Look Out For The Ask Murderer!

We have all heard of him. He is the subject of many creepy horror tales and the inhabitant of many a nightmare. He is the dreaded Ax Murderer!

But there is another scary type of person lurking about. I have seen him rather frequently.

I watch a fair bit of sports. I am sure you know that announcers as well as athletes can be a rich source of language goofs. But there is one in particular that really grates on my nerves. I hear it over and over, year after year. It is the pronunciation of "ask" as "ax".

"May I ask you a question?"

"Sure, man! Ax me anything you want."

Head for the hills! The Ask Murderer is out and about!!! Save the kids!!

Is it really that difficult a tax to pronounce it correctly? Or do you just let it go and hurry off to bax in the sun and hide behind you max of indifference?

As I pondered these questions I grabbed my cax (or was it a flax?) of Amontillado and went off to visit a few of my favorite websites. When I stopped by Schott's Vocab I came across a story that revealed the following -



The Chilean mint issued thousands of coins with the name of the country misspelled, the BBC reported:

The 50-peso coins – worth about 10 cents (6p) – were issued in 2008, but no-one noticed the mistake until late last year.

Instead of C-H-I-L-E, the coins had C-H-I-I-E stamped on them.

The coins have since become collectors’ items and the mint says it has no plans to take them out of circulation.


Perhaps they should have axed the proofreader?



Finally, for all of the thousands of athletes who visit this page -


AXE

(US also ax)

noun

1 a heavy-bladed tool used for chopping wood.

2 (the axe) severe cost-cutting action.

verb

cancel or dismiss suddenly and ruthlessly.

— PHRASES have an axe to grind have a private reason for doing something.



ASK

verb

1 say something in order to get an answer or some information.

2 say that one wants someone to do, give, or allow something.

3 (ask for) request to speak to.

4 expect or demand (something) of someone.

5 invite (someone) to a social occasion.

6 (ask out) invite (someone) out on a date.

7 (ask after) inquire about the well-being of (someone).

— PHRASES a big ask Austral./NZ informal a difficult demand to fulfill. for the asking for little or no effort or cost.

Checking Chandelier Bulbs

Recently I came across a website that was apparently for posting encounters that people had with folks who were ummmmm not the brightest bulb in the chandelier. Here are some of he posts from that site.


Stupid is as stupid does..

IDIOT SIGHTING:

We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large'enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not... Four is larger than two..."
We haven't used Sears repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, "You gave me too much money." I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back." She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said "We're sorry but we cannot do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change..
Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
From Kingman , KS ..

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE:

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
From Kansas City

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS

IDIOT SIGHTING:

We were having a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker, as she was leaving the company due to 'downsizing..' Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often.." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff 's office, no less.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" His reply, "I know. I already got that side. This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , MS

IDIOT SIGHTINGS:

When I left Hawaii and was transferred to Florida , I still had the Hawaiian plates on my car, as my car was shipped from Hawaii . I was parking somewhere (I can't remember) and a guy asked me "Wow, you drove from Hawaii to here?" I looked at him and quickly said "Yep. I took the Hawaii/San Francisco Bridge". He nodded his head and said, "Cool"!


STAY ALERT! They walk among us.... they REPRODUCE........... and they vote!

Like Fingernails On A Blackboard

Do certain words and/or phrases drive you up the hall? err, wall?

Here are a few that make me shudder -


Irregardless – Look it up. ”Commonly used by ignorant people.”

Uber

Think outside the box (My cat, Zero, used to do that on occasion. Oh! Wait! That was "tink"),

surreal

The end of (insert word here) as we know it.

That said, … (or having said that, …) followed by a contradictory opinion.

The habit of calling almost everyone "dear" or "hon" or "sweetie."

Shovel ready - When someone dies, he or she, too, is 'shovel ready' for burial, and so I get confused about the meaning.

Tweet, and all its variations -- used in connection with the Twitter social-networking site.

There's an app for that -- coined by Apple to use in promoting applications made for its popular iPhone.


There also seems to be a perfect storm of using 'Obama' as a prefix. Is there a bailout available to this problem? In the end (and at the end of the day) it probably is what it is and there is no public option to this surreal issue. It could be the end of grammar as we know it...

That being said, Whatever goes on from Wall Street to Main Street is sure to leave a huge carbon footprint. Ya know?

It certainly seems as though imaginative and thoughtful word usage has gone missing and it is high time we started cracking down on our language usage!

As we move forward, let me be clear. This is a whole nother scenario as we look at the facts on the ground. Well, maybe not so much. Yeah, enough of that.

Just sayin'.

A few odds and ends....

Just a few odds and ends found while surfing...


.....found here and there.

#####

Oooops.....

From an online news source...

Cable TV standoffs threaten viewing costs, choices

Jan 3, 2:30 AM (ET)

By DAVE CARPENTER

CHICAGO (AP)

...

Fox had demanded to $1 per cable subscriber per month for programming it used to gave away, saying it no longer can afford to offer programming free when cable channels earn subscriber fees.

...


#####

In Las Vegas in December, there was a great holiday party invitation which included the following:

… come join us for toasted marshmallows and carolers …

What comes to your mind?


#####


A Final Jeopardy answer from early January:

Of the eight parts of speech, this is the only one that does not end in the same four letters as at least one of the others.

?


The answer is...


What is an adjective?

The other seven are -


verb - adverb
noun - pronoun
conjunction - preposition - interjection


#####

From an online advice site -

Never assume that your cat knows the difference between her litter tray and the large, square pan of fruit crumble you’ve left cooling on the counter top.

Never try to remove your contact lenses after eating Hot Wings.

Never, never put bubble bath in a hottub with jets.

When attending a New York Jets football game with 3 freinds and you are carrying the letters J E T S to display during the game, make sure you get the order of the letters correct. New York fans do not appreciate the J E S T.


######

Speaking of advice - here are some quotes worth thinking about.

Wise men don't need advice. Fools won't take it. Benjamin Franklin

If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle. Jack Adams

Advice is like snow -- the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper in sinks into the mind. Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Aim above morality. Be not simply good, be good for something. Henry David Thoreau

An Email From A Friend

Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country.

Here are last year's winners...

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a
formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and
Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. Instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. Traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m., at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

So...What Are You Doing This Weekend?

One of my favorite sites to visit is Schott's Vocab. To quote from the website - "Schott’s Vocab is a repository of unconsidered lexicographical trifles — some serious, others frivolous, some neologized, others newly newsworthy. Each day, Schott’s Vocab explores news sites around the world to find words and phrases that encapsulate the times in which we live or shed light on a story of note. If language is the archives of history, as Emerson believed, then Schott’s Vocab is an attempt to index those archives on the fly."

Ben Schott is the author of “Schott’s Original Miscellany,” its two sequels, and the yearbook “Schott’s Almanac.” He is a contributing columnist to The Times’s Op-Ed page. He lives in London.

For me, the highpoint of every week is the Weekend Competition. This is a fun time as readers (Co-vocabularists) are invited to participate. The competition has, in the past, included such topics as - Euphemisms for Stupidity, Define Youth, Imaginary Libraries, Modern Similes, Tom Swifties and many more. The results always range from the sublimely witty to the outright hysterical. I would urge my readers to take part in the competitions each weekend. This truly is playing in the word farm!

(Please note that you will have to register with the New York Times to enter comments but you will not be bombarded with spam etc if you do.)

Recently there was a competition entitled Pun(ishment) and there was one comment that is the best I have ever read.

Here is the introduction to that competition -

Weekend Competition: Pun(ishment)

This weekend, co-vocabularists are invited to stoop to the lowest form of wit and submit the puns that have always tickled them.

Dorothy Parker famously observed: “You can lead a whore to culture but you can’t make her think.”

S. J. Perelman gagged: “I tried to resist his overtures, but he plied me with symphonies, quartets, chamber music and cantatas.”

Edmund Burke spotted: “What is (m)ajest(y), when stripped of its externals, but a jest?”

And Shakespeare’s famous pun – “Now is the winter of our discontent, made glorious summer by this sun of York” – has itself been punned upon by many a shopkeeper: “Now is the winter of our discount tents.”

Whether you’re a wordbotcher, quip on the draw, or a glutton for pun(ishment), your puns are welcome here.


The submission that I referred to earlier came from someone named MikeAq and I reprint it here without permission because I have no idea how to contact this person. If you enjoy puns, sit back and enjoy this piece. It is simply wonderful.


This is the post from MikeAq -



The following was a joint spontaneous effort among friends about a year ago, which I revised somewhat for this competition:

PHIL’S INTRODUCTION:

C, E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says: “Sorry, but we don’t serve minors.”

So the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them.

After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me, I’ll just be a second.”

Then an A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. He notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, “Get out now. You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”

The next night, E-flat waltzes in accompanied by a very drunken C. The bartender says, “E-flat and C again! This could be a major development.”

Someone called the police and a capella soon arrived, who put C under a rest. He was acoustic of public drunkenness and marched off to jail. He objected loudly, alto no avail.

C was brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, for de cadence, for breaking the Penal Coda by having an unprotected sax. And otherwise fluting the law. He was sentenced to 10 years at an upscale aria facility

On a peal, however, C was found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that the charges were bassless.

MIKE CHIMED IN WITH, “HERE’S WHAT HAPPENED TO E-FLAT…”

E-flat, not easily deflatted, came back to the bar the next night clad only in a three-piece suite, which he removed, and stood there au natural, with exposed octaves partially hidden by a small fan dangle, apparently pedaling himself

A drunk who ate at the bar, Bached away and said, “Don’t that beat all!” and yelled for the boss Tony Pops, who called the voice squad.

The squad lieder said, “Gavotte do we have here?” They saw what was going on, saw E flat was carrying a piece, and said, “OK, E-flat, you know the quadrille. The jig is up!”

Pops wanted to refrain from prestoing charges because E-flat was not a violin offender, but the cops medley persisted, saying “Euphonium, we a rest ‘em.”

E-flat said, “Wait a minuet – reed my lips – these charges are falsetto!” The cops said, “Etude, you are slurring your phrases, off you go!”

The cops treated him like a piano kidding. They tried to march him off to jail in double time, but his movements were slow. His feet were retardando by tightly noted chords, and he could only take half-steps down the rocky clef to the jail, whose inmates were making noises lie kazoo.

Things progressioned from ballad to verse. Before they even made a notation in the station house register, the cops beat him with his own staff. He called his very obase fife Ella G, but the cops told her to make herself scherzo.

Ella G called a defense lyre, Lyn D. Hop, who knew E’s lady judge. Lyn thought he could get E out of jail, saying, despite being under a gigue order, “I wood baton it as long as E-flat can common time to see the judge and meter in her chamber.”

In jail, E-flat complained that all he had to eat was tune a fish, octet-opus, scale yunz and apple encores thrown in for good measure, with no soprano to wash his smelodious hands.

But his big-bassooned fife Ella G brought him a quartet of high screams for dessert, so he composed himself and changed his tune.

Lynn conducted E-flat’s defense by trumpeting his innocence in a longa breve to the court, saying “This is no hum drum case!”

He insisted on an impromptu trial, and arranged a bridge loan for E-flat’s bail, since he was going baroque.

A relative pitched for his release. And E-flat’s mother, Ma Zurka, even paid the lyre’s daily podium fees.

At E-flat’s trio, his lyre proved that there was no motif, and that the charges were prelude icrus. This tuned out to B a key theme , and his tone proved instrumental in the resulting verdict.

Dorian the trial the judge sostenutoed almost all defense objections, which gave E-flat quite a trill.

After a chorus of blues from E-flat’s supporters turned into a crescendo, the judged bowed to the mob, recapitulated to the inevitable, said “I am obbligato to release him!,” declaring the trial mute.

The prosecution failed to overture this release on a peal. All in all, a suite victory – avoiding being sentenced to an insti-tutti.

Everyone now agrees that E flat’s a rest had been a grave mistake, was glad that the judge set hymn loose, and that all his legato problems were finé.

The bar owner gave everyone a free round, ordered pizza gatos, played his treasured frank sonata records, and said we should all “just fuguettaboudit and all live in Harmonium”.

OTIS HORNED IN WITH:

It’s very encouraging that after such a wide interval, E-flat’s case was resolved.

It was rumored that E’s fat fife was getting tired of being retenuto, from singing; when the good news reached her, she took an Allegro to clear her sinuses and began crowing loudly, which got her into treble with her neighbors.

You pickup the story from hear.

JOHN FINALEIZED WITH:

I have no symphony for those who are bass enough to crescendo this chorus by mail to other musicians; it’s cymballic of the times that we now orchestrate even puns!

— MikeAq


Wow!

Thanks MikeAq for a great entry!

Yep - Another 5 Words

prevenient

adjective

Coming before; anticipatory; preventive.

[From Latin praevenient-, present participle of praevenire (to precede), from pre- (before) + venire (to come).]

"[Frank Stella's] big, shield-like 'Luis Miguel Dominguin' a silver-painted shaped canvas was acquired in 1961, a prevenient time indeed to buy Stella." Grace Glueck; A Collection That Breathes the Spirit of Modernism; The New York Times; Apr 8, 1984.

#####


riparian


adjective

relating to or situated on the banks of a river.

From Latin riparius, from ripa ‘bank’.

I first heard this word while watching the BBC comedy "Keeping Up Appearances". It was obvious that "riparian entertainment" was entertainment along a river bank. Several days later I was watching a program on the History Channel that included a reference to a "riparian eco-system" - one along a river bank. Yet again, about a week later, I watched a news item referring to a Connecticut town looking to have "a riparian location" for some shops that were being opened there. Enough already! I made it 63 years without ever hearing the word riparian and then was beaten over the head with it! LOL

I promise, when the weather warms up, to make a riparian post on this blog!


#####


cinereal

[fr. L cinereus, ash-colored] /si NER ee ul/
cinereous : ashen

"What phantom version of me is it that watches us—them-as they grow indistinct in that cinereal air and then are gone through the gap..."
- John Banville, The Sea (2006)


#####


mephitic

/mifitik/

• adjective literary foul-smelling; noxious.

— ORIGIN from Latin mephitis ‘noxious exhalation’.

Some ESPN usages are just too good to pass up; e.g., "Still, do-gooder or dilettante, there are at least two things Mrs. McMahon will need to consider as she moves from the forthright sunshine and uplifting narrative of prime-time "sports entertainment" into the mephitic underworld of
American politics."

- Jeff MacGregor, Page 2 Oct. 9, 2009


#####


shambolic

sham·bol·ic audio (shm-blk) KEY

ADJECTIVE:
Chiefly British Slang

Disorderly or chaotic: "[The country's] transportation system is in a shambolic state" (London Sunday Times).

ETYMOLOGY:
Probably from alteration of shambles

The sportswriters at ESPN seem to have taken up this word; e.g., "This time, it appears we won't have to wait nearly as long, because I doubt we will see a more shambolic effort than the one Utah submitted on a second-quarter fastbreak against L.A. on Sunday."

- John Hollinger, PER Diem Apr. 20 2009

A Calque-ulated Post

If it wasn't for calques, we wouldn't be able to stop at the beer garden for some free verse on our way to the flea market to take a look see for a landscape masterpiece.


As defined by WordNet, a calque is "an expression introduced into one language by translating it from another language."


From dictionary.reference.com -

calque

noun, verb, calqued, calquing.

Linguistics – noun

1. a loan translation, esp. one resulting from bilingual interference in which the internal structure of a borrowed word or phrase is maintained but its morphemes are replaced by those of the native language, as German halbinsel for peninsula.

2. loanshift.

–verb (used with object)

3. to form (a word or phrase) through the process of loan translation.

Origin:
1655–65; < F, n. deriv. of calquer to copy, based on the Italian calcare to trace over.



The English words listed in the first sentence above are translations of the following:


beer garden is from the German biergarten.

free verse is from the French vers libre.

flea market is from the French marché aux puces.

look-see is from the Chinese.

landscape is from the Dutch landschap.

masterpiece is from either the Dutch meesterstuk or the German meisterstück.



Calques are also known as loanwords or word borrowings and are word-for-word or literal translations. According to a Wikipedia article, "'calque' itself is a loanword from a French noun, and derives from the verb 'calquer' (to trace, to copy)."


Some more examples -

English Adam's apple calques French pomme d'Adam.

English crime of passion calques French crime passionel.

English Governor-General calques French Gouverneur Général.

English marriage of convenience calques French mariage de convenance.

English New Wave (artistic period) calques French Nouvelle Vague.

English rhinestone calques French caillou du Rhin "Rhine pebble".

English that goes without saying calques French cela va sans dire.

English point of view calques French point de vue.

And a neat fact -

J. R. R. Tolkien used the name "Bag End" as a calque of "cul-de-sac," to poke fun at the British use of French terms.

A Day Late

On February 1, 1884, the Oxford English Dictionary debuted. According to the History Channel web site:

"On this day in 1884, the first portion, or fascicle, of the Oxford English Dictionary (OED), considered the most comprehensive and accurate dictionary of the English language, is published. . . . Plans for the dictionary began in 1857 when members of London’s Philological Society, who believed there were no up-to-date, error-free English dictionaries available, decided to produce one that would cover all vocabulary from the Anglo-Saxon period (1150 A.D.) to the present. Conceived of as a four-volume, 6,400-page work, it was estimated the project would take 10 years to finish. In fact, it took over 40 years until the 125th and final fascicle was published in April 1928 and the full dictionary was complete—at over 400,000 words and phrases in 10 volumes—and published under the title A New English Dictionary on Historical Principles."

One amazing stat about the OED -

Today, the dictionary’s second edition is available online to subscribers and is updated quarterly with over 1,000 new entries and revisions. At a whopping 20 volumes weighing over 137 pounds, it would reportedly take one person 120 years to type all 59 million words in the OED.

You know that monkey who is randomly hitting keys on a keyboard? How long would it take him to type those 59 million words? And don't his neighbors get tired of that constant tap, tap, tap?

One other related thought - Dictionary Day is on October 16 which just happens to be Noah Webster’s birthday. Get your shopping done early!

Some Misused Words And A Hint

Perhaps you have heard these words misused? Does it drive you up the hall like it does me?


Stanch and Staunch

Stanch is a verb that means "restrain a flow." Staunch is an adjective that means "firm in attitude, opinion, or loyalty." Both words are pronounced the same way. The distinction is actually quite recent; a hundred years ago, the two words were treated as interchangeable spelling variants. Such is no longer the case, so it's important to distinguish one from the other.


Imply and Infer

Imply means to "hint or suggest without stating directly." Infer means "reach an opinion from facts or reasoning." The two terms are sometimes mistaken to be interchangeable. In actuality, they are quite distinct. The sender of an indirectly stated message is doing the implying, while a receiver that reasons what the message is is doing the inferring.



Flaunt and Flout

Flaunt means "display ostentatiously." Flout means to "disobey openly and scornfully" or "show contempt for." Some use one for the other, but confusing the two words is still widely seen as an error and best avoided.



Continual and Continuous

Both continual and continuous describe an action or process that occurs over a long period of time. Continual, however, permits that the action may be interrupted by short breaks. Continuous means that the action never pauses. We live continuous lives, eating and sleeping continually.



Aggravate and Annoy

Aggravate means "worsen." Annoy means "bother" or "exasperate" or "provoke." Many speakers and writers use aggravate to mean "annoy." Although aggravate has been used in this manner for four hundred years, considerable controversy over this use exists today. Some contend that using aggravate to mean anything other than "worsen" compromises the effectiveness of the word by blurring the distinction it has from similar words. Others argue that annoy can be said to mean "worsen one's temper," which suggests that aggravate is not so inappropriate to use as a synonym for annoy after all. Understand that aggravate means "worsen" and not "bother," but then feel free to use aggravate in contexts where it would be taken to mean "worsen one's temper" rather than "bother" or "irritate."


*****

A quick tip -

Do you have difficulty pronouncing such words as similarly and regularly?

A good way to get past the problem is to say these words as if they were names. Similar Lee and Regular Lee should become your friends. I am sure you can find other Lee's in your vocabulary neighborhood.

"Shovel-Ready" Buried!!

Recently in the news -

Dec 31, 8:43 AM (ET)

By JEFF KAROUB

DETROIT (AP) - In its annual effort to protect the Queen's English, a Michigan university is insisting that "shovel ready" be buried, "tweet" be tossed and all "czars" be banished.

Lake Superior State University shamed those and several other words and phrases Thursday when it released its 2009 List of Words to Be Banished from the Queen's English for Mis-use, Over-use and General Uselessness.

It insists that "shovel ready," incessantly invoked by the Obama administration to sell its $787 billion federal stimulus bill, dug its own grave. It forced its way into speeches and out of the mouths of the president and too many other politicians in past months.

"Stick a shovel in it. It's done," seethed Joe Grimm of Bloomfield Hills, Mich., in his nomination to the university's Word Banishment Committee. Grimm is a visiting journalist at Michigan State University and a former recruiter and editor at the Detroit Free Press.

The exact age of the phrase isn't known, but it had been a quiet favorite of economic development types for at least a decade - a fondness that led a utility company in upstate New York to secure the shovelready.com Web site in the late 1990s.

"Shovel ready" became a clarion call for the White House during the past year as shorthand for the kind of taxpayer-funded work projects that had been through the design and permitting process and were ready to launch.

Still, its vigor waned from verbal wear and tear in recent months. It didn't help that some of the projects weren't quite ready for a shovel, the literal or figurative kind.

"When something dies, it, too, is 'shovel ready' for burial and so I get confused about the meaning," wrote Jerry Redington of Keosauqua, Iowa. "I would suggest that we just say that the project is ready to implement."

The phrase was joined in dialectical death on the Michigan school's 35th banned words list by, among others, "transparent/transparency,""czar,""sexting,""tweet,""teachable moment" and "app." App - as in the iPhone's "there's an app for that" ad referring to the device's various applications - was preceded in death by "killer app," which was banished in 2002.

Many other terms related to the federal stimulus - or the failing economy that inspired it - have been thrown into the semantic scrap heap for 2010, including "stimulus" (the more blunt "bailout" bit the dust last year), "toxic assets" and "too big to fail." Apparently, failure was an option.

"Shovel ready" is survived by many other scrutinized phrases, including "death panel,""low-hanging fruit" and "door-buster," and none should assume immortality. The Word Banishment Committee doesn't shy away from executing its duties.

Mourners of fallen phrases can take heart. Those previously banished don't necessarily remain in the lexiconical hereafter. There is still life left, deserved or not, for "24/7" (which made the list in 2000), "it is what it is" (2008), "happy camper" (1993), "LOL" (2004) and "state of the art" (1993).

Yet Another Five Wonderful Words

Enjoy these!!

Growlery growl'er-ee, n (English; cf. Dutch grollen, to grumble)

A retreat for times of ill humour. This term has largely become obsolete, which is strange, given that so many people seem to need a place to go when they are in a bad mood - a place to be alone and think. Of course, being alone is one thing that almost anyone can manage. Thinking is quite another. It's similar in meaning to the Latin-derived sanctum sanctorum, with the added connotation that the individual in question is going to the place to be alone while upset.


Jeremiad jer-i-my'ad, n (From Jeremiah, author of the Book of Lamentations)

A lamentation or prolonged complaint; an angry or cautionary harangue. Poor Jeremiah! He writes one complaining letter to God, whines about the state of the world, gets it published in the most popular book of all time, and his name is forever attached to the concept of complaining and lamenting one's fate. I think there's a moral message in there somewhere, but I haven't figured out yet what it is.


Kenspeckle ken'spek-l, adj (Scottish English, from Old Norse kennispeki power of recognition)

Easily recognizable or distinguishable; conspicuous. This word sounds very interesting, and is all the more remarkable because it is etymologically unrelated to the similar-sounding and synonymous conspicuous (Latin con, an intensive, and specere, to look). Kenspeckle is mostly used in Scotland and northern England these days; perhaps it should enjoy greater currency.


Spatchcock spach'kok, v or n (English, probably from dispatch and cock)

To insert into a text too hurriedly or inappropriately; a fowl stuffed and cooked immediately after killing. This is probably my favourite word of all time. Though there's little use for it any more as a noun, the idea of hurriedly killing, stuffing and cooking a bird has enormous metaphorical value. As a verb, spatchcock is a term that should be picked up and used by every editor who has ever had to read a manuscript that has been prepared in such a manner.


Boustrophedon boo-strof-ee'don, adj and adv (Greek, from bous ox and strophe a turning)

Of writing, alternating left to right then right to left. Not a word with a great deal of utility, unless you study ancient inscriptions, but very descriptive. I like the metaphor of an ox ploughing the field back and forth from one direction to the other.

A Blast From The Past

From the 4 November 1979, "On Language" column by William Safire:


The Fumblerules of Grammar

Not long ago, I advertised for perverse rules of grammar, along the lines of "Remember to never split an infinitive" and "The passive voice should never be used." The notion of making a mistake while laying down rules ("Thimk," "We Never Make Misteaks") is highly unoriginal, and it turns out that English teachers have been circulating lists of fumblerules for years.

As owner of the world's largest collection, and with thanks to scores of readers, let me pass along a bunch of these never-say-neverisms:

Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.

Don't use no double negatives.

Use the semicolon properly, always use it where it is appropriate; and never where it isn't.

Reserve the apostrophe for it's proper use and omit it when its not needed.

Do not put statements in the negative form.

Verbs has to agree with their subjects.

No sentence fragments.

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Avoid commas, that are not necessary.

If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.

A writer must not shift your point of view.

Eschew dialect, irregardless.

And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!

Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.

Hyphenate between sy-
llables and avoid un-necessary hyphens.

Write all adverbial forms correct.

Don't use contractions in formal writing.

Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.

It is incumbent on us to avoid archaisms.

If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.

Steer clear of incorrect forms of verbs that have snuck in the language.

Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixed metaphors.

Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.

Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.

If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, resist hyperbole.

Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration.

Don't string too many prepositional phrases together unless you are walking through the valley of the shadow of death.

Always pick on the correct idiom.

"Avoid overuse of 'quotation "marks."'"

The adverb always follows the verb.

Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; seek viable alternatives.

APOCOPE

APOCOPE?

OK, so what is apocope? Is it contagious or fatal?

Apocope is leaving out the last sound, syllable, or part of a word.

When you talk about mag instead of magazine, fab when you mean fabulous, or cred for credibility, you are committing apocope. Perhaps it’s our rush-hurry-urgent age, but it seems that such energetic abbreviations are becoming more common, not merely with students who produce slangy in-terms such as psych, chem and math. It drives many folks crazy, too!

Apocope comes from the Greek word apokoptein, to cut off, made up of apo-, from or away, plus koptein, to cut. Spelling abbreviations like huntin’ or singin’ aren’t apocopic, because the missing last letter indicates that the final sound of the word has changed, not that it has been lost.

Incidentally, if you instead cut the sound off the start of a word, the right name is aphesis (an example being squire, an aphetic form of esquire); if you drop sounds in the middle (for which the classic — and extreme — example is fo’c’s’le for the crews’ quarters on board ship, in full forecastle), the process is called syncope.

But apocope is getting more wide-spread each day. We no longer have conversations but engage in convos. We do not order combination grinders for lunch but grab a combo. Even sports fans are getting beaten over the head with apocope. The Cleveland Indians play at Jacob's Field, right? Nope - they play at The "Jake". Even the University of Connecticut has been a victim. It is not Rentschler Field where they play football. It is The "Rent".

(sigh)

I long for the day when a sporting venue is purchased by a shiitake mushroom conglomerate.

"Welcome fans! Today's game from the ..." Well, you know.

Still Another 5 Words

A language is the soul of its people. This is nowhere illustrated more profoundly than in the Yiddish language, the language of Jews of eastern and central Europe and their descendants. A tongue full of wit and charm, Yiddish embodies deep appreciation of human behavior in all its colorful manifestations. The word Yiddish comes from German Judisch meaning Jewish. But it is not the same as Hebrew, even though it is written in Hebrew script.

Here's what Yiddish writer Isaac Bashevis Singer had to say about the language in his 1978 Nobel Prize acceptance speech:

"Yiddish language - a language of exile, without a land, without frontiers, not supported by any government, a language which possesses no words for weapons, ammunition, military exercises, war tactics ...
There is a quiet humor in Yiddish and a gratitude for every day of life, every crumb of success, each encounter of love. The Yiddish mentality is not haughty. It does not take victory for granted. It does not demand and command but it muddles through, sneaks by, smuggles itself amidst the powers of destruction, knowing somewhere that God's plan for Creation is still at the very beginning ...
In a figurative way, Yiddish is the wise and humble language of us all, the idiom of frightened and hopeful Humanity."

Many of the everyday English language words such as bagel, klutz, and kibitz are terms from Yiddish. Today let's start our list of five words with another Yiddishism.


#####

schnorrer (SHNOR-uhr) noun

One who habitually takes advantage of others' generosity, often through an air of entitlement.

[From Yiddish, from German schnurren (to purr, hum, or whir), from the sound of a beggar's musical instrument.]


#####

pettifogger (PET-ee-foguhr, -fo-guhr) noun

1. A petty, quibbling, unscrupulous lawyer.

2. One who quibbles over trivia.

[Probably petty + obsolete fogger, pettifogger.]

"The nitpickers, the whiners, the pettifoggers are everywhere. And they are so numerous and so noisy that they threaten to block our view of and drown out the clarion call of the squirrels." Bill Kraus, Without Health Care Reform, Forget It, Capital Times, 15 Dec 1993.

#####


Aesculapian (es-kyuh-LAY-pee-ehn) adjective

Relating to the healing arts; medical.

[From Aesculapius, the god of medicine and healing in Roman mythology.]

"These apparitions, as is the nature of their kind, vanished as soon as the crowing of the Aesculapian cock announced that the intellectual day of Europe was on the point of breaking." Draper, John William M.D., LL.D., History Of The Intellectual Development Of Europe: Chapter IV. Part II, History of the World, 1 Jan 1992.

#####


flatulent (FLACH-uh-lent) adjective

1. Of, afflicted with, or caused by flatulence, the presence of excessive gas in the digestive tract.

2. Inducing or generating flatulence.

3. Pompous; bloated.

[French, from Latin flatus, fart.]

"It's well known that a flatulent episode can range from a barely detectable rumble to a propulsive burst sufficient to attain low Earth orbit, depending on general health and recent visits to all-you-can-eat salad bars." Kluger, Jeffrey, What a gas, Discover Magazine, 1 Apr 1995.

"The trial of Andrew Johnson in the U.S. Senate during Washington's lovely spring of 1868 alternated between flatulent speechifying and blistering invective." John Burnett, Bob Edwards, Andrew Johnson Impeachment, Morning Edition (NPR), 21 Dec 1998.

Flatulent speechifying is now the order of the day in our Congress and it has trickled down through the entire political world even reaching down to the local level. What a concept! Trickle-down flatulence!

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm!

#####


piacular (pie-AK-yuh-luhr) adjective

1. Making expiation or atonement for a sacrilege.

2. Requiring expiation; wicked or blameworthy.

[Latin piacularis, from piaculum, propitiatory sacrifice, from piare, to appease, from pius, dutiful.]

"Dogs were also favourite piacular victims, as in the Lupercalia (February 15)." Foot Moore, George, History Of Religions: Chapter I, History of the World, 1 Jan 1992.


#####


What is the most famous number in history? The one that is both irrational and transcendental, and pursued since ancient times in Babylon, Egypt, India, and beyond, the one with a feature film made around it, the one that appeared in the O.J. Simpson Murder Trial, the one that has been calculated to billions of decimal digits? Of course, we are talking about pi, everyone's favorite number that continues to consume both countless hardcore mathematicians as well as ordinary mortals!

March 14 (3.14) is Pi Day.

Which Newspaper Do You Read?

Recently, you may have received an e-mail containing a journalism evergreen that has been circulating for a few years. It is always worth a few laughs whenever it appears. Here it is with a few revisions.

I received this from a family member last week and thought it would be a good item to share with you. By the way, my dear family member, I am truly sorry that you "felt lead" to pass this on. That must mean you have just been shot. It is "led"!

#####

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by people who run the country.

2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could find the time -- and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the subway.

8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.

10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheists who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy unless, of course, they are not Republicans.

11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.

12. None of these is read by the guy who is running the country into the ground.

13. None of these were read to the previous guy who was running the country into the ground.

Ah! The Newspaper!

A newspaper is a daily marvel, even a miracle. There are 1,730 of them published daily in the United States with a combined circulation of nearly 62 million. Limitless possibilities exist for error, human and mechanical. Add the crushing pressure of deadlines, and it's surprising there aren't more mistakes.

When goofs do occur, editors scurry to print corrections, even though we often prefer the misprint to the corrected version.

Here just a few samples:


1. IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are one of hundreds of parachuting enthusiasts who bought our Easy Sky Diving book, please make the following correction: on page 8, line 7, the words "state zip code" should have read "pull rip cord."

2. It was incorrectly reported last Friday that today is T-shirt Appreciation Day. In fact, it is actually Teacher Appreciation Day.

3. There was a mistake in an item sent in two weeks ago which stated that Ed Burnham entertained a party at crap shooting. It should have been trap shooting.

4.From a California bar association's newsletter: Correction -- the following typo appeared in our last bulletin: "Lunch will be gin at 12:15 p.m." Please orrect to read "12 noon."

5. We apologize to our readers who received, through an unfortunate computer error, the chest measurements of members of the Female Wrestlers Association instead of the figures on the sales of soybeans to foreign countries.

6. In Frank Washburn's March column, Rebecca Varney was erroneously identified as a bookmaker. She is a typesetter.

7. There are two important corrections to the information in the update on our Deep Relaxation professional development program. First, the program will include meditation, not medication. Second, it is experiential, not experimental.

8. Our article about Jewish burial customs contained an error: Mourners' clothing is rent -- that is, torn -- not rented.

9. In the City Beat section of Friday's paper, firefighter Dwight Brady was misidentified. His nickname in the department is "Dewey." Another firefighter is nicknamed "Weirdo." We apologize for our mistake.

10. Just to keep the record straight, it was the famous Whistler's Mother, not Hitler's, that was exhibited. There is nothing to be gained in trying to explain how this error occurred.

11. Our newspaper carried the notice last week that Mr. Oscar Hoffnagle is a defective on the police force. This was a typographical error. Mr. Hoffnagle is, of course, a detective on the police farce.

12. Yesterday we mistakenly reported that a talk was given by a bottle-scared hero. We apologize for the error. We obviously meant that the talk was given by a battle-scarred hero.

13. In a recent edition, we referred to the chairman of Chrysler Corporation as Lee Iacoocoo. His real name is Lee Iacacca. The Gazette regrets the error.

14. Apology: I originally wrote, "Woodrow Wilson's wife grazed sheep on front lawn of the White House." I'm sorry that typesetting inadvertently left out the word "sheep."

15. In one edition of today's Food Section, an inaccurate number of jalapeno peppers was given for Jeanette Crowley's Southwestern chicken salad recipe. The recipe should call for two, not 21, jalapeno peppers.

16. The marriage of Miss Freda vanAmburg and Willie Branton, which was announced in this paper a few weeks ago, was a mistake which we wish to correct.

Peephole in a Barbed Wire Fence

Several years ago, San Franciso Chronicle columnist Jon Carroll asked for information about the phrase "I stand before you to sit behind you..." I remember that he was deluged with comments. Like many of his correspondents, I had heard a version of the phrase as a child; it's the start of a contradictory nonsense verse. One night last week, as I searched for sleep, I got thinking about that phrase. The next morning I did some searching.

I performed an extensive Web search on the story part (which usually starts "One bright day in the middle of the night"), resulting in links to many Web pages that contained some version of the verse; most versions had the same basic structure, but almost every page had some slight difference from other versions.

With the results of that search in hand, combined with a couple of other sources, here is the saga of the two dead boys. This version combines what I consider the best (most contradictory) pieces of all the versions I've encountered:



The famous speaker who no one had heard of said:
Ladies and jellyspoons, hobos and tramps,
cross-eyed mosquitos and bow-legged ants,
I stand before you to sit behind you
to tell you something I know nothing about.
Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,
there's a Mother's Day meeting for fathers only;
wear your best clothes if you haven't any.
Please come if you can't; if you can, stay at home.
Admission is free, pay at the door;
pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
It makes no difference where you sit,
the man in the gallery's sure to spit.
The show is over, but before you go,
let me tell you a story I don't really know.
One bright day in the middle of the night,
two dead boys got up to fight.
(The blind man went to see fair play;
the mute man went to shout "hooray!")
Back to back they faced each other,
drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
and came and killed the two dead boys.
A paralysed donkey passing by
kicked the blind man in the eye;
knocked him through a nine-inch wall,
into a dry ditch and drowned them all.
If you don't believe this lie is true,
ask the blind man; he saw it too,
through a knothole in a wooden brick wall.
And the man with no legs walked away.

Many of the Web versions provide titles (such as "The Backward Rhyme" or "Contradiction Poem"), but almost all of the attributions are to our old friend Anon, with most people having learned it from a relative or as a jump-rope rhyme. One great comment (oddly, from Anon himself) notes: "This poem was taught to me a long time ago by nobody, but her name escapes me." That version is particularly unusual; it goes into more detail (the boys are identical twins, one black and one white) and continues the story: the boys sue the police officer, and the jury sentences them to hang in the electric chair.

Whatever its origins, the verse has obviously long since passed into folklore; comparing the different versions provides a fascinating snapshot of the folk process at work. Some versions are almost certainly misremembered variants of the more standard versions; others are almost certainly mishearings, misinterpretations, or perhaps simply misspellings (as with "a death policeman" in one version, and "through their swords they shot each other" in another). Some versions provide clearly intentional changes, as in "Dead Boys," a song by a musical group called Isotope Finis. The verse has been around the block a time or two; it's known in Alaska, Australia, Boston, California, Indiana, Virginia, and presumably much of the rest of the English-speaking world. (Perhaps readers can tell me if there are non-English versions extant?) It's been around since at least 1940, and is clearly still being passed along. (A surprising number of the Web versions were on "guest book" pages.)

These verses are related to other nonsense/contradictory verses, both folklore and otherwise, from songs like "Nottamun Town" ("From saddle to stirrup I mounted again / And on my ten toes I rode over the plain") to Stephen Foster's "Oh, Susannah" ("It rained so hard the day I left, the weather it was dry; / it was so hot I froze to death...").

British schoolchildren say rhymes like:

One midsummer's night in winter
The snow was raining fast,
A bare-footed girl with clogs on
Stood sitting on the grass.

and

I went to the pictures tomorrow
I took a front seat in the back,
I fell from the pit to the gallery
And broke a front bone in my back.
A lady she gave me some chocolate,
I ate it and gave it her back.
I phoned for a taxi and walked it,
And that's why I never came back.

Here's another:

'Tis midnight and the setting sun
Is slowly rising in the west.
The rapid rivers slowly run.
The frog is on his downy nest.
The pensive goat and sportive cow,
Hilarious, leap from bough to bough.

And one more to end with:

While on a Thursday morning, one Sunday night,
I saw, ten thousand miles away, a house just out of sight.
Its walls reflected inward, its front was at its back.
It stood alone between two more
and its walls were whitewash black.


There is always room on the Word Farm for such creatures as these!

Two News Stories

One real. One not.


#####


Aquarium lowers water levels after feeding turtles Brussels sprouts.


An aquarium has lowered the water level in their tanks to prevent gas bubbles produced by turtles from triggering overflow alarms.



Staff at the Great Yarmouth Sea Life Centre in Norfolk give turtles a seasonal treat of Brussels sprouts at Christmas which provide a healthy dose of vitamins, minerals and fibre.

However, the turtles, like humans, are prone to heavy bouts of flatulence after eating the vegetables.


Last year a turtle at a Sealife Centre triggered overflow alarms in the middle of the night after the splashes from gassy bubbles hit overflow sensors.

Now the Yarmouth turtle tank - 12 feet in depth and width holding 250,000 litres of water along with George the 3ft long green turtle - has been partially emptied for the festive season.

Thousands of litres have been removed to lower the water by a six inches and keep the sensitive alarms clear.

Displays Supervisor Christine Pitcher said: ''Last time an aquariist had to dash to the centre in the middle of the night, so we're not going to take any chances.

"Sprouts are really healthy for green turtles.

"The high levels of calcium in them are great for their shells, the fibre is good for their digestion and they also contain lots of beneficial Vitamin C, sulphur and potassium."

Senior Marine Biologist Darren Gook added: "We like to treat him to different foods and seeing as it's Christmas we thought brussel sprouts would be good.

"I haven't noticed too many bubbles coming from George yet but hopefully now the water levels have been adjusted flatulence won't cause problems."

Green turtles are mainly herbivores who feed on marine grasses and algae and are found in coastal regions of the Atlantic, Pacific and Indian Oceans.

They are the largest turtles in the world and can grow up to one and a half metres (five ft) in length, weigh an incredible 400 kilos (63 stone) and live for up to 80 years.

Poaching and destruction of habitat has led to a decline in numbers and the species is now endangered, with a critically endangered population in the Mediterranean.

The eight-year-old resident male at Great Yarmouth Sea Life centre measures a metre and will reach maturity for another 20 years.


#####


Grammar Correction Man Beaten To Death

Police today revealed that a 27 year old English teacher has been beaten to death by the checkout staff at a supermarket in Guildford, Surrey.

An eye witness said "It was horrible - the man simply pointed out that the sign reading 'ten items or less' should in fact read 'fewer than ten items' because less means 'not as much' and fewer means 'not as many'."

Police say that following these comments the checkout staff set upon the man using cash bags and an assortment of frozen foods. Six employees have been arrested.

This is the latest in a spate of grammar related crimes; A woman was recently defenestrated by her husband when she pointed out to him that he'd said 'providing the weather is fine, I'll wash the car' rather than the correct 'provided the weather is fine', A 65 year old lady was injured by a man after she informed him of his constant muddling of the words 'whose and who's'.

Police are asking the public to be careful and only correct grammar if it is truly necessary or to add sense to complex sentences.

A police spokesman said "If you hear a double negative or a gerund not logically attached to the subject of a sentence resulting in a dangling modifier, just walk on by. Don't offer a correction; it's just not worth it."

"In the meantime if you suspect you have been the victim of a grammar related crime, please report it to the police"

Have you ever wondered...

Have you ever wondered what makes the butterfly? Surely, you’re thinking, it has nothing to do with a stick of butter sailing through the air. As a matter of fact, the word originally was flutterby long ago, but somehow, over time, it got twisted around.

That led me to some questions...


So, did you ever…


…go to a picnic on a windy day and see the butterfly?

…think you were alone in the woods, chop down a tree and then notice the chainsaw?

…make the woodwork while redecorating a room?

…turn on the TV and have your wristwatch?

…notice in autumn the tree leaves when the wind blows?

…while eating peanut butter have your chopstick?

…hear that in the olden days you could see a carhop?

…learn that women like the sound of a diamond ring?

…eat on a rolling ship and have your bread roll?

…approach a dogwood, being afraid of its tree bark?

…tell anyone that you crashed your bike, bent the frame and the wheel spoke?

…experience an earthquake and watch the kitchen sink?

…finish reading a mystery novel and think about the bookend?

…realize that in day-care a kidnapping is normal?

…knock over a bowl of fruit and enjoy a lemon drop?

…get kissed by your grandmother and have her lipstick?

…think that a beaver colony was a damnation?

…hear the tugboat captain claim he saw a catfish?

…realize that after people stop reciting a poem, it becomes pastoral?

…go to a cheap jeweler to buy a shamrock?

…go to a hotel, ring for service and then notice the bellhop?

…fill the rooms with helium and find you have a lighthouse?

…golf in the snow and have to endure a white lie?

…wonder if a productive farm requires massacres?

…go to the mall to see a barbershop?

…hear crosstalk when two people argue?

…know a cowboy who loves to have his horsehide?


####

One note on New Year's Eve -

Judy and I had just gone to bed on New Year's Eve when we heard a strange sound outside by the bedroom window. It sounded like the soft bleating of a sheep followed by chuckles of laughter. I looked out and, sure enough, there was a happy ewe near.