that easily!

You accomplish a task with more ease than your colleagues. What do you say?

WRONG: I can do that easier than they can.
RIGHT: I can do that more easily than they can.

4. Et cetera: a useful Latin-derived tool for shortening lists. However, unless you are a lawyer, using it (and especially overusing it) can make you sound unprofessional.

If you must, use it once. A second or third occurrence in the same document essentially says, “I really don’t know what I’m talking about, so I’ll just jam etc. on the end and try to pretend I do!”

Another et cetera mistake is using it when you should use “et al.” Listing a set of objects? Use etc. Listing a group of people? Use et al. It also is derived from Latin and means “and others.”

5. Some people seem to think that throwing an “i.e.” into a paragraph makes them look smarter. Unfortunately, most of those people are using i.e. to mean “for example.”

WRONG: “I have sold many products, i.e. washing machines.” This doesn’t make any sense.

i.e. is an abbreviation of the Latin words id est, literally translated as “that is.” In English, i.e. is used synonymously with “namely.” It specifies and limits.

e.g. is also a Latin abbreviation but of the words exempli gratia, meaning “for example.” E.g. implies, “This is one of several possible options.”


You probably loved your gramma. You can also love your grammar!!